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  • Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
    Results 21 to 28 of 28
    1. #21
      Registered User.
      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
      I am:
      Hungry
       
      paulywogg's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Mae everybody,Cyn yep only you could find use with a small closet with your awesome organization skills mines a mess right now! PQ,woo-hoo no boss Lav, hope your grandson comes along with you cuz that's some good bonding time,I'm sick again,dunno why my immune system is a piece of shit,Kell thinks it's allergies but I know the difference and this blows,need it gone now! Much love to all and wishes for great BF Fryday for us all!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    3. #22
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      is ok
       
      I am:
      Cool
       
      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      hiya alll ...how are we then?all good I hope its dry at the moment here but what a mess ,loads of flooding around this area,all the way up north ...on top of that there is more to come ..They reckon we had approx 100ml of rain yesterday..its freezing now ..more rain to come ,and there are SNOW showers forecast too.The rabbits will either be inside tonight or have hot water bottles.Did a bit on the railway today..the bridge and the approach road.Im making tea tonight ...a curry ..so best shift myself ...will put some jokes on after

      20191108_093945.jpg

      20191108_093851.jpg

      20191108_093811.jpg

      Ed Sheeran has revealed that he's related to notorious Mafia hitman Frank Sheeran.
      He added, "I'm nothing like him though, he was known for butchering his rivals".

      Really Ed! You made a fcking good job of butchering Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here.

      If you think women are the weaker sex.
      Try pulling the quilt back to your side.

      Solar eclipses have intrigued humans for hundreds of years. The next one in the UK will be on August 12th 2026, a special date. On this day the Sun will black out as the Moon passes in front of it to make a shadow which will cover most of the UK. Such black outs are often described as truly amazing awe inspiring natural phenomenon.
      Yet when I black out in the urinal of the local Wetherspoon’s pub, the only media attention I get is extremely negative, not at all helpful and definitely unscientific.

      I asked my wife what she would like for her birthday. She said surprise me, so I phoned her from Cape Town

      1 million worth of sex toys have been stolen from a lorry in Portsmouth.

      The thieves only did it for the buzz.

      My motto is : "If you can't beat them, what's the point of becoming a teacher?"

      The horizon?

      Frankly, that's beyond me.

      The mice in the canteen are getting worse.

      I'm going to have to stop buying them

      Just bought a real live Turkey off the local farmer and called it Corbyn.
      “Why Corbyn” asked the kids.

      “Because it’s going to get stuffed before Xmas” I sneered.


      I went to my local market today and saw a sign that said: "ONE WATERMELON FOR $3 OR THREE FOR $10"

      Instead of telling the guy behind the stall how stupid he was I decided to show him.

      So I walked up to him and asked: "Can I buy a watermelon please?"

      "Yes sir, that'll be three dollars."

      I handed over the money and asked: "Actually, can I have another one please?"

      "No problem sir, that's another three dollars."

      "Can I have one more?"

      "Certainly sir, three more dollars please."

      Smirking I said: "I've just bought three watermelons for nine dollars but on your sign it says ten. Don't you realise how stupid you are?"

      "That happens a lot," he chuckled, "until I point out that you just bought three watermelons instead of one."

      Overheard in a hardware store...
      Blond: Do you sell colour TV's?
      Clerk: Yes we do
      Blond: Have you got one in red?


      What do you call a man with a toe made of rubber?
      Roberto


      What is Santa’s Favourite Pizza? ..... One that’s deep pan, crisp and even


      My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray.
      He is now classed as a seasoned veteran.


      My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.


      My girlfriend gave me fifty quid and told me to go out and get something that would make her look sexy.
      You should have seen her face when I came home pissed


      Today is International Women's Day.
      It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.


      There's got to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction


      My dog kept chasing people on a bike.
      So we took his bike off him.
      Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day.
      So we gave him his bike back.
      Because his bark was worse than his bike.


      Couldn't it believe my flat-mate got fired from his job as a road worker for stealing.
      Just did not believe it however when I got home the signs were everywhere !!!

