w/c 13 may

[Mick]

morning all ...its 4.45 am just getting ready so thought I would start the fred.......hope we are all ok..off tecting....

What do you call a girl who sets fire to her credit card statements?
Bernadette

I don't know why I just bought some new coconut shampoo...

I haven't even got any coconuts.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious?

Someone who points out the obvious

BBC News: Man lucky to be alive after being hit by train.

I think I'm luckier, I've never been hit by a train

They say, "Crime doesn't pay."

Well, I work in Cash Converters and apparently it does.

Fifty Sheds of Grey
I don't know if any of you have read this book, if you haven’t, the following might give you an idea of what it is all about.




Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.



She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.



She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.



Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.



"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."



"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.



"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"



I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.



"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.



"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."



"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.



"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.



"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD


One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief." says Paddy,"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

[paulywogg]

Mae everybody,Mick,good luck 'tectin haha on the urine joke! Happy Mother's day to us glorious moms on here PQ,I don't know how to post links but it was in a Conde nasty article on google about the lentils,I just loved the title,Lav,hope you are ok,,,be safe! Went to Ruby Tuesday last night and had a loaded baked potato,a chicken breast smothered in bbq sauce,bacon and cheese+a chocolate cake with ice cream for the road,it was good and im glad hubs took us out,much love to all and wishes for a super BF Sunday!

[porqoui]

MAE ALL...Happy Mom's Day to all who qualify. LOL

Mick...good luck with the tecting today and thanks for starting the thread this week.

Pauly...thanks found the link All the Types of Lentils (and What the Hell to Do with Them) | Bon Appetit will check it out after reading Mick's jokes. You have made me really hungry now!

Lav...So glad the warning has ended. Must have felt like you were in a murder mystery show when all went dark.

Have a Super Sunday all....PPQP

[Pie]

Hi All,

Couldn't get us a brunch reservation today because of Mother's Day. Hope that all of you who are celebrating, have a good one.

Sam, You're a shining star! Congratulations on 5!!

[Lavande]

Greetings Abbers!

No tornado arrived so we are happy! Got tons of rain so the plants are happy, everyone is happy, ha ha!
Happy Mother's Day to everyone, especially the mothers.

Mick, hope you had a fruitful day detecting

Pauly, nice you went out for dinner. That was quite a feast girl

PQ, hope your day was splendid! I will check out the lentil link too - could be interesting.

Pie, I'm trying to kick off a few pounds so skipping brunch today was OK with me.

Sam, saw you checked in last evening. Happy 5 years to you once again

Wishing everyone a nice night!

Lav

[Samstone]

evening all
just started watching Cosmos, the later one after Carl Sagan which I think aired in 2014. I've always been intrigued by our planet and the "beyond". Love the pictures that we see from the unmanned space explorations. Got me to thinking about the small picture inside the bigger one. how and why did booze evolve? a preservation method for a drink? I will be honest, I popped on here to see what was happening and saw AB post about 5 years for me. It had totally slipped my mind and so I realized not drinking is just who I am NOW, but that wasn't the case not so long ago. So now it has me thinking how did this stuff come about. Greeks, Romans, etc had it going then, but when did we begin to take an interest in "the big buzz"?
not that it really matters, it doesn't change a dern thing, I just get to wondering about things.

night all,

[Mick]

morning all..well vgot the guys here putting in the fences ...they are actually taking the old one out as we speak ...It is an absolutely gorgeous day out there .Ive been told to get out by Julie ..Im one of those pains in the ass ..that doesnt watch people working ,would rather been helping ,so going out for a wee while and will be back after..hope you all have a good day

[paulywogg]

Mae everybody,wow Mick that was quick haha,enjoy your day Sam,booze been around since bible times so who knows? Pissed cuz I was hurrying to show hibs a pic of Romeo and his cousin together and dropped my phone face first on the floor! Screen is shattered but it still works,im gonna try to make it last til Sept and then get a new one,ugh,much love to all and wishes for a great BF MondayScreenshot_2018-05-13-18-28-58.jpg

[Mick]

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[Samstone]

Mae everybody,wow Mick that was quick haha,enjoy your day Sam,booze been around since bible times so who knows? Pissed cuz I was hurrying to show hibs a pic of Romeo and his cousin together and dropped my phone face first on the floor! Screen is shattered but it still works,im gonna try to make it last til Sept and then get a new one,ugh,much love to all and wishes for a great BF MondayScreenshot_2018-05-13-18-28-58.jpg

read somewhere that booze has been around 9000 years.