I don't want to be totally AF......,

Me again - here 4 days later and still having the same issue I mentioned in my last post. I have a couple of coworkers who have given me bottles of wine for gifts - I kept one under my desk for a couple of years after he gave it to me and then the other one gave it to me just the other day after the break. i decided to bring them home and have them here so I could bring to a dinner or to have with dinner if we have company or something like that. Well over the past couple of days I'm still thinking about wanting to have a glass of wine and knowing those bottles are there certainly hasn't helped! I think I need to give them away rather than keep them here. I haven't had any issues so far with my moderate drinking but I've always said that I don't want to get back to drinking at home in the evenings because that's what I did every single day for years and years and i think if I did that again it would be trouble. I had my usual seltzer and tea last night but the thought of opening a bottle of wine crossed my mind multiple times.

Part of my success with drinking moderately has meant no drinking alone or at home and that is working very well for me. I do not want to risk it and try anything different.

I really hate to give these away because they are from Georgia (the country) and they are special because they were gifts. But I'm thinking I might have to do that.

hi Frances and Happy New Year to you. There is no al in this world that is special! Get rid of it. You are doing so well in your journey so why obsess/think about these bottles. They mean zero especially if they have you thinking about going against your plan of not drinking at home or alone etc.

I am glad to see you around so thought i would pop in. xxx

Ava thank you, you are absolutely right! I will get the wine out of the house. I agree with you, no al is special! I wasn't feeling 100% and so those thoughts were not there at all yesterday, but who knows when they will rear their ugly head again?

I'm around still checking in (at least reading) regularly thanks for popping in and a happy new year to you too!!

The wine is out of the house since Monday, and I've had no thoughts of wine since then. Coincidence, maybe, but I don't care it definitely wasn't doing me any good having it at home. I feel back to normal, for now anyway. Thanks again Ava!

Morning! Quick check-in for me. I've had about a week with this rash/hives situation that has been annoying and uncomfortable. Before that I had already gotten into a rut with exercise for about a week, and then this was another reason for me not to go to the gym. I'm on an allergy med that seems to have remedied the situation, at least for now, and so today I am planning to get myself back to the gym for the first time in a little more than 2 weeks. I was so happy about how things had been going - hopefully I can get back in a groove quickly!

Still no drink for me here since Christmas day - - nothing has come up socially and so I haven't. I'll be going out tomorrow evening for a family celebration - at the moment I'm thinking I won't have a drink at that either.

Take care out there!

Hey Frances, I know exactly what you mean about the "not being fun" anymore. I've thought about that constantly, especially when I would have long AL free periods. I've been having my same issues, I am good for awhile, then I let myself down. The good news, it's nothing like I'm in danger, and frankly I never was, the bad news, I say I'm not going to do this and I do. I do see a hypnotist, which I highly recommend, it's more like guided mediation, but she has had a packed schedule as of lately, a lot of people "trying" to make this year off to a better start. I had a work event last night, I had a few glasses of wine, no biggie. On my way home though, I stepped into a bar to have more and started texted my sister. Nothing crazy, I was asking her how she felt about becoming aunt. I then started making less sense, shocker. I deleted them. My wife was pissed because I lied about coming straight home. Everything is cool between us, she's more upset I lied. We did talk about it, we agree I'm simply stressed and the whole baby thing is overwhelming. Of course I don't feel like working today.. Ugh! This is tough. It's funny, I remember times in my twenties and thirties when I gave up AL and it really wasn't that hard. I remember when I could literally drink 2 beers after a work out with friends and be fine with just that. With me, I just don't like looking foolish.. like I said, I don't get violent or so wacked you find me in a gutter or anything like that... it's my own sanity that gets f'd with if that makes any sense. Anyway.. I am taking a ski conditioning class. It's at my club, where I usually go to the tap room after... I definitely will not, even though I have gone there and not drank AL, as a matter of fact, I had some of my better times not drinking. My wife puts it into perspective, she says, I'd love to have a drink now but I can't... it really makes you think. Now she's pregnant, but still, I can do it too.

Hi Frances! I hope you are well. I went off the deep end for awhile but I'm back now. I'm working on staying AL free.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and say hi! I hope you are well! AG

Hi AG! Thanks for dropping over here and saying hello! I went back and read some of your recent posts. I'm so sorry you've had a hard time. Makes me so mad when I think how easy those things can happen and how AL gets such a #$%! grip on us. I've been where you are and it is frustrating and confusing to understand why we let ourselves drink so much. Why does it have to be drink after drink after drink until we're passed out? Why can't we control that? I know it's not always but even if it's just sometimes, it's not right. Closing that door firmly is definitely a good thing. Staying strong is hard but your body and mind will get more and more used to it over time. I'm really glad you came back here and are keeping on trying!!

Thanks again for checking in - I am still doing well and full of gratitude for that!

Stewart I hope you are doing well too. Maybe you can stop while your wife is pregnant since she has had to anyway and then take if from there? Being there for your baby is so important and if you can address this now you will be doing yourself a big favor and will help minimize a ton of regrets, believe me - I drank through most of my kids childhood and I wasn't drunk all the time, no, but I wasn't as present as I should have been. That's for sure.

Thanks Frances! I am so glad you are doing well. Yes, this is such a strange disease. I like to watch the TLC network and the show "My 600lb Life". Some people don't understand how someone could eat themselves into a slow death . . . but I do! I find it incredibly inspiring when they are able to turn their lives around.

I would second your advice to Stewart! Being present for your kids is one of the best things you can give them. And money can't buy it.

Have a great rest of your week! AG

So, I did something interesting this morning. I got Vivitrol shot. Damn it was big!!! I am going skiing for the week tomorrow... Steamboat, CO. This will be a good test. I like to drink when I ski..moreso afterwards. I'll have a beer at lunch, but I sure as hell don't get wasted during lunch to head out for the afternoon. We will see if this shot works.. funny.. I want to curb the drinking, but for some reason I'm not completely opposed about to edible THC.. To me it sounds like a good way to get to sleep. LOL. I was never a big weed guy after say 18. The only reason I did smoke in college was because my roomates ALWAYS had it... we were all into various recreational drugs, I personally liked harder ones, that's all. LOL... Anyway.. we shall see. hopefully I will get no side effects from the vivitrol shot