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  1. #11
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    Wednesday July 19

    Hi Ya'll,

    Greeting from the funny farm!

    Been extra busy here for a few days. I picked and froze blueberries yesterday and a bunch of pink-eye peas. Working on more peas now and needed a break!

    Hey....I LIVE in a sauna....lets see....if I stay outside here all day and change clothes a couple of times a day...does that sweat count? We get pretty grungy and totally wet! Gallons of water goes through my skin every day! In the south...women don't "sweat" though...we
    glissen"...:rollin

    Love reading all your post....Love it here in Absville!!

    Where IS Susan?

    :h Nancy & Belle

    PS: Belle went to the vet yesterday....NOT her favorite thing!

  2. #12
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    Wednesday July 19

    Hello Everyone--
    I'm here but having a super hard time...I seem to have fallen into some pit of depression and inactivity....in some ways it's exactly the same as when I was putting away bottles of wine in a darkened room (me too, Deirdre...);I'm again in a darkened room, just no bottles of wine....

    I feel really awful...like crying...I can't figure it out since I'm taking a million supps and SHOULD be feeling good, but am not....in a way I feel like a failure because here it is 100 days today and I don't feel good at all--not much of an inspiration to everyone, am I?

    Hopefully, this too shall pass--but at the moment I can't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel... So, I find myself isolating just like I did in the bad old drinking days because I don't like people to see my unhappiness and I feel as though I should only show people the happy, I'm-doing-great susan....I really don't like posting my misery and I hope this doesn't just bring everyone down....my apololgies...
    :|
    susan

  3. #13
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    Wednesday July 19

    Hey Susan..I'm glad you checked in..
    As you know, some of us have "downer" down times than we want to admit. I called my doc a couple of weeks ago and discussed change in meds. Didn't change anything...just felt better in talking to them. I don't know why some brains (like ours) are over sensitive to life in general.
    The news on tv, the death of a friend, or just a "down" phone call will send me down.....it does pass but I really have to "fight" with :evil to get past it. Put on your battle clothes and shoes and fight!!!!
    We're all here fighting for you in the ways we know how!

    :d Nancy

  4. #14
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    Wednesday July 19

    Wednesday July 19

    Hello all my fellow abbers!
    So far so good, made it through a very trying evening, but this too did pass. Had a wonderful nights sleep and been slugging away all day. Feeling good - have lost 6 pounds so far. Have to go to a social function tonight. I will be scrutinized, so I am doing the wine on the rocks thing. The'll be horrified if I aqua - out their expensive Shiraz or whatever they'll serve. Ah, well, sue me.

    Susan, I know how you feel..........oh I have been there.
    You need to go to the store and rent a really sad girly movie. Watch it in your most comfortable corner and go bawl your eyes out. Cry until the well runneth dry, cry out of every buttonhole. Sob and mop and sob and mop.
    Use the whole damned box of Kleenex. In the end you will be exhausted but you will probably feel a little less burdened. Trick your brain. Your brain knows that you are crying over the movie, but no you are also crying because it has all been dammed up and needs to come out. Whatever it is that makes you sad, let your tears wash it out.
    I had such a bout of depression once. We were invited to the opening night of a Xmas special at the local Theatre, with reception before and piggies after. Well,
    the music and the choir and the lights and just all of it started to push my buttons. During first act I started to sob and did not stop until the ensemble took their last bow. You could have paid me a million bucks, I just could not stop to cry. And after all that bawling, I felt really good, except my face was hardly recognizable. Needless to say, I did not attend the after party, but went home rather light hearted. You probably think I am such a twit, but it worked for me. Try it.
    Love Lori

  5. #15
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    Wednesday July 19

    Oh Susan, I do so wish you weren?t feeling so down. Please don?t worry about bringing other people down. This is a much better place when we?re honest and open about whatever it is we?re going through. And believe me, it?s not like we all haven?t been down before, so we know where you?re coming from more or less. You should feel comfortable being yourself here, no matter what state you?re in. Where else if not here?

    I hope you?re able to zero in on the cause of this, and fix it. You?re certainly strong enough and smart enough to get rid of whatever it is. Just an unsolved mystery right now, but you?ll figure it out. Let me know if there?s anything I can do.

    :d :d :d
    Deirdre

  6. #16
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    Wednesday July 19

    WWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEWWWWW,
    Damm, guys....did I slam the door, Sorry. I've been out lookin for Susan. THERE YOU ARE SUSAN. I've been out lookin for you. Deirdre was lookin for us and....well you know how she gets! Remember, she is strict. She wouldnt let me have those dates so I had to switch em over to the garage and the basement. (I think...cant remember) Peggy did the one date and then swore off for a while...(foggy on that one too)
    I havent checked in for a few days cuz...well....I have had a little anxiety about my son remember him guys hes the one that got in that little fix with the law? Well court was today and I didnt want to carry on about what was goin on in my brain about all my worry and that bottom line...I would have just rather drank the last few nights (which I didnt) to console myself and well....as I read the posts (briefly) I see thats why I couldnt find you cuz you were hidin in the dark room. SUSAN you were being as bad as me. You silly! Geeze if we had known...at least I could have joined ya.
    But ya know what? WE MISSED THE BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
    Happy Birthday Kimber and Lori K. :d :d :d

    Anyway....heres my make on it all. First of all we need to remember to lean on our friends here. We want to help them so we need to let them have their turn helpin us. Plus that is an important part of our healing and recovery is learing not only to let others know our needs, but to be able to ACCEPT their love and support. We are depriving not only ourselves of our learning to accept their love and support but we are cheatin them out of being able to have the giving part.
    Also, I am noticing the higher my number of AF days gets, (HAPPY 100 FLIPPIN DAYS SUSAN! THATS SO WONDERFUL!) the more of those protective layers peel off of my soul. More feelings are coming out. Or should I say pouring out and sometimes ya just gotta have a dark room day or something like that for recovery, or reflection, or progress, or growth....I think the list goes on and on. Its a whole bunch of stuff. But we dont figure it out in one day. But I DO know that all these guys here help us get there. Its just like this AMAZING process. And its so COOL. Everyday there is something new.
    So...me and you Susan....we snuck in a mini Calgon take me away thing and we didnt know it. So next time lets plan it. Maybe it will be more fun...OK?
    Matt....I hope you arent rollin your eyes.

