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Thread: monday 16th nov

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    monday 16th nov

    morning all ..and how are we today then?all good hopefully...feeling a wee bit tired today..and yep you arent going to believe this..its raining here!just over 4 weeks then off to the sunshine...and the week after that is chrimbo!!yo ho ho ...and on that great note..lets have a brew..
    hiya Sam...hope you are feeling better today mate...do you reckon it could be something you picked up on one of the farms?

    hey det and hows you?you sound pretty cheer ..good for you ...no booze ..mind you ..you are pretty good at it..just every now and again you have a "bit"of a blowout...get them outta the way and you would be sorted!

    hey bear..hows you today then?did you have your busy doing nothing day yesterday then?

    hiya pauly..hows you then?all good?nope wouldnt be jumping about in that foam!as for the vid of the beach..must have watched that at least 20 times ...and laughed every time...hope you have a good day...

    hiya pie ...how you today then?did the open day spark any interest ..do you get to find out?hope it did ..any assignments for this week?do you get to know or is it last minute.com?

    hiya ns ..hope the travelling is going ok....

    hey Lav ...hows you today then?was yesterday an R nR da y for you?here is a well earned brew....

    right peeps off we trot ..big shout to everyone.....

    Donald Trump says that Paris attack would have been "a much, much different situation" if the victims had been armed with guns.

    You're right, Trumpy - suicide bombers are shit scared of being shot.

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads...

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads...

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads...

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads...

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads...

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads...

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

    Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    A: "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

    Blonde: "Doc, you've gotta help me. I keep hearing voices."

    Doc: "When are you hearing these voices?"

    Blonde: "When I'm on the telephone."

    A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
    The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
    "Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

    Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can win $20 dollars every year for the next million years.

    Knock, Knock.
    Who's there?
    Cargo.
    Cargo who?
    Car go Beep Beep!

    One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
    Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
    "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
    "Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
    "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

    Yo' Mama is so fat, the tag on her dress reads, "Made in Hungary, Turkey, China, U.S.A., Algeria, Japan, and Indonesia."

    Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below.

    Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Anne" on a piece of paper, wrapped a $10 bill in it and dropped it out the window.

    The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

    The next day Sister Anne was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a roll of bills.

    "What's this?" she asked.

    "That's the $60 bucks you won. Don't Despair paid five to one!"

    Yo' Mama is so ugly, she makes the mice scream and jump up on chairs.

    Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?

    A: Because the kids have to play inside.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Good morning Abbers, happy Monday to all!

    We have the sunshine here Mick & I'm not giving it back anytime soon
    Thanks for the coffee this morning. It was a kid free day yesterday, quiet here. I found that we had no hot water while doing the dinner dishes. Seems that our 12 year old hot water heater is shot, ugh. My neighbor is supposed to be here this afternoon with a new one - bless his little heart! He installed the new heat & AC units last year & apparently can do hot water heaters as well, yay!

    Hello to everyone & sending wishes for a great AF day for all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  3. #3
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    good morning all
    I got the sinus infection blues, in the eyeballs kind of thang, think I'll lay low today. Mick, love the knock knock joke.

    morning Lav, another beaut coming our way. Always better to have those kinds of domestic troubles in good weather!

    how do to all
    Sam
    Liberated 5/11/2013

  4. #4
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Mae everybody,hope everyone's weekend was decent,mine was boring but that's ok,too much online chrimbo shopping left no money to do anything, bah humbug! Mick,I absolutely loved the hubs and wife stores too true! Sam,feel better lots a warm liquids with lemon,take it from the sinus infection queen haha,Lav,12 years is a pretty good run for a water heater me thinks,jeez,I joined another online forum just to read when its slow here and I kinda regret it,just more crazy drama,maybe even worse than here,bleh,I think sometimes over reading about addiction stuff isn't that great anyways, Det,glad you checked in hope we all have an easy Monday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  5. #5
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    Evening all,back from work and swim and on sofa,lazy evening.

    Busy week ahead,trying to keep my stress levels low,small steps!

    TV,kindle,cat and OH.
    one day at a time

  6. #6
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

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    Hi Abbers,

    Out early this morning, was I. Picked up a job doing make-ready on a neighbor's condo, so spent the day playing charwoman. I enjoy this work so much more than the school assignments. There's something about physical labor that appeals to me. Will be there again tomorrow, and maybe Wednesday.

    Mick, sometimes I hear when a dog gets a family because adopters attended a meet and greet, though most often, not. I think the planted seeds take a really long time to germinate in many cases. And on the school assignments, I could schedule them in advance, but prefer not to.

    Lav, I think the silver lining to having appliance trouble, is knowing someone who can come and fix it.

    Sam, please take care. Don't imagine the sinus infection is doing much for your singing voice.

    Hi Bear, I picked up some premium pet food samples at the meet and greet on Saturday. One bag turned out to be cat food. I now have one happy neighbor feeding "the good stuff" to his felines tonight.

    Over and out for now.

    Pauly's right, the Husband/Wife Store jokes were hysterical!

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