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Thread: toozdi

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    toozdi

    mae no booze krew ..howiz we today then ..hope all is well...busy day yesteday in my neck o the woods and same again today..down to sil house and dismantle a sdhed....anyone got a wood burner?dont know what tintenet problem was ,where I sit downstairs,Ive always needed a wifi booster box to get a good signal..sooo with much arsing about I discovered that now I can get a good signal without the adapter ..its kind of like these surveys you hear about and go wtf is that all about..
    and the good news is the ducks have returned this morning...so they have been fed as have Julie and the rabbits ...

    so shall we have a brew? here yall go...

    hiya det the log..hows you today then mate ..all good I hope...looking at getting a pet?get a goldfish ..dont take up much room...they will blow you a kiss ..they dont like long walks,or poo in the garden....

    heres some facts I thought were interesting....yawn...have a good one friend

    English-Final-Project-Spring-212 - Trendy Psychology Topics

    Morn Lav Internet is paid...want to buy a spare wifi adaptor? may come in handy ..a one chance offer..next week you will be kicking yourself ..I wish I had bought that ..so beat the crowds ...to you only...
    yep its a rototiller ..only a small one, but good enough to just break up the ground as a base for turf..anyways chief dog sitter...are they still behaving?nice to tell you when they were coming back!my next lot of tomatoes are thru...considering I am not really supposed to eat them...potassium or something,I aint doing bad.....also planted some rose cuttings in potatoes last night to increase my stock..so here you go big brew...

    tt ...evening dasher...so define normal...normal is just a socially accepted set of boundaries and parameters of word,actions and behaviours,that have been set either through custom and practice or legislation over the years...I go every year to get told my brain is normal....I wouldnt put too much money on that bet!!how are you doing now that you are home?

    hiya ppqp...hows you today?sorry to hear about your bil.." I will be there for my SIL and deal with Grandma if I have to. I'll just have to put my "big" girl pants on and do it." its about respect,saying farewell,au voir etc and supporting people..not for fighting, you do whats best for you in your heart and head..you will be fine..If grandma decides to play up, use the biggest weapon there is..tirade unleashes..."and sorry,just remind me again ..who are you?" and immediately press the ignore button!! you will be sound..

    hey pauly ,hows you today then all good I hope..when you quit..there is only one person you hafta be honest to...thats it..you have a great thursday...(that made ya think!) and a great tomorrow too..

    right peeps big shout to the snoopster the pie lady,nora c ,sam the man, eskay and all the others on this af journee...

    I lent my Scouse neighbour £20 last week and I haven't seen the bstard since.
    bargain or what?

    This is how bad immigration is getting.
    I walked into my local corner shop wondering if I could pay by my card and all I said was "Visa?"
    and the guy ran away...

    ebay is crap..ordered a Dyson and look what they sent....

    13315655_1092564540810968_1906141404574933310_n.jpg

    My first wife died from poison mushrooms my 2nd wife died from a fractured skull,,,,she would not eat the mushrooms

    Patient: "Doctor, I’m ugly."
    Doctor: "You’re not ugly."
    Patient: "But everybody says I’m ugly!"
    Doctor: "Listen, you are not ugly."
    Patient: "I know I’m ugly."
    Doctor: "You are a fine, strong looking man."
    Patient: "I’m a woman."

    our local flasher was thinking about retiring, but he's decided to stick it out for another year

    I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.
    When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"
    He just blanked me the ignorant bstard.

    A Police Officer pulled me over for speeding. 'Have you been drinking sir?', asked the copper. Yeah, i've had 16 pints of lager, 10 shots of whisky and a bottle of wine
    'What the hell are you doing driving'? .. I couldn't fecking walk, i replied.

    Just read a statistic on the most common way people walk when drunk. It's staggering.

    Listen , you won't be hearing from me for a while. The police are investigating me for stealing swimming pool inflatables... I gotta lilo..

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
    Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
    "President Trump," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
    And off they go. At the White House, Trump spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
    Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
    After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
    "The Pope," his boss replies.
    "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
    But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
    Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
    "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

    liverpool

    The only place in the world where your wallet gets off the bus two stops before you do

    a fat woman goes to her doctor and asks whats the easiest exercise i can do to help me lose weight ? he replies shake your head from side to side .she asks how often should i do this ? doctor says every time your offered food u fat git

    I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day,when my dad woke up and opened the door,outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company,they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again

    my kids are running around the house making a hell of a noise.
    Shouting things like, "We're fcking freezing, let us in!"

    I said, "I'm off out, mum."
    She said, "You ain't going anywhere until you change that mini skirt."
    I said, "Why?"
    She said, "Because I can see your b,llocks, shaun

    I said to my wife, "Where have you been?"
    She said, "Shopping in the sales. I bought this dress for a ridiculous figure."
    I looked at her and said, "You're not fecking joking."

