31 march

[porqoui]

MAE ALL...and Happy Friday Eve!

Lav...you sure you actually wrote those checks? Haahaa We've had all kinds of coyotes here in the city, especially in the NW where I live. With the harsh Feb we had speculation is they're looking for easy food.

Pauly...I have no idea what to do with cube steak either. Let me know how the chicken fried steak turns out. We're going with the easy salmon in foil packs so can't help you with any ideas tonight.

I know everyone's waiting for Mick to get home so they can start reading his jokes again. Soon peeps.

It was a good day today, got caught up on everything that got left during the rebuild. Going to be a quiet day tomorrow, will be spending the day putting the newsletter articles in order. Hope we all have a restful evening....PPQP

[treegirl]

Mae all -

So good to hear everyone's stories, thanks.
Det, you are obviously too good for that person... the universe always protects us! Pauly, I love the vision of you and your meds rattling along - hope they help you. Lav, I guess we x-posted the other day... wow, the check thing is pretty weird - but I swear some energy does that to me to help me be a little more present - that's me though, not you! Mick, hope all is going well! SK, are you there? PPQ, wow, great job getting the server up and at it again - you are obviously a whiz, congrats. Hello to Sam and Pi, hope all is well.

Junk guy came today, so 2 sheds cleared of their excess and cleaned out by me- glad that's over with! But hardest project that I just had to keep chipping away at is now mostly done - I agreed with the realtor that the ugly black 1960s wrought-iron balcony railing was not good for curb appeal. I thought of hiring a friend to take out the leafy-decoration parts and just leave the basics - wish I had done that! Instead the idea was to paint it white, like the shutters and window trim. Well... between not warm enough, not dry enough, or too much wind, this has been a tough trick to pull off... but I am close to done with The Worst House Project Ever!

Wishing all a good, happy day tomorrow.

[Lavande]

Hello Abbers,

The boys just left at 9:30 & I am mentally beat.
We ended up having to go retrieve the younger guy from school this afternoon. He had a huge meltdown, precipitated by absolutely nothing (they said). They had him locked out of the building in a fenced school yard with two adults watching him when we got there. Not exactly the scene you dream of for your youngest grandson He was relatively quiet in the car but when he talked he was talking like a psychotic. This is not good & needs to be addressed asap!
Now I'm trying to get all this out of my head so I can hopefully sleep tonight, geez.

Pauly, I'm sure you will miss your kids but glad you had a good visit. We have to remember to appreciate the good times, right?

Cyn, bless you for all the work you are doing to get your house sold. Honestly, we sold our previous house ourselves because I didn't want realtors in my face about every little thing. Your place has to be near perfection after all you have done.

PQ, I did write those checks because I have the carbon copies in my checkbook to back me up, haha!!!
Glad things are cool at work for you.

Hello to the ravel meister Mick!!

Hello to Det, Pie, Sam & SK.

My brain is tired so I'll say goodnight to all.

Lav

[paulywogg]

Mae everybody,Lav wtf? That story just breaks my heart what was he saying in the car? Just muttering or what? Defo needs to be addressed asap,PQ,the chicken fried steak turned out soggy but tasted good,I told everyone to just put gravy on the soggy part, allergies still suck but I'm over it, haven't heard from Mick today,maybe later,much love to all and have a great BF Friday,back later

[Mick]

hiya all...well thats me home ...took a looooong time left hotel in Sri Lanka at 2am uk time ...got home at 2200 uk time..18 hrs travlin..so some fantastic sights ..the turtles going to the sea was unreal ...thats a one in a life timer..went and got the rabbits earlier ...great to have them home



Prince Harry has asked that the game "Fortnite" should be banned due to the excessive hours it encourages young people to play on it.

Yeah!

Young people need to stop pissing about..and get out into the real World and get a proper job..

Like Prince Harry..

Oh hang on though...

