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Thread: 6th December

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    6th December

    hello everyone how are we today? hope all is well with everyone.Very foggy over here today at the moment cleaning up the garage ...yep boredom setting in!!iand yes the house is next to declutter ..hope everyone is doing ok ...keep smiling all

    Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

    Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

    If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

    Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

    Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

    Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.

    A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.

    Funny Nicknames from Scotland

    Some nicknames that have been given to some characters from Glasgow, Scotland by their workmates and friends:

    *Two Soups*
    - his real name is Campbell Baxter.

    *Norrie Two Bonnets*
    - the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.

    *The Colostomy*
    - the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side).

    *The Boomerang Kid*
    - whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that. '

    *The Parachute*
    - lets everyone down at the last minute.

    - his real name is Willie Burns.

    - loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'

    *Bo Derek*
    - a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.

    *The Genie*
    - magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.

    - his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

    - washes his hands of any problems that crop up..

    *The Yeti*
    - always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.

    *The Gas Man*
    - he's serviced loads of old boilers.

    *The Hostage*
    - when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.'

    *The Olympic Flame*
    - He never goes out.

    And finally:

    There was a stevedore at Ramsgate harbour whose mates called him "The Ailing Crab" -- He was always taking time off because one of his nippers was poorly.

    The famous American statesman, William Penn had two old aunts, named Natalie and Ellie, who were well known for baking great pies.

    But, alas they got greedy and raised the prices, up and up, until...

    Soon all the people in Quakertown were complaining about "the pie rates of Penn's aunts".

    Murphy the Roofer was working when suddenly he started shaking and feeling dizzy.

    He calls down to Paddy the Hod-Carrier and says "I think I must go home, I've just come over all giddy and feel sick".

    Paddy shouts up to Murphy on the roof "Have you got vertigo"?

    Murphy replies, "No I only live round the corner".

    Where do German farmers keep their tractors?
    Auto barn

    A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that'?

    The pigmy answered,'Yes'.

    The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that'?

    Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club'.

    The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club'?

    The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us'.

    Paddy O'Murphy's wife gave birth to twins and he demanded to know who the other man was...

    A Neat Piece of Trivia.

    (I bet you'll never look at the game the same way again!)

    Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape...

    Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.

    Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.

    At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.

    By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.

    Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were located. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.

    As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed to add:
    1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass
    2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together
    3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!

    British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.

    Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.

    The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.

    It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!

    When Canadian road workers found about 200 dead crows on the highway between Toronto and Hamilton, there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

    So the government had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu, much to everyone's relief.

    However, he was surprised that his detailed study determined that 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, but only 2 percent were killed by car impact.

    The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the reason behind the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills.

    The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set up a lookout crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

    His conclusion was that the lookout crow could warn "Cah", but he could not say "Truck".
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


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  3. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    Greetings all,

    Mick, now I know a crow canít say Ďtruckí
    The temp is right at the freezing mark now so I guess itís going to be a super cold night.
    Spent half my day chasing flighty little chickens back into their yard. Itís time for some wing clipping for sure. At least Iím getting a little fresh air & exercise, haha!!

    Wondering WTH hell everyone else is today, hmm. Just hope everyone is OK

    Have a nice night all. I need to go package up some things for mailing tomorrow.
    Have a nice night all!

    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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  5. #3
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    Mae all, I just figured out how to find the last thread so that I could read up on what the weekend was like for folks... glad I did, as I would not have known about PPQ... I hope we hear soon that she is okay... that all sounds very strange.

    Mick, how are you feeling? You said a little tired, but didn't mention itchies or pain, so I hope that you are feeling better with all that.

    Lav, wonderful,pics of Longwood, and I love the idea of you exercising by chasing the adolescent chickens around. Does your son have just the one dog now? I remember the "insanity twins." Dear me, going to FL for that trial... that is going to be a heartbreak all over again. I agree with you, how has that driver been just out walking around and possibly doing the same thing, for a year?! Makes no sense.

    Sam, that article is fascinating, right? Very impressive.

    Pauly, how's things? I'm glad that you figured out the puppy and kid situation... takes time to get things straightened out. Are you looking forward to Xmas? I want to hear about the presents ...

    Det, hope you are doing okay...

