New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

I would like to answer you fully Dizzy but find it too much of a trigger for me right now, I cant actually watch the news or read the papers because it just makes me feel too ill. Thatcher was a very bad woman who cause irreparable damage to our country. Of course the tv programmes about her will be able to put a good spin on what she did, the publicity people are paid good money to do so. This latest tory government are not just harming the out of work but the majority of the population. The cuts go deep into the NHS, the armed services, the police, in fact most government funded services. They call themselves a government for hard working people but what they actually asre is a government for high earning people, the only people who are better off under now are those who earn in excess of ?150,000's a year, they get tax cuts.
How many of the much publisced teenage girl got intentionally pregnant so she can get a council flat and benefits do you really think there are? In any case, young women have and will always get pregnant without a man to look after them and their children, its just that in the past they would have to have abotions, adoptions or children growing up in orphanages. I know in some countries in the world these children would most probably die because there is lack of support but that is not a good thing. Alternatively the parents can always commit crime to feed and house their children but thats not a good thing for society either. I do think the crime rate in S. Africa is a lot higher than that of the UK. I hate to be blunt Dizzy but if you do mind paying tax in the UK to support our welfare system then nobody is asking you to. I already feel like some kind of low life having to go scrounging, I know you say you didnt mean me but if at the end of my appeal I fail then what, I can never stand by and listen to anybody defend this government, the most vulnerable of the country are getting hit first, the sick, unemployed, children and the elderly. I said I didnt want to discuss this as it effects me too much and I probably shouldnt have as I have gone into a rant, but neither could I just leave it.

xx

[struggles]

Hi everyone, I'm back. My mom ended up in the hospital again and had a heart attack. They kept her for almost two weeks so she ended up getting detoxed. She was not as bad as the first time because she slowed her drinking down. I had a few ups and downs and some doozies, but am still trying as I know I can do this. I am doing the topa as scheduled and when it worked at 75mg the last time, I hope it will again. I actually take it at night as it makes me dizzy. Today will be the beginning of my day one. I went out with friends last night and had a few drinks so when I awoke this morning I was none to happy ;(

I have been reading on here for the last six hours! I was shocked to see that Hippyman is not posting, hope all is well with him. His posts gave me so much hope, as do all of you.

I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am "lurking" still, but not much to report and I hate to bring anyone down with reports of my mom.

Have a great Saturday night. If I go to bed now, I may be able to get up and watch Saturday Night Live....that hasn't happened in a while LOL.

Take care, all.

Struggles:l

[meggie]

Many of you on this site I assume are the same age as I am. I am in my later 50's. I have been drinking for about 10 years. I never drank before that, I know I started because it became a friend when everything else was falling apart. I have a sick husband who is unable to do much and is bipolar. I don't know why I stay because he emotionally abusive, and I am his scapegoat
I used to be very busy, almost to the point of ADHD, now I can spend hours playing games on the computer and watching tv. I used to devour books. I can't even read a daily inspirational book. I look over my life and can't remember much. I don't even remember the times before I started drinking.
I started with a alcoholic counselor, as stated before, she says pick a day an quit. I have quit before for a year and a again for 8 months. I don't want to give up my friend, it is my nightly escape. I used to start at 7, now have pushed it to 8, I go to bed at 930. The later hour doesn't make me drink less.
For those that have quit, are you happier? How has your life changed, what do you do in place of drinking. I feel like this counselour doesn't understand. She wants me to go to AA. I said I use this site. She blew that off. I am looking for advice, support, a reason to quit. I don't want to go to rehab I have recently had seizures and am on keppra. Does anybody know if I can take topamax and keppra. Both are seizure medication.

[playland]

Good Morning Everyone,
Just want to say hi for now and let you know that I am finally just yesterday starting to feel human again. I don't know how I posted those first few posts while I was in the hospital because even now the whole thing is just a blur, I never knew how awful surgery is until now, the general anesthesia is awful and takes so long to get out of the system and I've never been so tired and lifeless as this past week. Luckily (I hope) there doesn't seem to be any lingering infection from the perforation and I'm healing well.

