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Thread: w/c10th

  1. #11
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Good evening Abbers,

    Busy, busy day today. Same predicted for tomorrow! Ha ha
    It’s always like that this time of year but everything gets done.

    Mick, I hope you enjoy your trip & don’t dwell on us poor suffering souls in the ice & snow, Lol
    Yes, my granddaughter’s hand healed very quickly, nice to be young, don’t you think?

    Det, hope you are feeling OK buddy!

    Pauly, this group is shrinking a bit. We need to go out & recruit new members!

    PQ, the weather has been anything but normal or average. I am absolutely horrified about the wildfires in Southern California. Why the hell won’t it just rain over there?
    I’ll gladly take your leftover decent weather when you are finished with it, ha ha!

    Will be out all day tomorrow taking care of business.
    Wishing everyone a nice night!

    Lav
    Last edited by Lavande; December 11th, 2017 at 09:07 PM.
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  2. #12
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    evening all
    what's shakin under the tree? ghost of christmas mojo!!
    Liberated 5/11/2013

  3. #13
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Quote Originally Posted by Samstone View Post
    evening all
    what's shakin under the tree? ghost of christmas mojo!!


    Good to see you Sam...got enough firewood cut?

  4. #14
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Happy unhung Monday ABerooos!

    Mick, thanks much for the blastoff and great Paddy jokes.

    feeling mostly better, still a tad snotty etc but it's improving. team garlic!

    Lav, you're wise to avoid ice... it's amazing how much faster you fall when on ice vs just tripping on something.

    your way to nice on the media... I've had personal dealings with various media outlets and just can't believe what dirty dishonest
    dirtbags they are, all to sensationalize their story and raise ratings. Of course all well within the confines of their masters' narrative
    and political agenda.
    Apparently they don't score high with me

    TTops, decorated tree pics?

    Pauly, you could set up a little nativity scene in your freezer! oh my, that's just wrong. nevermind....

    Sam, we're just waiting on you to bring the seasons' mojo!

    PPQ, arg. can't scroll back far enough... good to have you and yes how about a recruitment drive?

    My brain-zapper therapy continues and I'm feeling quite well and a good bit sharper. By jove I believe there's something
    to this thing. My therapist is interested in it so will share my findings at the session tomorrow after work.

    well, the plumbing under the kitchen sink is all torn up as I try to figure out where the blockage is. You really miss running
    water when you can't use it. ack!

    ok then, more plumbing then wind-down for zzzzzz

    gnight loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

  5. #15
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Det...sounds like you're on the mend and I love how positive you are. So...do you have an opinion on media? LOL Recruitment drive? Great news about the Brain Zapper and it's encouraging to have a therapist who's behind you. Hope the plumbing job is quick, I know Mick's not doing anything, LOL

  6. #16
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Mae everybody,hi Sam! Det,where did you get the brain zapper? Does it hurt? Tell us more,I'm curious,yes the media does twist and turn things to go their way that's why I stick to TMZ haha,rather hear about celebs I don't know than watch the real news anyways,hello to Mick,Lav and PQ wishes for a great AF day
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  7. #17
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    Greetings Abbers,

    I must mention that Mick messaged me this morning, feeling a bit low today. Missing loved ones this time of year can be rough

    We drove back to our old hometown today to visit cemeteries & do a few things & I got to do a little mall shopping like a regular person. I've been down here in cow country for so long I've forgotten the thrill of a crowded mall, ha ha!

    Sam, good to see you! There's a cold front from Canada blowing in right now & it's freezing!!!!

    PQ, thanks a lot for the cold front, LOL

    Pauly, if it's still too hot in your town you should be here to experience this weather, Brrrr

    Det, nothing worse than a non-functioning kitchen sink, ugh. I can remember washing dishes in the bathtub at one of our old houses while we were renovating - not fun.
    Glad you are feeling chipper, hope it continues for you.

    Hello to anyone else stopping by & wishing a peaceful night for all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  8. #18
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly...don't think I've watched TMZ but for some reason have gotten into Entertainment Tonight. Would never have watched that in the past but maybe I'm like you and rather hear about the celebs as opposed to the nuts in the news.

    Lav...sorry about that, I'm working on it. Had someone call to register their kid in Shinny Hockey and I told him we haven't even flooded the rink yet. He replied, "What, you don't control the weather??" lol

    Mick...this time of year is hard on a lot of us, me included.

    Happened to find your post at the end of last weeks thread so copied it here. Couldn't get the pic to post but the link is there. Have a peaceful night all....PPQP

    hiya peeps ,bit late for me today... apologies..its pretty cold over here today ...hope everyone is well...anyone want to do a weather trade? some snow andice for a brew and some sunshine..

    https://www.mywayout.org/community/a...7&d=1513100274

    Last night i tried sharing a bag of chips with a homeless man who was sat on the curb...
    he said sod off and get your own bl@@dy chips.


    Knock knock.
    Who's there.
    Doorbell repair man.




    If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work




    Female response when hit with the chatup line...
    "You look really familiar, do I know you from somewhere"?
    You reply "I don't know... do you watch alot of porn"?

    t's a beautiful, warm, spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.

    She's wearing a cute, loose fitting; almost see through pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

    The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla.

    Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars,and holding on with one hand (and2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty woman in the wavy dress.

    The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow some more.

    The husband suggests pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

    Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

    "Now try lifting your dress up and flashing your minge" he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy, and now he's doing Flips and has a hard-on like a baseball bat.

    Then the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla, and slams the cage door shut. *"Now tell HIM you've got a headache"!*

    Olympic Games 2012

    As you may know, London (Stratford) will be bidding the Olympic Games in 2020 What you may not know, is that many of the famous events which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2020. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below.

    OPENING CEREMONY

    The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area, in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

    THE EVENTS

    In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

    100 METRES SPRINT

    Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

    110 METRES HURDLES

    As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

    HAMMER

    Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

    FENCING

    Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

    SHOOTING

    A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk bank teller or securicor style wages delivery man. The traditional..22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

    BOXING

    Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

    CYCLING TIME TRIALS

    Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

    CYCLING PURSUIT

    As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

    MODERN PENTATHLON

    Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

    SWIMMING EVENTS

    All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming even for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "The Verve".

    THE MARATHON

    A safe route has yet to be decided.

    MEN'S 50km WALK

    Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be mincing ...

    THE CLOSING CEREMONY

    Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by a confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.


    Late News:

    Apparently Liverpool were set to put in a bid very similar to the above but with the Pentathlon modified to include: Killing a spouse, digging a hole, burying the body, laying a patio and the strangely named 'Calm Down' contest.

    To guarantee the entry of any Mancunian athletes at all, Drugs testing has been waived this year.
    Last edited by porqoui; December 12th, 2017 at 07:57 PM.

  9. #19
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    mornin all how are we today? good ? wasnt too great yesterday,so thought it wiser to not post than be a miserable git,,so I sent Lav a message and later on put a post up..in the wrong place...duh..Hygienist appointment this morning ..yep hygienist not the drilly man !! 10 am so I have to leave here at 083o due to traffic..

    ok so lets have a brew,,,

    hiya ppqp..wow fancy me posting in the wrong place ...and you seeing it!!chow are you ...I know we have all got our moments and speshully you too...hence thereason I never posted..we coulda had a real miserable time!! hope you are ok..youre helping the guy story made me laugh ..Il tell you a story someday ..of similar!!

    hiya Lav..you regular ...when did that happen!! thanksfor posting for me..Amy is at her party tonight...dressed as donald trump no caps..so you enjoyed mall shopping...well heres a plastic cup full of lukewarm brown liquid that you can have at an extortionate price ...!!have a good one..

    hiya pauly how are you ...?hows work doing? yall ready for chrimbo?do you share the chrimbo tips? have a great day girl.

    hiya det complete with zapperooney ..how goes it?have you sorted the drain problem out? you been to where it enters the main waste and chased it back to the trap? best of luck..and well done with the therapy keep it up buddy

    hiya sam the man ..you ok

    pie yoo hoo how are you doing?

    tt you working yet or is that after chrimbo

    hiya snoopster you doing ok

    hi nora c hows life doing

    anyone else out there wanna join in

    I had just hung up my phone on the bus this morning when I got a tap on the shoulder, "Excuse me," said a teenage girl dressed in her school uniform, "I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Me and my friend just overheard your phone ringing just then and I'm pretty sure it was Beyoncé, but my friend is adamant it was Rihanna..."
    I said, "You're both wrong, it was my mum."

    One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.

    She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, "I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight."

    So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45." She was amazed at how cheap that was.

    So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, "This pole is worth $55." she decided that was also really cheap.

    And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." she told him that she would take it.

    As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

    All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to $80."

    Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only $70."

    He said, "It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call."

    A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero."

    The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week."

    The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."

    Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

    Two IT guys were talking in a bar after work.

    "Guess what," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde in a bar."

    "What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

    "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me
    to take all her clothes off."

    "You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

    "I took her miniskirt off and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

    "Really? You got a new laptop?"

    Romantic Rhymes

    These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with
    the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

    Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
    but I only slept with you because I was pissed

    I thought that I could love no other
    Until, that is, I met your brother

    Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are
    you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
    bowl's empty and so is your head.

    Of loving beauty you float with grace
    If only you could hide your face

    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
    This describes everything you are not

    I want to feel your sweet embrace
    But don't take that paper bag off of your face

    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

    My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you screwed up my life

    I see your face when I am dreaming
    That's why I always wake up screaming

    My love you take my breath away
    What have you stepped in to smell this way

    My feelings for you no words can tell
    Except for maybe "go to hell"

    What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime

    TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?

    CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?

    TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.

    CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?

    TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.

    CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?

    TECH: I'm not sure I understand?

    CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?

    The Ant and the Grasshopper

    CLASSIC VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    THE END







    THE PC BRITISH VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

    The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Tory Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Jamaican cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome" Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

    In response to polls, the Tory Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the government repossesses his home.

    The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting company. A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

    Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana plantation and terrorise the community.

    THE END


    A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

    Little Johhny replied, "I'm drawing God."

    The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

    Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing little Johnny replied, "They will in a minute."
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  10. #20
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: w/c10th

    moanin all
    bit of a chill out there, hope everyone is warm and cozy
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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