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  1. #521
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    Thanks TMH. Good for you for running this year - that's great!

    Myrtle beach was very nice. We stayed right on the beach. My daughter was playing in a softball tournament, so we didn't have too much time to do other things but got out to a couple nice shopping areas and fun places for the kids. No golfing, but we did see a bunch of courses and a lot of people who were clearly on their way out to golf. My good friend's husband goes there every year for a golf trip with friends. It does look very nice!

  2. #522
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    HI all, it has been awhile. I had a whirlwind of a few months...sometimes I modded pretty well, sometimes not so well. I don't drink every day, I never have, so I think that helps.

    Oh, I do have some news I got married (again) almost 2 weeks ago.. that is probably why modding was hard, people coming in, parties, etc. We have not gone on a honeymoon yet (a few weeks we will) an work has been busy. I got real stressed yesterday (in a good way). SO when I was walking back to our apartment, I talked my wife into stopping in for a glass of wine somewhere, I ended up have three glasses! Not so bad though.

    I need to sign up for a race soon, I think. My school is done (have my MBA now) and now the wedding is done, it's just moving her in permanently, really. I live in NYC, it's not as easy as most places when you "combine" households.

    I guess I can't complain much. Frances is right though, if you really want to drop and mod, you need a long period of being AF. It's funny, because you also feel much better when you are AF.

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  4. #523
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    Hi Stewart - congratulations on getting married! AND on getting your MBA! Wow you've had some big events - I remember when you first started dating your wife. It hasn't been that long, has it? My best wishes for a happy life together!

    I agree - everything is better when you're AF. I've continued to do well - glad the busy season is over for now with sports and I shouldn't be out of town for at least a few weeks. I have to admit I had a drink on nearly half of the days in July - was out at beaches (sort-of vacations) for long softball trips and also had a vacation in there, and I usually have a wine or beer with dinner when we're all out.

    The last drink I had was when I was in MN at a funeral - I had a glass of wine at my aunts on the day of the service, and I also had one the next day at the airport. Neither were 'needed', but the airport one particularly was not. sadly I think I was just bored and killing time which is so stupid. Anyway, that was two weeks ago and I haven't had a drink since then and don't expect another one any time soon, which I'm happy about. I do continue to track every single drink, date, etc. which is always interesting to go back and look at. I had a drink on 14 occasions/days in July as opposed to 5 days in June. But overall my mental state is still good (not obsessed, etc.) and things are working out great so far with this.

    I'm glad you checked in Stewart- it's nice to know how things are going!
    Last edited by frances; August 17th, 2016 at 01:24 PM.

  5. #524
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    I totally hear you about being "bored" or "passing time". My sister and I were talking about that, saying you're not going to drink, but you do simply because your bored or passing time. I have a boat up in New England, so does my dad, and the dock we have our boats at wanted to throw a wedding party for me and my wife. My one boat neighbor is a big drinker and had a whole bar set up. They started the party at around 2:30, lots of food too, but after awhile, you're like, I might as well try some of those drinks. Oh, and when you have relatives and inlaws and such coming in for the real wedding, you definitely want to drink!!! LOL. I think my wife and I are on, or were on, company overload...we need to just chill. My wife is not a big drinker, so it should be easy for me to mod or meet my goals when I pick them. We are finally leaving on our honeymoon this coming Thursday: Prague then Austria, which are too big drinking countries, but I think we'll be ok since it will be the two of us.

    Frances, yeah, we starting dating in May of 2015...yeah it was pretty quick... I'm 41, she's 38, at that age you kind of just know, I guess. I was also married before, so I was able to see pretty early on where it was heading...

    be well.

    best,

    j.

  6. #525
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    A new month starting so a quick check-in here. August was sad because one of my cousins died tragically at the end of July, but it was a good month for me AL wise - a total of 3 days for the month for a total of 4 drinks for the month. The 3rd occasion I had 2 glasses of wine after 3 weeks AF and I swear I felt physically bad because of having 2. I didn't like that at all. But overall everything still going well - maybe one of these days I'll go back to totally AF but for now I still feel good about where I am with this.
    Last edited by frances; September 1st, 2016 at 09:03 AM.

