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Thread: 15 march

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    15 march

    Good morning all, and how are we today then ?hope everyone is safe and well. Just taken my car down to the garage for its annual test and few other jobs that need doing, and I will get it back on Wednesday so I won't be going anywhere .Amy has just phoned us,,,,her boyfriend Chris was on a do in Portugal he is flying home early and had to go via France as there are no direct flights into the UK now and Portugal is about to close down too.dry today but overcast...however both rabbits are out playing. Got to phone the dentist tomorrow to arrange an appointment to sort this lot out too

    Hello pie and welcome back. None of us on here are entitled or indeed have the right to be judge or jury there is no need for embarrassment... so get yourself back on track and get control of it all again and no it isn't whining either, that's what we're all here for help each other ... as for being so far down the Rabbit Hole, I I've got two here that would help you on that one . take care have a great day

    Hiya lav.... quick get down to the off-licence and get some vodka for hand sanitizer my tulips are up but they're not budded properly yet the daffodils are out and lots of plants got little shoots coming off them but no major flowers apart from the camellia which is a sea of Pink .one of the things they are are talking about over here is bringing back retired prison staff as well haha I would have a ball but somehow I don't think I would last very long

    Hiya det how are you today then mate? Hope all is well with you I think the going rate over here for getting tested with the virus is 3 grand, but they reckon they have already tried it on American patients with success yes I'm sure I will be going back to Italyagain, it won't be for a while yet but I will certainly be going back I've climbed both Mount Etna and Vesuvius and a few other mad things there too to a great place friendly people and the gelato is fantastic!

    Hiya pauly. Hope you're well and doing ok stay safe

    Same goes ppqp hope everything is ok with you and again stay safe stay well

    Hiya TG how are you you? Hope all is well in your world and things are taking along

    Little Johnny was at the local supermarket with his parents.

    Little Johnny, got tired of walking, so his Dad let Little Johnny sit on his shoulders. As they walked Little Johnny started pulling his Dad's hair.

    His Dad asked Little Johnny to stop numerous times but he kept on. Eventually Little Johnny's Dad got really annoyed and said, "Son Stop that immediately!"

    "But, Daddy", Little Johnny replied, "I'm just trying to get my chewing-gum back".

    Five sales people, John, Peter, Harry, George, and Margaret, meet at the water cooler.

    John: "I had three fantastic meetings today, man they were great! "

    Peter: "I managed to crank out 85 calls! "

    Harry: " I mass emailed over 4500 prospects! "

    George: "I put together and sent out over 200 new info kits to new prospects in my territory. "

    Margaret: "I didn't sell anything either. "


    Moral of the story: Nothing matters in sales but results. All the good intentions or activities mean nothing unless you are able to produce.

    American Movie Rating System Explained
    G : Nobody gets the girl.

    PG : The Good Guy Gets The Girl.

    R : The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.

    X : Everybody Gets The Girl.

    XXX : Everybody gets the girl, her mother, her sister, her father, and her father's boyfriend.

    Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "suspicious car".



    Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.

    President Trump was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

    He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

    Although Trump was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping the original folks and how proud he was of them

    At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Trump with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle."

    The proud President accepted the plaque and then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.

    A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.

    They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

    My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70 each ! ! !

    Bollox to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

    Life Explained
    On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

    The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking.. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

    So God agreed......

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span"

    The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

    And God agreed......

    On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

    And God agreed again......

    On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

    But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

    "Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

    So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

    I Would Like Coffee Please
    A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself.

    Soon, the waitress came over to take his order. "...and to drink" she asked?

    The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.

    "Oh my G~d; I am so sorry"!

    "That's OK", the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin - "but tell me, was this regular or decaf"?

    "Regular" she replied.

    "Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night"!
    Last edited by Mick; March 15th, 2020 at 04:29 PM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  2. #2
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    13th May, 2012.
    Posts;
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    Re: 15 march

    MAE ALL...

    Pi...so good to see you. I think of you every PI day if not more often when I'm thinking of renovating something. Wondering how your Dad and Step Mom are doing and how many 4 legged friends you have living with you. It's a good thing you're in a rabbit hole as I know a couple of "peskies" that can help you out. Having problems seeing a way out, TG will show you where the "light" is. I for one am not sorry you stopped by and I can whine louder than you can. LOL Glad you're back and hang in there, it will get better.

    Lav...they're really going to close the booze stores!! OMG the whole country may sober up and wouldn't that be great to see. No plants popping up on this side of the world but the positive is all the "pot holes" have disappeared. LOL I'm glad your daughter is ok and that all the tests came back negative. There's another positive.

