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Thread: Oct 13th

  1. #11
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Mae everybody,PQ, please take it easy friend,we don't want any setbacks Lav,when I go back home and see my old classmates I about shit my pants some look so old but they've also put on weight or smoke alot so I think that small town living takes a toll,like they care less about appearance cuz there's no where to go or people to see in a town of 4,000 people so they get lazy,Mick hope you're feeling ok,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Wednesday!!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  2. #12
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.

    Re: Oct 13th

    mae all how are you today then? all good i hope.Well it hasnt rained today thankfully so managed to get a bit done ...Its supposed tp be a hard winter this year ,so Im actually making a hutch in the garage ..just in its work on going..including cleaning up the litre of paint I spilled ....Got a rose today for Julie took me just about 3 years to find it... called Jean memory of her mum..also found one called Anthony in memory of her brother best I look after them !ok lets go

    hiya Pauly you ok?hope you are good for folks looking old ..doesnt bother me ...I was born at an early age ,with no hair wrinkly and moaning whats changed ? ha ha .

    hiya ppqp how are you then? hope you are ok.take it easy .thankfully van is fixed at not a lot of spondoolicks..and the dentist visit went ok...and yes Isuppose I can agree with them not wanting to go out...

    hiya Lav...hows you then today?hope all is well....Went up to my friends farm earlier she has grow some stuff in her polytunnel..including a 1.2 kg beef tomato ...grapes olives all sorts of stuff she has also got 2 horses ..27 sheep 4 cats 9 dogs 16 goats ,chickens doves hens and load of pheasant and american birds .Ill take some pics next time Im up there

    hiya teegee how are you today?ok hopefully .

    right folks its da jokes time

    If you had purchased 1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have 49.00 today.

    If you had purchased 1,000 of shares in AIG insurance company one year ago, you would have 33.00 today.

    If you had purchased 1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers five years ago, you would have nothing today.

    If you had purchased 1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have nothing today

    But, if you had purchased 1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drunk all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received 214.00.

    An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk"!

    The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you"?

    "I'm 98", the man announced proudly.

    The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect"?

    The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt"!

    This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less makes your life miserable . . . . .

    A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome, why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

    "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

    "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

    "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Teste . . . "

    "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

    "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

    A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot."

    "The hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

    "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

    "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!"

    "I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

    "Oh, really! What'd he say?"

    "He said, 'Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?'"

    Fifty Sheds of Grey
    I don't know if any of you have read this book, if you haven’t, the following might give you an idea of what it is all about.

    Fifty Sheds Of Grey

    We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
    but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

    She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
    "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
    So I took her to McDonalds.

    She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
    I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

    Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
    She still manages to get into the shed, though.

    "Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
    "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
    "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

    "I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
    So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

    "Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
    "Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

    I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
    Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

    "Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
    "I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

    "Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
    "Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

    "Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
    She nodded.
    "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

    "Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
    "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

    "Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD

    One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.

    He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist. "Could you taste this for me, please?"

    The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

    "Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

    "No, not at all," says the chemist.

    "Oh that's a relief." says Paddy,"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

    The father was baby sitting while his wife went to a PTA meeting.

    Later in the evening the father settled down to watch TV.

    But little Johnny repeatedly kept coming down stairs and asking for a glass of water.

    After the fifth glass,the dad lost his patience and yelled, "I'm trying to watch the TV. Now go back to bed".

    “But Dad”, the little Johnny whined, "my room is still on fire"!

    Little Johnny returned from the grocery store with his mom. While his mom put away the groceries, little Johnny opened his box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table.

    "What are you doing" asked his mom?

    "The box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken", said the little Johnny. "I'm looking for the broken seal".

    Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

    Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" Mean the same thing?

    Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

    Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

    Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    Doesn’t "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

    Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

    Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  3. #13
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Good evening Abbers,

    Yes Mick, good vacuums really do suck, Ha ha!!!
    Nice job finding the roses. I only have 1 rose here, we brought it with us from our old house. It was a mother’s day gift from the kids probably 30 years ago.

    PQ, the boys never did get here Monday evening. Turns out my DIL didn’t realize that my son would be home in time to watch them before she had to go teach her evening class. So yes, I have leftovers
    I hope you have gotten some rest, don’t push too hard

    Pauly, it dawned on me this morning that part of my surprise was seeing both of our old friends had gone completely gray/white! Not one strand of hair color between them, haha! I swear I will continue to color my hair until I die. I do it myself at home, probably not more than 4x/year, cheap. When you have white hair & wear no makeup. Not even lipstick you kinda look like a corpse, LOL
    I am not really to go there yet!!!