    And oh ya....My sons court got rescheduled. So I got a practice run at pre-court stress. :rolleyes love you guys, gabbster

  7. #17
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    Wednesday July 19

    July 19

    Howdy,

    I'm not rollin my eyes at all this girlie talk that's for sure. I know just what it feels like to hole up by yourself so nobody sees your tears and sadness.

    I started numbing the pain about 25 years ago and tons of stuff is surfacing since going abs. We've all hidden alot of bad stuff deep inside and now it gets to come out. I know we all didn't get hammered every night because our lives were perfect!

    I've been feeling down and blue today as well but I know that it's part of our journey and recovery. Keep bringing the bad stuff out. I think it melts at the first rays of sunshine.

    OK now I've got to go fix an engine or cut down a tree or something. Scuse me ladies....

    Matt

  8. #18
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    Wednesday July 19

    Why do we think we have to be happy and up all the time??? I am puzzling this after reading Susan's post and Gabby's too! I am not brought down by reading either one, of course, and yet, I know it would be really hard for me to come on here and pour out my heart in the moment too, if it were me and I were feeling so down for no "apparent" reason!! I assure you, though, Susan, there is a valid reason for your feeling down, somewhere inside, even if it is not readily visible: I hope that you will allow yourself to stop feeling bad about feeling bad and find out what it is. Maybe you can get some resolution then! I know that you would want the same for any of us who was suffering!

    I agree with Gabby's take on the situation! But boy, we do have a hard time learning to lean on each other. Maybe I should just speak for myself, though; I sure have a hard time leaning on others!!! Trusting and believing I will be accepted for me--big issues!!:eek :eek

    Anyway, I'm going into the evening of day 2. I'm doing okay. Missing the wine in a habit sort of way, but I will cook a good dinner for myself instead of choking down SOMETHING nutritious, listen to hypno cds, and hang out here. Also thinking of the downside of wine....sour stomach, wine breath, yuck!

    Sorry you didn't get some resolution in court today, Gabby!

    Hugs to all,
    Kathy:d :d

  9. #19
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    Wednesday July 19

    Thanks everyone for the well wishes,( I think 40 is going to be great compared to the 30's)

    I am so sorry for those who are having a hard time. The conversation is important and must take place though, about when things aren't going well. An abstinent life is not an easy one. Less complicated for sure, but not without trial and temptation. As I watch those around me drink with impunity, I feel like I am missing out. The choice to drink or not to becomes an obsession, and I lose in the end. Depression WILL come eventually to us all. It certainly has to me. And I have drank...heavily. Like I said yesterday, I hope we create an environment where TRUE healing can take place. Let's don't downplay the process that may include: drinking, depression, doubt, insecurity, self-loathing, etc... I NEED to hear it all. It is an important part of my recovery.

    Share-On,
    Lor

  10. #20
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    Wednesday July 19

    Hi Guys,
    Just checking in today and thank you all for this support. I can honestly say I wouldn?t be here today sober, without this website and the people here!
    I am so sorry Lori & Kim, I was in my selfish mode yesterday and didn?t even wish you ?Happy Birthday?.
    Maggie, my only advice for ?wine o clock? would be to stay busy and do something totally different than normal.
    Cv, you were spot on! And I am blood type A, and my sister is schizophrenic creepy??? will do something about this aspect when I get more funds. (I just don?t know where you get the time to do what you do! Do you sleep?)
    Kris, thanks for your input, that?s exactly what is happening, I find it really hard to ask for help.
    Kathy, why is it when we decide to abstain you get all these other stresses as well, hang in there. I know money problems are the pits. Money can?t buy happiness but sure can make your misery easier to bear.
    Deirdre, I will take your advice.
    Susan, please post as often as you can when you are miserable, I isolate myself when not coping and it does not help. Just set 1 small task to do. Even if it?s just getting dressed in the morning! And you are an inspiration! 100 days WOW! Try Lori?s idea watch that sad movie and let all the emotions run dry.
    Gabby, you can share that worry about your son! All of us who have been through teens can help you and you will probably be helping parents who will be going through it! I have had troubles similar to yours in the past (my son is now 30 yrs old) and it is scary because you only want the best for your kids.
    Matt, I love having a guy on our team!
    You know the most frustrating thing for me is? I wake up every morning when sober the night before feeling great and then by the afternoon the head talk and the rationalising comes into play! Then it?s downhill for the next 5 or 6 hours. I am taking an extra GABA in the late afternoon and that seems to help. Anyway all you people that are long term when did the ?I want to drink, no I won?t drink? stop.
    Thanks again,
    Shas

    Sorry Guys I get so confused, this is Thursday for me and in the afternoon. When the Thursday thread starts I will cut & paste this one

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