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    1. #2001
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      I am so sorry to hear that your dad is so ill, and your mum too, you have such a lot on your plate, and have every right to be angry with him. He sounds like hes being an arsehole to me.

      I wish I could give you a big hug:l

    2. #2002
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Hello Friends,

      I'm sorry I rambled on. I think that I must have needed 2 get this all out to continue healing ~ deprogramming. I so agree with Space. Most all those experiences were emotionally damaging. Tho some were good. Obviously I haven't wanted 2 go back for years now. Thus, if I ever choose to attend f2f support groups it will be of the type of building self esteem, not destroying it. I'm done discussing this as well. By the way wouldn't u know it, it's just about that time. I ckd the calendar & just like clock work any day or min. I feel like I could bite somebody. Meow, Ruff Ruff ~,,,*** ^^^>>>.>>... ***.......`~~'. Sometimes I wished I would have been born a boy. Feeling low. Where did all my energy go? Second day 25mg am increase Topa no headache, tho a little stuffy.

      I posted yesterday on the special thread u started for Sunny. I pray & hope she is doing a little better each day!.... She is a very kind & lovely lady & deserves a quick recovery. She is missed by many at this site. May the little baby bunnies hop thru her garden only enjoying it's loveliness, chasing beautiful butterflies. While she relaxes in her perfect spot, soaking it all in. Healing a little more each day & gaining her strength back.

      Ms. Dizzy Bee. I'm worried about you too. Time to pamper yourself today. Men can sometimes be so insensitive, real buttheads! I don't think he understands the seriousness of ur parents health & the risks involved in ur Pops upcoming surgery, on top of Mamas mental health issues. It must be difficult being so far away from ea other on many levels. Communicating has got to be very trying. Only because it's his b-day would I give him a bit of a break. I can't count how many times I've said I'm sorry just to regain peace even when I thought I wasn't wrong. Tho I don't make I habit of it anymore. Of course this as always is ur choice. Maybe a cooling down period will help u decide best on how to proceed. Please just don't sink into a dark hole! Stay busy in ur garden doing what u love, sweet funny lady! Or anything else that will bring u joy. Taking your mind off the what ifs off tomorrows problems as well.

      Houtx, I'm so sorry to hear off your Aunties illness. I do hope she isn't suffering! I wished we were made of foam rubber & that we didn't feel pain! I hope she will recover soon! I hope u won't worry & be horribly sad. That you find strength & comfort to get thru these hard days! That you are surrounded by others who are strong & courageous. People that you can lean on if you need to.

      Hope u get some well deserved rest WTE & that things went well at the appeal hearing if it was held. Excellent that the increase on the Topa is helping u reach your goals!.... May you have sweet dreams Havana ~ Cabana ---- ? Hmmm.... Or Is That Yum Yum ?

      Play good to c u here. Hope ur grandaughter is still continuing to grow stronger every day. Hope ur Topa arrives soon. Yes, may be a good thing that it's taken longer too arrive. Part of the the plan.

      Mimi have fun in Palm Springs. Stay strong girl it can be done!

      Spacebebe. I'm glad ur here & enjoying all the fun. You & Ms. DB are having a blast planting gardens, talking about seeds, drinking health drinks. Your cakes sound yummy. The 1st three wks with Topa I wasn't craving sweets so much as I normally do when I give up alcohol, but now I am again. After my walk as I promised myself to incorporate as part of my plan & do my yoga stretching, ( Salutation to the Sun ). I may bake some oatmeal raisin cookies. You have inspired me. Thank you! If I hang out here long enough I'm going to get healthy again. ODAT

    3. #2003
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Just a quick check-in. Hi to all of you.

      Dizzy- Hang in there, we are all sending good thoughts your way. I hope you can get some help with your parents so you can continue making progress in your life. Sometimes the most difficult thing is to say "I need help". We feel like we should be super woman and do it all ourselves at which point we end up doing too much and turning to alcohol to get through. Then we once again get stuck in that downward vicious cycle.

      Day 4, all of you have helped me to stay AF today.

    4. #2004
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Hi all - I am back, after finally getting internet again, but have posted on the other thread and have started a thank you thread and have called my mum and am wiped out and going to bed - lorry loads of love and hugs to all - will post tomorrow - Diz - the thread you started was SO sweet and I am not cross - I felt humbled and just in awe of how many people sent hugs and prayers and love to me - thank you from the bottom of my little cotton socks for it!!! Love and hugs to all, will post in the morning after sleeping !!!