      A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

      So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who"?

      The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where"?

      A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent.

      The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.

      Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.

      The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed"?!.

      "Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out"!!!

      A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.

      The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

      She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.

      "Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won’t even be used.

      The first day was fine but on the second day a guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350"..

      The girl panicked. She ran outside, phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.

      "Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.

      She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.

      "Yes!!!" she said " He's got one hanging there"....!

      The boss said ..................................





      "Go back in and give him 3.50......................He's the bloody Window Cleaner"!!!!!!!
      Last edited by Mick; November 8th, 2019 at 04:34 PM.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    5. #23
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      Lavande's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Good evening Abbers,

      I’m all set for tomorrow, phew! I hope a million people show up for this craft show, haha!!
      It’s downright cold here & we even had snow flurries this morning!!! Next wee’s long range forecast is calling for temps of -18 F. OMG! I’ll have to find that little space heater for the chicken house, that’s just ridiculously cold.

      Pauly, I’ve used vitamin C & echinacea to boost my immune system years ago when I felt like I was getting sick too often, they really helped.
      I think this killer frost we’re getting should take care of all the allergens.

      PQ, have fun while the boss is away, yay!
      I will send you a link in messenger for the bone health website. I firmly believe & trust in all the research there. I trust nothing put out by a pharmaceutical company.

      Mick, that roadway looks a little rough to drive on, haha! I was imagining myself bouncing around in the pickup truck.
      I sure hope the rain lets up &V the roads dry out for you. I’m not a fan of icy roads. Keep those bunnies warm!

      Hello to Cyn & Det!

      Wishing everyone a nice night!
      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    7. #24
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      porqoui's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      MAE ALL...

      Lav...good luck today and I hope you have a million visitors as well.

      Could not get my laptop to boot up when I got home from work yesterday so wasn't able to post. It's been touch and go this morning, booting up for a few minutes then freezing. Think it's time to take advantage of those pre Christmas sales and get a new one. If the laptop behaves I'll be back to properly post....PPQP

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    9. #25
      Registered User.
      is ok
       
      I am:
      Cool
       
      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      hiya all ...a real cold day over here today some parts are flooded ,and yet there are other parts getting snow.Not a chance of going detecting tomorrow ...a lot of it is underwater.apart from that ..not a lot to tell ...itsquiet. Julie is just sorting out the meap programme fo Florida in May..we are doing the Disney dining plan ..and they only release places every so often.so she is watching them like a hawk.
      Go for it ppqp ...treat yourself!!!!!!in fact i would get the boss to pay for it.

      hiya Lav ...hows the show going?hope you are doing well on it .yes Ive still got a lot of work to do on that road way .

      hiya pauly you ok?have you been working today?

      hiya tree girl and hows you then?ok I hope .

      a few jokes.


      Got all my Christmas shopping done already

      Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes

      I love the way my nine year old son is preparing for adulthood and it's pitfalls. He spent all his pocket money on a dolls house and gave it his little girlfriend next door saying,

      "Here you might as well have a house now instead of taking one off me in twenty years. "

      I want to say eiderdowns are superior to quilts.

      But I don’t like to make blanket statements.

      Wife and I decided to get a pet dog for a variety of reasons. We attended a ‘homeless dogs shelter’ and eventually adopted a spirited German shepherd. He immediately took to the grand children and loved to join in their rough and tumble. He also enjoyed long walks and chasing cats. Unfortunately, as we later discovered, he came with a dark secret.
      When we got him he was advertised as a rescue dog so we rescued him from the dog shelter. Turns out he actually was a rescue dog, having been trained to find missing people.
      The third week we had him, the phone went at three in the morning and he was ‘called out’ to find a missing holiday maker on the fells. As his new owner I had to go with him. It was very windy, pssing down and cold. That dog could and did search for hours, eventually finding the missing man. On the way back he even managed to find me !

      He’s going back to the shelter next week.

      Two Buddies Fishing

      ...but they haven’t caught anything all day. Just then another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish"?

      The other fisherman replies, "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish".

