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    Thread: W/c 17th June

    1. #21
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      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: W/c 17th June

      morning all just ..setting orf in a minute .Bradford ,then on to Newcastle then over to Carlisle...then tomorrow walk is from the Carlisle side to Newcastle ,bit of a jamboree ,see a few friends from about a million years ago and home ...sounds simple? anyway hope it all goes well for yiz all....

      The lady entered and sat in the psychiatrists office.

      "What seems to be the problem" the doctor asked?

      "Well, I, uh", she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac".

      "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $85 an hour".

      "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night"?

      A woman is giving a party for her grand daughter and arranged everything, caterer, band, clown, you name it, she got it.

      Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Grateful, they head to the rear of the house and start chopping the wood.

      Party guests arrive and all is going well. The children are having a wonderful time, but the clown has not shown up.

      Finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. Just then, she happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air.

      She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100"!

      The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. Hey Fred! for $100, would you chop off another toe"?

      ...I opened it to find a young man standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness".


      I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about"?


      He said, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten this far before".

      A young man goes into a restaurant looking for a job.

      As a test, the head chef gives him a two eggs and asks him separate the white's and yolk's.

      Eager to impress, the young guy throws the 2 eggs in the air, they both hit the light fitting and break in 2, the yolks drop in one dish, the white's in another dish, he quickly opens the rubbish bin lid and catches the shells.

      He say's proudly, " There do I get the job"?

      The head chef replies, "No, you f#$k about too much".

      A Rich Young Man Meets Young, Beautiful Girl
      ...after drinks he took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was quite well groomed and apparently very intelligent.

      Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered her a glass of wine.

      He asked her if she preferred port or sherry.

      She said, "Oh, sherry by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the cork is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole body begins to glow. The music of a thousand softly playing violins fills my ears and I am transported with this elixir to the make believe world of magic".

      "On the other hand, port makes me fart".
      ______
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    3. #22
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      morning all,
      lots of rain last evening and more on the way tomorrow, so I've heard. Did get a job done yesterday that's been an on going fing.

      Mick, sounds like a busy day. have a good one.

      Lav, never have lost a chicken due to heat, but your watermelon idea sounds pretty good.

      waves to everyone. gotta get groovin (auto correct wants it to be groin)
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    5. #23
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      Mae everybody,Mick,I had to laugh at the JW joke,I was loosely raised in that religion and yeah,its rare to make it into people's houses hope you're having a great time,Sam,I hate spellcheck,most of the time I just leave it cuz I'm too lazy to go back and fix it,supposed to hit at least 110 today we'll see,they said it was this hot last year at this time but honestly I was in such a daze last year after my bro passed I just sort of was in a fog most of the summer,PQ,tacos are always a hit Lav,good for you keeping the chickens happy and healthy,much love to all and hoping for a great BF Thursday for us all!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    7. #24
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      20180621_081230.jpgMick or anybody have any ideas on how to save this money tree plant? Dunno why its sideways either
      Last edited by paulywogg; June 21st, 2018 at 10:15 AM.
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

    8. #25
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      same old drinking
       
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

    9. #26
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      MAE ALL...

      Mick...thanks for popping in before heading out this morning. Have a great time and watch that back. I know you'll have plenty of water this time because it was planned.

      Sam...feels good to finally finish a job doesn't it. We could use a little of that rain over here.

      Pauly...110!!! We got up to 79 and that was plenty hot enough for me. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a money tree. For a minute there thought you were asking why it was growing sideways. LOL Sorry, have no suggestions but hope someone else can help.

      Lav...sounds like things are improving with your dog. Getting the meds in is the ticket. LOL Sure you'll be popping in soon.

      Starting to hear some rumblings out there. Lots of dark clouds coming from the west so we may get a thunderstorm yet.
      Have no idea what's for supper. Shout out to the rest of the gang.....PPQP
      Last edited by porqoui; June 21st, 2018 at 06:12 PM.

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    11. #27
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      Greetings Abbers & Happy Solstice

      Have a safe trip & a fun walk Mick!

      Sam, so how did the groin groovin' go? HA HA!!!

      We only had a quck but heavy downpour last evening & nothing since. The ground is quite dry despite the soaking we got all spring.

      Pauly, I see the recent green growth on your money tree. Try giving it some fertilizer/plant food. Maybe it's lacking some nutrients. Do you have the plant inside? May be too hot outside for it, possibly.

      PQ, it didn't hit 90 today so it felt better, for sure. I am not a fan of super hot & humid air either.
      I have decades of experience medicating people & dogs too. I have many tricks up my sleeve that they don't even see coming, LOL

      I reda today that New Zealand's PM gave birth - something you don't see a pM doing very often. Congrats to her & her family & country.

      Have a nice night everyone!

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

    12. #28
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      Holy crap... yes I'm alive and kicking. whew! missing you all tons and finally got a chance to log in after unspeakable computer issues on this end.

      they are taking care of me and I'm blazing along in my program happy to say. Even cooking in the kitchen which is interesting. As a result i've already been offered a job
      being lead chef here. wowsers. anyhoo I'm completely off booze, nicotine, and most amazingly the Effexor anti depressant that I've been on for 11 years.
      My mind has gone through some horrid flips and twists adjusting but I'm breaking through to the other side. I just can't believe how bad the AD meds were screwing with my ability to actually FEEL. Now that I've got this computer fixed up hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things here although my time is still quite limited. I still don't have access to my camera but will try for that again when I move to the next segment of the program.

      its super hot and muggy here in Oklahoma of all places, but also green and gorgeous with loads of new flora and fauna to observe. Even saw my first road runner...
      they really do run fast. neato.

      loads of mega hugs to you each and every one!

      be well loves. thanks for keeping the light on.
      nosce te ipsum
      (Know Thyself)

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    14. #29
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      Hi Det! You sound wonderful
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

    15. #30
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      Re: W/c 17th June

      MAE ALL...

      Det...great to see you. I didn't realize you were on an anti depressant, you've had a lot to deal with and you're doing ace. And a job offer to boot. How do you feel about living in Oklahoma. LOL When do you move to the next segment? Remind us again how long the program is. It'll be good to see some Det pics again.

      Pauly...hope you're surviving in the heat. Did you figure out how to help the money tree?

      Lav...you reminded me of an incident at the out of school care yesterday. A child has to get some stitches out and refuses to let his "Nurse" mom do it. Wants to go to the doctors instead. He just doesn't trust her.

      Sam...veying in the rain today?

      Mick...hope your trip is going well. Do you start the wall walk today?

      It's been a busy week and I'm feeling good about where we're at with yet another online program launch scheduled for July 3rd so I decided to take Monday off. Looking forward to my unexpected long weekend. Have a Fabulous Friday all....PPQP

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