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Thread: w/c 9th jul

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    w/c 9th jul

    morning all...wow 9th July ..soon be Xmas!!here I am sitting in the conservatory,doors open,rabbits playing out,grass been cut and overhead I see a big mahoosive plane...I know its the 7.30 Virgin Atlantic out to Orlando...I watch it every morning...how sad is this....Ive got a flight app on my phone which tells me what planes are overhead..their call signs where they are going to from...oh well sad man!!
    anyways how are we?lets have a brew...

    mornin pauly.. but I think thats horseshit,,,its sticky....ok I will take your word on that one!!!how goes it for you todasy?hope all is well..My bougie has got a noo lease of life lots of green on it...

    hiya Lav....brew time...Im on raspberry tea this mornin...my guts are a bit sore burnin ..and coffee doesnt help...Tenerife is a volcanic island and all the sand is black ground down volcanic ash...anything not is imported...its just like normal sand only black???? texture everything...doesnt especially burn your feet.All my roses bar 1 have come up ...they are lovely...

    hiya SF.. yep I can plan jollidays for you ...tell me what you like...trust me I wont be buying suitcases though...how are things in your neck o the woods..

    hiya ppqp...hows you then today...?all good ..did the garden survive?my courgettes saint doing too well...everything else is doin jest fine..how is work for you now?all the stressy.com shifted?

    hey det ..on the way man see you at 8!! you are doing pretty well with the camera you have got...as an idea why dont you sell the pics you do with this one and buy a new one with the incoming?

    hi Sam the man...you ok?hope so ..you been playing toonz?

    hi pie no see long time ..you ok?

    likewise snoopster

    right lets get a few laffs up

    Paddy says to Mick, "I think my butchers a drug dealer." "What makes you think that?" Mick replied. Paddy said, "He's got a sign in the window, two joints for 10."

    I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Liverpool fan sneaking through my next door neighbours garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel. Astonished I got back into bed and my wife said, "You're shaking, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen? " I said. "That bastard next door still has my bloody shovel."

    Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket. You're probably not gonna win but you're sure as hell gonna try!

    I hate when people use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
    Especially when I'm inebriated beyond the exuberance of my own verbosity to notice.

    I let my wife take me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, "Shall we do something we've never done in the car before?" I said, "Go on then, bang it into fourth gear."

    In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.
    In Scotland, they just throw the fcking tree.

    There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeeeead, in your heeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head....

    Det.................................

    MAKING BABIES
    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
    'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
    'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."
    "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
    'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
    "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
    After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
    "Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
    "My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.
    "In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
    "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
    "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
    "She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
    "Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
    "Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"
    "It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
    "Tripod?"
    "Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."
    Mrs. Smith fainted.

    I found an iPhone on the bus today, so called the number in the contacts that said 'Home'. "Hello!" I said when they answered. "I've found your phone on the bus."
    "Oh, that's fantastic," said the woman "I know it is" I replied, "How do I work the camera?"

    My wife was going to pick me up from work but she phoned and said the cars broken down and I would have to catch the train home. I said, "What's happened?" She said, "there's water in the carburettor." I replied, "how do you know that?" She said, "it's in the river."

    I saw a van with a 'No tools left in this van overnight' sticker on the back.
    So I broke in during the day.

    Sam...it just had to be done!!!

    19756877_1488254787908606_5195284278213806105_n.jpg
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 8..done that one..now bimbling into year 9..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 10


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  2. #2
    Registered User. Snoopy56's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    Good morning and have a lovely Sunday!

  3. #3
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    morning all,
    wow, a late sleep in.... now I'm late. Mick, enjoyed the chuckles this morning, specially the photographer, and the pic at the end! Morning Snoop's. All well with you?
    So they had the big KKK rally at Charlottesville yesterday, One person I play music with is from there, I asked him why he wasn't there, said his sheets were dirty. He only wears fitted sheets. Strange group of folks who think they're a superior race?? whats up with that??

    Reckon as I ponder the questions of the universe I best gather myself to get out the door and go to work.

    have a super Sun eveyone
    Sam
    Liberated 5/11/2013

  4. #4
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    Mae everybody, Mick the black sand is pretty cool but kinda creepy too,I've seen beaches in Hawaii with it too,slept late (for me) out of Mccafe so hubs made Some other not as yummy coffee,oh well long as it does the job love the photog joke! West side looks pretty dark,let's see if we get some monsoon rain,much love to all and I hope we all have a great AF Sunday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  5. #5
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    Mick...that's exactly how I feel. Where has this year gone??? Still waiting to see my first courgette. Those pic's look like paradise. The stress did shift in the beginning and I didn't worry about every little thing. Now I'm finding the new boss is a lot of talk and little action. Now I find myself making sure he's done what he's supposed to do and the logistics of an event are thought through. Went over to the garden yesterday and got bombarded by the renters with complaints of things not done as promised. Sorted them out and then my caterers showed up and the complaining started again. The instructions left for them don't make any sense. Sorted them out for last night's event then we went through the next 5 bookings noting what more is needed for them to do their job. I am going to request a meeting with the boss tomorrow as I am not going to keep covering his ass. Had enough of that with previous boss. If he's not going to do it properly then give it to me, along with financial compensation, or be prepared for the complaints and 2am phone calls. Thanks Mick...just had to get that off my chest. LOL

    SF...good for you standing up for yourself. I need to change my mindset and decide I'm not responsible for everything and don't need to put up with crisis management due to someone else's incompetence. Just got to let them fall on their face.

