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Thread: 21Mar

  1. #21
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: 21Mar

    hiya all ..how are we then? all good hopefully ....Im on to the next project building a little plinth for the buddha..(no not me ) that we have got ,moved it from the top of the stairs into there ...but now it suddenly needs a plinth ...oh well .pallet wood again ..how are the weekends for you all .Julie got an email yesterday ..all prison staff irrespective of age ,next week will have the opportunity to get the jab ...next week apparently is really busy ,then they are shutting down for a month to newcomers ..to get the ones that are due their 2nd jab to get them done

    hiya Pauly Im fine thanks ,cm here big hugz ..get yer mojo back ..hope your weekend gets better for you ......

    hiya Lav ,hope all is well with you? when does the landscaper start?the guy phoned me up about the turf ...it apparently is pretty good ..the first lot lifted was just full of water ..so he was supposed to come up today but is a no show .got my other 2 locos today ..got to try them out yet .take care have a lovely weekend .



    hiya det ..welcome to the planet zog ..it isnt a dream ..you have been abducted ..you are now in a crazee environment !!hope all is well mate ...nice pics btw ..We used to years ago go to Turkey regular ,I loved the food kofte,kebaps mezeand karnyaik? Ithink ,,,the most memorable food I ever tasted was borsch in Moscow it was superb .

    hiya everyone else hope we are doing good ....jokes up later take care


    SCOUSERS: Support your local shops.

    Only shoplift from supermarkets.

    "This is 2021! I am not here just to serve men! I am a working woman! Make your own fcking sandwich!"

    "Is this your first day at Subway?"

    I once felt like I did a stunt even better than Tom Cruise could have done in "Mission Impossible".

    After I successfully changed a light bulb without a step-stool.

    I've realised that there are two very important rules to being successful.

    1. Never let them know everything you know.

    2


    Top Tip for cargo shipping companies. Why not use the Panama canal as an alternative route. You can also get the world's largest container ships through that

    Quasimodo
    After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

    The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

    After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

    "You have no arms!"

    "No matter," said the man. "Observe!"

    And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

    But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

    As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

    "Bishop, who was this man?".

    "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,



    ( scroll down )


    >


    " ................ BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"






    WAIT! WAIT! There's more


    The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

    The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

    The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

    Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

    "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.




    "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but..."





    (. . . Wait for it ...)




    (.. . . It's worth it.. ..)





    "HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."


    There was a gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its gas sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-up."

    Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

    The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

    The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7)."

    "Sorry, no free sex this time, but maybe next time."

    Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.

    The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number.

    The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time."

    As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged. He doesn't give away free sex."

    The buddy replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

    Four married blokes go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

    First bloke: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

    Second bloke: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife I will a build new pool deck.

    Third bloke: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise to remodel the kitchen."

    They continue fishing then realize the fourth bloke hasn't said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said what you had to do to come fishing. What's the deal?"

    Fourth bloke: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. It went off, I shut it off, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" She said, "Wear sun-block."

    After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

    The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

    The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

    "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...

    Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

    Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

    A cowboy in Texas gets pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

    Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

    The cowboy sez, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies?"

    The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of no circle flies."

    "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, "Are you callin' me a horse's ass?"

    "No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass."

    "That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
    Last edited by Mick; March 27th, 2021 at 01:44 PM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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  3. #22
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: 21Mar

    Good evening friends,

    Nice day here, 67 & sunny, no jacket needed. Tomorrow rain & thunderstorms, oh well.
    I have re-opened Lav’s nursinghome for senior dogs, haha! I am watching my son’s nearly 15 year old golden until next Saturday. Poor thing has slowed way down, can’t see or hear much anymore & seems to be growing numerous tumors. I guess this could very well be her last stay with me so I’ll make the best of it for her.

    Pauly, thank you & I hope your day was good. I hope yuogot started at some point, haha!!

    Mick, I have a buddha on my kitchen window sill & also a gargoyle (like you see at Notre Dame) to ward off evil spirits, Lol
    I can’t wait until we are all fully vaccinated then maybe we can breathe a little easier. I hope at some point the grandkids can be vaccinated as well. Hope the locomotives are working well.
    I believe the landscaper is coming on Thursday to get the job started, bless him

    Hello to PQ, Det, Pie & Sam. Hope everyone is OK.

    Have a nice night everyone!
    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  4. #23
    Registered User. treegirl's Avatar

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    Re: 21Mar

    Mae all - long day, so will just say hello and wish everyone well... more tomorrow.

    (PS, Lav, that wind that you sent up here was wicked bad! But thx for the pretty day today... )

    More to you all soon - good luck with sleep and happy dreams to all --

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