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  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    mae all how are we then?all good I hope...bit cold today ...a mere 31 degrees..blowing a gale storms are on the way.A survey has been commissioned re the spread of covid..one of the conclusions is that a main spread area is pubs ...no sh.t sheriff wonder how much that took to work out.no sign of the foxes this morning .whats everyone up to then? take care x

    They have put perspex screens up between pupils desks in many schools, in preparation for reopening in September.

    Kids in liverpool will already used to talking face to face through a screen when visiting dad in prison, it will also be great training for future life down the benefits office.

    Bored during lockdown?
    Call a feminist group and ask to speak to the man in charge.

    In protest of the destruction of Beirut, protesters are preparing to destroy the rest of Beirut

    Apparently athletes can buy weighted vests so they can go running carrying a higher weight and make themselves stronger. I find this odd and think why don't they just eat loads of pies and drink a few beers to add the weight naturally and have a fcking good time.

    I used to sell boat parts from my attic.
    At first I thought my business would just paddle along, but my sales went through the roof

    I've seen the new Skittles Chewies, (no shell), being made.

    They make them as normal, then pay people to suck the coating off before putting them into the bags.

    I find as I get older I only need 3 shops in my life, Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.

    My life is all specs and drugs and sausage rolls.

    As a 2nd wave of corona virus looms this winter, people are being told to brace for the worst and severe lockdowns and restrictions that could last until May of next year.

    Or until November 4th, if Trump loses the election.

    The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

    As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

    He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

    The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

    The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man says, "I chop wood!"

    "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

    "I chop wood!"

    "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

    "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

    "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

    The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

    A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."

    Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister. You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door."

    The little girl thought about this and remarked, "You mean like my other Daddy does?"

    Shipwrecked On A Desert Island
    On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

    - Two Italian men and one Italian woman

    - Two French men and one French woman

    - Two German men and one German woman

    - Two Greek men and one Greek woman

    - Two English men and one English woman

    - Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

    - Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

    - Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

    - Two Irish men and one Irish woman

    - Two American men and one American woman


    One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


    * One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

    * The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.

    * The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

    * The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

    * The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

    * The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

    * The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

    * The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

    * The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.

    * The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping...

    Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer".


    Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 PM., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you",

    Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times"!

    Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him"?

    Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress".
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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  3. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    Greetings Nesters,

    Not much happening here so I changed the bedding for the chicks. It was starting to get a little ripe after 10 days, haha!! Smells a lot better now
    Next Sunday we’ll be traveling to NJ to attend a memorial service for our DIL’s mom who was killed in the car crash way back in February. It’s not been easy waiting so long but with all the covid restrictions it had to be delayed. At least we’ll get a glimpse of the ocean for 5 or 10 minutes before we turn around & head back home.

    Mick, we’ve had sun, dark clouds, a quick rain/thunder storm & back to sun so far today haha!!
    The current ‘feels like’ temp is 92 degrees at 6 pm. I’m ready for winter, no kidding!

    Hello to PQ, Pauly, Pie, Sam, Det & our friend Cyn.

    Take care everyone!
    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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  5. #3
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...thanks for kicking off this weeks thread, will have to talk to you about the title. LOL A bit cool here today as well, it was 6 degrees this morning. Yes, that's not a typo, only 6. Have a feeling I'll be posting "snow" pics by next week, jeeze! "no sh.t sheriff" or as I would say no sh.t Sherlock, wonder how much that survey cost! We've had vandalism in the garden, popped over this morning to check it out. Obvious kids (?) as plants (carrots, onions, lettuce) were just uprooted and thrown around the garden. It wouldn't hurt so much if it was someone stealing food to eat, I could forgive that.

    Lav...at least the family will finally get to say their goodbyes. This pandemic has certainly thrown our lives upside down. Have to admit things are starting to get to me and I think a lot of it is because of the missing boss at a time when we could use some direction. He is supposedly back tomorrow and other than giving him my deadlines re: membership database and community newsletter I don't see any reason for me to go into the office. Think I'll wait till he officially tells staff we're restarting.