I have barely read back the last few days and will attempt to catch up maybe later today. I have some comments especially for what you are going thru, Meggie, so I hope to see you back here later today.

My love to all of you:h

[spacebebe01]

Hi Meggie, you seem to have a lot of problems in your life right now, you dont sound happy with the situation with your husband and looking after a sick relative is never easy even without them being abusive towards you no wonder you are feeling bad.

Have you had any counselling apart from seeing an alcohol counsellor, have you seen your doctor. The reason why Im asking this is because alcohol may not really be your biggest problem, you say you only drink 1 1/2 hours of an evening as an escape from the stress you are under, that stress wont go away by you not drinking, it depends on the amount and how it effects you tho as to how much stopping drinking may help you deal with the stress. Oh by the way, AA is not for everyone, does your counsellor go if she does that may well be why she want you to. There is a big emphasis on god/higher power, which is the basis of the 12 step programme and recovery.

Lack of concentration and all what you describe is also a symptom of depression, if you havent told your doctor about all this then I think that would really be the best place for you to start. I take it you take Keppra for the seizures you have, Im not sure if you can take topa at the same time, or if you do the doseages may need adjusting but I take two seizure meds at the same time with no interaction according to my doc but I am going tomorrow to ask to change one and I know there is an interaction with the new one I want to try so I will find out about it then.

You also asked about any of us who have stopped drinking, I have for nearly 4 months now and the honest answer would be that I am very glad I stopped but it has not been at all easy and unfortunately I havent really felt better, but thats also because I am bipolar and when I have stopped drinking I have that to deal with full force as I cant escape it with alcohol any more. Also my drinking was very bad and I was literally drinking myself to death drinking 24/7 whenever I was concious. I tried moderating with meds several times but each time eventually ended up on a bender. Im not saying Im not going to drink again, I would love to think that there will be a time I can control my drinking but Im too scared to try it out now. I will have to be a lot more stable in myself to do that. xx

Play, sending loads of love and healing thoughts over to you xx

[sunshinedaisies]

HI EVERYONE !! I can't really respond properly - WTE's inernet connection is dodgy at best....but seem to be okay for the moment.

BUG - it was wonderful to chat with you and hang in there okay?

Play - SO happy that you are feeling a little better. I am so sorry that our visit didn't work out, but I think you just need to rest and heal. we will be in touch. In the meantime, lorry loads of love and healing hugs to you.... thinking of you and wish you were with us. ONE day - right?

Meggie - I will respond properly to your post when I get home. I am not good at typing on my laptop and keep thinking I am going to lose connection.

Space, good to see you posting here more - I totally refuse to get into any discussion on Politics though. I just hope that they can get your situation sorted for you sooner than they are saying - it must be so worrying for you. I so hope you get it sorted soon :l:l

Hi there Dizzy - I am SO sorry about your visa. You must be so bummed about it. I hope that b/f can get something sorted his end. It just doesn't seem right with all the folk that get into UK, that your visa has been declined. It really makes NO sense at all.

I DID tell WTE to get back posting and I am so hoping she will - WTE, if you read this.... PLEASE post - you are missed. I am having such a wonderful time - very relaxing and so easy to be here. I enjoy my visits both to SD and SF SO much!!!

Houtx "my dog" hasn't forgotten me and he is as awesome as ever !! I am happy to see you posting and glad that you have ordered the AB. WTE and I have talked about it and I told her that I too was scared silly to take it initially. But it seems that once you take it, your brain really does KNOW that you can't drink - I find it quite amazing. I won't be taking it this Monday though........

Struggles - so good to see you back. I am so sorry about your mum and her heart attack - but maybe a blessing in disguise as it detoxed her? You can do this and just keep plodding on with the Topa. It does work -really it does, we all just have to find our level...

Anyway I need to get going. the connection has held so I will post this....

Love and hugs to all, Love, Sun XX

[houtx]

Sun & WTE - Wish I was there again!! Yes, I ordered AB and will think seriously about how and when to take it when it is in my hands. I would like to go Sun - Thurs AL free and be able to drink Fri & Sat. We shall see and I will do as much research as I can.