My name is Luke Issac Vincent Ivor Davidson, but when people call me an abbreviated name for something shorter and easier, I am livid.

I'd like to thank Trump for making the world healthier.

Because laughter really is the best medicine.

Why are they called stairs inside, but steps outside?

"Get this", said a guy to his friend, "last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house".

"Did he get anything", his friend asked?

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk again".

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago".

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'

'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'

'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?' She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, Sister?'

'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.'

'Is that true Father?'

'Yes, it is, Sister.'

'Oh Father, that's wonderful .. stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

Five Tips For A Woman

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other!!

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He became quite besotted with Clearly and after while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine and get on with Clearly.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing........







Scroll down (Get ready, it's good...)







"I can see Clearly now. Lorraine has gone".

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice … done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! … that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person … yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you … who me?

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment … well phooey!

6. Causes you to hit ‘SEND’ before you’ve finished … OH NO, not again!

7. Causes you to hit ‘DELETE’ instead of ‘SEND’ … and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit ‘SEND’ when you should ‘DELETE’ … Oh NO!!!

IT IS CALLED THE ‘C-NILE VIRUS’

A duded-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD.

He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do"?

The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead'.

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.


The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too'.


and finally......

Zugopet - The Reunion.. | Facebook

[porqoui]

MAE ALL...

TG...I can just picture that black wrought iron railing, especially when you mentioned the leafy decoration parts. LOL Bet you'll be rethinking that project if it ever rears it's ugly head again. I hope you're almost done so you can get the house sold and move on.

Lav...what a great idea, we should all carry carbon paper with us. LOL You make sure and tell us if they ever reappear. Hope you got some sleep last night, what an unsettling situation with the little guy. I bet your mind was in overdrive. Wishing everyone a speedy diagnosis and quick treatment.

Pauly...don't think you'd talk me into just putting gravy on the soggy parts. We had a pizza party at work today so I'm not sure what supper will be, still stuffed.

Mick...so good to see you back safe and sound. I think the video of the turtles going to the sea was my favorite! I can watch it over and over. Glad you got the peskies home now it's time to relax from your vacation. Thanks for catching us up on the jokes.

Hoping to hear from more of the group soon.

It was a good day at work, got everything caught up so can start fresh again on Monday. Have a good night all....PPQP

[Lavande]

Good evening Abbers,

Welcome home Mick
You sure did have an awesome trip, thank you for sharing it with us. I imagine your bunnies were excited to see you again.

Pauly, I intend to have a serious talk with my son as soon as I can. I get the feeling that they are not taking this child's problems seriously. My DIL ripped my head off nearly 3 years ago you remember. Her claim that she is a child therapist doesn't mean shit to me. She acted disgusted with him when she got here last night. That's not the kind of attention he needs

PQ, the envelopes have not made an appearance, ha ha. The check books we have already have carbons attached, makes it easier to keep track of stuff.
I hope your weekend is restful.

Hello to the missing crew members & hope everyone has a nice night.
Lav

[Samstone]

morning all,
Mick, looks like a great trip. Welcome home. Lav, that's a pretty disturbing story about you grandson. Hope there's some help on the way. Egg production is own the rise! PQ, pizza is one of favorite foods! Pauly what's happening out there? All good?

eventful week, calf that wouldn't nurse, lots of clean up around here, and now think I may have frickin shingles. I'm already tired of 2019, lets get on to 2020.

on that positive note, signing off, hope everyone is well

[Mick]

morning all how are we today then?good I hope ..we must have brought the good weather home with us ..its 18 degreez this morning bit of a drop from 36 ..but a damn sight better than the snow forecast for next week...been out got some plants for the garden so will put them in in a wee while ...

hiya sam....didnt know you were in the roofing game ...shingles eh?ok my attempt at yoomer ....take care mate .

