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Thread: w/c 18th

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    w/c 18th

    yo dudes and dudettes.........how are we all ...all good I hope ..that is apart from det ..

    rabbitz is oot playing and itsnot raing ...cases are packed ..couple of bits to go in then the crane can lift em on to the plane ....jeez ... ok lets have a brew ..

    det what happened this time man ? thought you were getting it together and bam you let it go down the tubes ..the words no I aint fkn drinkin are pretty powerful when you are tempted but you cant say them at the same time you are chuckin beer down your neck...dont quit quitting but you need to get it together mate the depression creates ..and the drinking creates so they feed off each other....the optional choice aint too clever ...everyone here is rootin for you ..its up to you to do your bit..I appreciate you have had some pretty crap times in your life ,but a good few of us on here have too mate ...from all angles..drink blots fk all out..it numbs it for a while thats all..come on man get it together you CAN do it just believe in yourself and dont be weak when it comes to the crunch ...did you go out and buy the booze or were you given it? its so frustrating knowing you can do this but dont ..so go on prove you can buddy.

    hiya ppqp ...thanks to you I know how to close a fred!!nope that wisnt me ..even with no glasses on thats miles away that button ...Hows you then today? any happier ? hope so...

    hiya lav....hope luigi had a decent book!!!!look whats here..........

    compression-spring.jpg

    Im not too keen on some of the oriental lillies ...they somewhat smell and the stamens stain when they drop...brew time...like you Im waiting for the good weather..

    pie the midnight oil burner ...hows you then ? 2 sales on the go ...well done to you ...extra loot is always welcome ...hows the dogs? and where are we going for brunch.........

    pauly hiya girl where are you?

    hiya sk ..all ok with you ..

    big shout to the rest of the wureld...

    A California Highway Patrol Officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day, he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

    "Fred," he replies. Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred", the man responds.

    When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

    "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name"?

    The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know it's a funny last name, but kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.

    When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD.

    Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I'm just Fred".

    The officer walked away in tears from laughing so hard and tore up the ticket.

    The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

    Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally".

    On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armotred car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty-thousand dollars!

    Andy said, "We've got to give it back".

    Sally said, "Finders keepers". She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

    The next day, two FBI agents were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday"?

    Sally said, "No".

    Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic".

    Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile".

    The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

    One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning".

    Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."

    The other FBI agent turns to her partner and says, "We're outta here".

    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking"?

    "Just water", says the priest.

    The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine"?

    The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again"!

    The prostate doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

    When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the prostate doctor's desk.

    1. A tube of K-Y jelly
    2. A rubber glove
    3. A beer

    When the prostate doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y Jelly is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

    At that the prostate doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.

    The prostate doctor flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, I said A BUTT LIGHT"!

    Little Johnny goes with his Mum to a beauty salon and sits next to her while the therapist starts her treatment.

    As the beauty therapist smothers cream over the mothers face little Johnny watches closely, fascinated by the actions.

    "What's the lady doing mummy" little Johnny asks?

    "The lady is making me beautiful" replies his Mum.

    The therapist then starts to remove the cream with cotton wool.

    Little Johnny suddenly calls out "what's the matter Mum is she giving up"?

    A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.

    Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

    Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

    Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.

    "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

    The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself".

    "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago".

    "And what about the third rose" she asked?

    "That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears".

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Dear Walter,

    I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

    When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

    When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

    Can you please help?

    Sincerely,

    Sheila



    Dear Sheila:

    A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

    If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. Mainly have your air filters cleaned or replaced.

    I hope this helps with your problem.

    Walter
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  2. #2
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Sheesh! Not only can I not make brunch, I just took the last of the coffee! I promise I'll put on a fresh pot before running out the door.

    Mick, where is that your travels are taking you now?

    Hi PQ, Lav, Pauly, ...

    Det, knock it off with the alcohol. Please.

    Love to all!
    AF July 11, 2014
    I can't drink a little, therefore I don't drink at all.

  3. #3
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Mick...best of luck on your travels, hope you have a relaxing time. You made me chuckle with the fork lift luggage on the plane.