      Both mates thank him and go start to walk further up the stream.

      Twenty minutes later, the first fisherman says to his mate "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty".

      Second mate dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some and says "Nope. Still salty".

      Thirty minutes later the first mate asks his mate to check again.

      Second mate says "Nope, still salty".

      An hour later first mate asks to check again.

      Second mate says "Nope. Still salty".

      First mate says "I don't understand this at all, we have been walking for almost two hours, and the water is still salty"!

      Second mate says "I know, I can't understand it either and the bucket is almost empty"!


      Strictly for Adults Only:

      Scroll down to see Nude Santa






































      For crying out loud. Act your age. There is no Santa!

      The Good News:
      I shot my first Christmas turkey yesterday.

      The Bad News:
      The gunshot scared the heck out of everyone in the Frozen Food section.
      I've been banned for life from Whole Foods Markets.

      I asked my stockbroker what I should be buying.

      He said, "If Trump. remains in office much longer then canned goods a generator, water and ammunition are a good buy".

      A young lawyer attended a seminar on motivation and the benefit of several revenue streams. Inspired by the talk the young lawyer decided to try his hand at part-time poultry farming to earn some extra income. To start the poultry farm he bought his first lot of one hundred chickens.

      A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

      Another month went by and the young lawyer returned again for another hundred chickens because the second lot had also died.

      The chicken salesman was very alarmed at the new farmer's string of bad luck; besides if word got around town, others might think the quality of his chickens was poor and that would be disastrous for business. So he asked the part-time farmer, "So do you think you are having a string of bad luck or just what seems to be your problem"?

      "I think I now have a sense of where I'm going wrong", said the young lawyer and now nearly a full-time farmer. "I think I might be planting my chickens just a little bit too deep".

      20 Rules of Life Updated
      I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

      Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

      Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

      You can go anywhere you want if you look serious, wear a white coat and carry a clipboard.

      I love deadlines.
      I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

      Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

      Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

      I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
      My reality check bounced.

      On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

      I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

      Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

      Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

      A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

      After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

      Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

      People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

      If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

      When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

      When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

      We will continue to have meetings until we figure out why nothing is being accomplished.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    11. #26
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      Lavande's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Good evening folks,

      Had a good turnout today & I sold a big bunch of stuff, I’m happy
      YB has been out running an Amish guy around, he last texted me from Walmart, haha!! They love to shop there.

      PQ, do you have a Costco there? I saw some good sales there earlier this week. Good luck laptop shopping.

      Mick, stay home tomorrow & work on that lumpy roadway, Lol

      OK, gotta stop to eat dinner. Talk later

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    13. #27
      Registered User.
      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
      I am:
      Hungry
       
      paulywogg's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Mae everybody,Lav I'm glad the art sale was a success PQ,hope you find a good deal on a new laptop,they're definitely starting the sales early this year so should be something out there,Mick I remember how much you two enjoyed the Disney last time,glad Julie's keeping her eyes peeled,not much going on here went to Kells last night and Romeo was looking dapper in his little fedora hat haha! Lou's been grumpy and I told Kell I think it's cuz her and her boyfriend fight to damn much grrr! Much love to all and wishes for great BF Sunday!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    15. #28
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Aaargh, just lost a post when I went to find a link to a recipe, oh dear. All is well here, yesterday I put in a long day getting boxes of papers and misc electronics, etc sorted. Done and dusted.

      Lav, congrats on your sales - will try to look for your site on FB!

      PPQ, I drove through snow showers the other day as I went up north - temps are dipping here, ouch. Stay well and warm!

      Pauly, yep, sounds like you need to do a bit of work on your immune system. I got better quickly - used vitamin C, echinacea tea, goldenseal caps, and a Wellness formula blend that works for me... it's all up to what you can tolerate, but it's better than a cold! Take care!

      Mick, good luck with the cold and wet - not my favorite! Glad the bunnies get hot water bottles!

      Hello to Busy Det and Sam and all others...

      Happy Sunday and good wishes for the week ahead.

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