hiya Lav how are you then?good I hope ...the rabbits are loving it ..out munching the grass and sprawled out sunbathing ..have you /or family kept a record of the times dates etc when these have happened with grandson ?there could be a hundred reasons why ..but I agree shouting at him isnt the answer..that breeds resentment leading onwards ..the kid needs some help ..a touchy subject I know ...but the bottom line is ...his health ..best of luck .

hiya ppqp ...how are you doing? good I hope ..yes the turtles is an experience I will never forget ..its one of those seen it on telly ones ..how is work doing for you?


hiya pauly ...how are you doing today? hope all is well with you ..have a great weekend

hiya tg ...wrought iron railing ? next door to me had one ..I did just that ...cut it apart ..and now it resides in my back garden ...you sound pretty busy..

hiya sk ...how are you? hope all is well.

hiya det mate how are you doing ...so you put a couple back together did you ? do we hafta call you agony aunt now?

right thats it cheap n cheerful...just like me...!!!

a few pics for those that didnt see..

20190327_115327.jpg tea planters houses..

VideoCapture_20190329-195151.jpg ...ermmm yep ..

20190328_093034.jpg Rhododendron ..national flower

20190329_163151.jpg

20190327_115735.jpg

If you were born legs first, for a small moment you were wearing your Mum as a hat.

Now that Jeff Bezo's divorce settlement is final, he must be a bit depressed.

He'll have to work almost 9 minutes to make all the money back.

I took my wife out to a swanky restaurant for our anniversary. We had smoked salmon, lobster bearnaise, croquembouche, a bottle of champagne, the works.
Afterwards, over brandy, she slipped her shoe off and started running her foot up my leg under the table. "When we get home," she purred sexily, "I'm going to do that special thing for you that you like so much... You know, that thing I used to do for you when we were courting that used to drive you wild..."
"Fck off," I said. "I couldn't eat steak and kidney pudding after all that."

In a recent survey, British people were asked if they think immigrants are a serious problem or not.
20% answered, ”Yes its a serious problem”.
80% answered, ”la la 'aetaqid 'an anak mushkilat.”

I gave a seat to an old lady on the bus today...

Saves me doing my back in taking it to the charity shop.

I went to the horse racing for the first time ever at the weekend. I haven't got a clue about betting, so I walked up to the counter and said, "Excuse me. Could you explain to me what an each way bet is please?"

The man said, "No problem Sir. An each way bet is split into two stakes. The first is a bet on the horse to win. The second is a proportional bet on the horse to finish in a place. This can be first, second, third or even fourth, depending on the amount of horses running in the race."

I said, "That sounds perfect for me! Can I have two pounds each way on number four please?"

"No," he replied.

"Oh," I said, "And why's that?"

"This is a hot dog stand."

A middle aged frumpy married couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful leggy busty blonde...
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the £75,000 asking price, " said the man, "I just heard you close the deal for £65, 000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on the model."

"Well, she had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist." replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the middle aged couple and gave them the keys.

"There you go, " she said, "I told you I would get the d.ck to reduce it. See you later dad!"

I just discovered a cure for stupidity. It's quick, 100% effective and works for life.

To receive this cure, just send £500 via bank transfer and wait.

[porqoui]

MAE ALL...

Lav...I used to have a cheque book with carbon paper too. Can't remember the last time I wrote a cheque! I hope your talk with your son results in some positive action. Quite frankly I don't think I'd want your DIL to be my child's therapist.

Sam...shingles ouch! That one scares me as I'm not able to take the preventative drug due to the other medications I'm on. Hope you got the calf nursing.

Mick...we had snow forecast for last week and it didn't materialize, sending those positive vibes your way. Things seem to be back on an even keyhole again at work so that's good. Last night after watching a taped program was over the regular show that was on was a David Suzuki program called Beach Turtles. I was about a researcher who had placed cameras and sound equipment in the sand hole where the turtle eggs were and recorded the events. It was right at the end where the turtles finally break through the sand and head for the ocean. It was amazing and reminded me of you.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday....PPQP