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Thread: w/c 15th

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    w/c 15th

    morn all 5.25 am......off detecting ..up in yorkshire ..howzweall today then?good I hope...Yes I am sad about my brother,there are family things (his)that arent for discussion here,but I hope he enjoys himself as much as he can...this last year has been shit to say the least,but I guess its no worse than some of the issues that others on here have faced...still thats the merry go round of life I guess.anyway quick brew before I go ...Lav are there any trees left where you are???????????

    have a good one peeps

    A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing." He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60, off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck. "Go up to the road and get help," he said. "But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend, my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid there's no hope for him."

    A fireman looked out of the firehouse window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had small ladders hung on the side of his little red wagon, and a garden hose coiled up in it. He was wearing a fireman's hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon. The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had. As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster." Maybe so," said the little boy, "but then I'd lose my siren!"

    A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing here?" "Reading a book," she replied, thinking, "Is this guy blind or what?" "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "But, Officer, I'm not fishing. You can see that, surely." "But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'll have to write you up." "If you do that, I will charge you with rape," returned the irate woman. "But I haven't even touched you," the sheriff objected. "That's true; but you have all the equipment." THE MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    Mae everybody,Mick love the stuck boyfriend not really much to say this morning woke up kind of anxious so I'll go try to walk it off,much love to all and wishes for a great AF Sunday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  3. #3
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    morning all, great set of jokes for so early in the morning, Mick.

    'Vying this weekend so a quick stop in. Hope everyone is doing ok. Set, read about your break in, happened to me years ago, it is a very weird thing.

    later....
    Sam
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...good luck detecting today. Yup, life just keeps going.

    Pauly...hope the walk helped.

    Sam...hope the weather is good for you vying.

    Ate way too much last night, it was a great evening. Taking it easy today, maybe laundry, maybe not. LOL Have a good one all....PPQP

  5. #5
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    Mick, did you hear about the archaeology dig over there? Prehistoric burial ground unearthed at UK army garrison site (PHOTOS) — RT UK
    may be a good area to do some mental defecting. Strength to your brother.

    Pauly, a simple metric like a small amount of weight gain is no biggie considering what Kel has experienced lately. yes... screw that doc.
    I think the whole 'body mass index' is myopic medically speaking.
    woke up anxious? ok, just down 12 cups of coffee and watch the news. NOT! at least my broken sense of humor is intact.

    PPQ, no they didn't get my new musical instrument at least

    it's not quite 11:00 and I feel like a nap already... LOL maybe I'll just do that.

    Sam, careful out there in the hinterlands. Assuming you have a medical kit? I'm a prepper since a kid
    so think about these things.

    be well loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

  6. #6
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    Good evening Abbers,

    Mick, I hope you didn't run across any of those old bones - eek!!!
    YB has left a few trees down here in southeastern PA, ha ha!!! He's been collecting fallen trees & dragging them here for years to finish drying out. I think we are superiorly ready for winter - if it ever gets here

    Hi to Sam! We had an OK day today with just a little drizzle so I guess you were OK for veying
    Hope you had a good day.

    Pauly, introduce decaf green tea into your life. I drink tons of it so I drink less coffee & it's actually good for you. Less anxiety is good.

    PQ, so? Did the laundry get done? Wondering minds want to know, ha ha!

    Det, as a former girl scout & lifelong medical pro I always have my super duper first aid kit handy
    You just never know when you're going to need something quick.
    I hope the nap was a good one!

    Have a nice night kids, will check in tomorrow
    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  7. #7
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    mornin all....how are we today then?all good?went tectin yesterday.....a cut half from about the 1300s and a welsh mine token...not too good but a day out...we are due to get hit by Hurricane Ophelia this aft ,,,the worst in 50 years they reckon so that should be fun....just making a new roof for the rabbit hutch..
    ok lets have a brew

    hiya Lav ...hows you then?all ok ....now me ..if I had that wood,every single bit wood (pardon the pun) be getting looked at to see what I could make it into..my mind works in crazy ways..an example ...the guy next door has just bought a new car electric/gas hybrid.. great...apart from the fact that when in electric mode it is really quiet ...there is no engine noise...to the extent he reckons 3 people have walked out in front of him..now for me then ..some sort of external audible warning linked to the braking system so that when you touch the pedal a noise ..be it engine noise whatever ..goes off do that people know .. you can have that one for free ..jist remember me when you make millionz...in the meantime ...a free brew..

    hiya Det,thanks for that..it was interesting mate...I was posted as a soldier in depot not 2 miles from there!Its a weird feeling uncovering skeletons..when I did it ,it was wow history etc buzzing ..and then a period of self questioning?ie its a grave ..someone died what right have you got to interfere with their place of rest etc..it was very strange at the time...glad you have still retained your sense of yoomer evn though you got turned over ..good for you matey

    Screenshot_2015-07-27-14-51-34.jpg

    hiya ppqp hows you ?on Friday I had a sweetie mood on...ate sweets ice cream crisps all sortsa crap...on Sat morning felt rubbish..!!best of luck at work today.

    hey sam how did the veying go on the weekend?all ok was it? Ive just found another site for historical mapping...

    Search the List - Map Search | Historic England


    hiya pauly hope you are ok?have the anxieties passed? I hope so x

    right peeps off now ..going to let the rabbits out before it all starts ...will put some jokes up after x

    The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I understand.' 'How did you feel about that?'" The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"

    Larry finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman. "Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked between sobs. "Not on her best day," he replied. "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" "No, she's broke." "Well, then, is it sex?" "Nobody does it like you, babe." "Then what can she do that I can't?" "...Sue me for child support."

    A couple both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office The doctor asked, what can I do for you? The man said, Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse, and charged them$50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would take an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor then leave. Finally the doctor asked, just exactly what are you trying to find out? The old man said, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90.The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my insurance company!

    A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!" The old farmer smiled and said, "No, I give up. You can have the duck!" By Scott21
    Last edited by Mick; October 16th, 2017 at 08:31 AM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    morning all,
    Mick, not sure what I'd think if I unearthed a grave. maybe hang some garlic in my door way or sumpin. good weekend of veyin and music practice in the evening. thinking of going back and taking some more fiddle lessons... stuck in a rut.

    off to work, high hoe
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    Mae everybody,yes Mick the anxiety had passed after I posted,sometimes I wake up like that,could be as you posted too much sweets the night before cuz I forgot Kell made cupcakes and I snuck two(3)...I'd be freaked out by the skeletons! I'd feel like I was disturbing them and might get haunted or something,Det any word on the punks that broke in? PQ,you're sounding light and calm these days,I love that for you compared to how stressed you seemed awhile back,what'd we have last night? Lav,you have wood for years it looks like but I also know how fast it goes,hi Sam the man wishing us all a positive start to the new week,much love have a great AF Monday,hey Mick can you post pics of the storm if you get a chance?
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  10. #10
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 15th

    Quote Originally Posted by paulywogg View Post
    Mae everybody,yes Mick the anxiety had passed after I posted,sometimes I wake up like that,could be as you posted too much sweets the night before cuz I forgot Kell made cupcakes and I snuck two(3)...I'd be freaked out by the skeletons! I'd feel like I was disturbing them and might get haunted or something,Det any word on the punks that broke in? PQ,you're sounding light and calm these days,I love that for you compared to how stressed you seemed awhile back,what'd we have last night? Lav,you have wood for years it looks like but I also know how fast it goes,hi Sam the man wishing us all a positive start to the new week,much love have a great AF Monday,hey Mick can you post pics of the storm if you get a chance?

    Hiya Pauly....its 2pm ....look at the sun!!!

    20171016_135135.jpg
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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