      Hugs and God Bless to you ALL,

      love, Sun XXX

    5. #2005
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Sorry .. But another DRIVE BY posting .. where did the day go????

      Oh yeah .. Doggie park with my Charlie, friend over with drinking fruit smoothies, (WTH no wine???) and working on paperwork for this dang court thing on Tuesday. Feeling upbeat again and I even SANG in my car today ? I?m blaming the YUCK drink! Charlie thought I should roll the windows up. HA!

      Did have 4 glasses of wine this afternoon and evening but feeling great stuff and part of that is due to the fact that I have been writing legal crap sine the past 3 hours and its 10 PM! Time for bed!

      SUN! I am SO HAPPY to see you back .. I took a pic of my pink (green) Yuck drink for you. HA!
      Will ahve to wait till AM until I can downsize it ..

      Love and hugs ...

      WTE

    6. #2006
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Welcome back Sunnaroony! So glad you're back. :l I read up about your auras and found out that there is something as a visual migraine called an occular migraine and that this is often confused for a mini stroke. I posted some more links on your thank you thread.

      I would like for you to read up about this as I'm scared your doctor may want to take you off the Topa but Topa actually helps migraines and I think its helping you.

      Silent Migraine

      Thanks Space and Wild. He was in an awful mood. I bought him this rhune that is made of wood and is supposed to symbolise eternal love and I put it on a keyring as I knew he wouldnt wear it around his neck. It was very expensive, I had to risk losing it in the post, and it was for celebrating our first house together, something which shouldve happened by now. I wrote him a long birthday letter and popped it in the post. Wonder above wonder it arrived ON his birthday (what are the chances?)

      He was in such a mood that rattled off this email about how thoughtless it was to send a 'homeless' person a keyring. I just flipped and told him not to contact me again. Then he did something out of character - he started apologising profusely by saying how everything just got to much, how I meant the world to him, how he just cant stand being without me. I could see in his emails that he was drunk though and birthday or not I had already cried buckets of tears so I just pretended to be asleep. I'll see how today goes.

      Here is a pic of the herbs on my windowsill. You can even eat the San Pedro cactus but then you will be tripping for days and visiting yourself in your past lives.
      No I havent eaten any, I am crazy enough.




      Oh Wild
      , if anyone rambles its me. Write for as long as you like. And those people had no right to impose their will on you. I was going to ask once if all our cycles had synchronised - you know they say that happens when women spend a lot of time together? But I realise quite a few of us are over that curse already. I'm also in the dreaded PMS mode, which explains my extra frustration with bf, we usually fight this time of the month but this time he started it You know, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian, women just know how to listen in a way that men will never fully get.

      Thanks Mimi
      , thats very kind of you. My mum is a big trigger for my drinking. So much so that in my head I'm already planning going off the antabuse. I have to make lasagne and go there tonight and the thought of doing it sober is just killing me. When she's fine its cool but when she's like this its awful.

      She's a totally different person who is paranoid and scared of everything, she criticises everything, I keep worrying she's going to try and walk in front of a car again. My counsellor said that I should move away from my parents if I want to stay sober as I'll never make it here. I just have no boundaries when it comes to my mom. I wish I could just fast forward today. Go you - lucky day 5 today

      WTE
      - well a 2 glass day and a 4 glass day evens out now doesnt it? So glad you're feeling well. I'm curious to see that mucky drink Good luck with the legal crap.

      If any of you want to read up more on Topa I find an old an interesting thread:

      http://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...cess-8755.html

      XOX

    7. #2007
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Remember that today's Earth Day guys. You can check out Google's cool pic today if you don't believe me.

      Take Action | Earth Day Campaigns | Earth Day Network

    8. #2008
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Sunny your back, how are you, you have probably said I havent read tho yet just will do that now

      This is everyone on this thread with you in the middle sunny

      xxx

    9. #2009
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Hi all, Its Sunday which means its bloody roast dinner day with my mum, I am going to hers today to do the dinner, her flat is tiny and so hot its unbearable in her kitchen and she wont open the windows because she says she gets cold and a draft. I do get sick of this Sunday milarkey which has gone on my whole life having to have sunday dinner with her, with me cooking it, I did start doing it at home which is easier for me but then she complains that she doesnt see me because Im in the kitchen and she wont sit in my kitchen because she wants to watch tv. my mum is also a big trigger for me, probably the biggest, she complains. critisizes when Im trying to help her, she does my bloody head in sometimes, but I love her and shes 84 so I put up with it.

