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    1. #1
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      Mick's Avatar

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      threed ov novemba

      hiya all from the sunny climes of the P eninnes ...actually rainy foggy but hey ..how are we all today then? good ..I got a static grass applicator for the railway...Static King by Woodland Scenics - YouTube cost a few bob ,but it is good .have we all had a good weekend?

      What is it with these people that refuse to embrace modern technology?
      Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

      An Englishman walks into a bar.
      The Welshman, Irishman and Scotsman all say "Well... where's the bloody cup then?"


      I asked my French and German mates if they'd had enough of seance jokes.
      They answered..."Oui"..."Ja"

      A fellow walked into his doctor's office complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

      "I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring a banana and a cookie with you." said the doctor.

      Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complied and returned the next day with a banana and a cookie.

      The doctor then said, "Okay, now drop your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a bit."

      Although stunned by the turn of events, the patient dropped his pants and bent over. The doctor peeled the banana and with one deft motion rammed it up the guy's ass. While the doctor consulted his watch, our hero danced around the room shouting at the doctor.

      "Okay, one minute is up and we have to complete the second part of the treatment if you truly want to get rid of this tapeworm." advised the doctor.

      Despite the pain, the patient did want to be cured and so complied with the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor took the cookie and rammed it up the patient's ass.

      "Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and bring another banana and a cookie." said the doctor. The now humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nodded his head.

      The next day, the same routine ensued. First the doctor rammed up a banana, waited exactly one minute, then rammed up the cookie. And the next day, and the next day and the next...
      Every day up went a banana, waited one minute, then up went the cookie.

      After one full week of treatment, the doctor finally said,
      "Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of treatment. I want you to bring in a banana and a hammer."

      "Not a cookie?" asked the very frightened patient, trying to imagine what a hammer was going to feel like.

      "Nope, a hammer." confirmed the doctor.

      On the last day, the doctor said, "Okay, you know the routine". So the man dropped his pants and bent over. UP went the banana, and the doctor looked at his watch and picked up the hammer.
      One minute passed. Then two minutes. Three. Four minutes passed.

      Finally, the worm's little head poked out of the patient's ass.

      "WHERE'S MY COOKIE???"

      **WHAM**

      When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"

      The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"

      The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok".

      So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid".

      The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again.

      The clerk then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

      A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, who was living in the hall of residence in his first year there. After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.

      "And how do you find the English students, Donald?"
      she asked."Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"

      "Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

      A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.

      Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says, "Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a Catholic".

      The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighbourhood.

      The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak.

      He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish".

      A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

      He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin -- in every way."

      The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.

      He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together ... an impressive work of art.

      The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

      She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."

      He immediately drops his pants and replies. "Look at this!!! Still in the CRATE!"

      A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you: that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

      The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

      The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate."

      The preacher said, "No sh*t?"
      #

      1.) I started out with nothing....I still have most of it.

      2.) When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?

      3.) I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

      4.) Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

      5.) All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

      6.) If all is not lost, where is it?

      7.) It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

      8.) If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

      9.) The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

      10.) I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.

      11.) I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through..

      12.) It was all so different before everything changed.

      13.) Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

      14.) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

      15.) Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.

      16.) A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

      17.) I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few...

      18.) Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

      19.) It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

      20.) It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

      21.) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    3. #2
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Greetings Abbers,

      Mick, that’s a pretty cool looking system for making grass - who knew???
      Wonder what else you can make with that thing

      My younger grandson has been here all afternoon at his request. He’s been happy & pleasant, such a nice change, haha! Waiting for his Dad to pick hi, up now.
      Tossed that little 4.5 lb turkey breast in the IP & it was done in 27 minutes, nice.
      I’m starting to gather things for next Saturday’s craft fair. Fun times always.

      Hello to PQ, Det, Pauly, Sam, Pie & everyone.

      Have a nice night all!
      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    5. #3
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      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Mae everybody,Lav you're on a turkey making spree haha,I asked for an IP for Christmas,Kell wants one to so we'll see what Santa says had a good day yesterday took LB and her boyfriend out to breakfast then drove to the westside to go to our fave sandwich shop,the weather has been better than that nonsense last week! Mick that'll be cool for the trainset much love to all and wishes for a great BF Monday!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    7. #4
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      wow ...where is everyone .?afternoon all how are we then? good hopefully .you neednt bother asking the weather it hasnt changed its still that nonsunny wet stuff .At the moment Im doing the kitchen doors .They are made of pine and ,over time ,the resin leaches out .so now Im sanding them back and blocking out the stain before repainting them.

      hiya Lav ,hows you then? all good ? its good to hear the grandson id on his best behaviour ..Thats a fair lump of toikey you put in the IP...Yes that machine for the grass is pretty good takes a fair bit of practice.

      hiya pauly hows you then ?my bougie is doing well ...I even spray painted a pot purple for it ..so santa is going to bring you an ip?

      hiya ppqp ,tee gee you both well? big shout to everyone else .
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    9. #5
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      MAE ALL...

