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Thread: w/c 20th

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.

    w/c 20th

    morning all...what a lovely day..firstly ...a big welcome back to Great Britain to our brothers and sisters from the Americas..its only taken 237 years ...we gave you 45s mother and in return got a princess ..fair trade to me .back is still sore ....but I strapped it up ...and yep the garden is done ...this was it at 9 am this morning!so you can see the weather


    If you look on the frame at theback... you can just make out ..Ive made some bird feeders out of empty bottles !and obviously the tunnels are out for the rabbits..
    so the rest of the day is rest ...ish
    hope we are all doing for the pea and ham soup...Lav Im the same as you the bp..but what I do is boil the ham up and keep changing the water ..takes lots of salt out is a sodjum free brew ..
    hiya pie one to go ..doggy wise ..good for you ..

    hiya ppqp .hows you the n? we have on the back of this weather booked a 3 day break on a campsite (same one as before next to Mt Snowden in Wales..using the van ..we go a week on are you?

    hiya sam hows you mate ? all good ..?

    and of course ..Pauly are you girl?hope all is well with you ? have a great day..

    right peepsfew jokes ..have a good one

    Some One-liners From The Edinburgh Fringe Festival

    I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
    Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

    Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

    The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

    My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

    The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be sh*tting herself.

    My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

    Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

    My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.

    You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening......Self-raising?"

    The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.

    I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

    Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.

    Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

    A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

    Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.

    I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

    It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

    I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

    If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

    They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

    Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

    As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

    Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

    No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

    We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the
    door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

    Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

    This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.

    And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

    At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

    The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

    "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

    The witness still did not respond.

    Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

    "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

    A local United Way office realised that the organisation had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

    "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

    The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

    The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

    The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

    "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

    On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why the fcuk should I give any to you?"

    Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

    "Why?" asks the father.

    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.

    "But that's right!"

    "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'

    "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

    "That's what I said!"

    Van Gogh's Family Tree

    A sister who loved disco Go Gogh
    His twin with low back pain Lum Bay Gogh
    A brother who worked at a convenience store Stop 'n Gogh
    The cousin from Illinois Chica Gogh
    His Mexican cousin Amee Gogh
    The Mexican cousin's American half-brother Gring Gogh
    The fruit loving cousin Man Gogh
    His dizzy aunt Verti Gogh
    The ballroom dancing aunt Tang Gogh
    An aunt who taught positive thinking Way-to Gogh
    His magician uncle Where-diddy Gogh
    The constipated uncle Cant Gogh
    The bird lover uncle Flamin Gogh
    His nephew psychoanalyst E Gogh
    The nephew who drove a stage coach Wells-far Gogh
    The little bouncy niece Poe Gogh
    His niece who travels in a van Winnie Bay Gogh
    His granddmother who ate prunes Gotta Gogh
    The grandfather from Yugoslavia U Gogh
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  2. #2
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

    Join Date;
    10th January, 2013.

    Re: w/c 20th

    morning all
    whew, slept in and feeling a bit on the groggy side. Kept waking up, falling back to sleep dreaming stuff, my dad appeared in a couple of them, asking me when I was going to get stuff done..... pretty random stuff as dreams can be. He's been gone for quite some time. He was a younger version in my dream, weird.

    fun day playing toones repeat tonight.

    gotta say Mick, looks like a little slice of heaven where you live.

    PQ, been enjoying 'veying and NOT having to go Soil & Water. Hopefully work continues to come in at a steady trickle!

    Lav, what's that orange orb out there??? look at it quick, suppose to rain next week as well, still better than drought!

    Pi, what's shaking in your neck of the woods?

    Pauly, got tomatoes growing? or am I off base and you don't mess with them.

    Det, hope you're doing good.

    waves to any folks I missed

    Liberated 5/11/2013

  3. #3
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.

    Re: w/c 20th

    Mae everybody,Mick loved the growing up list,yep sure is a different world now,these kids are all tech kids! When I go to the store seems every little kid is sitting in the shopping cart watching a show on a phone yard looks ace Sam,yeah i have the tomatoes doing some kind of growing back there haha,interesting you're dreaming of your dad,maybe he's visiting you Pie,left us all food on the other thread,let's go!! Much love to all and wishes for a great BF Sunday!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  4. #4
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

    Join Date;
    28th June, 2010.

    Re: w/c 20th

    That's a million dollar view you've got there, Mick. Clever on the bottle feeders!
    AF July 11, 2014
    I can't drink a little, therefore I don't drink at all.

  5. #5
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.

    Re: w/c 20th

    Good evening Abbers,

    It finally stopped raining - yay!!!!
    The sun finally made an appearance this afternoon too.