    Det...tape a sock over your face, there's a fashion statement. I'm so glad you're so strong in your quit right now. So far schools are staying open here in Alberta but other provinces have closed them. It's definitely a wait and see situation. I remember the Andromeda strain. LOL

    Mick...wanted to say good morning to Paul as well...LOL Glad your "troops" are up. LOL I love the way the voice to text appears on your posts. Been hibernating this weekend, never had so much food in my house. LOL It's currently -7F but there's no wind and plenty of sunshine. Alas we are going to have to cancel the Wednesday Ladies Bridge, because of covid19 so will miss playing cards for now.

    Hope everyone stays safe and healthy. Have a Super Sober Sunday all...PPQP

  3. #3
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    Good evening friends,

    Filled up my day with cleaning & cooking, not going to do that every day haha!!
    I don’t mind not going anywhere as long as I can find something interesting to do here which i usually do. Had to postpone a planned lunch with old friends tomorrow because all of the food establishments are now closed too. Oh well, we can wait I guess.

    Mick, glad it’s not raining on you for a change
    Hope you get some help from the dentist soon. I think my latest extractions have healed, nothing bothering me anyway.
    It would be a cold day in hell before I go heading back to work at this point, haha! I couldn’t do all the running & lifting anymore without hurting myself so I wouldn’t be much help. Plus I’m not sure how strong my immune system is anymore. I feel like it would be a death sentence for me, not going there.

    PQ, i’m just trying to imagine the white knuckling going on around here with the booze stores being closed. I am so freaking grateful I won’t be one of them tearing my hair out!!! No schools open, no eateries open, even the local zoo is closed, geez.

    Hi Pi, thinking of you & hoping you will be a regular here once again!

    Hi to Pauly & Cyn & Sam.

    Det, sorry you are losing business over the virus. It sounds like everyone is, sad. We are all in this boat together, right? I hope some good luck falls in your hands very soon

    OK, must go tuck the chickens in - at least we have eggs to eat, LOl
    Have a nice night all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  4. #4
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    Thanks, guys. I'm not exactly back yet. Still on a downhill slide. Need to get a plan. Need to get my feet back under me. Sounds like peskies are at the ready, tho.
    Last edited by Pie; March 15th, 2020 at 08:19 PM.
    AF July 11, 2014
    I can't drink a little, therefore I don't drink at all.

  5. #5
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    Mae all -

    Late night post, so o will be brief. Sending love to all - Det, so sorry for the money stress... I am sending health and wealth wishes to you...hang in there. Thank you so much for all the links; I've been a fan of Jack Kornfield for a long time! I thought of you when I read about the retired nurses... glad to hear you are not considering that! (Glad to hear about daiughter too). Pauly, how are you doing? I hope you have some good news about iron soon. PPQ, glad that you have stayed in this weekend... way too cold! Pi - I too thought of of you on your" day. It's never too soon to climb up out of that hole - I look forward to seeing you here, so glad to have you post!! Sam, still feeling OK, hopefully. Hello to anyone else...

    Well, here we go around the dark side of the moon - but we will come out again eventually... wishing all well and healthy, and say again how grateful I am for the company here. May we be well ---

  6. #6
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    PS! Mick! Thanks a million for the levity each day, what an incredible gift!!! Good luck with the teeth...

  7. #7
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    Mae everybody, Pie, good to see you, what the heck is going on? PQ, I need to go get my iron checked soon, with all that's been going on it's been the last thing on my mind, it's easy for retired people to say"we'll get thru this" but fuck when you work and get paid daily it's enough to put you in panic mode, there's no unemployment for self employed people, my savings sucks, etc this shit sucks and it's scary right now and no that wasn't a jab at anyone here
    Last edited by paulywogg; March 17th, 2020 at 08:47 AM.
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

    Off the table no MATTER what.

  8. #8
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    hiya all how are we gtoday then? all good ..?Iwent to the shops this morning ,Aldi opens at 8 ...I got there at 815 ..it looked like a plague of locusts had done it in .so Icant even have toilet rolls for brekkie !!haha..its pretty heavy duty folks but ...stay with it ...things will get better..even with a scumbag leader like America has got .
    The dark side of the moon ....Floyd!!!!!!I was supposed to be going to see a tribute band of them next week ...another non starter...
    Pie the peskies are gunnin for ya so get the plan boxed off ...and dont forget thats what we are here for too..

    big shout to everyone ..


    The more food you buy, the more toilet paper you need.

    It’s a catch-twenty-poo.

    Seville is a ghost town.

    Even the barber’s is closed.

    10 Men Only Housekeeping Rules
    It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

    Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

    Never make fried chicken in the nude.

    Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

    You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

    If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

    My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

    Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

    Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

    When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.