      Mick...thanks for starting the weeks thread. Sorry I didn't post yesterday but was feeling crummy on Saturday and Sunday found me doing a lot of coughing. This morning it was like I was a new person, found my breathing really easy. One month xray showed a 200% improvement so all that coughing paid off. I was told I was cleared to fly which is a good thing because I didn't know I couldn't. LOL Still a bit of fluid in the sac so the lung is still minimally collapsed but was told that would clear up soon. I'm impressed with your grass making machine, have you got a snow making machine? It seems like you have no shortage of chores which is good if you're stuck inside all the time.

      Lav...glad your grandson was in good spirits for you yesterday, it probably helps that he's the one that wants to be there. Just thinking of getting ready for this weekends craft sale makes me tired. It's our craft sale this weekend as well and thankfully I'm not responsible for any of it. LOL

      Pauly...glad the weather warmed up for your visit with LB. Sounds like you're having a good time. How long is she staying?

      I'm in early tomorrow to start our email migration so I decided to take the rest of the day off. Hope everyone has a good evening....PPQP

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    11. #6
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Good evening friends,

      Yep, I’m busy making stuff to sell this weekend
      Keeps me out of trouble & my mind off of other things.
      It was 28 frosty degrees this morning but warmed up to 50 something quickly. Love this weather!!

      PQ, sounds like your body wants to clear out the last of the funk, nice. I always felt sorry for the folks who were unable to cough & clear it themselves.
      I hope you get to enjoy the craft show & leave the work to someone else for a change. The one I’m going to this weekend is at a fire house in Maryland. They are all excited that they are selling pit beef. I don’t even know what pit beef is ~ some kind of sandwich I imagine, haha! Last time I was there they had some funky looking burgers that did not interest me in the least. I’ll see if one of the grandsons wants to go as a helper.

      Pauly, glad you’re enjoying your daughter time, that’s awesome.
      If you buy an IP be sure to buy the original. I’ve heard some stories about the knock offs being not so great. Mine will be 2 yrs old this Christmas & it’s still doing it’s job. I bought one for my daughter last Christmas & she loves it too. It’s nice to have an extra pot & some of the optional accessories but you can get them any time.

      Mick, stuck in the rain still? Geez that would get on my nerves just a bit.
      I’m waiting for all this Amish busyness to die down then I’m going to try to get this kitchen painted since the paint is sitting here . Gone are the days when i would just do the job myself, haha!

      Hello to Cyn, Det & everyone.

      Have a nice night kids!
      Lav
      Last edited by Lavande; November 4th, 2019 at 08:08 PM.
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    13. #7
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Good afternoon all and how are you today then? I've been painting and decorating the kitchen since 6 a.m. this morning did I ever tell you I hate painting with a passion ...still got to be done and it certainly looks a lot better. The question is am I going to get away with one coat or does it have to be two. Hope it's the former. it's cold outside blowing a gale but pretty dry ok let's get on with the show and a brew
      Hiya ppqp how are you today? sorry you weren't feeling so great. hope you're feeling better today and you're able to fly as well that's brilliant just be careful it's sore on the arms! yes that grass making machine is pretty good and believe it or not there actually is a snow making machine as well.. no I'll never go short of chores you look after yourself.
      Hiya Lav and how are you today busy making stuff ? The word stuff sounds real Shady it's like one of those know what I mean nudge nudge ;-) conversations haha. 28 degrees? that's summer. it's strange you were talking about getting somebody else to do the painting I've just looked at all the gloss around the doors etc it's all horrible White chipped gloss I don't like at the best of times I would rather it was wood but nevertheless I'm sure as hell not going to spend my days patching up gloss white paint so yes I agree with you someone else will be doing it
      Hiya Pauly
      How are you today hope things are ok you are going to have a ball with this IP cooker I can see that anything and everything will be getting chucked in there as a meal. you need to start a recipe gang between you all
      Hiya tree girl how are you today ? Hope all is well with you are you managing to get sorted out alright ?take care and have a good day
      The brexit story over here is a real pain in the bum we have had brexit son of brexit daughter of brexit granddaughter of brexit great granddaughter of brexit anyone that has got a voice or opinion wants to bump their gums about it .. they don't actually realise there's a country supposed to be getting run as well .even trump stuck his nose into tell us how we should manage to run the country and looking at what he's done I can hardly agree with him not
      Great folks that's me have a good day back to painting I must go take care

      My wife said I make love like a painter. I said "What, like Da Vinci, smooth strokes, attention to detail and the result is a masterpiece?"
      She said "No, like the council, rush the job, leave a fcking mess and I have to finish it myself!"