    I realize now looking back that I had a really hard week last week, mentally and emotionally. Like it was one transition too many... and also, I am starting a new position with Classical Tahoe, and I absolutely don't feel up to the job. All new skills. So I guess I took a few days to put my head in the sand... the good news is that I seemed to have a few more lights on in the old noggin today... so we'll see what happens this week.
    In the realm of strange physical things going on, I suddenly had half of my right eye fill with blood. Thank goodness it doesn't hurt. But I did call eye doc, just to be sure I shouldn't be seen... and he said it will take a couple of weeks for it to clear. So I look kind of scary, but oh well!
    Wishing you all a good day tomorrow, and I will check in tomorrow.
    To The Light

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  7. #4
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    morning all,
    chilly start to the day, been in the start of our annual house cleaning for xmas. No wonder I think humbug!

    Mick, been detecting any lately? how are the wabbits doing?

    Lav, our newest batch of chickens seem pretty flighty as well. Maybe its the cold making them nervous?? nah.....

    TT, any clue as to what happened to your eye? cause? sounds pretty scary.

    PQ, hope you are better!

    waves to everyone
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  9. #5
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    hiya all are we today then? good I hope...very cold over here today but was out digging in the garden ..start of my ideas for next years moveabout .well the first doses of the vaccine re given today ...I think Im in round 6 then if there are any issues I reckon they will have found them

    hiya Sam ..yep rabbitz are doing good thanks ,havent been detecting for a while now ..covid sort of messed that up take care mate

    hi Lav hows you then?hope all is well..chasing chickens ?good exercise I guess ake care

    hiya ppqp how are you then?hope all is are you feeling .hope you are getting better

    hiya teegee ..hope you are good ..Yes Im ok ,just get very weary and shooting pains in my arm .but I feel like Im getting better take care and dont go mad .

    right I will say goodbye ..big hello to everyone out there
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


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  11. #6
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    Evening here.... thought I would check in and see how PPQ is... I hope she is Okay, and Det as well.

    Hiya Sam, good luck with the cleaning up before the holiday... exhausting!

    Hope your evening will be good, Pauly...

    Wishing all well -

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    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    Good evening friends,

    Yep, it’s chilly & partly cloudy so the sun isn’t helping much. Ran out to the secret little Amish store today to stock up on some baking supplies. I love that little place.
    Well, we figured out today every time one of those flightly girls hops the fence we catch them, clip one wing & return them to their yard so theyll never do that again, haha!! We usually do the wing clipping before adding them to the older flock but this time we didn’t & now we’re paying for that decision. I’m just worried about the fox & his buddies getting to them when they’re out of the fenced yard.

    Cyn, the driver was immediately found guilty if careless driving but I have yet to find out what the consequences are for that in FL. According to YB it’s likely to just be a $1000 fine. I don’t think that’s even close to being an adequate punishment for killing someone with your truck & badly injuring another Hopefully something else will come of this.
    Sorry about your eye. I remember that happened to my mom at one point while they were on vacation, just came out of no where. Hope yours clears up quickly. I did read the email announcing your new job, how wonderful! I’m sure the organization believes in your abilities. One day at a time for now, right?

    Mick, you’ll have to stop digging when the ground freezes buddy!! Remember to save your energy for healing.
    I’m waiting to hear about the vaccination schedule over here. Apparently cases are still growing by leaps & bounds daily over here.

    Sam, will you have time to clean my house too? Lol
    We’ve had some flighty chickens in the past but this group seems to be borderline crazy, haha! Maybe it is the weather.
    PQ, please check in & let us know how you are

    Det, time for you to check in as well.

    Pauly, hope your day was great!

    Have a good night everyone!
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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  15. #8
    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    MAE ALL...

    Sorry for not checking in sooner, can't believe it's been this long! Where did the week go! Spoke with the Doctor on Friday and she didn't think it was a sinus infection (I'd be in a lot more pain if it was) figured it was an allergic reaction to something and recommended an OTC antihistamine to start and see how it goes. I asked her about getting a covid test and with my symptoms she didn't think it was necessary at the time. The OTC med worked and almost instantly the swelling and heat on my cheek stopped. I was self quarantining since Wednesday, just incase, had no energy and basically lied on the couch doing nothing. The rash is starting to dissipate and I am now seeing a bit of clearing with patchy dry skin. I'm nervous about applying any cream but when I did felt a lot of relief. I have never had allergies but know that you can develop them at later ages. I have a sneaky suspicion it has something to do with my mask wearing. I am going to continue taking it easy and working from home for now with the bosses full approval. I had a lot more energy today and feel I'm on the mend, just don't look at my face. LOL At least if I go out I can wear a mask!
    I had a quick read through of the posts, thanks for your continued care and support. I am a little bit worried about Det. Have a good night all...PPQP

