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Thread: 1st nov

  1. #11
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    hello everyone ,how are we today then? good hopefully ...just let the rabbits out ..and yes it has started raining ...looks like Ill be chasing them around the garden ,next door neighbour has just toldme his dad has got covid now ...andhas been in bed for the last couple of days ..the kids have just had to go for tests ..If Im honest I am struggling with this lot now ,oh Ill get over it ,but at this moment Im feeling pretty low .anyway lets have a brew .

    hiya Det how are you today then mate ? hope all is well with you ..that gallery looks pretty good buddy .

    hi ppqp ...yep got everything yesterday ta..doing spreadsheets and kwestshun airs? you could be playing cards ...take care .

    hiya pauly how are you?good I hope .yes I bet you will be glad when the election is over ..we will be ..over here they are saying if Trump wins you can forget the idea of freedom to vote .

    hiya tee gee hope you are doing ok ?youve been some interesting places take care

    hiya Lav ok? best of luck with the polls todayand ends peacefully ..

    take care all.

    When he asked his campaign for advice on the final day of electioneering, Trump was told ‘Carpe Diem’.

    So he went fishing.

    George decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

    One evening, after the honeymoon, George and his new wife was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

    After along period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your clubs and golf cart".

    George gets this horrified look on his face.

    She says, "Darling, what's wrong"?

    George says, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife”.

    "Ex wife" she screams! "I didn't know you were married before"!

    George retorts, ”I wasn't“!

    Male logic

    Lady: Do you drink?

    Man: Yes

    Lady: How much a day?

    Man: 3 six packs

    Lady: How much per 6 pack

    Man: about $10.00

    Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

    Man: 15 years

    Lady: So one 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?

    Man: Correct
    Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?

    Man: Correct

    Lady: Do you know that if you hadn 't drunk, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

    Man: Do you drink?

    Lady: No

    Man: Where 's your Ferrari then?

    Winston Churchill loved Paraprosdokians, which are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

    Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

    Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    They begin the evening news with "Good Evening," then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

    I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay-checks.

    In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify: I put, "DOCTOR."

    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

    A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

    You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    Where there's a will, there are relatives.

    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    There but for the grace of God—goes God."

    A modest man, who has much to be modest about. (allegedly referring to Clement Attlee)

    You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have tried everything else.

    I'm supposed to respect my elders, but nowadays it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

    Ponderism - The Best Fourteen
    Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

    Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

    Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

    Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" Mean the same thing?

    Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

    Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

    Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    Doesn’t "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

    Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

    Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

    Texas vs California

    The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor’s dog, then bites the governor.

    The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

    He calls animal control.

    Animal control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 to test it for diseases and $500 to relocate it.

    He calls a veterinarian.

    The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 to test it for diseases.

    The governor goes to the hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for infections from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

    The running trail is shut down for 6 months while scientists from the Department of Fish & Game conduct a $100,000 project to make sure the nature area is now free of dangerous animals.

    The governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.

    The state legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

    The governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.

    The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding coyote behavior.

    PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million lawsuit against California.


    The governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

    The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging.

    The governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.

    The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

    And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.

    Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you"!

    The banknote salesman was sent to prison for going into business for himself part-time. While behind bars, the warden made arrangements for the salesman to learn a trade. In no time, the salesman became known as one of the best carpenters in the area. He often got day passes to do woodworking jobs for people in town.

    When the warden started remodeling his kitchen, he called the salesman, now carpenter, into his office and asked him to build and install new cabinets and countertops.

    The salesman refused.

    "Gosh, I'd really like to help you," he said, "but counterfitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


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  3. #12
    Registered User. paulywogg's Avatar

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    30th June, 2012.
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    Re: 1st nov

    Mae everybody, PQ, yay on the dryer! Glad that's delivered and done, Det, awesome on the gallery hangings, Lav, I'm getting ready for some kind of unrest the news showed businesses putting boards up in case of rioting, either way either camp is gonna be pissed off, and yes they're hoarding the stock in the grocery store again and limiting items, Costco in one part of town is completely out of what else, t.p and paper towels, same as in March, glad your yard sign hasn't been shot, these people are soooooooo extreme! Mick, you keep yourself safe over there too, I'm worrying about second lockdowns and people going bonkers over that too, much love to all and wishes for a great BF Election day!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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  5. #13
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    Good evening folks,

    Well the polls close in little over an hour (8pm), of course my vote has been in for many weeks. YB did go today & found a big crowd there where there’s usually only a few people at a time. Looks like everyone is actually getting off their lazy a$$es & voting for a change. Results to be determined. I am not spending the whole evening glued to the TV, I am working on some embroidery orders to keep myself from getting overly anxious.