    MAE ALL...off to get brew #1 so will be back in a bit to see where we're having brunch...PPQP

    X-Post Pi...I'll see if I can find us a spot for brunch.

    Pi...hope you can pop in sounds like you have a busy day.

    I thought we'd go to Banff for brunch.

    Silver-Dragon.jpg
    Last edited by porqoui; February 18th, 2018 at 11:17 AM.

  4. #4
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Quote Originally Posted by Pie View Post
    Sheesh! Not only can I not make brunch, I just took the last of the coffee! I promise I'll put on a fresh pot before running out the door.

    Mick, where is that your travels are taking you now?

    Hi PQ, Lav, Pauly, ...

    Det, knock it off with the alcohol. Please.

    Love to all!
    pie ...here you go Taj Mahal and Amritsar | India Tours | Newmarket Holidays
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  5. #5
    Registered User. treetops's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Very jealous of your trip Mick. Have a great one. All fine here just swamped with my writing. Its very obsessive. Also been busy with MrG who had to go to hospital outpatients for laser surgery on his retina - hopefully it will get better now.
    Sorry to hear you are back on the booze and depressed Det. Just don't chuck the towel in. Mick gave you strong but clear and supportive words.

    Ok back to the grindstone. Been up since 4am. This morning at it.

  6. #6
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    Re: w/c 18th

    MAE. Mick You must be excited about the trip. Where are you visiting when you're there. My neighbour used to have an orphanage there and described the the awful smell on arriving. I'm not sure where it was located. I understand there are so many beautiful areas.

    Drizzly and dark here, I am in the same mood, lol. Looks as if we are getting some sun soon.

    Bon voyage, Mick.

    Det. there is a reason for not staying quit. I thought you were seeing a counsellor?

    Have good one.
    Enlightened by MWO

  7. #7
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Sunday evening greetings!

    Most of the snow melted right away so I’m happy, ha ha!
    I am currently awaiting the arrival of my two grandsons. They are spending the night & all day tomorrow so whatever plans I had are out tge door now, no big deal. Schools closed tomorrow for Presidents day (not including Trump).

    Mick, I can’t wait to see your pictures from your trip. Have a safe trip & a wonderful time!

    Pie, busy, busy is a good thing
    TT, same goes for you! I hope MrG heals quickly!

    PQ, maybe someone should take MIL on a tour of an assisted living facility. She probably would like the atmosphere & have lots of friends.

    Hi there SK & everyone!

    Det & Pauly, please listen to us. Drinking AL will never ever fix your problems. Why delay putting off what you know you need to do?
    We all can drive ourselves crazy very easily. There’s really nothing to fear but we just don’t know it until we take the leap into our permanent quits. Hugs to both of you

    Have a decent night everyone!

    Lav
    Last edited by Lavande; February 19th, 2018 at 06:58 PM.
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  8. #8
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Lav...been there, done that! You start getting really positive vibes from her and then when the "let's make the decision" comes her response is always "I should have done it years ago" My response "Yup, but what's stopping you now?" And then the excuses come.....big one being the ex. I give up. I do understand where she's coming from but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Not my monkey not my circus! I'm looking after me from now on.
    Enjoy your grandsons and if you're missing the snow I can send you some.

    TT... glad to hear all is fine. Hope MrG's surgery works.

    SK...hope all is well with you.

    New crock pot recipe was a hit, tummy fed and time to snuggle up with my book and forget about the -4F and snow flurries out there. Grateful tomorrow is a holiday....PPQP

  9. #9
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    MAE ALL....

    Kicking off Monday or in Alberta, Family Day. Unfortunately it's -4F so I'll just pretend I'm with Mick where I believe it's +24F. Brews all around for those who stop in.....PPQP

  10. #10
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

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    Re: w/c 18th

    Quote Originally Posted by porqoui View Post

    I thought we'd go to Banff for brunch.

    Silver-Dragon.jpg
    Oh yes, PQ! You did good!!
    AF July 11, 2014
    I can't drink a little, therefore I don't drink at all.

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