      The password on my computer is now "fireplace", it's so I can log in.

      If it wasn't for my granddad, I'd be speaking german today.

      I never got to go to that school in Zurich after he gambled away the money I was meant to get on the horses.

      An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

      Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

      "Damn," says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

      Today I caused a commotion at the local supermarket...

      When the cashier said "strip down and face me" she was referring to my credit card

      Timely quotes
      The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
      ~Henry Cate, VII


      We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
      ~Aesop


      If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
      ~Will Rogers


      Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
      ~Plato


      Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
      ~Nikita Khrushchev


      When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
      ~Clarence Darrow


      Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
      ~Author Unknown


      If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
      ~Jay Leno


      Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
      ~John Quinton


      Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
      ~Oscar Ameringer


      The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
      ~P.J. O'Rourke


      I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
      ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952


      A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
      ~Texas Guinan


      Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
      ~Gore Vidal


      I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
      ~Charles de Gaulle


      Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
      ~Doug Larson


      Don't vote, it only encourages them.
      ~Author Unknown


      There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
      ~Will Rogers
      Last edited by Mick; November 5th, 2019 at 08:25 AM.
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    15. #8
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      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      paulywogg's Avatar

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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Mae everybody,Mick I'm sure the paint looks good a fresh coat always does DT should not voice anything about anyone elses country-thats for sure, we're definitely divided nearly equally in half over here as a nation,I'm astounded by that! PQ,LB will leave tomorrow which I think she's glad for cuz she caught a cold while here,sheesh I thought I was grumpy when I'm sick she's pretty bad haha,Lav,yeah I don't like off-brand things anyways hubs knows that especially electric stuff cuz some of its dangerous,off to get ready for the shitbox,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Tuesday!
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    17. #9
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      Good evening friends,

      Went & voted then we made a 90 mile roundtrip to fetch my embroidery computer. It’s fixed, yay!!!!
      The next time this computer goes on the fritz I’m going into complete retirement, haha! An old friend of ours built that computer for me years ago, just to run my machines. I can’t trust anyone else with the old thing. So my nearly 17 year old embroidery software is up & running once again.

      Mick - ‘If God wanted us to vote he would have given us candidates’, HA HA!!! That is so true
      I wish someone would staple DT’s mouth shut, he’s such an ass
      You’re politicians better not be listening to a word of his drivel.

      Pauly, sorry your daughter is sick. Just heard my granddaughter woke up sick today as well. Tis the season
      There are at least a bazillion IP recipes online, start your collection now. When you get used to using it you’ll feel comfortable converting your old favs into IP recipes!
      Hope work wasn’t too awful.

      PQ, how are you today?

      Hello Cyn & Det!

      I hope everyone has a nice comfy night!
      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    19. #10
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      Re: threed ov novemba

      MAE ALL...

      Mick...I would have never guessed that you hate painting. LOL I hope it's the former as well, once I finish painting something I definitely don't want to redo it. Feeling pretty good today but tired as I was in early to start the software migration, it went really well. Surprised I lasted as long as I did but at about 4:45pm I started yawning and couldn't quit, so I left. It's cold and blowing a gale here as well except we've also had snow all day!! We're under a snowfall warning right now. There's a group over here that has applied to the Federal Government to form their own party and start our version of Westex they want Alberta to break away from Canada, well at least Quebec.

      Pauly...how was the shitbox today. I hope you don't catch LB's cold.

      Lav...glad to hear the embroidery computer is fixed, 17 years is well past it's prime. Yes, it seems like my body is doing what it can to fix itself. Now I just need to get that bone density test done and see what condition they're in. Sounds like more meds in my future, great, just when our new premier wants to decrease seniors' medical funding. I think holding the craft fair in a firehall is cool. I plan on not stepping foot in our craft sale. LOL

      I think I'm going to ask Santa for a onsey this year. Could sure curl up with one tonight. Hope you all have a peaceful evening....PPQP

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