    PQ, congrats ion the dryer acquisition, haha! It’s hard to live without one really.
    Glad you got your work project figured out, good job!

    Mick, sorry to hear about your neighbor. I had a thought this morning that we are much more likely to all get the virus at some point than originally thought. It’s not disappearing & the virus itself is mutating, so I’ve read. But, the medical community has a better idea on how to treat patients now than they did back in March. I heard there were 2800 new cases today just in my state. It’s awful, it really is. Keeping ourselves as healthy as possible & taking the right supplements is the best idea for all of us. Keeping our immune systems strong is a must!

    Pauly, my yard signs even made it thru the day today, go figure, haha!
    People rioting & looting for any reason is just bad. The sad thing is a lot of city governments are tying the hands of the police departments by not letting them arrest these criminals - it’s happening in Philadelphia. I just don’t know what to say, it’s sad. Keep yourself in a safe spot & away from the madness.

    Hello to Det, Sam, Pie & Cyn!

    Have a decent night everyone! Keep your fingers crossed for good news.
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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  7. #14
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...sorry this is getting to you but it was bound to happen, it has gone on for so long now. And then to have it happen so close to home. I've been lucky that I don't know anyone personally that has got it so it still seems a bit unreal to me. I also can go into work everyday and get distracted by other things. Hang in there.

    Pauly...boy you're telling me, now maybe I can get everything put away. Living surrounded in a mess can get depressing. Our numbers have shot up over the weekend and the "powers that be" are concerned. Not sure what that means. LOL Try not to worry as of course there's nothing you can do about it. Just keep yourself sane and safe.

    Lav...sounds like crowds everywhere which in my opinion is a good sign. I won't be glued to the tv either, perhaps some cards is in order tonight. Yes, it was very frustrating not having the dryer. I've gotten into the habit of throwing my shirt/slacks in there in the morning to get the wrinkles out. Good to get back to my routine. LOL

    Thinking of the rest of the gang...Pi, Det, Sam, TG, AJ...hope you're all doing good.

    Finally having a training session with the prog-coord tomorrow and the boss is going to sit in. He admits he hasn't spent any time learning the new system. Seems like a good time to ask for a raise. LOL Also doing a Zoom meeting to learn how to do a Zoom meeting. Boss has made me a co-host for our Zoom AGM later this month and I want to learn all I can. With my luck the boss will say he can't attend and can I run it. Wishing everyone a calm and peaceful evening....PPQP

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  9. #15
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    morning everyone. feels like 4 years ago happening all over again, I was hoping for a landslide but it ain't over yet, just got a bad feeling.

    Mick, I get it, I've been feeling the same. In my area people are very nonchalant, 90% don't wear masks, our fearless leader is a moron and has made a pandemic political. Between covid and the election I got the straight and natural blues.

    PQ, is Zoom different than Skype? Good fun training!

    Lav, chickens have shut down, on strike I suppose, no eggs, but they need a rest. We have younger batch that haven't quite reach laying age yet, so maybe they'll kick it in gear.

    Pauly, I've hearing that shortages are on the horizon. If/when a vaccine I'm not sure how safe it will be. I can't remember a time when there such a need for cohesion and just the opposite has occurred.

    Det, how you been? Sounds like you're ready for a move.

    well, back to the mountains. Hopefully it has dried off enough to utilize a road that wanders close to my starting point.

    be well good friends
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  11. #16

    Re: 1st nov

    Afternoon all not to report here. After a wild windy wet weekend we are back to cool sunny days. Sorry about your friends Mick i don't know anyone personally thats got it and i always trust the news on figures etc. We are in week of phase 5 lock down and the same as you over there only essential shops open for food meds etc and schools and collages still open. some pubs and restaurants can operate a take away system only and many closed and may not reopen. Det i love your art work are you in Vegas too? i was there for vacation i am in Dublin Ireland. going to visit sister today i usually go twice a week. I have online images of many boarded up business in the states getting prepared for riots with elections. Its looking close between the two we just have to wait and see. I do hope it does cause a lot of looting deaths and violence so stay anyway in affected areas and near polling stations. Ok have a good day x

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  13. #17
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    MAE ALL...

