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    Thread: w/c 24th jne

    1. #21
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      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      morning all ...how are we today then? all good ...I was up till silly o clock couldnt sleep because of the heat ...this morning is similar ..with a difference though..it is really hazy,there is the stench of smoke and ash all over the place .Less than 5 miles from me is the start of Britains worst ever brush fire ..

      Search Twitter - saddleworth moor


      its pretty heavy duty ..just hope the wind doesnt ..I wondered where all the birds etc have come from ..they have obviously flocked from the other side of the moor...so lets have a brew

      hiya ppqp...hows you ? take it you are stuffed full still?it sounds really appetising ..ope your day goes well.I was had over ..digger wasnt resting ...he has dug an open air tunnel...panda went to investigate...I whistled he scarpered leaving her sitting there to take the rap

      hiya Lav,hows you then today? how is the chicken doing today ? any better ..I phoned my friend this morning but no reply was the answer ..will phone later.. busy day for you today then eh?

      hiya pauly ...yes it does get hot here too..not very often but has its moments!..that toikey sounds good ...you have a good one.

      What the State Motto Really should be...

      ALABAMA: Literacy Ain't Everything
      ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat, I tell ya!
      ARKANSAS: At Least We're not Oklahoma
      D.C.: Now With Fewer Murders Than New Orleans
      DELAWARE: No One Knows We Exist
      FLORIDA: The Gunshine State
      HAWAII: We're All Tanned and Healthy and You're Fat and Dying!
      IDAHO: Enough About the Damn Potatoes!
      ILLINOIS: Gateway to Iowa
      KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a Vegetable
      LOUISIANA State Joke: Men Working
      MAINE: For Sale
      MASSACHUSETTS: Chappaquidick...'nuff said
      MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
      NEVADA: Lose Your Money and Leave
      NEW JERSEY: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
      NEW MEXICO: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
      NORTH CAROLINA: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
      OHIO: Don't Judge us by Cleveland
      OKLAHOMA: 50th Most Visited State!
      PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with Coal
      RHODE Island: Too Small to Care About
      SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
      TENNESSEE: The Educashun State
      TEXAS: Si Habla Ingles
      TEXAS: Not as Boring as Nebraska
      UTAH: Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus
      VERMONT: Quaint and Cold
      WEST VIRGINIA: We're all related

      A duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

      Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the new to his friends and invited friends to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog however did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting wet more than his paws. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

      On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog"?

      "I sure did", responded his friend. "He cant swim".

      I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

      "Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

      After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

      "Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born?"

      "Yesterday?" I replied.

      Jack called his doctor's office for an appointment.

      Receptionist: "I'm sorry but we are very busy and you will have to wait at least two weeks".

      Jack: "But I could be dead by then"!

      Receptionist: "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment".

      Last week I visited my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.

      His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed, have a seat and wait until the doctor was available. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

      I changed and donned the green knee-length gown the nurse gave me. As I sat down I noticed there were three items on the stand next to the examination table:

      A Tube of K-Y jelly,
      A rubber glove
      And a beer

      When the doctor finally arrived I said, "Hey Doc, I'm a little confused, this is my first exam... I know about the K-Y and the glove but I cannot imagine why you have the beer?

      At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door

      He flung the door open and yelled at the top of his voice to his nurse...

      "Dang it Evelyn !!! I said a Butt Light "!

      Japan Tokyo
      A man accidentally tore a girl's short miniskirt in Tokyo . Before the guy had a chance to apologize, the single lady took a 90 degree bow, then said: "I am sorry to give you trouble! The quality of the skirt is not all that good". Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together and left.

      New York
      Time Square, New York , a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the guy had a chance to react, the single lady pull out a name card, gave it to him and said: "This is my lawyer's business card. He will contact you about this sexual harassment. It is better that you prepare yourself, then we will see you in court".

      Paris France
      A French man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the man opened his mouth, the young single lady said with a smile "If you do not mind, a red rose can represent your apology". The French man bought her a rose, then they went to a bar, and lastly, they went to a small hotel discussing what was under the miniskirt.

      London, Thames England
      In the Church Square by The Thames, an English man accidentally tore the mini skirt of a young single lady. Before the English man opened up his mouth, the young lady covered her tore spot, then said with a blush on her face: "Do you mind taking me home sir? I live very close". The English man took his jacket off, put on her shoulders, call a cab, then took her home safely.

      China, Chong Qing
      A man accidentally cut open the miniskirt of a young lady. Before the man said anything, the young lady slapped the guy, then: "You, the sex maniac. Dare to take advantage of me, I will send you to the labor camp".

