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  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.
    Posts;
    6,035.

    monday the not so far off christmas day

    mae all...struggling to get on tinternet ..it keeps cutting out ..with reset wifi adapter ...any clooze anyone ...got the rotivator from ebay last night....sniped it...23pence over the automatic bid I got it for...mind you who in their right mind stays up till 12am for that?Julie is at work ..Im changing some of the fence uprights that are starting to go...

    so a brew for all

    lets get some jokes up before this thing decides to pack in...

    An angry wife to her husband on phone: " Where the hell are you? "
    Husband: Darling, do you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and so I just said, "Baby, it will be yours one day? "
    Wife, who couldn't contain her excitement --- with a BIG smile on her face & blushing--- gushed : Yes, yes darling! I remember that my love !!!!!
    Husband: Ahmmm, well.....I'm in the Pub just next to that shop

    A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
    The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
    The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
    "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
    The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "

    A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
    A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?".
    The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".
    "That should have worked," said the friend.
    The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

    Can't believe it, only a day after Easter Sunday and shops are already selling chocolate.

    A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." -

    Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best. -

    Itís a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!" -
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  2. #2
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Location;
    Las Vegas.
    Posts;
    11,968.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    Mae everybody,Mick I had to tell everyone the hot dog joke from yesterday haha! PQ,sorry about your BIL thats pretty young to have a heart attack,was this the exes brother? Hope everyone had a decent Easter,just posted on the other thread that it felt like a weird holiday that nobody cared about this year and Kell accused me of drinking! Little bitch,I was pissed cuz even after I assured her I hadn't she gave me"the look" meh,my fault for not earning trust I guess anyway, much love to all and I wish us all a great AF Monday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  3. #3
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

    Join Date;
    10th October, 2006.
    Posts;
    9,266.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    Happy unhung Monday ABerooos!

    Mick, thanks for getting us up and attem in spite of HAL9000 giving you fits. I had to reinstall chrome yesterday myself. NSA virus runs amok!
    is a rotivator like a rototiller?

    Pauly, I feel for you. Regaining trust after what addiction turns us into really stinks and is so painful in many ways. It used to be a bad trigger for
    me so beware! You just have to know you are doing the right thing. If you are AF and doing well then reinforce it to yourself... all we have total
    control over is ourselves. Look at yourself whenever you see a mirror and say 'I love and approve of you'. It will sink in... and then it will help others
    to believe you again, because we believe in ourselves again.

    bumbling around and getting all woken up here slowly.... let's have a stellar AF day.

    be well loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

  4. #4
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th May, 2012.
    Posts;
    4,169.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...thanks for kicking us off. I've never bought anything off Ebay, too chicken. LOL You be careful with those uprights.

    Pauly...yup he was my exes brother. He's been banned from the brother's house because of his illness/actions so not sure how the funeral arrangements will work. I will be there for my SIL and deal with Grandma if I have to. I'll just have to put my "big" girl pants on and do it.

    Det...I agree with regaining trust, it does take a long time and it also was a big trigger for me.

    Putting everything out of my mind this afternoon and just enjoying my bridge game. Living in the moment for today...PPQP

  5. #5
    Registered User. treetops's Avatar

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    11th April, 2012.
    Location;
    Oceania.
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    2,984.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    Hi folks. Sorry about what you are dealing with PQ. Just get through it and protect yourself.

    Pauly - maybe people think you were drinking cos you were 'normal'. In a way its good when others cant tell if you have been drinking or not - if you see what i mean. Anyway dont worry about it and get on with your splendid recovery.

    I have to dash now and do some things but take care everyone. Happy digging Mick.

  6. #6
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.
    Posts;
    21,902.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    Good evening Abbers,

    Mick, have you paid your internet bill recently? I find it works better when you pay them, just kidding
    I am assuming that you bought a rototiller?? We have one that is half the size of a VW & I won't use it (scares me a little) ha ha!

    Pauly, don't be offended by her off comments. Kell may still have some anesthetic in her system from Thursday's procedure - if you know what I mean.

    Det, hope your day was a good one!

    PQ, I'm sorry, I didn't see your post yesterday about your BIL. 65 is way too young to die, sad. I hope everything is working out OK for all of you

    TT, good to see you & I hope you are well.

    Greetings to the rest of the crew.
    Have a nice night everyone. I am still on dog sitting duty here so nothing special to report. Not sure when they are going home, tomorrow night maybe??

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  7. #7
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

    Join Date;
    10th October, 2006.
    Posts;
    9,266.

    Re: monday the not so far off christmas day

    late 2nd check in for garlic breath... a good busy day and i think I'll sleep like a log.

    PPQ, hang tight. I'm not great with social weirdness so I feel for ya.

    Lav, have fun with the dogs for me. I'll get another pet some day. Been thinking about it again.

    that's about all i got, sleepy time. gnight loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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