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  1. #51
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    4th July, 2012.
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    Re: week beginning 31 Jan

    morning all from rainysville...hows zwee doing?all good hopefully ...well Ive had better days than yustaday..dropped my phone ...sAmsung galaxy note 3 ..smashed the screen inner screen and touch screen..£160 to get repaired...then smacked my head in theloft whilst playing,and then dentist phoned ...teethe wont be sorted until a week on tuesday ...jeez!!apart from that ace..
    I lie I dont have phone numbers stored to sim Ive lost all my phone numbers too!!

    so at present having a brew ...

    pie that chair will come up pretty good ...well done you ..yes its the same kind as I did...wooden high backs and ball feet any let up on your dad ?

    hiya det ...sorry to hear about the shakes matey ...get plenty of water down you ...and get some prof help!!not nagging at you ...but this aint a rehearsal!!

    hiya did the chicken legs turn out? were they ok?or haventcha done them yet?that seems pretty steep for groceries that just a "normal "little shop or a supermarket?hope your birthday was a good one..

    hiya pauly ....hows you then hows things with kell..yep that was a brill one by that guy ..I couldnt believe it but it is true!..just shows what a bit of cheek can do!

    hiya are you then wow its cold your part of the wureld too..?wait till I tell my next door neighbours ..they are going to your part for 3 weeks in 3 weeks..Julies favourite place in the world is animal kingdom in florida ...not Orlando or florida but actually disneys animal kingdom...then Inja ,,then Cambodia then Italy... me?Russia India China Cambodia,Italy ...etc ...worked it out ,,,Ive been in my life to 47 different must have been to more isnt a lot ..less than a third of the world..

    hiya Lav...there was a programme on telly about that new fangled gajit ..yesterday.It was one of these sort of this morning progs...and in the the time of the prog she cooked a whole chicken spuds and veg in it! apparently they are selling on e bay for about a grand ..(in pounds) heres an instant brew...

    right peeps Im for the offski..hope everyone has a good day ..,.not sure about detecting tomorrow..

    How to Place the Right Person in the Right Job?

    Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

    Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside.
    Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

    If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.

    If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.

    If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.

    If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

    If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

    If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

    If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

    If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN SALES.

    If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

    If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SAFETY OFFICE.

    If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

    If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.

    AND last but not least....

    If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT!!!

    A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

    Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here”.

    The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.

    “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same”, replied Spielberg.

    In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship”.

    Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me”.

    The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same”.

    Gentle Thoughts for Today

    Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

    When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

    The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'

    The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

    There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .

    Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'

    The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

    Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved..

    When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

    Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

    Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf

    Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

    Two old guys were chatting.....

    One said to the other:

    "My 75th birthday was yesterday.

    The wife gave me a SUV".

    Other guy responded:

    "Wow, that's amazing!!.....

    Imagine, an SUV!!..

    What a great gift!"

    First guy:

    "Yup !!.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

    The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat. The woman cocked her ear, “Quick! My husband’s coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!” she cried.

    The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. “What are you doing lying on the bed naked?” he asked.

    “Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you,” she replied with a knowing smile.

    “Great,” he said, “I’ll just step into the bathroom and I’ll be with you in two shakes.” Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.

    “Who the devil are you!” the husband demanded.

    “I’m from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths,” the lover replied.

    “But.. but you’ve got no clothes on?” stammered the husband.

    The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, “The little bstards!”

    A man and his wife, moved back home to Missouri , from Texas. The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Texas , it cost them $2000. Per year!

    When they arrived in Missouri , they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.

    The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39'.

    The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Missouri to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Texas!

    The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39...

    Su Wong Marries Lee Wong...

    The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.

    The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

    'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby'?

    The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him....

    Are you ready for this?

    Sum Ting Wong

    Tick Warning

    I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally.. but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

    This is the time of year to think of ticks once again.

    If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!

    They only want to see you naked.

    I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

    Tom in deep thoughts is very quiet. Jerry asks, "What is wrong with you, Tom"?

    "Please don't ask".

    "I'm your best friend. You can talk to me".

    "My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant".

    "That's not possible".

    "No, he did".


    "He punctured my condoms"!

    What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
    For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 8..done that bimbling into year 9..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 10


  2. #52
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.
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    Re: week beginning 31 Jan

    Mae everybody,great jokes Mick! Just a quick fly by to say hi for right now,,back later
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  3. #53
    Forum Subscriber. abcowboy's Avatar

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    1st September, 2014.
    N.E. Alberta.
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    Quitting and staying quit isnít easy, itís learning a whole new way of thinking. Itís accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
    Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
    Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

  4. #54
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    13th May, 2012.
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    Re: week beginning 31 Jan

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...Wow what a day. Your post made me think of...
    black cloud.jpg has got to be a better one. Is there no way they can recover your data?
    Chicken legs were ace, will be doing that recipe again. Groceries bought at my normal supermarket. With the Alberta Government adding a Carbon Tax the price of everything has gone up. Really have to rework my food buying. Birthdays are pretty low key at this age, heard from a lot of people which was nice. must be at work, hope your day is going good.

    Pi...thanks for the wishes. Glad you got the after pic up was wondering what the red looked like. Excellent job!

    ABC..thanks for the belated wishes.

    Well the snow they forecast for this morning didn't materialize in fact woke to another chinook and 48F. Going to take advantage and get the car washed today. Have a Super Sober Saturday everyone....PPQP

  5. #55
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    13th February, 2009.
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    Re: week beginning 31 Jan

    Good evening Abbers,

    Det, I hope you are taking care & starting to feel better.

    Dealing with very sad news here that a young friend of ours, a firefighter lost his life in a house fire in Philadelphia today. We've known him since he first joined the volunteer company in our old home town when he was just a teenager. He was just 42 years old & had worked in Philadelphia for 11 years. This news hits so very close to home because of our son, nearly the same age & doing the same job in DC. Please remember all the firefighters & their families in your thoughts & prayers.
    I was equally shocked to see YB burst into tears when he received this news. We were right in the middle of our shopping trip in Costco when his phone rang. So sad.

    Life can be short friends so please be sure to do everything you can to take care of yourselves & one another

    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  6. #56
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    13th May, 2012.
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    Re: week beginning 31 Jan sorry to hear the news, it brought tears to my eyes. Will remember the firefighters & family in my prayers.

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