    Thinking of the rest of you.....PPQP

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  7. #4
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    Mae everybody, PQ, that's terrible about the vandalism! Wish people would just leave other people's shit alone the way this year has been going you probably will be putting snow pics up next week haha, Mick funny jokes-thanks, Lav, glad you finally get to pay your respects, so sad it had to be put off but this is our weird world right now, much love to the gang and wishes for a great BF Monday for us all
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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  9. #5
    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    oy! happy Un hungover Monday ABerooooodles!

    oh my, just been zooming about like a crazy man. did take some downtime this weekend in between learning modules on my marketing studies.
    Took girly to the water park BOTH sat and Sunday. I got out and visited my uncle's family a bit which was nice. they are doing a camping trip for
    a couple weeks all over WA and OR which sounds great fun. Did a little archery practice too which is a hoot.

    PPQ, punks got to your garden... jeez people. respect for other people's property seems to be at an all-time low in society. kids feel emboldened and
    empowered by social media influences in ways I just didn't see coming. you should here the crap that comes out of girly's mouth.. it's like a pull-string
    recording of some popular wanna-be political activist she follows on her phone.

    Lav, at least you'll be seeing the ocean soon. Funerals are heavy and I feel for you.

    Me dear Mum is in town from FL !! haven't seen her in years and so tonight we're meeting up at the Bally's casino for dinner and a visit. Bringing the girls.
    hoping the wee one can keep her attitude under control. sigh..

    PPQ, don't blame you for waiting until boss can sort a few things. speaking of wacky weather we've got a very near-miss from an asteroid coming between
    us and our moon very shortly. Hoping it will be visible from here...?

    Pauly, finding anything to do around here? it's really not easy especially lately.

    thankfully a LOT more photoshoots have hit my calendar this week so I'll be busy making a few bucks which I certainly need.

    and with that... off to pack my gear.

    be well loves!
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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  11. #6
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    hiya all not long home ...motorway is closed ...lorry fire ..it melted the motorway...was at the dentists..ok..head gets drilled on 10th sept take care sorry bout the short ness im making tea

    At last we have a working track and trace system.

    Simply track any recently awarded government contract and you can trace it back to one of their mates.

    Simon Cowell has fallen off his electric bike and requires urgent surgery.

    At last, they're gonna straighten those fcking eyebrows

    BREAKING NEWS: Simon Cowell's bike to be awarded MBE for services to music.

    Ex-MI6 chief urges ministers to stop their children from using TikTok because it could expose them to Chinese spies.
    Yes, because Chinese spies will find watching videos of kids doing stupid dances very helpful in the bringdown of Capitalism...

    People in glass houses shouldn't store ammonium nitrate.

    Apparently, the entire Lebanese government is going to resign as a collective apology for their incompetence.

    Any chance someone could forward this onto Boris?
    Last edited by Mick; August 10th, 2020 at 12:59 PM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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  13. #7
    Registered User. Pie's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    Mick’s at the dentist, and Santa’s on his way. Kind of comforting to know that some things haven’t changed. I’m very jealous of your cool temps, PQ. There’s no getting around August in south Texas; just have to survive it. I wish a pox upon your garden vandals!

    Hi Lav, Det, Pauly. I’m just easing off into the afternoon here. About to binge watch some Handmaid’s Tale. It’s especially creepy given the social unrest in our world today.

    Later, gators.

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  15. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    Greetings Abbers,

    Hazy, hot & humid so nothing is new haha!! Heatwave #5 is not making me happy but what can you do? Have not slept much the past two nights even though my house is nice & cool. Leaves me feeling weary & unmotivated to do much, oh well. I do have my younger grandson here eating everything in sight soI need to return him to his owners soon, haha!

    PQ, I think I would feel free to dump all that sh*t right in the boss’s lap. That’s what he gets paid the big bucks for, right?
    I am profoundly jealous of your cold weather, boo hoo . Sorry about the garden vandalism. The kids are bored & need to go back to school.

