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Thread: 24th

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    24th

    hiya all how are we today then ..just thought Id start the fred here ..Im making tea ...shepherds pie ..the shepherd aint happy but there you go ..hope all is well Tee gee did you get it all cleaned up ? take care yall .

    Lockdown 3 is starting to affect me. I have just re-installed Windows XP, just to remind myself what the outdoors look like. The green grass, the blue sky. Outdoors mmmm

    I think I have a bible fetish....

    ....I just came to that revelation.

    As I got out of my car there was a notice that read 'Mon-Sat 8am-6:30pm 2 hours. No return within 2 hours.'

    It's a sign of the times.

    Diarrhoea Awareness week next week

    Starts Monday, runs til Friday

    *Flash sale*

    Full length macs available in all sizes.

    To be honest, at first I struggled to give up meat for Veganuary. The easiest way for me to do it was to go cold turkey

    I lost my job as a tree surgeon after only a week for being, 'the most stupid and incompetent git I've ever had the misfortune to hire'.

    Anyway, anybody want to buy a slightly used scalpel, bandage and small sewing kit?

    Host: Which American President was known as Tricky Dickie?
    Woman: (After thinking for a few seconds): Bill Clinton.

    A parrot developed the bad habit of humping the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.

    The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this.

    As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced, "Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!" Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, "And you two chicken-humpers get up here with me."

    Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

    "Why?" asks the father.

    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.

    "But that's right!"

    "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'

    "What's the fcking difference?" asks the father.

    "That's what I said!"

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

    "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy" he asked?

    "To make myself beautiful", said his mother.

    A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

    "What's the matter" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up"?

    David received a parrot for his birthday.

    This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

    David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything else that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

    Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

    David, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."

    David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

    Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

    A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

    The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
    Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. WHOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 peices! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

    Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two...." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHH. A gust of wind filss the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.

    The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

    And the Jewish samurai replies - "Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!"
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    MAE ALL...

    Mick...thanks for the kick start. Shepard's pie sounds like a good choice for supper, thanks for the idea, now I don't have to think about it all day. LOL

    Woke up to the whole area covered in hoar frost, so pretty. Our high today is our overnight low 5F so won't be venturing too far today.
    Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday....PPQP

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    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    Mae all -

    Thanks for the thread start-up, Mick. Love all the bird/chicken jokes! We need to know how Amy is doing... are the back pains any better? Hope so... sorry about no green in your life right now, cross fingers it will be soon...

    PPQ - bundle up! Mmmmm shepherd's pie...

    Hello to all else. Yes, Mick the floors and carpets are all clean, but waiting for a day warm enough to do a last brush-cleaning of the slipper bottoms... too cold now... why do they put so many tiny grooves on the bottom of slippers?

    Doing my bit for my job tonight, so thought I would say hello early - wishing all well -

    5 pm here and still a bit light out, hurrah...

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    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    Good evening friends,

    Still cold here but not quite as windy but the windchill is still 12 degrees, haha! Way too cold to stay outside more than a few minutes. My chickens are acting like it’s a balmy day. I guess we should all be covered in feathers, haha! I made a small batch of sourdough donuts - just to test out the recipe, yum. I’ll definitely be making more & skip the powdered sugar & chocolate frosting like I did today. They are flavored with cinnamon & nutmeg, delicious.

    Mick, shepherd’s pie sounds good!
    I hope you weren’t planning any trips over here because a new travel ban goes into effect tomorrow. If you’re a non-US citizen coming from most of Europe & South Africa, you can’t get in. This is due to all the new variants popping up around the world. I hope Amy is feeling a bit better. Stay out of trouble now, haha!

    Cyn, sorry about your rude awakening this morning, that stinks. I hear you about cleaning slippers. I sometimes forget & wear mine outside around the chicken house & yes they do get cruddy.
    Sorry they are still working you so long & hard. I wonder what a ‘full time’ jobs entails, geez! Take good care of yourself!

    Hello to PQ, Pauly, Det, Sam & Pie. Hope everyone is A-OK.