    Lav...I would have thought the black "sand" would burn your feet as well.

    Snoop...morning to you too.

    Son just came down to cook breakfast, got to go put my order in. Have a Super Sunday all....PPQP

    X-post...Morning Pauly
    Last edited by porqoui; July 9th, 2017 at 08:21 AM.

  6. #6
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    X-post Sam,honestly I hadn't realized KKK was still around until the election there were a few news stories,,,sheesh get a life people! Nobody is all white,all black we've all got something else in us,somewhere down the line..
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  7. #7
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    Good evening Abbers,

    Hope your tummy is feeling better Mick - too much rich food on vacation maybe?
    I doubt that I will ever get to a black sand beach so thanks for the pics & the info
    Your jokes were extraordinary today, ha ha!

    Sam, I heard about the KKK assembly in Charlottesville. I saw them years ago when I flew out to a conference at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. Geez, what a bunch of bozos. My husband swears his grandfather had something to do with them, way back in the day. I found that hard to believe because when I knew him he was just a nice little old man.

    Pauly, if you want to see rain, come to the east coast. It's so damp here there are mushrooms pooping up in the grass & in the new mulch, ha ha!!

    Hi there SnoopStar!

    PQ, is history repeating itself? I don't think you are willing to let another boss get all the glory & the extra $$ while you do all the work
    If you need any backup, let me know. I have a little extra angst right now & I will help you straighten things out, Lol

    Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a peaceful night.
    Turns out I will be hosting my oldest grandson two days & nights this week while his parents are either out of town or working. So he will have 48 hours here with me & that makes me happy
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  8. #8
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    hello peeps real world time its raining!!its actually quite nice!!ask me that in a weeks time...so how are we all then? good?hands up all those with a pulse?my biggest problem today?bloody horses in the field ecided they liked my roses ...gits ..it wont happen again ..Ive replanted them..they didnt eat them ...just ripped them out of the ground...
    Julie went to see her dad yesterday...he seems to be ok ...but there is an underlying condition...same as why we are here!nuff said...ok brew time ..I had strawberry tea it was lovely...

    hiya Lav...you ok...glad you get to see the grandsons despite the angst that goes with it...curtains arent ready for van yet ...just checked ..strawberry t or java? next time Im in tenerife Ill get some black sand and send it to you...

    Hey pollywolly...new name...how are you today? believe it or not ..the black sand doesnt get you black or dirty.did you have a good weekend?

    ppqp...hey is this going to be nice guy crap worker no2? dont let it happen..2 trends of thought ....list all the outstanding work..do your meets have minutes ?are they formalised? if so get it down ..if not put it all in writing..a great subscription to ass covering.com!
    secondly..any complaints get the complainant to either direct or copy them into your boss..dont be a patsy....but I am sure you wont

    hey snoopster hows you then welcome to the madhoose!

    hey Sam the man...how are you mate.. all good ...perish the thought that your mate go to his jamboree in not fitted unwashed sheets...the idea is good...especailly iyou could get an attached pillow for behind your neck...feel tired?job done! Your dec of Independance..all men are equal....Jeffereson......Animal Farm..all animals are equal..some think they are more equal than others..George Orwell..did you get on your bike?

    big hello to everyone else...

    a few of my roses..

    20170709_090437.jpg

    20170709_090515.jpg

    20170709_090749.jpg

    20170709_090755.jpg

    this display has done well..all my own work!!

    20170708_115812.jpg

    My parents admitted that the night I was concieved they were pissed on cheap Australian lager.

    Not nice finding out you're a Fosters child.

    I saw a guy in the pub last night carrying 12 pints of lager.

    I thought, that guy can really hold his drink.

    Paddy in Wetherspoons:
    "How much is your lager?"

    Barman: "2 a pint and 7 a pitcher"

    Paddy: I'll just have a pint, fck the photo!

    To the person who hid my shoes while I was on the bouncy castle!...

    Grow up.

    Condoms don't guarantee safe sex... a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

    My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,

    So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

    My wife said she's leaving me because I can't do anything right when it comes to housework.

    Selfish git! Took me hours to mop that carpet!

    After years of doubt I'm now convinced my wife is having an affair!

    We've moved 250 miles north & we've still got the same window cleaner

    America.

    The only country in the world who have a day off work to celebrate a film.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 8..done that one..now bimbling into year 9..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 10


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  9. #9
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    Mae everybody, Mick,is Julie's dad drinking? You said the reason we're all here so I assumed that,none of my business but he sure has been through a lot sorry about your roses but at least you got them replanted adopted Louie's guinea pig,he's super cute and just kind of hangs out,the kids had them as kids and those ones squeaked every time they heard the refrigerator door open,it was annoying, Lav how come only oldest grandson for the weekend? I thought they came in a pair haha,PQ,hold your head up dont let anyone take you for granted,waves to the rest of the crew and wishing us all a great AF Monday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  10. #10
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 9th jul

    pauly...yes
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 8..done that one..now bimbling into year 9..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 10


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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