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    Thread: w/c 14th

    1. #51
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      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: w/c 14th

      morning all...how are we today then ...good I hope .was at a birthday party last night..didnt really want to go...but it turned out a lot better than I thought...lot of the old motown music ..it was good.snow rain mix today ,so think I wont be going detecting tomorrow.
      brew time...

      hiya Lav ..how are you ? yep that pic looks like a red fox...brew time ...a poss trade for good weather???as for the foxes Im like you..every morning before I let the rabbits out I check the fields all round with a set of binos!

      hiya det ..sounds like you are getting your act together a bit ...good man..did you and marshall arts get together today?keep it up buddy ...keep out of that pit of despair..

      hiya ppqp..cross stitch ..didnt know you were into that too?love to say it was the wind that did the door ..but I think I had a hand in it too..so what are you up to the weekend?

      hiya tt ..how are you ? feeling any better at all today?hey at least your daughter made you something to eat...Im still waiting...best of luck with the book.

      hiya pie ..how are you today?any better ..when Im ill I tend to try and minimise it ...and Julie will ask whats up etc ..you arent well are you?thats when I get grumpy and prefer to be left alone.as for the patience ..yes I dont have a lot ,but then I suddenly switch on and think ..calm down clown ..

      hiya pauly how ate you then?my bougie knows that spring is on the way there are leaves all over the shop !!just wish it would hurry up!!

      hiya sam the man hows you today ?good idea with a back up heatsource just a case of deciding which ...solar power would be a waste here ..if they had rain power Id be laffin

      right peeps have a great weekend

      Trump today announced that he is changing the emblem from an eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

      Four doctors, a Brit, a German, a Russian and an American, were all bragging about the progress their profession has made in their respective countries.

      The British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

      The German brags, "That's nothing; we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

      Then Russian doctor boasts, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another - and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

      The American doctor informs them matter-of-factly, "You know, I think you guys are way behind us.

      We just took a man with no brain out of New York , put him in the White House - and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half preparing for war!"

      Flight Attendants
      Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
      "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
      entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or
      reported:


      "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."



      After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."



      As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"


      After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as ###### everything has shifted."


      From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
      In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
      more than one small child...pick your favorite.


      "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
      "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."



      Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."
      "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."



      "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."



      "Last one off the plane must clean it."



      And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!"


      Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants 'fault...it was the asphalt!"



      Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"


      Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


      An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
      "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"



      After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."


      Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."


      Hank was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.

      Finally, Hank decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.

      So, one day, on the way home from work Hank took his old route ome and sure enough there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued. The next afternoon Hank went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

      His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.

      "Well," explained Hank, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off
      Last edited by Mick; January 20th, 2018 at 03:27 PM.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    3. #52
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      Re: w/c 14th

      A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job.

      She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quite.

      "But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

      She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and
      well, I'm pregnant."

      The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."

      She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

      After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay.
      She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

      In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time."

      "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

      "No," she said, "I just can't handle all these damned kids."

      A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

      He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

      She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

      His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "jeez" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I humped on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt ?"

      "No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    5. #53
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      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      paulywogg's Avatar

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      Re: w/c 14th

      Mae everybody,oh how embarrassing on the teacher joke haha! Mick,this year has stayed so warm that my bougie never lost it flowers,usually there's a freeze in Dec and it loses them all but not this year,PQ,yep Kell lives just around the corner in a little 2 bedroom house,I don't even think its 500 steps away according to fitbit,I'm gonna measure for sure today Romeo has a bit of jaundice and the doc said to put him in the sun,problem is that its supposed to be a rainy day today,hubs suggested taking him to the gym and putting him near the tanning beds haha! No..TT,I agree that sleep problems are from other factors cuz honestly usually I can drink coffee at 5 pm and still sleep through the night,,this has been sudden for me,last night I took an Advil pm,crashed out at 9,woke up at 2:30 took a magnesium then up at almost 4,been reading about how back in the olden days people slept 2 sleeps,an initial 3-4 hours get up do something then go back to sleep again,meh who knows,Det,glad you're teaching class again it has been awhile,much love to all and wishes for a happy,happy AF Saturday
      Last edited by paulywogg; January 20th, 2018 at 07:24 AM.
      WHY START IF YOU JUST HAFTA STOP AGAIN ANYWAYS?
      KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND POWER THRU!!!
      I have too much shit to do today to drink!

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      Re: w/c 14th

      MAE ALL...

      Mick...sounds like passing on detecting tomorrow is a good idea. "love to say it was the wind that did the door ..but I think I had a hand in it too..." Yup, over the years have cross stitched many a baby announcement. Not sure what the weekend will bring. I do have to pop over to the community centre to hand out some keys today. There's a group having an all day board games event, I might just join in.

      Pauly...tanning bed, yup no. Jaundice in new borns is quite common. That's great Kell lives so close, easy access to cuddles. LOL

      Shout out to everyone else stopping in, I'll see you all later....PPQP

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      Re: w/c 14th

      Good evening Abbers,

      Warmish & sunny for the most part today, not complaining
      I spent some time outside watching over my chickens while they were out for a romp. Not a fox in sight but I did see a beautiful Bald eagle. Do they like chicken too?

      Mick, I hope you give yourself a break tomorrow & stay home - read a book or something, ha ha!
      Motown was & still is my fav music - I have a whole collection

      Sam. did you have the decent weather today too? I hope so!

      Det, what did you get up to today? Something healthy & fun I hope.

      Pauly, many, many moons ago when my age related insomnia first started I used to get up & read or watch TV for a while. I usually wasn't able to go back to sleep after doing that so now I stay put & plug in a sleep meditation that sometimes helps. I'd be rich if I could figure out an effective solution

      PQ, I haven't attempted to do any handwork like cross stitch for a long time. I actually have some cross stitch designs for machine embroidery - pretty cool. Have fun working on yours!

      Pie, are you OK? Feeling any better?

      The girl scouts are out everywhere selling cookies. I leave them a small donation & tell them my granddaughter is bringing over more cookies than I'll ever eat, ha ha!
      Wishing everyone a comfy & peaceful night!

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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