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    1. #1
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      More Librium babbling.......

      Hello there!

      I actually was not sure where to post this as there are various topics I was thinking of as well as I just need general support. I would have posted in the new users but I have been on here for years even though my previous user name I forgot all the info for and took a couple year break for a new one. I think the old one was woody and I posted heavily in the tapering thread that was very active years ago.

      Anyway, since I am posting back on here unfortunately that means I started back up with the drinking. I know, I should just stay on here always and that would probably help a lot more! Also, I know all about all the other drugs and the Sinclair Method and blah, blah, blah and have done them all (probably more than once), so would like to stick with my Librium babbling if possible.

      I have been on a year long bender that has probably been the heaviest amounts in my life, that is saying a lot. At the start of this month (August), I decided enough is enough and I just was not feeling right internally, externally and mentally so I knew I needed help. With too many rehab stays I was not in the mood for that or another ER visit and ran across how popular outpatient detox was now in your home environment. I immediately ran to my primary doctor with my roommate by my side as I have done one of these home ones within the last two years and it was a non-issue. In fact, to me Librium and Valium are wonder drugs for alcohol detox.

      Also, I wanted to state this now as well. I am not sure where everyone else is, but a little over a year ago a hospital found a cyst on my pancreas. All I am trying to say by that is we all have different goals on here and all are at different levels, but for me, if I continued on drinking at that heavy rate on a daily basis there is no telling how long I would last but it most likely would not be long. My thinking was with any amount of time I can take off it will greatly help my organs as the doctors did say they are still repairable, I just need to get the cyst checked on once or twice a year.

      So back to my recent visit to my primary doctor in early August, I was actually surprised with how much he knew and how he went along with it. I am sure my roommate there explaining he would be a supervisor helped, but he went ahead and gave me a LARGE script of Librium. I have never and want to say I will never mix the two. Alcohol and a benzo. I have seen too many people hooked on both in rehabs that it just freaks me out.

      So what happened is I started off fine and tapered off the Librium, unfortunately three days later I began drinking again. This did not give my body enough time to recovery and after a 10 days of drinking my entire body felt like you know what. I am not really sure what my goal is here, but definitely at least a month off of everything as I always get copies of my bloodwork and a month seems to help things heal greatly, but if I can go even longer or forever I would not have a problem with that either. So what I did is I went ahead and restarted the Librium only a little over two weeks after my initial attempt. I am pretty certain it is all out of my system so I do not have worries about getting addicted to it as I have an incredible taper model I am using. If I end up screwing this up I am prepared to go check in somewhere or the ER, but I am so sick of going through this right now that I feel pretty confident.

      I am only on day two and feel pretty decent today although very sleepy, but I must tell you all, as much as I am a Librium fan for detox, even if you are on 200 to 300 mg's the first day, it is painful!!! I was discussing this with someone earlier and I think that is a possible problem for people doing it at home. When you are in a rehab/hospital setting, they have classes and discussions all day, they keep you at busy. Oh my, yesterday at home I was crawling the walls and I had too much Librium to drive and was too weak to walk. On a good note I loaded up on lots of healthy food already today and can actually walk around freely without feeling too uncomfortable so that is already a good sign.

      I don't know, just really saying Hello as a welcome back to me for those that remember that long taper thread, lol, and babbling about what is going on now. I should be on here quite a bit for the next 30 days and hope to continue to visit at least once a day as I have always, because for me, any day I do not drink is a day my body gets healthier and does not deteriorate more.

      Hope Everyone is Well!

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    3. #2
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      Re: More Librium babbling.......

      Hang in there Golden Eagle...you got this especially when the only body you have is on the line now. You know what you need to do now it is time to connect what you know in your mind with your body and the extreme TLC it sorely needs. I am in your exact same shoes even down to my own Doc telling me it was about time I made the decision to recover. I say recover because the other ten times I confronted my alcoholism, I used the metric of sober days in a row as evidence I was winning the battle over booze. The previous 9 relapses proved to me something in my recovery was missing. I started an outpatient program and the essence is not so much stopping drinking or using and abusing as the end game, but the focus is on recovery....recovery for the long haul, making those necessary and permanent lifestyle changes in my life from top to bottom. Rewiring my mind in such a way that the notion of drinking will appear to me as nothing short of stupid and ans suicide in slow motion. I am giving this time out my all out best effort and know if you really want to you will too. Be well my friend.
      Is Addiction Really a Disease?
      Watch this and find out....
      http://youtu.be/ekDFv7TTZ4I

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    5. #3
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      Re: More Librium babbling.......

      Thank you for the confidence boyz! I think I mentioned above that with a full year bender, starting the Librium taper at the first of August was hell the first 3 days! Could hardly walk. Since my little slip up was only 10 days the one I just started now has been a breeze and will only take 3 days to complete. The last dose will be tonight and small and I am already walking around, feeling fine and about to eat a heafty breakfast. I guess it goes to show if you do screw up your first time on a home detox on Lib, as long as you take a couple weeks off of it I see no reason to not attempt it again as long as you are off of it for at least a couple weeks. Not being a doctor here, simply saying knowing my adictive personality you probably have to really over do it with the Librium or drink on it. I did neither and glad to be feeling great on only day 3!

      As you mentioned, now the hard work but I feel my mind is now ready for it and I know what to do. 3 to 4 weeks ago my mind was not there yet. Thank you again. I'll go see what else is going on around here.

      (Of course, the sleep with start getting rough without the Librium but that is expected and I know the routine)

      QUOTE=4theboyz;1750065]Hang in there Golden Eagle...you got this especially when the only body you have is on the line now. You know what you need to do now it is time to connect what you know in your mind with your body and the extreme TLC it sorely needs. I am in your exact same shoes even down to my own Doc telling me it was about time I made the decision to recover. I say recover because the other ten times I confronted my alcoholism, I used the metric of sober days in a row as evidence I was winning the battle over booze. The previous 9 relapses proved to me something in my recovery was missing. I started an outpatient program and the essence is not so much stopping drinking or using and abusing as the end game, but the focus is on recovery....recovery for the long haul, making those necessary and permanent lifestyle changes in my life from top to bottom. Rewiring my mind in such a way that the notion of drinking will appear to me as nothing short of stupid and ans suicide in slow motion. I am giving this time out my all out best effort and know if you really want to you will too. Be well my friend.[/QUOTE]

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