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Thread: w/c 4th

  1. #41
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    Mae everybody,sorry PQ,that's too cold brrr! Read that sleep article again Pie,no way in hell I'm sleeping in the buff,,,,barf haha up and down last night but I just remember TT saying "I've gotten used to broken sleep" guess I have to too,fitbit says 7 hours but not much deep or rem sleep but I don't care,Mick,surprised not to see you up early,I need to text Det I forgot to,kinda worried,much love to all and wishes for a happy AF Friday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  2. #42
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    aaargh ..jus noticed my post never posted ,so the post that didnt post cant a post .Iw to take the blame but I think that somwone swopped a couple of fingers during the night


    mornin all how are we today? its dark and miserable today ...and so is the weather .It really bitterly .cold ..Julie wason a conference today so she stayed over nught ...yeehah bacon sannies ,jaffa cakes ,,not at the same time ...you know all thast guff I aint sposed to eat ..ok lets have a brew and get on Ive got a bit to do..

    hiya pauly hows you then? all good I hope .Yep it should be good when its finished ..like in about 5 years..something to keep me going anyway .hows the sleep pattern doing ? any better ?

    hiya Lav hows you then ?all good here you go a brew for you and one for the proposed dog..the teacups looked ace..imagine if you had to do them all by hand..so the eagles had abig celebration?where are they staying the hotel california?....welcome. have a luvely day .

    Hiya pie hows your world today?you gonna sell Lav a dorg?

    hiya ppqp ....woweee .thats some snow ....is it still going or did it stop ...it looks better in canadia tho ..keep warm ..ta for the brew.

    hiya tt how are you today then?you still writing?

    det where are you mate lets know whats hapnin

    right folks take it eazee ..laters

    A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

    "Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"

    "Not yet."

    After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges".

    The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience" he demanded?

    Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me".

    "The thrill is gone from my marriage", one buddy told another.

    "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair"?

    "But what if my wife finds out"?

    "Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it"!

    So the guy went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together".

    "Forget it"", said his wife. "I've tried that so many times and it never worked once".

    This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.

    She screams and drives into town to find the local law.

    She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink.

    "What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal... and then... I come in here.... and see this old man in the corner abusing himself in public!"

    "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya"?
    Last edited by Mick; February 9th, 2018 at 11:31 AM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  3. #43
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    got treated for parasitic infection yesterday slowly climbing back to health. good grief what a year already. just resting now....
    love to all
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

  4. #44
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    Yikes Det! Glad you're on the mend how scary
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  5. #45
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly...it has managed to warm up 16 degrees during the day. Feels like a heatwave out there. LOL

    Mick...so did you get your forbidden foods in? It snowed all night so there was about another 3 inches. With the drop in temperature all of it was frozen so the driving was a bit easier this morning. That is as long as you didn't have to go up a hill or off one of the main drags. LOL Going to be +28F tomorrow with another parking ban in effect so they can plow the streets. The 4 foot snowbanks along the roads are going to get a lot taller. And just in case we miss it the snow is back on Sunday. At least it's the weekend.

    Det...so good to see your post and so sorry about the parasite. Keep climbing and tell yourself "got hit with shit in the first 40 days of 2018 the next 325 will be a breeze".

    Took my lunch break around 3pm and did my grocery shopping. Told the boss when I got back that instead of hauling the groceries in I should just take the rest of the day off and he agreed. LOL Groceries unpacked, dinner organized and now I get to read Mick's jokes. Shout out to the rest of the gang.....PPQP

  6. #46
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    Good evening Abbers,

    No work for me today. I needed to go see the pretty orchids in bloom at Longwood Gardens I wish you could all see that place especially when they have these special exhibits.

    Mick, I spied something in the gift shop today that you may like - a train set in a box.

    IMG_1253.jpg

    Det, sorry to hear your news. I hope you take care & feel better very soon!

    PQ, I think I would have left the car in the garage & taken the horse & sleigh today - geez!
    Glad you at least got the afternoon off.

    Pauly, I was awake last night from 2-3 am. Seems like it was a lot longer than an hour but that's all it was. My Fitbit says I was awake 22 minutes - it's a liar, ha ha!!!