      Sorry I dont know where that all came from.

      My mum obviuosly doesnt have the extremes that your mum does Dizzy, but I think Mum and daughter relationships are often hard, I dont know why, just look after yourself today dizzy, by that I mean take the Lasange and see how they both are but then decide on a time and if at all possible leave at that time. Have some ycky drink before you go to keep your energy levels up. Im getting used to the taste of my concoction now. Try to take things easy, Mimi is right you dont have to be superwoman no one does. How are things with the BF today is he in a better mood, hes not homeless, hes living in a b&b and going to buy a house soon, hardly in a doorway with a cardboard box and an old coat it he!

      Play I need to read back to see where you are up to and what happened to stop you taking the topa before.

      I think you are going to the hospital today Houxt to see you auntie, will she have had the op, I hope it goes ok for her. It is always so worrying when elderly family have to have operations.

      I dont think anyone should ever worry about going on on here Wild, in fact I think there should be more of it, I go to a womens group at a centre for peeps with mental health problems and its great, really positive and supportive with no one saying what I should or shouldnt do, in fact I think its exactly what a support group should be, but so few are.

      I have started getting crap in my head from the past again, its been happening of a evening, Ive also been getting what I can only describe as inside shakiness, I think its something to do with the citalopram my psychiatrist has given me as I now remember this happened last time I took it, but when she wanted me to try it again I couldnt remember the reason why I had changed from it last time, I will have to phone them tomorrow and try to get to see her asap, but I dont know how long that will take, other wise I can see my gp but he doesnt really know jack about mental health/alcohol and anyway I dont think he should/could change what a psychiatrist has prescribed.

      These potatoes arnt going to roast themselves, hope you all have a good Sunday xxx

    10. #2010
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      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Hi everyone - gosh, I thought about reading back and seeing what is going on - but there is SO much of it.

      DEAR SWEET DIZ = thank you so much for starting the prayers thread - that was a lovely thing for you to do. I felt so loved and cared about by everybody. I really do think this whole site and thread is awesome. My daughter was answering my phone when I was off having tests in the hospital and she joked about taking care of my fan club! I have been very humbled and touched by the outpouring from everyone. The thread that you started brought me to tears in places - everyone was so kind. As all of you here were too - you have no idea how much it all meant to me. The kindness and thoughts from you all just amazed me. I could go on and on, but I am sure you all get the drift of it - LOL. A HUGE thank you to everyone. It all means so much to me. I hope that I could do the same for any one of you.......... Love you all XXXXX

      Dizzy - dear dizzy - I am sorry you and your b/f ar going through so much right now. I am sure it is 'cos of all that is going on - I know when there are changes that folk get stressed out - I know I do. And so sorry about your mum and dad too - gosh, you have so much on your plate - you didn't need me to add to it for you. And the darned PMS doesn't help either - I used to find that a good mix of Calcium/Magnesium would really help me there - once I got in the habit of taking it regularly, some months I was actually caught out as I didn't even realise that my period was arriving!! It works that well!! I don't think breaking up is the answer - you said that you chat on Skype - have you done that with him recently? Maybe you should try it and just have a natter..... know that both of you are so stressed right now - you in particular have so much going on and he probably feels so helpless in that there is nothing he can do and is so far away. I love you dear sweet girl - please try to relax and take some time for you instead of worrying about everyone else - do something special just for you. At least take a deep breath and and just breathe.......and then repeat. Often......... Sit in your garden, enjoy..........

      Thank you for the sites you found for me. I still don't think it was a migraine - it might have been. I haven't had an aura for many years. Reading what they said about the Acephalgic ones, I agree, it is very similar though. I didn't get the aura though - just the garbled speech - and had had head rushes for a few weeks prior, and had a right sided headache for three days after - but not being allowed to eat for 12 hours, then not having any sleep then missing meals in the hospital will do that to me. I need my food and I need my sleep. They won't take me off the Topa - why would they? the neurologist saw that I was taking Topa and assumed I was on it for migraines - hence saying he thought it had been a migraine - it didn't dawn on me til later that he didn't know why I was taking Topa. Maybe they will never find out what caused it. the CT scan came back negative - if it had been a migraine, that would not have been negative. At least all the tests came back showing I am super fit!! One good thing to come out of it. I feel fine today apart from a dull headache on the right side still and still have the odd head rush. I see my doc on Tuesday which is the appt made weeks ago to see how the Lexapro is working for me. I will talk to her about the whole episode but she won't agree that it might have been coming off the celexa seeing as she was the one that took me off it cold turkey.

