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Thread: My Epiphany

  1. #1
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    My Epiphany

    Today I spent the day w/my husband, grandsons, & puppy. We really had a great day & alcohol was the farthest thing from my mind. As I've been thinking about it later on, I had the sudden thought that this day would not have been possible if I was drinking or hungover. I cannot be truly happy & in the present moment (the way I was today) if I'm drinking. That is a truism for me.

    I spent a lot of years drinking to get that temporary high I used to experience from the first glass or two. I was looking to blunt those sharp edges of life & run away from uncomfortable situations & feelings. Of course, being an alcoholic, I didn't stop w/one or two. "If I feel good now, a few more drinks will make me feel better."

    After years of drinking, the temporary high became a thing of the past. I was drinking to get drunk. It tainted all the wonderful things I have in my life. Today's experience of just being in the moment w/the people I love most in the world made me realize that I have to be AF in order to really be happy. I have to get rid of the fantasy that drinking can add anything beneficial to my life.

    I know that life can be messy. I love my husband, but we have plenty of differences. My grown childrens' lives are in a constant state of change. However, I can go through the rough patches wo/having to numb out. I can build relationships that are based on honesty & openness.

    MWO is an intricate part of my recovery. It's so mysterious to me that cyber-communicating with other people who are struggling w/the same problem can be so life-changing.

    I feel that my mind has shifted in some way today. I think I realize that I don't have a chance at real happiness (the type I experienced today) until I completely embrace an AF lifestyle. I'll do whatever it takes! Mary

  2. #2
    Registered User. Hannah's Avatar

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    My Epiphany

    Good morning, Mary, and all to follow.

    I always look forward to reading your posts, Mary. You are able to see things minus the rose colored glasses. Glad you had a good day w your grandsons, husband, and puppy. Sounds like you are a close and loving family. But yes, life sure can be messy, can't it? It's an ongoing struggle for me as well, to see that drinking doesn't make the messiness go away, it just adds to the mess. Wishing you much luck as you continue on your journey w a new understanding of what real happiness means for you.

  3. #3
    Registered User. Flip's Avatar

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    My Epiphany

    Mary, this is the point where it all starts working and making sense. It truly is an epiphany. I am still in awe of it all, months down the track, and I too am so grateful for this wonderful community. I try to tell others about how important it is, and what good friends I have here and they look at me like I'm nuts.

    I've said this before, ages ago, but I am grateful that I was a drunk and I've had this experience because I truly treasure each and every day and moment that I am in this life, sober. I almost feel sorry for those people who, even though they never have to face this problem, never have the opportunity to know how good life is with out grog! does that make sense?

  4. #4
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    My Epiphany

    Mary - that's lovely and I am so glad for you. You put it so well.

    Hannah - i so agree!

    Flip - I agree too...I feel almost sorry for those who don't know how good it can be without anything in the grog line... No hangovers! How many days are lost through the effects of 'normal' drinking !!!

    Good on you Mary; you've been really soul searching and done so brilliantly!

    Lots of love
    FMF xx

  5. #5
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    My Epiphany

    Thank you for sharing that with us Mary. I was also thinking this morning how much better I felt without alcohol in my system. I'm still upset about my BIL and also pretty angry but I feel much more positive within myself. Thank God for this site and for people like you who give so much to others.

    Rustop

  6. #6
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    My Epiphany

    Mary, thanks for the great post. My problem seems to be "staying in the moment". I spend way too much time worrying about the future and visiting failures of the past. I drink to numb out. I don't even taste the beer and can't drink just one. This month is going better, but it is a daily struggle.
    Thanks to you and all the great folks here at MWO.
    Love and Peace,
    Phil

  7. #7
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    My Epiphany

    Good Morning Mary, Hannah, Flip, FMF, Rus and Phil-
    Mary - I think you did have that epiphany. Funny how we know drinking makes us miserable yet we still think it is the answer. It seems logical that we would know that our lives are better off without it ....but we really don't know that until we get to that Aha moment. The time when we really believe that life is better sober. Not just words - but we believe it. That can change everything. Now - that doesn't mean there is never a struggle ever again or we don't think about it. I think it just means deep down we understand it isn't the answer to anything.
    Phil - glad to see you around more. Missed seeing your Mad mice guys ( they are from Mad right?)

    I went to the gym this morning and did 75 pushups lying on one of those balls, 90 situps ( on a ball) and 40 lunges with 15lb weights and then some one legged deep knee bends(squats I guess). Now, that is not fun to do hungover ! Life is definitely better Sober

    Lisa

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    Registered User. Chief's Avatar

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    My Epiphany

    Hi Mary, I'm so glad to hear you talk like this. You are absolutely right! Life IS good. We all have problems with our jobs, our spouses, our kids, but that IS life. When you go through the tough times sober you sure do cherish the good times sober. There's nothing like it. No drug can duplicate it.
    I'm glad you're having a good day...

    Don

  9. #9
    Registered User. july232007's Avatar

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    My Epiphany

    Mary,

    Well done and keep at it. Sobriety it's like spaghetti when it's done it sticks.

    July

  10. #10
    Registered User. Beaches's Avatar

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    My Epiphany

    Mary, thanks for posting that and it makes complete sense. I like the spaghetti analogy too July.

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