    Q: What go's peck peck Bang, peck peck Bang...?
    A: A flock of chickens in a mine field!

    Knock knock.
    Who's there.
    Doorbell repair man.

    A young man came home from work and found his new bride sobbing convulsively.

    "I feel terrible", she told him. "I was ironing your best suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your pants".

    "Forget it", consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit".

    "Yes, and it’s lucky you have", said his new bride, dabbing her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole".

    Little Johnny was sweating while digging a hole to plant a tree and cursing as per usual.

    Little Johnny's gardening teacher says "Johnny, please stop swearing the Lord is everywhere".

    Little Johnny replys "Ok... so I guess He is in that tree over there"?

    "Yes" his teacher replys.

    "Ok.. no worry's" says Little Johnny " .....is He in my dad's wheel barrow"?

    "Yes Johnny" his teacher replys

    Little Johnny says "B@LLshit ....!!! My dad AINT GOT one".

    A scottish colonel walks into a chemist, goes to the counter and hands over a small wooden box.

    The chemist opens it and finds an old condom with a hole in it.

    The colonel says 'how much to repair it'?

    The chemist says '70p I guess'.

    The colonel says 'how much for a new one'.

    The chemist replies '1'.

    Tthe scotsman walks back outside and a few seconds later there is a loud cheer followed by a louder cheer. The colonel walks back inside and says 'the battalion has decided, we'll take a new one'.


    The baby pigeon complained to his mother before flying a long distance, 'I can't make it, I'll get too tired.'

    His mother replied, 'Don't worry, I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.'

    The baby started to cry.

    'What's wrong?' asked the mother sympathetically.

    'I don't want to end up being pigeon towed.'


    Funeral of a Traffic Warden

    As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, LET ME OUT!"

    The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters " Too f@cking late pal, the paperworks already done!"

    An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

    Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

    "Damn," says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  9. #9
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    MAE ALL...

    Well the government closed all schools, preschools and out of school care facilities. It's pretty quiet on the roads out there and 2 people showed up at the centre. The day was spent answering the phone and repeating, we don't know. LOL We have cancelled basically all programs at the centre except for the prog coor who decided to keep running 3 of hers. What an idiot! I will be going into work all this week and the boss is scrambling to figure out how he can get out of paying his part time childcare workers. What an ass!

    Lav...I'm sure you can come up with something other than cooking and cleaning. LOL They haven't closed our booze stores yet but I think it's coming. Not going to bother me either. Some of the bars in Calgary have shut down on their own. So when I run out of eggs I'm coming to your place.

    Pi...yup, peskies at the ready whenever you are. Remember, we're here to help or just listen so jump in anytime.

    TG...you take care and don't run yourself ragged. Hope all is well with hubs.

    Pauly...I heard somewhere, not sure where, that not only are Americans buying toilet paper they are now lined up to buy guns. Really!!! What are they going to do, shoot the neighbour to steal their toilet paper. I know our government is implementing plans for people who don't qualify for employment insurance. I hope yours does the same as I'm sure you're not the only one in this position.

    Mick...sorry the tribute is a non starter but that's the way it goes. I was quite glad to see how quiet the centre was as I'm now getting a little concerned about my compromised immune system. Been stepping up my hand washing and paying attention to everything I touch. They're now telling Seniors to stay home, good thing I'm only 64. LOL

    Shout out to Det & Sam. Stay healthy out there everyone....PPQP

  10. #10
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 15 march

    Greetings Abbers,

    Another day-of entertaining myself at home, not bad. I even got started on some garden beds. Supposed to rain tomorrow I’ll find something else to do.
    Everyone I know is still healthy so I am grateful. I do have to go get my BP checked tomorrow, hope no one is in there coughing, ugh.

    Pie, we’re patient & will be here when you are ready. Sooner rather than later is a good idea. You owe it to yourself, really.

    Cyn, I imagine a lot of your face to face contacts with people are on hold for the time being. Just as well, I want you to stay healthy too

    Pauly, you seem to be putting up a lot of resistance to things that none of us have any control over. Please don’t do that to yourself, it won’t change anything. All you will accomplish is irritating yourself when you need to be treating yourself with extra kindness. There are a lot of unknowns we are all facing right now, believe me. You likely will be spending more time with the boys if their schools are closed. You could make some fun projects with them. Have you been seeing all the online resources to keep kids busy? There’s a ton of them. Hang in there, we are all in this together.

    Mick, 45 was on TV this afternoon talking more BS but I’m sure yuo don’t want to hear about it, haha!!Said his test was negative for the virus, too bad, Lol

    Det, PQ & Sam, thinking of all you guys!

    Gotta go close up the chickens, have a good night everyone!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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