    Hey Pauly, hope your day was good!

    Det, sounds like you have great times ahead, personally & professionally. I’m happy for you & hope the visit with your mom is good.

    Mick, sounds like you had one heck of a day, sorry.
    I hope tomorrow is much better!

    Pie, I think we’re having your weather here, ugh! There has been nothing pleasant about this summer. Looking forward to cooler weather in fall.

    Hello to Sam & Cyn & anyone else stopping by.
    Have a nice night all.

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  16. #9
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly... we are usually very lucky when it comes to vandalism in the garden and I feel this one was "bored kids". I can also see the toll this pandemic is having on people, where once they'd just wait patiently for their turn they are now just barging in with the "FU" face. This meme I saw on FB pretty much summed it up...
    117751241_3210578745655801_5145641033159649125_n.jpg

    Det...wow you are zooming and not on the media platform LOL. Archery...I took that at summer camp many, many moons ago and loved it. Glad you were able to see the family. It's scary how much social media influence has over everyone. I remember when "TV" became a reality with 3 channels. Everyone watched the same news and bias, and now!! Haven't heard about the asteroid yet, that's something I can get interested in.

    Mick...wow, you and the motorway's are just not friends! Is the Sep 10 visit an ongoing issue from the extraction?

    Pi... yup, you got that right, it is comforting. The cool temps have been a blessing but I'll soon be bitching about it. LOL "A pox upon your garden vandals" love it! I haven't gotten into Handmaid's Tale yet but it's calling to me.

    Lav...with my COPD, the heat waves and masks I've found myself very short of breath for awhile now. I noticed a big difference with the temp drop, I've been good to mother nature lately. LOL So can you return your grandson COD or do you actually have to make the delivery. LOL

    Chatted with boss this morning, a story for another day, but wanted to know what his exceptions were as far as working at home/in office. I had only gone into the office to learn the new software. Basically he's not expecting staff back till September. Funny, program coordinator was anxious to now get involved with the new software, sorry, I now have other priorities to deal with. I have a bridge date tonight, so looking forward to it....have a good evening all...PPQP

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  18. #10
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: august 9th...its nearly Christmas

    good morning all...how are we this wonderful day ? all good I hope..just heard on the motorway,its just opened this morning ...not that Im bothered I aint going anywhere ..weather has changed ,it is really blowy today.
    I see Oldham has now become the top hotspot in Britain for the virus....wont be going there in a hurry .
    I got my other computer back yesterday,and guess what ...I prefer the spare one i bought Its a Dell ..the other one is an HP.

    Hiya ppqp...how are you then?ok I hope ...bridge tonight ...go for it..didnt know you had COPD ....you stay safe In a way the dentist is a result from the extraction ....Im getting 2 implants in .I think you are right re your vandals ..

    hi Lav ..you ok?yep you are right this year has been a bit of a disaster ..but Im sure things will improve ..they will definitely change ..Was looking at a report ,,a 10 year old out detecting with his dad has just found an 18th century sword..and then there is this one .

    Unique Bronze Age hoard found near Peebles by metal detector enthusiast | The Southern Reporter

    hiya pie hows you then in yellow rose land?hows the booze battle doing ?you ok with it ?We are binging on Spooks and the Durells , 2 different series made yonks ago.

    hiya pauly ..you doing ok?take good care ,

    a big hello to everyone else

    I love the first proper drink of the day. I love the tinkle of ice in the glass, and how the gin swirls around it. I love the fizz of the tonic as I pour it, and the splash of the lemon slice. I love the moment when I sit back, relax, sip it and reflect on the wonders of life.

    But the wife always ruins it, carping about "there's work to be done" and "you're drinking too much."

    For fcksake, why is she even up at 6am?

    This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with an Indian accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

    So the married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camel."

    Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

    The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

    The Indian man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb."

    Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!!

    In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Indian man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Indian's thighs.

    The Indian then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!

    Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

    A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

    Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

    The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

    The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

    Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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