    Hello to Det & Cyn & anyone stopping by. Hope Sam is not getting beaten up by this ‘bomb cyclone’ as the weather people about gabbing about onTV.
    Have to take the flashlight & go close up the chicken house. Hope I don’t blow away!!!

    Have a good night all!
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  4. #14
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    13th May, 2012.

    Re: Oct 13th

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly...I think you hit the nail on the head. When I was living out in Duchess my daily trip was to feed the cows and horses, didn't need to dress up for that, and yes I got lazy with my appearance. Moving back to the city and getting a job changed all that. Hope you had a good day.

    Mick...a hutch in the garage sounds like a good idea. It's like they'll have their winter and summer houses but won't have to get shots when they travel. LOL "so its work on going..including cleaning up the litre of paint I spilled" Did that happen in the garage? When I read you got a rose for Julie I thought you got one rose for her, not a plant. Yes you better take care of those. Glad the van is fixed.

    Lav...I was only kidding about the grandkids not showing up. LOL I think we're on the same schedule for coloring our hair. Haven't hear about the winds you're having, take care.

    TG...they created an smiley just for you (on the go)

    Have a nice night all...PPQP
    Last edited by porqoui; October 16th, 2019 at 06:33 PM.

  5. #15
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Mae everybody,just a quick flyby to say high back later
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  6. #16
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.

    Re: Oct 13th

    hello and how are we today then? Hope everyone is good. guess what it's not raining over here .im still in the process of building a new hutch in the garage for the rabbits, they've both been in it, approved it so things are on the ball .I also went up to my friend's Farm yesterday, and took some pictures the goats I kid you not haha
    ok let's have a brew and carry on

    hiya pauly, how are you today?hope things are good with you. yes my boogie is getting better every day there's more flowers growing on it the trouble is the flowers are growing on the tallest bit ..I want to bush it out a bit.Hope you have a good day

    Hiya ppqp how are you today? hope you're feeling better yes the Hutch in the garage is a good idea, although the paint all over the floor wasnt exactly my best.i d Yes they have a winter house a summer house a greenhouse and conservatory and dining room they got more lodgings then we have !!have you know its a result on having very very very very very very short hair like me I don't have to worry about perms waves colour winds shampoo any of that sort of rubbish I merely put a hat on job done! as for dressing... after spending half my life in uniform at least half of my life in uniform and the rest in suits I now dress as I please without interruption from the fashion police hope you have a good day

    hiya Lav how are you today ?yes I'm a sucker for good vacuums friend's mother died and they are selling the house, and they're going to put a new driveway in where the roses are....apparently there are about 20 mature Roses so guess who's getting them? have you got a bank account ? is there money in that account ? in that case you are not ready to shuffle off this Mortal Coil !!take it easy have a great day almost forgot when I was up the farm yesterday my friend is hatching out loads of little ducks in the incubator the eggs are just starting to crack now

    right folks that's all I'll put some jokes on later





    and finally ..take your child to work day!!

    They say you should never return to a firework that hasn't gone off. My back garden has been out of bounds since 1997

    A Dutch family have been kept in a basement and made to distill advocaat for the last nine years.

    I Can't believe no one saw the warninks.

    The headmaster told me my son was thrown out of his Maths lesson because he refused to write down any number made up of 1s and 0s.

    I had to explain it's because he now identifies as non-binary.

    Our friends in Ireland have the Lowest Stress rate because they do not take medical terminology serious, you are going to die anyway, so live life and drink till you cannot lift your own mug!
    Irish Medical Dictionary

    Artery The study of paintings
    Bacteria Back door to a cafeteria
    Barium What doctors do when patients die
    Benign What you be, after you be eight
    Caesarean Section A neighborhood in Rome
    Catscan Searching for Kitty
    Cauterize Made eye contact with her
    Colic A sheep dog
    Coma A punctuation mark
    Dilate To live long
    Enema Not a friend
    Fester Quicker than someone else
    Fibula A small lie
    Impotent Distinguished, well known
    Labor Pain Getting hurt at work
    Medical Staff A Doctor's cane
    Morbid A higher offer
    Nitrates Cheaper than day rates
    Node I knew it
    Outpatient A person who has fainted
    Pelvis Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative A letter carrier
    Recovery Room Place to do upholstery?
    Rectum Nearly killed him?
    Secretion Hiding something?
    Seizure Roman emperor?
    Tablet A small table
    Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport
    Tumor One plus one more
    Urine Opposite of you're out

    A man is watching a game of golf on TV. But he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

    "I don't know whether to watch them or the game" he says to his wife.