      Taiwan, Shimending
      A man accidentally tore a girl's short miniskirt. Before the guy started to speak, the girl smiled and said: "We have not come up with a price yet, and you are going to inspect the merchandise"?

      Hong Kong
      In the Time Square of Hong Kong, a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. She was only 18 years old. Before the man opened his mouth, the girl screamed: "XXXXX your mother, you think I am a cheap street walker? Watch out, I will get someone to peel off your skin".

      Korea
      On the street of Yinchong, a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the man speaks, the girl gave him a round kick, then said: "Don't you know that I am a black belt in Tai Kwan Dao".

      Thailand, Bangkok
      A man accidentally tore the miniskirt of an 18 year old girl. Before the man start to apologize, the girl gave a Buddha wai with her hands in a gesture of respect: "No worries darling, we are all men".
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

    2. Likes Lavande liked this post
    3. #22
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      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      morning all ...how are we today then? all good ...I was up till silly o clock couldnt sleep because of the heat ...this morning is similar ..with a difference though..it is really hazy,there is the stench of smoke and ash all over the place .Less than 5 miles from me is the start of Britains worst ever brush fire ..

      Search Twitter - saddleworth moor


      its pretty heavy duty ..just hope the wind doesnt ..I wondered where all the birds etc have come from ..they have obviously flocked from the other side of the moor...so lets have a brew

      hiya ppqp...hows you ? take it you are stuffed full still?it sounds really appetising ..ope your day goes well.I was had over ..digger wasnt resting ...he has dug an open air tunnel...panda went to investigate...I whistled he scarpered leaving her sitting there to take the rap

      hiya Lav,hows you then today? how is the chicken doing today ? any better ..I phoned my friend this morning but no reply was the answer ..will phone later.. busy day for you today then eh?

      hiya pauly ...yes it does get hot here too..not very often but has its moments!..that toikey sounds good ...you have a good one.

      What the State Motto Really should be...

      ALABAMA: Literacy Ain't Everything
      ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat, I tell ya!
      ARKANSAS: At Least We're not Oklahoma
      D.C.: Now With Fewer Murders Than New Orleans
      DELAWARE: No One Knows We Exist
      FLORIDA: The Gunshine State
      HAWAII: We're All Tanned and Healthy and You're Fat and Dying!
      IDAHO: Enough About the Damn Potatoes!
      ILLINOIS: Gateway to Iowa
      KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a Vegetable
      LOUISIANA State Joke: Men Working
      MAINE: For Sale
      MASSACHUSETTS: Chappaquidick...'nuff said
      MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
      NEVADA: Lose Your Money and Leave
      NEW JERSEY: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
      NEW MEXICO: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
      NORTH CAROLINA: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
      OHIO: Don't Judge us by Cleveland
      OKLAHOMA: 50th Most Visited State!
      PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with Coal
      RHODE Island: Too Small to Care About
      SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
      TENNESSEE: The Educashun State
      TEXAS: Si Habla Ingles
      TEXAS: Not as Boring as Nebraska
      UTAH: Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus
      VERMONT: Quaint and Cold
      WEST VIRGINIA: We're all related

      A duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

      Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the new to his friends and invited friends to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog however did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting wet more than his paws. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

      On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog"?

      "I sure did", responded his friend. "He cant swim".

      I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

      "Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

      After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

      "Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born?"

      "Yesterday?" I replied.

      Jack called his doctor's office for an appointment.

      Receptionist: "I'm sorry but we are very busy and you will have to wait at least two weeks".

      Jack: "But I could be dead by then"!

      Receptionist: "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment".

      Last week I visited my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.

      His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed, have a seat and wait until the doctor was available. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

      I changed and donned the green knee-length gown the nurse gave me. As I sat down I noticed there were three items on the stand next to the examination table:

      A Tube of K-Y jelly,
      A rubber glove
      And a beer

      When the doctor finally arrived I said, "Hey Doc, I'm a little confused, this is my first exam... I know about the K-Y and the glove but I cannot imagine why you have the beer?

      At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door

      He flung the door open and yelled at the top of his voice to his nurse...

      "Dang it Evelyn !!! I said a Butt Light "!

      Japan Tokyo
      A man accidentally tore a girl's short miniskirt in Tokyo . Before the guy had a chance to apologize, the single lady took a 90 degree bow, then said: "I am sorry to give you trouble! The quality of the skirt is not all that good". Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together and left.

