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  • Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
    Results 31 to 33 of 33

    Thread: Nov 17th

    1. #31
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      Mick's Avatar

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      Re: Nov 17th

      hi all how are we today then? good i hope..never slept too great last night..it is 4pm and pitch black outside ,and been really foggy too...def not going detecting tomorrow ...even I think Iwould be mad apologies for the right hnded typing

      hiya pauly you well today?hope you are doing ok ..hows work nowadays?

      hiya ppqp..wow a sea change at work?interesting to see how this all works out ..still snowing out there?

      hiya Lav ..how are you ? yep thats some model railway Rod Stewart has..I was going to do a bit of electrics on mine today ...but I cant move my arm properly its kind of hard behaving!!!!!!


      I've just bought a packet of "easy-cook" rice.

      Cooking ordinary rice was getting far too difficult for me, what with having to run water into a pan, pour the rice in and turn the hob on.


      At a recent protest in the city.

      “What do we want .”..................”An end to night shift”

      “When do we want it ?”.............”What day is it now ?”

      I hope I get Jeremy Corbyn in secret Santa,
      I’m going to get him an advent calendar, it's the only time he'll open the Number 10 door.

      1949: Jeremy Corbyn is born

      1950: Scientists start working on the first birth control pill

      Coincidence?

      After a Visit to a Massage Parlour
      ...a man discovers a painful lump on his willy, so he goes to see his doctor.

      "I'm afraid this is serious", the doctor says after examining him. "You know how rugby players get cauliflower ear"?

      "Yes", the man replies shakily.

      "Well" said the doctor "it looks like you've got a brothel sprout".

      A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude, but he doesn't look anything like my son".

      The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either but what do you think this - some new fangled photo copier"!!!

      Exam' questions:

      In which battle did Napoleon die?
      # his last battle.

      Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
      # at the bottom of the page.

      River Ravi flows in which state?
      # liquid.

      What is the main reason for divorce?
      # marriage.

      What is the main reason for failure?
      # exams.

      What can you never eat for breakfast?
      # Lunch & dinner.

      What looks like half an apple?
      #The other half.

      If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
      #It will simply become wet.

      How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
      #No problem, he sleeps at night.

      How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
      #You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

      If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
      #Very large hands.

      If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
      #No time at all, the wall is already built.

      How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
      #Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

      The following assessment was developed by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ...

      Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

      This is this cat.

      This is is cat.

      This is how cat.

      This is to cat.

      This is keep cat.

      This is an cat.

      This is old cat.

      This is fart cat.

      This is busy cat..

      This is for cat.

      This is forty cat.

      This is seconds cat.



      The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it! How many did you get right?


      Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.


      I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

      Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
      A: The Taxpayer.

      I've written books on advertising – cheque books.

      I am having an out of money experience.

      It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank

      Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.

      For some time I've been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.

      It's unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.

      The same people who laugh at fortune tellers take economists seriously.

      My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.

      True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.

      Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.

      A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

      If at first you don't succeed: try management.

      They have two tellers in my bank, except when it's busy they have one.

      By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

      If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

      Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.


      an you guess which of the following are true and which are false?
      Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

      Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

      A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.

      People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

      When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart!

      Only 7 percent of the population are lefties.

      Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

      Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

      The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years waiting in lines.

      The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

      The average housefly lives for one month.

      40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

      A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

      The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

      Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.

      Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

      The reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

      The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

      John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."

      Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.

      In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

      Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.

      The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor.

      Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.

      Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.

      If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.


      All of them are true!!!!now go back and consider the one in red,,,
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


      CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    3. #32
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      Re: Nov 17th

      Mae all -

      Hope everyone has had/is having a good Saturday!

      Thanks for all the jokes, Mick - I seriously hope that you can cut and paste them into your post; I hate to think of you typing all that with a bum arm! How are you healing? Your attic office looks great - enjoy it!

      Lav, I admire you for the craft shows - that is a ton of work before, during, and after. Glad the boys' visit was fairly calm, and enjoy your new paint job!

      Pauly, I remember that you are allergic to pineapple... good detective work, maybe that's the culprit. Hope you can find a different turmeric blend.

      PPQ, so interesting to hear that the boss changed his tune a little... good luck refining your comments. How are you feeling? Glad that it is a weekend, I bet.

      Did two long trips up north this week - one to help some friends prep the downsizing move out of their home of 18 years... sad, but they must move. Tried to be moral support as well as packing support. Yesterday I cleaned and cleaned and exhausted myself. I did take the initial 2 ivermectin pills, and gave the dog his canine version. I want to be clear that I did NOT have scabies - just possibly a canine version that looks similar to other mites. I wish I had that version - it apparently lasts 3 weeks and then goes away... this has been going on since late September. Lav, I only had one new client this fall, and I suppose it could be her house (very dusty and with 2cats). Fortunately I followed my gut and told her I would have to pass her on to another organizer, so I never went back there. I actually think it is a bird mite or tree leaf mite. I started getting bites on my legs and the it just blossomed... do you remember me talking about the little covered porch? We are 1) on the ground level, and 2) I sat out there a lot with Zander 3) I walk him out there 4 times a day. I think some came in on my clothes and then made a home. Hopefully some day there will be an end to this... in the meantime, I am an expert vacuumer, and all fabric surfaces get a daily cleaning. Everything smells like cedar oil, which is not bad. I lint roll the bedding and all our clothes every day... now I sequester both clean clothes and dirty clothes in big zip locks bags. Not sure what else I can do... sent the bedroom rug out to be cleaned, and will let them deliver it only after we are DONE with this. So, that's my story, thanks for listening.!!!

      Wishing a lovely end of weekend to all -- cheers ---

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    5. #33
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      Re: Nov 17th

      Good evening Abbers,

      Getting pretty chilly here but no rain yet. Fireplace is getting a workout!!

      PQ, glad your work issue is working out for the better of all.
      I hope your snow is disappearing as we speak

      Pauly, hope your day was good!

      Mick, loved the old fart joke, haha!
      I know it’s hard to behave but I’m glad that you are because it’s for your own good. And ours, Lol
      Sounds like a good weekend to just stay home & work on your trains. You have a lot to do to catch up with Rod!!

      Hello to Cyn & Det, hope everything is OK.

      Have a nice night everyone!
      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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