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Thread: Nov 17th

  1. #21
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Mae everybody,Mick loved the jokes haha PQ,great minds think alike cuz I'm making tacos tonight! Cyn,I'm so sorry about the bites itching is no fun at all,wonder why you're so flavorful to them? Pillow sorted and neck is much better,I can actually turn my head to look when I drive now! Rained pretty crazy yesterday and last night,the sky looked so damn clear in the afternoon yesterday it was unsettling,I'm used to dusty,murky air haha,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Thursday for us all!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  2. #22
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    hiya all...how are we today then? all good..it is bloomin freezing...most of the plants have been whacked by the frost ...My shoulder is feeling a lot better ,but tbh this isthe dodgy bit ..brain says ya you are fixed....body says shutup brain and go on holiday.

    Like you Lav,My loft is nice and toasty ..plus I have a kettle in there now ..and there is a microwave if I want to use it it is there..did a little bit on the trains this morning ...nothing ambitious though!

    hiya ppqp ..how are you then?all well ?have you still got the snow there?hows the boss doing?boss in name ...card school ready for tomorrow ?

    hiya pauly hows you then?good I hope .glad you can turn your head driving ...it helps ....ha ha .you have a good day .

    hiya tree hows you then?still got the varmints?apart from that is life getting any more normal for you?

    big shout to everyone else ..

    Interesting one ..no going into the ins and outs and the guilt of Prince Andrew..what is interesting is the FBI have "invited him to go to America for interview and answer questions

    its not a month since that an American woman after allegedly killing a child fled the uk claiming diplomatic immunity .refused to return ..Trump backed her ..I would be telling the FBI and anyone else to go forth and multiply elsewhere

    ok jokes


    Why is it those people who say "I'm speechless" after an incident never shut the f*** up talking about it??



    Told my kids they were having a Brexit Christmas this year.

    They all know what they want, but no one's getting fck all.

    Little Johnny was in class. He raised his hand and the teacher said, "What is it, Johnny?"

    Johnny said, "I've got to go shit, ma'am."

    The teacher replied, "Johnny don't ever talk like that in class again next time say number 2."

    Johnny says, "Yes, ma'am."

    About an hour later Johnny raises his hand again and the teacher says, "What is it now, Johnny?"

    Johnny says, "My brother has to go shit, what's his number?"

    A guy goes to the local County Council to apply for a job.
    The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the service?"

    "Yes" he says. "I was in the Lebanon for three years."

    The interviewer says "That will give you extra points towards employment" and then asks, " Are you disabled in any way?"

    The guy says, "Yes 100%.....a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

    The interviewer tells the guy, "Ok you're hired. The hours are from 8.00am to4 .00pm. You can start tomorrow, come in at 10.00am."

    The guy is puzzled and asks "If the hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm then why do you want me to come in at 10.00am"

    The interviewer replies "This is a council job, for the first 2 hours we sit around scratching our balls, there's no point you coming in for that".

    A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, “What’s your IQ?” The man replies “150” and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

    The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.” He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, “What’s your IQ?” The man responds, “about a 100.” Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, cars, beer, guns, and breasts.

    Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The man replies, “Er, 10, I think.”

    And the robot says real slowly ... “So ............... ya ... gonna ... vote ... for ... Trump... again???”

    Life in the Australian Army
    Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga, to Mum and Dad.

    (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland.)


    Dear Mum & Dad,

    I am well. Hope youse are too.

    Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

    I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack -nothin'!! Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

    At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered
    because we've been on a 'route march' - geez, its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

    This one will kill me Brothers Doug and Phil with laughter.

    I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year!

    All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a piece of piss!!

    You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload! Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.


    Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders, and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

    I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.




    Your loving daughter,

    Jill

    ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

    Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

    The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

    Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

    When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

    You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

    I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

    One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

    One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

    Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

    Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  3. #23
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Greetings Abbers,

    Ha ha Mick - beating the ground with sticks!!
    Warmish again today, tomorrow rain is moving in, about an inch I hear. Better than snow!!
    Glad you are taking care of your shoulder/arm. Give it lots of time to heal, please!

    Cyn, that’s scary about the mites. Do you think you could have possibly picked them up while helping someone move their belongings? I very well remember a little girl in my daughter’s kindergarten class had to go into quarantine (along with the rest of her family) because of scabies. That poor little girl was in our carpool too & I totally expected to see some fallout but nothing appeared, luckily.
    I hope you can get a grip on it soon

    Pauly, glad you got some rain to clear the environment, nice.
    When my neck acts up I have to actually release my seatbelt at a certain intersection to turn my whole body to get a clear view on the oncoming traffic, Lol. Glad you’re better now.

    PQ, 10” is a boatload of snow, goodness!!! I hope it all melts asap!
    I am stitching stuff for the next craft show & filling orders that I’ve been getting here & there. Keeps me busy & out of trouble

    Hello to Det, Sam & anyone else popping in later.

    Have a nice night all!
    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  4. #24
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    MAE ALL....

    Pauly...was thinking of you when I saw the temperature in Vegas yesterday. Apparently there are winter storm warnings all around you. Hope you had a good day.

    Mick...glad your shoulder is feeling better, now listen to your body not your brain. Alas, no card school of Fridays. Yup, still got a lot of snow hanging around. Hoping the chinook tomorrow will clear a lot of it away before it all starts over again on Tuesday.

    Lav...I remember having to turn my whole body to shoulder check when driving. That's before I was diagnosed with RA so at least the biologic has fixed that. Glad you're getting a few orders from your sales at least you can decide how much or how little you want to commit.