      New York
      Time Square, New York , a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the guy had a chance to react, the single lady pull out a name card, gave it to him and said: "This is my lawyer's business card. He will contact you about this sexual harassment. It is better that you prepare yourself, then we will see you in court".

      Paris France
      A French man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the man opened his mouth, the young single lady said with a smile "If you do not mind, a red rose can represent your apology". The French man bought her a rose, then they went to a bar, and lastly, they went to a small hotel discussing what was under the miniskirt.

      London, Thames England
      In the Church Square by The Thames, an English man accidentally tore the mini skirt of a young single lady. Before the English man opened up his mouth, the young lady covered her tore spot, then said with a blush on her face: "Do you mind taking me home sir? I live very close". The English man took his jacket off, put on her shoulders, call a cab, then took her home safely.

      China, Chong Qing
      A man accidentally cut open the miniskirt of a young lady. Before the man said anything, the young lady slapped the guy, then: "You, the sex maniac. Dare to take advantage of me, I will send you to the labor camp".

      Taiwan, Shimending
      A man accidentally tore a girl's short miniskirt. Before the guy started to speak, the girl smiled and said: "We have not come up with a price yet, and you are going to inspect the merchandise"?

      Hong Kong
      In the Time Square of Hong Kong, a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. She was only 18 years old. Before the man opened his mouth, the girl screamed: "XXXXX your mother, you think I am a cheap street walker? Watch out, I will get someone to peel off your skin".

      Korea
      On the street of Yinchong, a man accidentally tore a girl's miniskirt. Before the man speaks, the girl gave him a round kick, then said: "Don't you know that I am a black belt in Tai Kwan Dao".

      Thailand, Bangkok
      A man accidentally tore the miniskirt of an 18 year old girl. Before the man start to apologize, the girl gave a Buddha wai with her hands in a gesture of respect: "No worries darling, we are all men".
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

    4. #23
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      morning all
      thanks for the brew and chuckles, Mick. Scary when it gets that hot and dry coupled with fire.

      been a couple of days of intense fencing, got cows moved this morning to greener pastures. Suppose to be quite hot today and tomorrow, back to the surveying world today. Still have lots of fences to fix after all the flooding we had. Lot of it is buried under debris.

      hope everyone is doing marvy.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    6. #24
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      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      Mae everybody,Mick,loved the butt light joke haha hope that fire doesn't get too outta control,Sam,sounds like you're keeping busy was watching some show about vacation and the went to this place in the Bahamas that had swimming pigs! I adore pigs and that was just the cutest thing I've seen so I watched YouTube videos of them for the rest of the night haha,Lav,glad the chicken is doing ok,crazy that dogs get gum inflammation,I never brush Winslow's teeth,he would probably bite my hand off,PQ,glad your potluck was yummy! Sounds great,I love that sort of thing,much love to all and wishes for a great booze free Thursday!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    8. #25
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      20180628_115806 (1).jpg took this pic earlier from the front upstairs window.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    10. #26
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      Good evening friends,

      Today went OK, no major problems no little boy fights or anything, ha ha!!
      My healing chicken ate some leftover homemade fried rice today - yum
      The dog is all recovered from her dental visit yesterday. I was sent home with a goodie bag for her with healthy treats, A long handled toothbrush & a tube of toothpaste. Uh, I don't think so.....she would take my arm off if I attempted to brush her teeth, I kid you not, LOL

      Mick, that fire looks pretty intense. Sorry it's so close to you. I know the stink from those wildfires, experienced it while visiting my brother in Idaho 30+ years ago. I hope your weather changes & the firefighters get a break, geez. Sounds like your bunnies are doing well.

      Sam, the super heat is on the way for the next several days, yuck. Hope you're OK working outside in all that.

      Pauly, I've been to the Bahamas 3X & never saw a swimming pig, haha!!!

      PQ, glad you had some good eats yesterday, nice!
      I'm starting to think about what I need to pack for my trip north of the border next month. What's the usual temp in Ontario the second week of July, hmm.....I guess I'll have to Google it like everyone else.

      Hello to everyone & I hope everyone has a nice night!

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      MAE ALL...

      Mick...scary pic...the fire reminds me of last summer's BC fires, could have sworn it was just down the block. Couldn't believe the haze/ash we got. Hope the wind stays in the right direction. "digger wasnt resting" They sure do have their own personalities don't they. Definitely didn't need dinner last night and there was still enough leftovers for the whole staff to have lunch today. It was a very quiet day with the kids now out of school, childcare closed until summer day camps start up next week it was like a ghost town. We have no events scheduled this weekend so tomorrow will hopefully be a short day for the start of the long weekend. Two in a row, good planning I'd say.