    Mick, your yard looks so pretty, good job I hope you're resting your back now.
    I have been extremely sensitive to salt all of my life, realized it as a teenager even. At this point I'm just trying to eat to stay as healthy as I can. Who wants to end up a cardiac cripple or worse?
    I'm also trying to eat more alkaline too to decrease inflammation (aches & pains) & give my bones a chance to strengthen up. So keeping animal products to a minimum is the way I have to go.

    Sam, yes the sun arrived!! No rain in our forecast until Tuesday, then next Saturday & Sunday. Everyone was out cutting grass like mad tis afternoon because it had grown like crazy, ha ha!
    Dreams can be strange, I'm with you on that one!

    Pie, that burger looks.......odd? Ha ha!! Hope you had a good weekend!

    Det, great to hear you are progressing so nicely. Keep up the good work

    PQ, what's up with you today?

    Have a peaceful night everyone!

    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  6. #6
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.

    Re: w/c 20th

    morning all are we today then?good I hope ..well at the bone cruncher for my back this morning ,it is about 7 miles away ,but will take me about 90 mins!school runs traffic etc..Well the view I put up yesterday just got better the top field on the crest behind the greenhouse ,the farmer put his cattle in ..He is a specialist breeder ..they are shorthorns ..thoughthey dont look too short to me..anyway there are 5 calves ...they are just like naughty kids .....all over the place now behind the house fhere are 14 horses in one field and beyond that the cattle

    20180521_064115 (1).jpg

    oh and Ive hadsome blue tits and sparrows and a wren on the bird feeders ..its supposed to rain today ...doesnt look too much like that at the moment !!got gto go and get ready ,will be back later after a good crunching sesh!!

    so how are we all today then?good I hope ..
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  7. #7
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.

    Re: w/c 20th

    Mae everybody,blue tits Mick? Id hate to have that name of I were a bird haha hope everyone had a nice weekend,Kell started working Sundays so I had the boys yesterday they were good but Romeo just wanted to sleep poor thing,he just had his shots on Friday and seems kids always get sort of ran down after that,much love to all and wishes for an awesome BF Monday
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  8. #8
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th May, 2012.

    Re: w/c 20th

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...hope you got some relief at the bone cruncher. The yard is looking great! Spent yesterday at the garden and got the other plot planted up so am going to relax today and enjoy the holiday. Hope the weather is good for your camping trip, I think it was a bit wet last time you were there.

    Sam...dreams can sure be strange can't they. Here's hoping the veying work keeps up.

    Pi...sorry I missed brunch yesterday, was a tad busy.

    Pauly...Romeo sleeping most of the day makes it a little easier on your back.

    Det...glad to hear you're feeling better and wishing you great success on the next leg of your journey. I'm sure you'll check in when you can.

    Lav...glad to hear you got some relief with the rain.

    Tummy is growling so better find something to put in it. Hope we all have a great day....PPQP

  9. #9
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.

    Re: w/c 20th

    pauly,,,,, 21 Facts on Blue Tit - Tweetapedia - Living with Birds there you go..thats me back from the bone cruncher wasnt pleasant ..and yes its raining!!!but its really hot...the track came today I have now got 3oyards of flexi track to lay! so lets have a brew

    Dave met Stacey in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Stacey invited Dave to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

    Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Stacey began tenderly stroking Dave's manhood.

    Surprised but appreciative, Dave comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already"?

    Stacey replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and miss the days when I had mine".

    It's the Gold Medal round of the Olympics, and a Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off. Before the match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement.

    As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t even watch the ending.

    Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised
    his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded, and ran to his wrestler, who was jumping around the mat, with people swarming him from all angles.

    When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
    The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”
    “So,” the trainer exclaimed, “that finished him off, did it?”

    “No, but you’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”

    The Biker and the Little Old Lady
    A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

    She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

    The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot".

    The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

    The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

    The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."

    There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

    Dear Sir:
    Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.

    The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

    Dear Sir:
    Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.

    Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he received a small parcel and a note which read:

    Dear Sir:
    Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.

    Real Notes to British Milkmen
    Dear milkman I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

    Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

    Cancel one pint after the day after today.

    Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

    Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

    Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

    Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

    Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

    Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

    When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

    Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

    My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle ?

    Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

    Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

    Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

    From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

    My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

    Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

    When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.

    No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  10. #10
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.

    Re: w/c 20th

    Good evening Abbers,

    Mick, glad you got your back taken care of - sorta. A chiropractor will never touch me or anyone I know
    Love your new neighbors, should be an interesting summer with them.
    The milkman story made me laugh. We had home deliveries when I was a kid, a milkman & a bread man. Then the supermarkets took over & spoiled all that. A lot of the women didn't drive back then, my mom included & the markets were too far away creating a huge hassle.

    Pauly, so you're on kid duty on Sundays now - nice

    PQ, I hope you had a complete day of relaxation as planned.

    Not a single drop of rain fell today. The sun was out & everything, ha ha! Don't think it will last too long so I have to be grateful for today.
    Hello to Det, thinking of you.

    Have a nice night one & all!

    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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