Play - glad you are among the living!

Stuck - hope your menage a tois was a thrill!! Tell tell...or not. Not sure some of us can take the sordid details! lol May be why going AL-free may be on your horizon

Meggie - hope you can figure out how to avoid the abuse. Your hubs should not be allowed to. Nuff said.

Space - you are a wonderwoman!! Hang in there!

DZ - thanks for so much info and feed back!! I truly rely on your experience and input on this using AB as a 4-day/wk deal. I'd like to take it so I can drink Fri & Sat...I ordered already so will tell you when I get it and what to do.

La vida loca!!

[Jay-J]

For those that have quit, are you happier? How has your life changed, what do you do in place of drinking. I feel like this counselour doesn't understand. She wants me to go to AA. I said I use this site. She blew that off. I am looking for advice, support, a reason to quit.

Hi meggie,

To answer your first question, Yes. I have been AF for a little over a month and yes, I am a lot happier. It is a complete 180 degree turn for me. From darkness to light. It's that dramatic so far for me.

As for what I do in place of drinking, it seems like a lot. And I didn't even consciously seek out things to do. It just fell on my lap. I think though, just giving it further thought, things are constantly falling on our laps. It's what we do about it that counts. When I was drinking, things would fall on my lap still, but I was too drunk to pick up on it and I let fall to the floor, so I thought nothing was coming my way. Actually things never stopped coming my way, it's just that now I am aware and catching things and not letting them fall to the floor.

As for AA, I don't know. It did not help me and if you have reservations about it, then that's a sign that you should not go. Actually, for me, this site and Topamax are what helps.

As for Topa and Keppra, I have no experience, but I Googled for you, just click this link:

Here

All the best!

[DizzyBee]

Space I'm sorry for bringing up politics and offending you and I won't bring it up again. But I have never supported or defended the Tory government or what is happening in general or to you but thanks for being blunt and reminding me that no one is asking me to pay tax there because I can't even if I want do BECAUSE IM NOT ALLOWED BACK.

[spacebebe01]

Dizzy Im so sorry about your visa I really cant understand it. It must be very upsetting and frustrating for you to want to be with your boyfriend and not be allowed when you have done nothing wrong. I do hope you can get it sorted out soon.

Houxt I meant to reply to you the other day but for some reason dont think I did but I was worried about you because you sounded down. You seem to be sounding better now how do you feel. Im glad you have sent for the antabuse, it is good to know you have it in if you decide to give it a try which it sounds like you want to, its great to know that Sun, Play and Dizzy have all had success with it using the 5/7 method so I dont see any reason why you wouldnt too.

Jay its great to read your posts, you are so possitive and doing so well with the topa and your life as a whole by the sound of it.

Sun when do you go home you jet setter, Im so impressed at the way you have visited peeps from this site, I envy your energy and enthusiasm.

Play how are you feeling today, a bit better I hope.x

I go to see my pdoc today and have written down a load of stuff that I want them to know but I never seem to be able to say when Im in the room with them. I have to make this work for me I need something doing with my meds, over the past few days I have started to crave a drink again which is bad for me as I know if I drink right now the chances are I wont be able to stop. Im not wanting just one or two but wanting to get out of it, last night when I lie in bed and closed my eyes I could see a glass in front of me. I think this is coming from the amount of stress and worry Im under. I didnt get to sleep until about 5.30 this morning and had to get up at 7am to get my son off to school. Im not eating well at all, I forgot about the banana's for breakfast weeks ago and my concentration is that bad right now Im struggling to even cook a meal.

But I do have to try and see some +'s here. Im not drinking, Im still alive, I still have internet connection (I cant pay the bill and am terrified they are going to cut me off any time) I do have some vitamins and stuff here that I am taking daily to hopefully get something good inside me and I still have my family. Everyone came for Sunday dinner yesterday and I have been putting it off lately and was dreading it but in the end it was ok. My daughter got here early and helped me finish off cooking.

xxx