    "For Heaven's sake, watch them", his wife says.

    "You already know how to play golf"!

    A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

    The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first"?

    The girl says, "I'll go first". She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

    The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

    The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life". He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that"?

    The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there".
    Last edited by Mick; October 17th, 2019 at 03:27 PM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  7. #17
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th July, 2012.
    Last edited by Mick; October 18th, 2019 at 12:26 AM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


  8. #18
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th April, 2010.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Mae all -

    Lav, how did you fare in the weather last night? Huge rain here - we drove into NYC for a dinner, and the Henry Hudson hiway was one flood after another - scary! I hope you are enjoying your leftovers! Eeek, I am one of the grey-haired ladies... it's short and a little punky (I hope)... I had been dyeing my hair myself since my 20s, and I just couldn't take it anymore... but I still think the other ladies look old! Good reason to always wear makeup, thanks for the reminder...

    Pauly, hope the kiddies are all well now and not causing you to hold them all the time. I am truly conscious of wearing nicer clothes now that I am not a country girl anymore. Threw all my ancient gardening clothes away...

    Mick, those are lucky bunnies. And a lucky wife - how nice that you looked far and wide for those roses! Great pics of the goats! And thanks as always for the jokes. I have to admit that I am transcribing some of them and sending them to a friend who is in hospital after falling and breaking a hip (did I say this already?) Anyway, the jokes are really helping him get through!!!

    PPQ, I hope you have rested more after your overdoing... you and Lav have inspired me to cook a turkey breast... maybe in the IP, we'll see. The weather has turned cold and blustery, so turkey seems the right thing. Wishing you continued healing.

    Hubs has been home this week, so my plans have been hijacked... I am still getting used to being with another human so often! Next week he will be back to work, so hopefully a better balance. Today he even insisted on driving with me up to our old haunts when I took the dog for his annual exam with our vet up there. It all turned out OK, except that he still insists on driving when he's sleepy... eeek, makes me nervous!!!

    Tomorrow I'll be off again with the dog in tow to help a dear friend who is moving - that will be another drive 2+ hours each way, but she needs the help and she is very dear. So, off and away again tomorrow...

    Shout out to Det and Sam and all others -

    Wishing all a good night/morning/afternoon... may we be well...

  9. #19
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    13th February, 2009.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Good evening Abbers,

    I think the storm has left the area. We got about 2” of rain & lots of leaves & small branches down but the power stayed on for a change.
    YB & son heading up to New England tomorrow morning for their annual fishing trip - going out for tuna this year. The limit on tuna is 1 per boat so if they are lucky enough to catch one early it will be a short trip. They have a 5 am start time Saturday morning - better them than me, haha!! I sure hope the stormy ocean has calmed down by then.

    Mick, the goats are very photogenic, haha!! Lucky bunnies to have you in charge of housing & every thing else!
    Glad you finally got a rain-free day!

    PQ, I spent my life in uniform scrubs & jeans. I have no where I go these days that requires dressing up so you can imagine what my closet looks like, Lol. My chicken muck shoes are stinky & stay in the garage . Hope you are feeling stronger today!

    Cyn, I didn’t mean to insult anyone about the hair color thing, please forgive my big mouth. I spent my life taking care of old people with white/gray hair & it just made me determined to keep my own color as long as I could. Fortunately i don’t have a ton of gray hair anyway but i do like to freshen up the color every few months. I’m going to be on my own again for a few days, just me & the dog & cat & chickens. I will enjoy the peace & quiet, Lol. YB’s driving makes me nervous these days & it wasn’t always that way. I get what you’re talking about!

    Pauly, how was your day? Any weekend plans for you?

    Det, what’s up? Sam, how are you?

    Have a nice night everyone!

    Last edited by Lavande; October 17th, 2019 at 06:51 PM.
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  10. #20
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th June, 2012.
    Las Vegas.

    Re: Oct 13th

    Mae everybody, we're all still sick and now Brady has it too,gonna eat my raw garlic today cuz I've been slacking,Lav I'm with you on the hair color but like you said it's personal choice for everyone,I'm just not a fan of grey hair on women for some reason,defo not meant to offend anyone but some of these ladies who come into the shop who insist on keeping their hair long and grey ugh it just looks witchy to me,Cyn I hear you on getting used to having another person in the house when you're used to those alone times,hope the move goes easy Mick awesome score on the rose bushes! I only have one and she's fickle but when it's in bloom I love it,PQ, hope you are mending along nicely much love to all and wishes for a great BF Friday!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

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