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  8. #526
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    Thanks Kuya! Thanks for touching base - it's a little lonely over here sometimes :-( but when I post about having any AL and/or my moderation activities (which I like to do from time to time just so I can look back sometimes to see what I was doing when) - I don't want to say it on other threads.

    I love everyone here (on all the threads) so much and I relate a lot to the AF mindset.

    I realized I had written earlier that my cousin passed away at the end of September...it was the end of July. I corrected that on my post....I was posting too early in the morning I guess!

  9. #527
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    Frances, sorry to hear about your loss, but that was great work on the AL front. We all have our triggers. I was in Austria and Germany for my honeymoon. We definitely drank, but it wasn't that bad. The past few weeks have been tough for me. Last night I bumped into an old girlfriend and we were out late! I am paying for it. But even leading up to that, I noticed I was drinking more, even with my wife. I think it's because we are in a limbo period until tomorrow. We live in NYC and combining of households is not the easiest. I own my place, she leases and it's up the end of the month. We've been slowly getting her moved and organizing wedding gifts, but tomorrow is go time. The last big move day. Today I donated my old bedrooms set to charity, so that is out. The point, I think unconsciously I've been holding on to whatever last of "singledom" I have and independence. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy I got married... I don't want to get into what happened between me and my ex, but we misbehaved in ways the two of shouldn't have.

    I think this state of limbo triggers me to drink more than usual and be foolish. I really want my wife fully moved in. I want out lives to really start. I know she wants to do sober October, I really should do it with her.

  10. #528
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    Hi Stewart - with AL I think a big part of getting better about it is first knowing it is a problem - sounds like you've got that part and are already thinking about fixing it - that's good. I hope getting settled together and really starting your lives together will be just what you need! In my opinion, a sober October would be a great way to start this new phase together, especially since it's something she wants to do too.

    Good luck with the move - I hope it goes well!

    I've been hanging in there - my son went off to college at the end of last month which was a big milestone for us. Last weekend we went out to his school because the school's field hockey team was playing against another school where my best friend's daughter is on the team. So we went to watch the game and went out to dinner before with my friend's family and we picked my son up and took him out with us. It was great to see him - I miss having him in the house! He's doing very well so far and seems very well adjusted. I did have a drink with dinner. That's the only drink I've had this month. My new normal is not drinking - it never ceases to amaze me!

  11. #529
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    Yeah, sober October needs to happen. I've been drinking too much, which for me means when I do go out, it's more than I should, call it binge, I guess. When me and my wife are together we are fine, when I am with other people, not so much. Last weekend was the big move day and it was stressful. We got through it. I also took her out to dinner for her birthday, we only had two glasses of champagne. On Sunday some friends of mine were out watching football, so we met up with them a little later on in the day. Two of my big drinking friends, that was probably a mistake, meaning how we felt the next morning, not that anything bad happened. Rest of the week uneventful.

    Last night I had a ski club meeting and it was quite tense. Apparently there was a lot of drama on last years big trip, which I was not on, but heard about. Apparently a group of very angry single middle aged women have hit out scene and they were annoying! Me and another buddy were making jokes about it, actually a few, one actually another woman who I do ski with. They serve alcohol at these things. Anyway, a bunch of us went to the tap room for some beers, no drama, then I don't know how one of them is in my face. I don't know what I said to her, good thing a friend of mine was there, I decided to just leave, which was smart. But on the way back home I stopped into a bar, and there was one of my grad school drinking buddies. Needless to say, I was out too late. I am not sure why I did this. Maybe i'm still adjusting to married life again. I don't know. I feel awful. :/

  12. #530
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    Hang in there Stew. Sounds like too much drinking all around caused some weird behavior. I have definitely been there - where I've been out and one thing leads to another and I'm too drunk and doing things or acting in a way I regret. I always hated the next day after those nights.

    Do you have a hungover 'feel awful' or a 'feel awful' because maybe your wife is upset? Either way, I say own it, and do what you know you need to do.

    Like I said before, I definitely think a sober October along with your wife would be a great thing to do!

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