    Have a nice night all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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  9. #5
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    hiya all ...how are we today then?hope all is good today ...dry today ,though tomorrow is supposed to be..foggy,snow then rain..took all the broken fencing to the tip today ...there was actually a queue to get in to chuck yer rubbish out .Started the van up today ...started first time .Amy not too good today fever ,sore back and vomiting and headaches....

    hiya lav...your doughnuts sound superb.Yes we have similar travel bans over here ..If you look at all the holiday stuff in uk for this year its all about "staycations "A lot of the campsites are already booked up for the whole year! We have got hopefully Christmas at Chatsworth house campsite we booked it in November ...there were 6 vacancies left.and its the same for most other places.The van we bought ,similar have already gone up in price by 8k!take care

    hiya teegee how are you today then?hope all is well with you and your groovy slippers..Shepherds pie was lovely ...melted cheese in with spud ..let it brown up ..yum yum .


    hiya ppqp how are you then today?your weather sounds pretty much like ours .Are you still working from home?

    hiya pauly hope you are doing ok ?

    take care all...

    Large crystal ball for sale. Only 50, but you will haggle me down and buy it for 35.

    A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"

    The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps. After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised.

    The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

    "Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.

    After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."

    Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
    morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
    '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel
    answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and
    stared at it.
    Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I
    know where to find my hearing aid."

    When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a
    park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
    She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
    every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
    fruit and freshly ground coffee."
    I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me
    homemade soup for lunch, and my favourite brownies, and then makes love
    to me for half the afternoon.

    I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he
    makes me a gourmet meal with wine, and my favourite dessert and then
    makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would
    you be crying?"
    She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
    years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
    their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
    cards.
    One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
    said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
    time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
    but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend
    glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
    her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

    With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week **.

    Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey", died peacefully at age 93.

    The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

    They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.


    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
    CLASS: Maria.

    Dear Diary,
    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
    expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

    But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed
    them, complaining that his work had been completed a whole
    year ago, and I had yet to pay for them.

    Boy oh boy, did we go around!! Just because I'm blonde
    doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

    I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy
    had told me last year: namely, that in one year the windows
    would pay for themselves.

    There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just
    hung up... and I have not heard back.

    Guess I won that stupid argument!

    Things to Ponder
    1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

    2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a bathroom section in a swimming pool?

    3. OK.. so if! the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

    4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

    5. There are three religious truths:
    a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
    b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
    c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

    6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

    7. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways...

    8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

    10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

    11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

    12.! If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

    13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

    14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    15. What hair color do they put on the ! driver's licenses of bald men?

    16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.

    17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

    18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look fo! r them while they deliver the mail?

    19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

    20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

    A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant.

    The husband kept looking over at a nearby table where a lady sat in a drunken stupor.

    The wife asks "I notice you've been watching that lady for some time now. Do you know her?

    "Yes" he replies, "she's my ex-wife, and has been drinking like that since I left her seven years ago."

    "That's unbelievable" the wife replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

    The World Expert on European Wasps ...
    The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.

    As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.

    "Just Released -New LP -Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

    Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

    "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

    "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

    The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

    Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

    "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant.

    "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

    The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

    Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.

    "I don't understand it", he says,

    "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

    "I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."

    Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth.

    Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

    "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."


    "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant, I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    Greetings friends,

    Waiting on the snow/ice event due to start later. Ran out & did what I needed to do including getting my hair cut,
    Nothing real exciting here except I made waffles for dinner, yum

    Mick, love the self-paying windows joke, haha!
    Glad you got your camp reservation in on time & I hope we can all begin to move around normally by next Christmas. Sorry to hear Amy is still dealing with the virus. Does she have anyone looking in on her? I have zero idea when we are going to be able to get the vaccine. All of the geniuses involved with getting the vaccine distributed seem to have messed up badly. It’s harsh keeping older folks standing in line for 3 hours or more. They could have managed this better.

    Hello to PQ, Pauly, Cyn, Det, Sam, Pie & anyone else stopping by.
    Lets all have a good night!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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    Re: 24th

    Mae everybody, Mick sorry to hear Any is still so sick watched the video you sent of the cats watching tv it was hilarious! Lav, yep it's bungled up with that vaccine distribution from what I've been seeing/hearing, not much going on here, it's cold and it drains my energy, much love to all and wishes for a great BF day!
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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    Re: 24th

    MAE ALL...

    Pauly....it's going to be a cold one in vegas today. Stay warm.