    We have a long rainy weekend ahead so I guess I'll find something useful to do around here.
    Wishing everyone a nice night!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  7. #47
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    morning all ..how are we gtoday then? all good? firstly det ..glad to see you back mate ,..get your self better friend ..youve had a tuff time ,hopefully on the mend now...

    well yesterday n my travels ,I was driving past a warehouse ...and I spied some massive pieces of polystyrene..about 3 ft long and 6 inches thick...it is used for packing..I thought aha ..ideal for different levels to lay line on ..so I went and asked ..they told me to take the lot..so now I have to figure out how to make a hot wire cutter to cut the polystyrene

    brew time then ...here we go .

    hiya Lav train in a tin ? nice ...thanks for the thought ...we have rain like mad here too..what were the orchids like ? I thought mine had died off ..but I notice tiny leaves on them..hows the grandsons they ok now? any more thoughts on a big dawgie?

    wow ppqp...saw your pics...some snow there looks lovely ...there!!! bet you are chuffed you got all your food in.Stay warm ...we are the same here and we live off the main drag...so it doesnt really get touched....


    hiya pauly how are you ? I went to bed at 9.30 last night and slept thru to 6.30 am..


    hiya pie hows the k9 klub ?sam how are you mate ..and you tt ..and anyone else Ive forgotten ....xxx

    1. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

    2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

    3. If walking and/or cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

    4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.



    ...and you want me to exercsise????????????


    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

    Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt!
    Do you think I should change dentists?


    A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
    He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."


    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
    I said, "You're obviously not listening."

    It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life"?

    The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's"!

    A Guy Was Playing Golf One Day

    ...and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on.."

    She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6.."

    He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again..

    He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on. " She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13. " Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

    When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.

    "I'm in sales."

    He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"

    She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.. He promised. She said, "I sell tampons".

    He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

    She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".

    He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper.

    A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother", the boy said.

    "Oh my, that's such a big wish", said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother"?

    "Well", said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog".

    A little old lady named Hannah checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely.

    She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages".

    She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well-oiled bottom...

    She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. She give him a call.

    "Good evening, Ma'am, how may I help you"? Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

    Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one.

    No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.

    We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound"?

    He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line".


    A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door".

    The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this". She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.

    Within five minutes a beat up old motor cycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me"! But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her.. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car"?

    The biker said, "Sure". He then walked over to the car and in less than a minute the car was opened.

    She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man".

    "The biker replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour".

    The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!!!"

    A few years ago, while I was part of a drug study.

    I suffered an accidental placebo overdose.

    I nearly died from a severe lack of symptoms.

    A pedestrian stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car suddenly came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him. He started to run, trying to get out of the way but the car changed lanes and was still coming at him.

    He turned around to go back to the curb but the car changed lanes again and was heading right for him. As the car approached, the man became so frightened that he froze and stopped in the middle of the road.

    At the last possible moment, the car swerved and screeched to a halt right beside him.

    The window rolled down and he was amazed to see that the driver was a large squirrel!

    The squirrel looked him up and down and said, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it"?

    A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach.

    Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.

    Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they'd left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.

    Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.

    After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

    The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognize'.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  8. #48
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    Mae everybody,Mick,quit bragging about your sleep haha good find on the poly whatever it is,gotta work today but don't feel like it,next week will be better cuz I'll be working with Kell,much love to all and wishes for a happy AF Saturday all around
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  9. #49
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...good score! That will really help with your creation. One day reprieve then back to the deep freeze. Gotta love Calgary for the winter breaks.

    Pauly...I feel exactly like you, don't feel like working today. Oh wait! I don't have to. LOL

    Lazy start to my day. 3rd cup of coffee and just finished breakfast. Going to get out soon and enjoy the chinook that has arrived. Snow coming later tonight.
    Hope everyone has a Super Sober Saturday....PPQP

  10. #50
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 4th

    Greetings Abbers,

    No flowers today just gray skies & lots of rain, oh well. The problem is getting 3 inches of rain this weekend & it won't sink into the frozen ground we have so there will be some flooding issues. Grateful to be up the hill from the creek

    Mick, there were orchids of every color in bloom yesterday but I think I am drawn to the purple ones
    I'm think about another dog all the time but I am meeting YB resistance. If he would like to sit outside & guard the chickens, fine but he won't! I have had to keep my remaining 6 hens cooped up all this time & they're not happy, neither am I!!!

    Pauly, I hope your day was as OK as possible!

    PQ, getting more snow? Where are you going to put it??? Ha ha!!!

    Det, how are you doing today?

    I am all caught up on my teacup project & am now thinking about making some reading pillows - we shal see
    Wishing everyone a peaceful night!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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