    Sam...good to see your post this morning. I was hoping for a landslide too but figured this is what we'd get. Zoom and skype are pretty much the same thing, a few more bells and whistles in zoom. I hope the road was dry for you today.

    AJ...I don't understand why they continue to keep the schools colleges open during a lockdown. Seems that's where most of our cases are coming from. Nobody could tell me what to do when I was in high school. LOL Hope you had a good visit with your sister today.

    It was definitely a weird day today. Seems all kinds of glitches were happening with everyone. Every time I turned around someone else was at my desk say "The strangest thing is happening", Managed to solve a couple of them the rest I need to investigate further. So it is now time to unwind. Shout out to the rest of the gang and I hope we all have a peaceful night.....PPQP

  14. #18
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    Good evening friends,

    Well, we are still waiting for results & I think it may be another day or two. I’m in one of the states that’s holding things up due to the huge amount of mail in ballots, oh well. It’s looking good for Joe Biden, Trump is already demanding recounts, haha!
    I’ve been busy working on embroidery orders & grateful they keep my mind off the politics.

    PQ, I have an iron & ironing board set up in my sewing area, sometimes you have to press things as you sew. I never put my own clothes on it though, Lol, that’s what a dryer is for!!!
    Have fun teaching the boss how to do a Zoom meeting & be sure you get a raise afterwards

    Sam, we moved 7 of the oldest chickens to our Amish friend’s farm on Monday. The remaining 10 have only given up a total of 2 eggs per day since, haha. The young flock won’t start laying for a while yet so we’re going to have to go easy using eggs. Hope your day went well on the mountain.

    Anjicia, there’s been so much unrest in the US. I have never seen so many protests, riots, looting, shootings, ugh. I thought it was bad back in the 60’s, geez!
    I hope you had a good visit with your sister today.

    Pauly, what’s up with you?

    Det, hope all is well.

    Mick, the Philadelphia news stations just reported on the lockdown in Manchester & showed lots of people hitting the stores for supplies. Hope you got what you needed too.
    My daughter is reporting an increased number of people in the ER of the hospital where she works with Covid symptoms. It’s just everywhere & all we can do is follow guidelines & try to stay safe. I truly hope you’re OK

    Cyn, when is your quarantine up? Should be soon I imagine. Hope you are well.

    OK, back to work for a few more hours then work on some puzzles or something. Have a good night all!

    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  15. #19
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    Hi Lav....I did watch some of the returns last night, watching for the PA results and thinking of you. Although hoping for a landslide things turned out pretty much as I expected, narrow margin and Trump crying foul. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who uses the dryer for ironing. LOL What kind of puzzles are you working on? I love jigsaws. Don't work too long tonight....PPQP

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  17. #20
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 1st nov

    morning all how are we today then?was trying to watch the american election wonder we have got a special relationship...that stuff is as crazy as the junk we have got going on over here..Well we are supposed to be on total lockdown now ..not from what Ive seen so far .My next door neighbour told me their kids have got the virus now .In additon to that ,my brother went for an operation yesterday morning ....havent heard from him yet was quite a complicated (and gruesome) operation .What will be will be .

    hiya ppqp..hows you then?did you get the drier going ok?it sounds like it ..I used to love jigsaws though its ages since Ive done one .

    hiya Lav ,how are you then?hope all is well in these crazy times .Yes I got everything I needed ..even filled the car and van up ..we were going away for this weekend but that isnt happening ..its our anniversary today .certainly different !!take care

    Hiya AJ hows you then ?sunny weather ? could do with some of that too !So you live in Dublin?I was there few years ago ...met up with Byrdie there ..we stayed in Stillorgan its the only place I have ever seen a poster ...have you seen this tortoise ..

    Hiya Sam you doing ok mate? every now and again we hit downers and this was mine !we will get there take iteasy mate

    right folks have a good one
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


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