    Was one of those downer days yesterday. Tried to work off and on and finally gave up. So I've got some catching up to do. Have a good day all, I'll check in later....PPQP

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  17. #9
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    hiya all how are we today then? all good I hope glad I got everything done before it started .....raining ...yes raining here today ..supposed to snow too.Amy still not too good..she says it feels like someone is twisting her lower spine .
    Did a bit more on the trains..Ive got 2 need repair.Speaking to a guy who is a whizz at electronics..I have sent a couple of locos down for him to sort out .if he is good then Im going to get him to put lights on my locos and the firebox ...plus a couple will have smoke boxes ..that means it will smoke when it runs

    Marklin 72270 Smoke Installation in Marklin 39640 locomotive - YouTube

    hiya ppqp ...how are you feeling today then? hope you are feeling better .We all go thru it ..you take care .

    hiya teegee...glad you are all cleaned up now .take care and take it easy too...with your groovy slippers ..

    hiya Lav how are you today then?hope all is well...did you get the haircut?save money get a No1 i will have grown by the time we are allowed out to play!Yes Amys b/f is there... oh and so are the apprentice tigers ..

    hiya pauly ..you ok ? hope so ...yes its cold over here too...and foggy and raining ..apart from that all ticketty boo


    short and sweet ..and this isnt a long post either.....

    I walked up to the miserable old woman that lives at the end of my street.

    I said, "What's your favourite type of sandwich?"

    She said, "Probably cheese."

    I said, "Cheese isn't a type of sand."

    "I hear you split up with your wife."
    "I did. Would you stay with someone who sat about in their bra and pants all day, drinking Gin and watching Loose Woman?"
    "I sure wouldn't."
    "Well, neither would she."

    I think I had a really good time last night.

    I'll let you know after I finish reading the police report.

    Just bought a load of old railway buffers on eBay for a bargain price. It was an end of line sale.

    I was walking out of the hospital when this scruffy looking scrote asked "any change, pal"

    No, He's still in intensive care,but thanks for asking I replied.


    I've just turned off the news and started watching a movie about serial killers..............To relax.

    Just went on TripAdvisor.

    It said watch out for that dodgy paving stone.


    I went to pay for the work that the garage had done on my car today, the cashier asked, "Would you like to cover your parts?"

    I said, "No thank you!"

    She said, "You'll have to wait outside then, you're scaring the customers."

    Bloke gets a dog and takes it for a walk for the first time in the country.
    He throws a stick but much to his horror it lands in a nearby pond, the dog goes after the stick and trots above the water retrieves it without even getting it's paws wet.
    The man is amazed and throws the stick again this time into the centre of the pond, again the dog fetches the stick again without getting wet at all.
    He repeats the experiment and observes that the dog is so skillfully tip toeing on the suface of the water it doesn't actually break through.
    About 10 minutes later another dog walker appears a surly Yorkshireman
    He demonstrated his dog's amazing gravity defying abilities.
    The Yorkshireman says "how much did you pay for that dog"
    The owner replies "about 100 why?"
    The Yorkshireman replies "well you've obviously been done, it can't fcking swim"

    My neighbour had a female domestic worker in his home. I hadn't seen her in a while, so naturally I inquired...

    "How's your housemaid?" I asked.

    He thought for a second, then said, "With bricks and cement, like most others."
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 24th

    Mae all -

    Lav, those donuts sound DELISH! Do you make your own starter? You were probably doing that we'll before the pandemic. I wish you could have the vaccine soon - seniors should have special dispensation. I also have heard that they are waiting outside for hours, or in their cars... not good.

    Mick, I am so sorry about Amy, she seems to have a terrible case of the virus, poor thing. Does she have a way to watch her oxygen, besides the fever? Wishing her well and healing.

    PPQ- hopefully your mood has lifted... I truly get it... sending good vibes.

    Pauly, bundle up in your cold weather! It's the only way to stay warm... with our snow today, I had to move to a warmer, waterproof coat - it helped a lot. Thinking of you.

    Det, I hope you have not encountered any harsh weather during your move - good luck!

    Hello to Sam, Pie and all others...

    Down to one storage unit! Of course the contents of the small one are here in this small house with me... I still have some paths left to get to the bathroom and the bedroom... ! Hopefully sooner rather than later I can start to go through this stuff. I succeeded in getting through entering all sorts of information into an online court document, whew. I have sent it to a lawyer to review, no sense submitting it if I have done something that's not exactly right. No sense making extra trips to Westchester County, NY.

    Hope all are well, warm and dry,

    To the light (whenever the snow ends...)

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