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  1. #1001
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Bruun~ it would be fabulous if I could have the alone time with the benefit of really being alone and doing what I want... but I have all the responsibilities of a wife but no outlet for any of my own personal needs or wants. Mom, wife, gardner, housekeeper, maid, mainentance person, chef, etc...I am not sure if you can understand that.

    I'm sorry I am in a crummy mood.... Sometimes I think drinking my wine at night relaxes me and the bit of hangover distracts my mind so I don't think about such crazy things. I do have a good life and I love my family I just get tired sometimes.

  2. #1002
    Registered User. Bruunhilde's Avatar

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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    BK, no reason to apologize, we should be able to express our crummy moods and get support in my opinion.

    I see where you're coming from - I just applied the concept to my own life, and I can agree that it would be more fair, if I can use that word, if he could be more of a partner at home. I'm sure that's a burden you'd like to share. Sounds like you both work very hard - but you need adult conversations too, right? And you got into that family/house etc together, you should be maintaining it together. I obviously don't know your circumstances very well, but I certainly understand the drinking to escape/reward, and the hangover also as a way to avoid certain feelings or things. I have 25 years of experience in that.

    Do you feel overwhelmed or just too alone without him there?

  3. #1003
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Man Bruun.... read my mind...

    I do feel overwhelmed sometimes but more alone than anything sometimes I will go a week without really having a sitdown conversation with a friend or my husband.. no adult conversation is hard for me as I am a social person but am not needy in the same sense. So I manage my feelings pretty well.
    But it does get hard as I enjoy the stimulation of conversation just like everyone else. I want to talk about my day and my kids and things. Alot of times when my husband gets home he wants to play with the kids and go to bed. I totally understand that. He works 12+ hours a day. He talks to people all day. Then sometimes I feel like I do for him and everybody else and I know he recognizes it and feels my frustration. He will say let's go somewhere. So we go for our once a year somewhere. There is my bag of kudos for the year. I just wish there was more of a balance. Maybe a once a month something. I really hate talking about it. Because.... I have talked it to death and it doesn't do any good. It is what it is . and I do in fact do this, I reward/escape to drinking my wine..... and I love it. My friend just sent my the funniest email... that fits this situation perfectly... I will post next time I am on.
    thanks for listening...

    I am going to go hop on my treadmill as I have decided to eat healthy and exercise in order to have wine because I feel happier when I drink.... I am hoping the Topa will help quantity of wine I drink ....

    If you don't mind me asking... 25 years.... what happened with you?

  4. #1004
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    This was a funny that a friend of mine sent me~ just thought it might make someone smile cause it sure made me laugh....:H


    Man



    Man is a woman's best friend.

    He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

    He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

    He will enable her to express her deepest emotions

    And give in to her most intimate desires.

    He will make sure she always feels that she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.



    No wait...... Sorry....... I'm thinking of wine.

    It's wine that does all that. Sorry.

  5. #1005
    Registered User. Bruunhilde's Avatar

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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Wowza, I was reading the poem and thinking NO CHANCE IN HELL would a man ever do that, if he even could manage to think of it. I don't know if wine makes me feel beautiful, in fact, not so much. It makes me ugly. After I hit 40 something, the wine really strarted to show. Puffy, redness, weight gain, memory problems.

    25years because I started binging when I was a teen, and then after college drank nightly. I was forced into a career life by my parents' anxiety over money, and now I'm consumed with anxiety over money and the fact that my job sometimes scares me (I could be laid off again, which would mean I'd have to sell my house unless I got something in a few months, etc. AND because I have some brain issue, like memory is a huge issue for me which hurts my job performance (most of my siblings have this and we all have ADD or something else too like dslyexia). I need to get tested for all that stuff. Anyways, beer to wine to hard liquor, then back down again as I was trying to lay off.

    I'm now 5 days AF.

    I should add, that today is one of those days that drives me to drink. I am extremely anxious, panicking, trying to calm myself down and tell myself it will be alright. Okay, I'm going to go make a dr appt to discuss this and having my kidneys check and see if I can get a referral to a mental health specialist.

  6. #1006
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Bruun, good for you for being AF and recognizing that you're getting into a zone where you need help.

    BKY: LOVED the poem, and you sound SOOOO much like me! My drinking was at it's all time worst when my husband was leaving me alone all the time. Working late, happy hour (after hour) every Friday, so I was always getting stranded with the kids on my own.