      Space - loved the hug with me in the middle - once again - LOVE this thread and love all of you - you are all so special to me. LAUGHED at you and your mum and the Sunday dinner - oh gosh, do I remember Sunday lunches in UK. Yes, they are sort of an institution aren't they? I am also laughing at my mucky drink being renamed a yucky drink!!! What dosage of citalopram are you on - that is the generic form of celexa which is where I was having the trouble...... although if you were on it before and had trouble, then it might not be the one for you anyway.

      Houtx - I am so sorry to hear about your aunt - yes, maybe we all need shock therapy sometimes - yet I am still smoking - plan on stopping soon - they gave me a patch in the hospital which worked quite well, but when I have stopped before, I have never had any trouble just quitting cold turkey. Strange really as I obviously just enjoy the actual 'going outside' and taking five minutes break from life I think maybe? Anyway you are seeing her today - let us know how she is doing.......

      Hi there Play - good to see you here. I will be in touch - it is taking me so long to catch up with everyone - not having had internet was so awful - although I had my lap top in the hospital, I am not good with the keyboard on it so don't type well! Can do so much better on my table top one. Plus had hardly any time between tests and doctor visits and nurses coming in and hubs and daughter being there. I agree with you on dismantling this thread - I would like to keep it, although as you said - Diz can start a new one, but I think this one is good for folk who want to read through and see what has gone on from the beginning. Are you going to start the Topa again when you get it? Just be very careful won't you? Stupid thing to say Sun - of course you will be careful!!! How is the grandbaby doing? How are YOU doing Play?? How is the drinking going? How are you feeling?

      WTE - hi there. How awesome - 2-3 glasses a day!! Incredible - as you said - something is happening - that is so good to hear!! And whistling - lovely - one so rarely hears anyone whistling any more - I love to hear it! And then singing too - wonderful. I wonder if your yucky drink has anything to do with it. are you having it every day? It really does make a difference to me when I have it daily. I can tell if I have it or not, just in my general well being feeling. I am so happy you are feeling more chipper. :l

      Wild - Thank you so much for your lovely comments to me - you must know me - baby bunnies hopping through the garden, being in my special spot - soaking it all in! I too, am not going to comment on religion - I have my own special brand!! I am so content inside with all my beliefs that I would never let anyone change any of that. re the stuffiness on your increase with Topa - I have heard of that being a SE. Oh - if you are craving sweets, try upping your protein, and that should help with the cravings for sweet things. I too, have my lovely garden and enjoy planting things - was hoping to get out today and get some seeds in but it was raining when I got up - probably just as well as I have been on the computer practically since I got up, catching up with everyone. STILL have to phone my mum too. Oh - and never worry about rambling here - LOL. I half thought about breaking this post into two as I knew it was going to be long. It is lovely to have you here with us and I will be interested to hear how you get on with the Topa - it can work if you let it.

      Mimi - So how are you doing? How lovely having a 2 year old to snuggle with. Have you got a plan yet? I had to have a plan when I quit - the time it did work for me was when I had a plan - unfortunately it all fell apart 'cos when I went to UK for two weeks that hadn't factored into my plan!! Let us know how you are doing won't you? And please post before you go off to Palm Springs - how long are you going for?

      So, Diz - there are so many posts from you I wouldn't even know where to start - I love your little logos! Both of them! They are really sweet - and no, my garden isn't perfectly tended - LOL !! I don't have any pics yet really to take 'cos it is the wrong time of year - I did pickl some roses yesterday but can't post pics - I have tried in the past but have trouble doing it. I will try again one of these days - did take a pic with my phone of the roses to send to a friend but need to take them with my camera and then try to post them. Roses here in April is amazing but the weather has been so odd. I have planted some peppers (red and green) and some toms, and spuds. Still need to do a lot more though. I also want to get some cosmos seeds out and some nicotiana - as I said, it is raining today but might try and get out later, just to get the seeds planted. Although it is already noon and I really need some dirt first and don't feel like going to the store. I think the seeds can wait til Tuesday - my day off.

      Anyway my dear sweet friends - this is way long enough as it is, so I am going to sign off. love you all lorry loads. Thank you all so much for all the good wishes and prayers and kindness from you. You have no idea how much it all meant (or maybe you so). you are all very special to me. :l:h

      have a wonderful day -

      Love, Sun XXX

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