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
    ‘Where the hell have you been all night?’ she demands.
    ‘At this fantastic new bar,’ he says.
    ‘The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!’
    The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
    ‘Is this the Golden Saloon?’ she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
    ‘Yes it is,’ bartender answers.
    ‘Do you have huge golden doors?’
    ‘Sure do.’ ‘Do you have golden floors?’
    ‘Most certainly do.’
    ‘What about golden urinals?’
    There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
    ‘Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!’
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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  3. #2
    Registered User. Snoopy56's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Good morning...

    Mick, you sure do keep busy! Gret jokes today.

    Det, nice to hear you are busy and focused, have a great day.

    TT, anything new in your neck of the woods?

    Pourquoi, do the best you can, protect yourself, thinking of you.

    Hello to all and have a good one.

  4. #3
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Mae everybody, Mick haha love the jokes! Except in the one where they meet Trump at the White house..should have said Maralago cuz he's there more! Louie's dad tried to go to work yesterday, crazy guy,he was in a lot of pain so left after a few hours, I told him to take it easy but nobody listens,especially young peeps! Much love to all and I hope everyone has a great AF Tuesday BTW,nobody ever explained the Alan joke from the other day,its bugging me haha
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  5. #4
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    MAE NBK....

    Mick...glad you spelled out nbk this morning I was wondering what that meant. I'm also pleased to hear you made it through the weekend with no ooops! Keep up the progress today when you blow up the shed. I'm not worried about Grandma, it's the ex that's going to be the problem. It's already started with my son phoning him last night to see how he and grandma are doing, turned into an hour of yelling and swearing. He came down and apologized but felt he's now got his Dad thinking the right way. Grandma dealing with the death of her son and ex says to my son, well I told her he would probably be dead in 6 months so she should be fine. WTF!

    Snoop...thanks. Yup, will do what's right for me. This is a time for support and everything else can be put aside.

    Pauly...I didn't get the Alan joke either! LOL

    Ended up going into work yesterday before my bridge game. All hell has broken out with the soccer program and it needed some fixing before the start of the season today. I refused to deal with anything after 5pm yesterday so will be busy this morning finishing off the changes. Have an eye checkup appt later this week, hoping I can drop the drops! LOL Have a Terrific Tuesday all....PPQP
    Last edited by porqoui; April 18th, 2017 at 08:26 AM.

  6. #5
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Top O the morn ABeroooonies!

    Mick, thanks for booting us into AF super hero mode. Wifi is indeed a bit of a mystery 'round here as well. Sometimes fast,
    sometimes big fat nada. Dunno.

    woke up pretty tired so just moving slowly here and on 2nd cuppa joe.

    PPQ, sorry to hear of the drama... I don't envy you there.. good luck with soccer program.

    Going to be a late night for moi. After work I have group therapy, then off to roller derby practice to
    meet the crew and get some photos. Beats hitting the pub though!

    be well loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

  7. #6
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Joke was explained via p.m haha very windy here,I hate the wind worse than any other weather,grrr,came home to a pigeon perched regally on the shelf where I keep my plants! Scared me to death and I was scared to touch it cuz I didn't want to get pecked but every time I tried to shoo it,it would circle back so I had to grab it by its body and set it free haha,darn thing pooped on my water cooler too,hope all are well and pigeon free tonight
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  8. #7
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Pauly...Joke was explained via p.m haha WHAT! NO FAIR!

  9. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    Good evening Abbers,

    It' slate but I wanted to check in anyway.
    My house guests just went home a little while ago, quite reluctantly, ha ha. My son had a hard time getting them into the truck - they wanted to stay here, ha ha! Nothing like a stay at Hotel Lav, LOL

    Mick, did I mention YB planted the red potatoes in big buckets this year? Surely will make harvest time a lot easier!
    Sounds like you have been busy & staying out of trouble, ha ha!

    Hello to SnoopStar & Pauly. Now you know what I go through herding chickens every day (although they don't come in my house)!!!!

    PQ, do you ever feel like the universe has put you in charge of absolutely everything & everyone? Geez! I hope you are OK.

    Det, I hope you have fun watching roller derby practice, ha ha! Now that is something different, for sure

    Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a nice night!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  10. #9
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: toozdi

    whew! those women at roller derby are crazy! some in their late 40's and just going like hell, getting bruises and laughing like mad....
    reminds me of myself great fun though and i got worn out chasing them around with the camera.

    Pauly, bird attack! that's interesting. Glad you got the confused critter outside without any pecks.

    Lav, glad the doggies had a great time with you.

    well, I'm beat and need to unwind. Will catch up tomorrow for a fab AF Wed

    gnight loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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