    I do work though and we both have very demanding jobs, but at least through that I get a lot of my adult time in. The good news for me it that once he finally realized how badly I was drinking and how much I wanted to cut back he changed his habits and started being around more. We're not the best communicators in the world, but at least he's not leaving me all alone so much any more and we started doing much more stuff together as a family. We're also very lucky in that my mother in law lives in the same town as us and often will take our kids overnight on the weekend allowing us to go out on dates and spend time together.

    And my wine is go ingrained as my evening relaxing activity too. and I like it. I'm very sympathetic to your plan as it is very similar to me. I have lost weight and started working out again so that makes me feel not nearly so bad about indulging in what I love. Sometimes I stay up too late and drink too much but I've really not gotten to the hang over mode in a long time so life is pretty good. Good luck with your efforts!!

  7. #1007
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    I go through phases posting on here......so that must mean I feel like sh*t. Just moping and feeling sorry for myself. Same ole' crap here. Hugs to all of you guys!

  8. #1008
    Registered User. sunshinedaisies's Avatar

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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    WOW - so much to read back on and no time this a.m. - got to get ready for work - am taking the 100 mg dose and seeing the V-e-r-y slight reduction in desire but so slight it is easy to drink over. Will need to change time of day i take 2nd dose though 'cos I am finding it hard to get up in the morning!! Had forgotten about that! Girl - good to see you again, despite the circumstances!! Need to get ready for work - will be back and read and post hopefully this evening - have a wonderful day all! Lovely to see so much posting I don't have time to read it all!!! YEAH !!!

    Hugs to all, Sun XXX

  9. #1009
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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Bruun I am sorry to hear of your finance trouble I think that sort of stress would be difficult to fight and go AF good for you. Are some of your health issues due to alcohol if it's NOMB please just say so. I hope you feel better.

    Illuminae
    sounds like we do have quite a bit in common...
    Sometimes I wonder if I did work if I would drink as much? Not really an option right now though. I wish we had someone to sit the kids more often. Having intimate time is so important and much needed. You know what I mean. Time to talk and connect. My husband has been so preoccupied lately that it is really hard. We are planning a trip so that should be fun.

    my dose on Topa is making me so tired I have decided to go back down to 100 mg. It seems when I have wine at night I function so much better the next day. Its like a relaxant for my mind. My mind doesn't race at night and doesn't race the next day. I almost wonder sometimes if I might have ADD. I feel more productive after a night of drinking. I don't drink in the morning or even crave a drink in the morning. I don't know. I know I am making excuses to drink. But just like you said Illu~ its just such a part of my schedule but I do consider getting back in shape.

    Sun~ I drink over the Topa too. But I do think it keeps me from getting drunk. If that means anything. I still drink quite a bit but not as fast. I used to be addicted to exercise wish I could get that back. But with that I got pretty thin and my family thought I had anorexia which I didn't. I have never been able to turn down food. :H

  10. #1010
    Registered User. doyourdream's Avatar

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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Hi BK,

    I'm a couple days behind.

    How old are your kids? Any chance of developing friendships with other Moms? I know it's so important to feel connected to someone.

    I also know how comforting and relaxing it can be when you get your alone time and can sit down for a glass of wine (or two...) at night. It's definitely comforting to me which makes it hard to just give up.

    I can also relate to your fatigue. I finally feel good again after taking my last Topa pill yesterday. I felt so awful on that stuff and am so relieved to be done with it. I guess I would have felt different if I was having the benefit of it making me drink less but I didn't get that and only got tired, stupid and felt like crap. So, I finally feel human again, hallelujah!

    Now I have to figure out what to do to help me with my drinking.

    I saw the psych yesterday and really wasn't very impressed with her. I got the impression she hasn't really worked with alcohol dependence issues before. She spent a fair amount of time flipping through her books looking for scripts and telling me that there really weren't that many for alcohol addictions. Talk about inspriring confidence! I think her plan was just to do therapy with me but I've done a ton of therapy so I'm not really looking for that now. Not that I can't always work on myself but I'm looking for some of medication or something that will make it easy. I don't know where to go next. Do I look for another doctor experienced with alcohol addiction? Bac scares the hell out of me. Nal? I don't know.

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