    Short post tonight as I'm just home from our AGM. Was waiting for the pizza's to arrive when we found out they forgot about our order. Just as well as it made for an early evening but now I have to figure out what to eat. Have a good night all....PPQP

  5. #25
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Mae everybody,Mick glad you're feeling better PQ, sorry the pizza wasn't ordered,some of these places here want you to do it online but I'm sorry I want to call it in and talk to an actual person! Pizza Hut is the worst for that,Lav,I knew it was my pillow so at least that's sorted,I think I pinpointed something that's causing my nose irritation, remember a few years ago when I took the food sensitivity test, anyways it said pineapple was a big irritant and I've been supplenting with a turmeric bromelain mix and I think it's stuffing me up cuz I skipped a few days and felt better,took it and was stuffy again! Only problem is it does help with other things that I don't want to give up grrr, someday I'll be fixed haha Cyn, excellent on Lavs suggestion that maybe you picked it up from a customers stuff, especially since hubs and the dogs are clear,hope they figure it out quick! Much love to all and wishes for a great BF Fryday for us all!!
    Last edited by paulywogg; November 22nd, 2019 at 09:29 AM.
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  6. #26
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    hiya all howare you then today?all good I hope ..yet again not done too much today ..though mbh did some one armed weeding earlier not a lot tho ..its really cold here today ,

    hiya ppqp hows you then ?all good ?did you manage to get something to eat?I know you have still got snow ..my mate sent me a pic of them reversing a tank into the hangars in suffield..snow all over the place ..Any thing over the weekend?

    hiya pauly hows you today then?all good I hope..yep I think shoving a pineapple up yer nose would be a bit of an irritant hope you have a good weekend

    hiya lav hows you then today?busy stitching ?yes Im taking it easy with the arm ..madam is on my case.hers a pic of my little work area in the loft now

    20191121_161125.jpg

    have a good one folks

    What is the leader of Russia doing, if he’s stood on a biscuit?


    Putin’ on the ritz

    A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the short story had to contain the following three things:

    (1) Religion
    (2) Sexuality
    (3) Mystery

    Below is the only A+ paper in the class.

    "Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who the father is."

    Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

    Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

    Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

    Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

    So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

    Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
    Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

    The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

    Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
    Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
    Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
    Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

    The budding actor's agent finally gets him a part. It is only one line, 'Hark I hear a cannon!', but it's the part that could launch his career.

    He practices the line over and over again for days before the performance. He can't mess this up - his career could depend on this. He tells his parents and all his friends he has a part in a brand new production and gets them all to come to the opening night.

    Finally the day arrives. He arrives at the theater and the security guard at the actors' entrance asks who he is. He boasts proudly "I'm the guy who says 'Hark I hear a cannon!'". To everyone who asks, he grins and says "I'm the guy who says 'Hark, I head a cannon!'" - the makeup crew, the electricians, the set designers, the costume designers, everyone - "I'm the guy who says 'Hark I hear a cannon!'".

    The call comes to him to go stage-side and wait for his cue. He stands there repeating his one line over and over again, 'Hark, I hear a cannon!'.

    Eventually he gets his cue to go on stage.

    Suddenly he hears a loud BANG.

    "What the fck was that?!"

    A couple was waiting for their food at a Chinese restaurant when an elderly waiter set chopsticks at their places. The woman made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.

    "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."

    The old waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory."


    An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

    The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

    The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"

    Again, the Japanese was onfused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"

    The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."

    A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-kee' am I?!"

    The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

    Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  7. #27
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Good evening kids

    OK day today doing nothing spectacular, haha. I did make some awesome pumpkin oat waffles for dinner though & they were good!
    YB has finished painting in the kitchen, it looks great. Now he’s finishing up the hallway, yay. Looks so much nicer.
    I have one chicken still limping around so she’s been separated from the others, hope she heals, she’s one of the young ones.

    PQ, I was 20 years old & woke up one morning thinking I had had a stroke! I couldn’t move my neck or shoulders, scared the crap out of me. Luckily I was off that day but the next day I dragged myself to work & unknowingly had my neck adjusted by an Osteopath. He walked up behind me & cracked the hell out of my neck, gave me a Rx for Parafon Forte a muscle relaxer & just walked away, Lol. That healed up pretty quickly but every now & then the stiffness returns. That’s when I finally figured it was all about the pillow for me.
    Hope you get rid of your snow this weekend.

    Pauly, I also refer back to the sensitivity test when I can’t figure out what is bothering me. I really think as time goes on we develop more & more sensitivities. It’s weird & annoying for sure.

    Mick, looks like you have a comfy little work space there, good for you.
    Glad to hear you are behaving, I know it’s not easy, haha!

    Thinking of you Cyn & Det.

    Have a nice night everyone.

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  8. #28
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Arggh...lost my post and then typed 3 letters and it auto saved again, so nothing to bring back. Need to get dinner started so will try again later....PPQP

  9. #29
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    Mae everybody,just a quick poppin before I start getting ready for work,hope everyone has a great BF Saturday!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

  10. #30
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: Nov 17th

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly...I hope you have a great day at work.

    Not even going to attempt to rewrite yesterdays post. Wanted to say that there's been a shift in the bosses attitude. He had a call from the President of the board stating that he had an email from a resident complaining about the attitude of the receptionist and the way she talked down to her mother and insisted on registering for programs online. There's no mistaking who she's talking about. The boss wants to discuss when the prog coord is back next week. Sure glad I've been talking with the board before this happened since I told them they have no idea what's actually happening at work. Makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing about getting everything on the table.

    Putting the coffee on for us all as I need to wake up more. Have a Super Sober Saturday all....PPQP

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