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  17. #9
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    morning all pouring down with rain here ..was in the garden yesterday thank goodness most of the plants are out ...just got one fuschia to die back and then move. Wrong time to lay grass .so will need to keep it fenced..else we will have 2 digging out rabbits .
    well today over here is already being called V Day ..Vaccine 0630 his morning in Coventry the first covid19 jab in the world was given.
    Ppqp ...glad you are feeling a bit better could be as you say something to do with mask wearing..but there is that much jotting around the world you never know what it could be .stay safe

    hiya Lav ...1000 bux? what price life ?yes I probably should have left the garden but you are cleaning out the house too? shall we have a swap section on here?I saw the deer in the fields yesterday 4 of them now ..

    hiya tee gee are you then? hows the eye?Noggin eh ?????ha ha..In a year full of grief craziness etc are entitled to "ostrich 5yndrome" you take care ..

    hiya Sam are you then ? so far thats me ,you, lav and I know Byrdie is doing the same ..theres a world innovation in there somewhere

    hiya pauly how are you then? hope all is well with you.

    right mad bad and sad ...take care and have a good day x

    My son said he wanted to be a bin man cause they only work one day a week. I said "don't be daft son. that's teachers you're thinking of".

    New Tier 3 Regulations from New Year’s Eve

    Stay at home unless you have a large ‘yacht, a second home in the country or a private jet.

    I recently visited a restaurant where they offered you £50 if they couldn't provide anything you ordered, so I asked for elephant's balls on toast and within 10 minutes the head waiter handed me a nice crisp £50 note.

    They had run out of bread.

    I recently bought a receipt but it's the wrong one.

    So I'm going to go back to the shop to return it.

    Australian SAS and Commando units have been accused of war crimes.

    The people that look after us .

    Maybe the politicians should go out and fight the wars they start,

    Being airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up... One minute prior to take-off, by our catering service..., I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and..., unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals... I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

    When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued..., "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 4 hour flight."

    Her next announcement came about 2 hours later... "If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her pink sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

    The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated/

    "What does it look like" she finally asked?

    The policewoman replied, "it's square and it has your picture on it".

    The driver finally found a square mirror in here purse, looked at it and handed it over to the policewoman. "Here it is" she said.

    The blonde police woman looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OKm you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop..."

    Murphy goes to his friend Pat and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me?"

    Pat doesn't like it but being Murphy's long time friend, he agrees. After service, he starts talking to the Pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

    Finally the Pastor gets annoyed and asks Pat what he's really up to.

    Pat, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Pastor. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied".

    The Pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Pat's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home. My wife died two years ago".

    Ponderisms for Seniors
    I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!

    Old age is coming at a really bad time!

    When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

    The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

    Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

    I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights.” I'm very wise.

    My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

    Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

    If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

    The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes”.

    I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

    When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

    Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... But it can muffle the sound!

    Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

    Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.

    Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

    Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

    At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I was wanting!

    I was showing my doctor the rash on my bum today. He seemed pretty uncomfortable and didn’t want to look at it, he just told me to make an appointment at the surgery on Monday and walked off pushing his shopping trolley with his wife.
    Last edited by Mick; December 8th, 2020 at 10:47 AM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then proudly marching into year 5..done that bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one he casually strolls into numero 7


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  19. #10
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    Re: 6th December

    morning all
    nice brisk morning and lots of sun. Got to do some deed research in a county that's very rural and yet the covid #'s are creeping up. Usually there's no one in the record room. How strange it has become to worry about being around people.

    PQ, glad you're getting better.
    Mick, definitely screw the people. I watch in total disbielf the amount of effort here to overturn an election where he's the obvious loser.
    Lav, I wonder what makes one group of chickens calmer than the others. We're starting to get eggs from a few of the new ones now.
    TG, how's your day doing?

    waves to Pauly and Det, Pi, hope you're doing well.

    have a good one everyone!
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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