      Sam...doing marvy here, thanks. Glad you got the cows moved, that was always a lot of fun NOT! You be careful in that heat, we on the other hand are heading into a cool down for the long weekend and that A-OK with me.

      Pauly...I've heard of cat videos, and dog videos but never swimming pig videos! Amazing what you can find on line these days.

      Lav...sounds like your healing chicken is on the mend. If I get sick I'm moving in so you can feed me. You're on your own as far as the weather in Ontario. I've never been there. At least you'll be used to the humidity. LOL Keep that hair short! Do you have the g/kids again tomorrow? As a single parent the summer months were always the hardest to figure out what to do with the kids as I had to work. I would never survive with the cost of childcare these days!

      Det...check in when you can, looking forward to seeing some new pics.

      The chef tucked some fresh salmon away for me so dinner is salmon steaks with asparagus and new potatoes. Have a peaceful evening all....PPQP

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    13. #28
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      morning all....how are we today then?all good ..latest update..

      Fire near Saddleworth Moor: Local residents rally round - BBC News

      the wind has got up ,and its blowing in the opposite direction ..you notice the troops fighting the fire ? the Royal Regiment of Scotland..keeping England safe!

      looks like another hot one tho.so lets have a brew..

      hiya Lav,well done on the chicken fingers crossed that she makes a full recovery.so you are off to Canadia then?a holiday or a relatives visit? Im sure you will enjoy it.yes everything here is stinking of smoke now..

      hiya ppqp..hows you then ?salmon steaks and asparagus??? wow ...that looks like good planning to me.... time orf ...that the idea...go for it!

      hiya sam the man hows you then today mate ? all good I hope..you working outside today then?

      pauleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hows you then? all good hopefully ..pigs swimming in the bahamas ...wow who took them on holiday ,!!!!ha ha ..have a great day..

      a big hello to everyone else..

      Prostate Test in Thailand
      After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service in the UK, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

      As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

      "At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

      "I haven't got an erection" said the man.

      "No, but I have" replied the nurse.


      Group of people from a company in England have to go to London for a meeting. Four from the accounts department and four from engineering.

      They all arrive at the train station and the accountants all queue up at the ticket
      booth and buy their tickets.

      Only one engineer joins them and buys his ticket. The rest don't bother.

      This arouses conversation and some curiosity on the accountants' part. When they get on the train all the accountants take their seats and all the engineers pile into the
      toilet at the end of the carriage.

      Shortly afterwards a ticket inspector comes through checking everybody's ticket. When he comes o the "occupied" toilet he raps on the door and says "ticket please". The engineers slide their one ticket under the door, the inspector clips it and and slides it back.

      The accountants were impressed with this. On the return journey one of the accountants
      bought a ticket. They were a bit puzzled by the fact that none of the engineers bought a ticket.

      They all got on the train , the accountants all piled into the nearest toilet and the engineers strolled down to the next carriage where three of the squeezed into the toilet while the fourth waited.

      A few minutes after the train started moving this engineer walked down to the toilet in the other carriage , rapped on the door and said "ticket please".

      When it slid out under the door he went to rejoin his colleagues in the other toilet.

      Here are some words of wisdom from Maharishi Fattibastard....

      Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f--- off and leave me alone.

      The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

      The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

      Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

      Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

      Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

      Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

      Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

      If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

      Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

      If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

      Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

      Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

      If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

      Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

      Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

      Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

      The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

      A closed mouth gathers no feet.

      There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

      Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

      Never miss a good chance to shut up.

      Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

      When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

      The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

      Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      Morning Mick...thanks for the update on the fire, keep us posted. When tragedy strikes there are no borders, why can't it be like that in peace time? I think we should share our weather! It felt like it was going to snow this morning. We're in for a wet long weekend with low temps. Salmon steaks and asparagus cooked together in a tinfoil packet. No muss no fuss! Course I have to have me spuds loaded with butter, salt & pepper. LOL Is "digger" out of house arrest yet?

      MAE to the rest of the gang.

      Procedure meeting this morning with the accountant and childcare in preparation for the start of the summer day camps and then I think that's a wrap and will start the long weekend about 11am! Hope you all have a Fabulous Friday....PPQP

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    17. #30
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      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      Re: w/c 24th jne

      Mae everybody,Mick that fire pic looks terrible! Hope things have calmed down with it,PQ,salmon is something I need to start liking,I read,all the benefits of eating fish but tbh I hate it I only like canned tuna and shrimp haha,Lav,glad the animals are doing better,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Friday!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

    18. Likes Lavande, porqoui liked this post

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