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  1. #1
    Registered User. Hannah's Avatar

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    17th July, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hello Friends!


    Thought of all of you often while away. Got home yesterday, actually, and the rest of the day and most of today I felt terribly depressed - my hubby says that?s because now that I am no longer ?staying strong? for my sister, I can allow myself to ?feel? everything. So I just rode it out, and although I am up at 2:30 in the a.m. typing this, I feel better. I did pm one of my good friends here last night, and rather than try to tell the story again, I am basically going to copy that post:

    The last 10 days have been very tough, dealing w emotions, helping Wendy w arrangements, etc. We realized that arranging a funeral is much like arranging a wedding; you need flowers, a church, food, a minister, speakers and readers, organist, soloist, etc - except that the arrangements must be made in a much shorter time, and without any of the joy. It was a week to put her first, and not myself, and I was determined to do that, and do and be what she needed most in each moment. Much emotion, many tears, many hugs, gut wrenching talks, memories, some laughter, sharing, and quiet reflection. Very little sleep. HUGE crowds at the prayer service (400) and the funeral (300), vast quantities of food that no one felt like eating, a floral shop worth of flowers delivered to the door, phone calls at all hours, and stacks of sympathy cards. The gut wrenching experience of cleaning out Guerrino?s office. The healing process of creating a photo collage and power point presentation for the services. And seeing people at the services that I haven?t seen for 20 years or so.

    And now I am home again, and feel awful that Wendy is now at home alone to deal with the rest of her life. As she said, I could stay with her for weeks, and it would just prolong the inevitable - being by herself and dealing with it. So with many hugs and tears I left her to it. Life is so cruel sometimes.

    I tried to encourage her to find an online support group for widows. She said she didn?t think she was the type to participate in something like that - and I said that even if you don?t participate, sometimes it?s nice to be able to just read and feel like you are not so alone, when it?s midnight and you can?t sleep, and you feel it?s too late to phone anyone - and she said, well, maybe that?s true - so I hope she does.

    And - confession time - I did have a few drinks. Really, really, wanted to hang on to all my AF stars - but if any of you are Italian or have married into an Italian family, you will understand that drinking wine is part of any social gathering. The first few glasses that were pressed into my hand I just walked around with until I could stealthily pour them down the drain. After a few days of this, though, I caved. Didn?t go overboard, but still and all, blew my nice AF run. So will be starting at square one again, don?t know if I?ll aim for a full 30 days because I do think I will allow myself to have some wine if I go out for supper w Hubby - we?ll see how it goes.

    Glad to be back, looking forward to participating here again. Sorry this was such a book! I realized when I was away, just what an important part of my life this forum, and all you folks, are. You are just the best.

  2. #2
    Registered User. Cinders's Avatar

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    24th May, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hannah,

    Welcome back. I am glad you helped your sister get through all the logistics and stayed strong. What a great sister.

    Now, you will have time to feel sad because you are not keeping so busy. I hope you can let down easy and try to remember all the good things about Guerinno. It is so hard to let loved ones go.

    It sounds like your sister is wise and knows she must take on the task of learning how to live without him. She is in my prayers.

    I look forward to seeing your posts every day again. You were missed by all.

    Take care and God Bless,
    Cindi

  3. #3
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    27th July, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hannah, my love - welcome back... And hey, so? You moderated... at an Italian wake?! I think, under the circumstances, you did just great. You are a wonderful sister and now it is time for the inevitable 'let down' as Cindi says... be gentle with yourself at this time. I so hope hubby is around to comfort you now (and you him). And that darling doggy of yours.

    You were wondering whether to have a glass with hubby about now if I remember right and...well, all I can say is when IS the right time?... Each opportunity presents as a possibility to see how we'll cope with 'a glass...'. Could today but it's only 4pm so certainly not now...I'm on my own...I'm with x and they'll worry I'm 'off again'...I don't 'need' one so maybe now?... I DO 'need' one so certainly not now!... on and on and on and on! So, you were at your Guerrino's funeral... I am sure you made a courageous choice and you're OK and please don't 'beat yourself up' any or even feel too disappointed; each day is a day of new decisions... I've sort of gladly 'lost count' of the days now and make the decision just daily / for the now. I have had a quarter pint of 4% lager (this week, not this minute!!!) and the earth didn't end, I wasn't desperate for more and it gave me quite a bit of confidence to move forwards with MY choices a little stronger. I didn't like the way alcohol still had a sort of exessive hold over me by having me completely terrfied of it! A healthy respect is where I'm headed - but we'll see. (I am very glad to have heard/read those words, "...but there I was right back where I started..." Ever wary of writing them myself! ) And if I am blessed with that choice then I will be truly lucky I know... I wish you strength and clarity in your choice-making too. Right behind you whatever you choose. I hope you know what a brave, courageous, strong person you are - a big heart will always win out!

    So, Hannah, big hug from the toe of England! (with pink nail varnish of course!)

    Love
    FMF xxx :l And God Bless Guerrino and Wendy...

    PS I hope you can have a little delayed celebration for your B.Day with hubby and son? :day6:

  4. #4
    Registered User. satori's Avatar

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    23rd January, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hi Deb,

    What can I say that hasn't been said already!

    Welcome back - we missed you!

    Look after yourself - you have been through such a lot recently.

    Much love :l

    Satori
    xxx

  5. #5
    Registered User.

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    24th July, 2006.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hi Hannah

    Welcome back, we missed you and were thinking of you when you were away. You are all going through the grieving process so be gentle on yourself, ODAT as we say over in newbies.

    Rustop

  6. #6
    Registered User. july232007's Avatar

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    23rd July, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Deb,

    Good to have you back. Take care and get the rest you need. You have been a tremendous help to your family. Looking forward to your insightful posts.

    July

  7. #7
    Registered User. YoungAtHeart's Avatar

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    20th July, 2006.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hey Deb,

    I'm just glad to have you back, whether you've had drinks or not. I've missed you greatly.

    God bless you for having been there for your sister in such an important way during this difficult time. I'm sure it means a great deal to her. I hope that Wendy does find a support group. She has no idea how much it can help.

    At any rate, welcome back, Deb. We're here to support you through thick and thin!


    Hugs,:l

    Kathy

  8. #8
    Registered User. rob's Avatar

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    12th April, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Deb- Welcome Back, you were missed. Your sister was so lucky to have you there to help and support her.

    I hope you're able to get some rest.

    Love and Peace
    Rob

  9. #9
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Glad you`re back Deb.

    I understand just how sad and difficult all of this has been for you. Just wanted to say what a wonderful, caring sister you are.

    Much love,

    Starlight Impress x

  10. #10
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    5th September, 2007.
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    Hi, I'm so glad to be back!

    Hi Hannah,

    It's so good to have you back --you were missed! I'm sure your sister really appreciates all you've been for her in her time of need.

    Take care,
    LZ

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