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Thread: April 25

  1. #1
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    April 25

    hello everyone ....and how are we today then?hope everyone is well ..a lovely day over here today again ,but just noticed ..the weather brings the nitwits out ...someone has lit the moors on fire ...absolutely stupid crazy and malicious .was playing in the garden this morning ..its small so I can do things in detail .but the fields at the back justgive me that extension of view .

    hia ppqp ...how are you then? hope you are doing ok and just busy ?do you need some warm wevver ? take care ..

    pauly pauly hows you then?hope you are good girl .interesting there was a letter published by the top scientists to our govt ..telling them to stop hyping it up ...the pandemic they reckon is now similar to the flu,due to the vaccines ..the vaccine has lowered hospitalisation by 98%..the uk rate today is 24.3 cases positive per 100000..you are right about opening up tho ...it still needs monitoring very carefully ...on a personal level ..you take care.

    hiya teegee hows you then ?clear your mind of blames mistakes and what ifs ..que sera sera ...you have a massively positive attitude ,and also ..your outlook is similar..with what you have been through I would defy anyone to do what you have done sans fault..give yourself some time some real you time ..


    hiya Lav ...hows you then ?high pollen count here today ,but its tree pollen which doesnt seem to affect me ..Il ove fuschias ,and when I lived near the coast I had massive success with them..I am now on the last series of 24 ......I have watched spooks also ...so if anyone can think or has seen something in a similar vein let me know..

    hope you have a good weekend ....

    big shout alldeuvvers

    Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow!! I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."

    The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."

    So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked brunette woman floating face up headed toward the island.

    The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking the other guy had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked brunette woman, unconscious.

    They went over to her and discovered she was alive.

    One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know, screw her?"

    The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"

    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

    Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

    As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

    The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

    The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hel_l are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

    A Pom, fresh off the plane at Sydney airport, is trying to negotiate Australian customs. Finally, when it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer starts rattling off the usual questions:

    C.O. - How long do you intend to stay?
    POM - 1 week.

    C.O. - What is the nature of this trip?
    POM - Business.

    C.O. - Do you have any past criminal convictions?
    POM - I didn't think we still needed them

    A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:

    "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"

    Silence.

    Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

    A passenger in coach shouted, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

    Message Very Important Notice To All Employees
    Company Policy: Effective from January 2021


    Dress Code
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days
    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

    Toilet Use
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".

    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

    NOW STOP WASTING YOUR TIME READING THIS AND GET BACK TO WORK!

    A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

    "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"

    "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."

    "I object!" the defense said again.

    "No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."

    The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."

    So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

    The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"

    You Are No Longer 'cool' When...
    1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.

    2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

    3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

    4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

    5. Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.

    6. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a
    new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.

    7. You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-
    inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Pink Floyd and
    Black Sabbath.

    8. You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of
    grabbing beer and joining in.

    9. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you
    have to work the next day.

    10. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

    11. When jogging is something you do to your memory.

    12. Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.

    13. Sex becomes: "All that foolishness."

    14. Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

    15. All the cars behind you flash their headlights.

    16. You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a
    corporation.

    17. You bought your first car for the same price you paid
    for your son's new running shoes.

    18. You actually ASK for your father's advice.

    19. You don't know how to operate a fax machine.

    20. When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a
    surf board.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    MAE ALL...

    Sorry for being MIA but my laptop blew up on Wednesday. My son took on the task of taking it apart and seeing if he could fix it. So I ended up going into the office Thu, Fri and Sat to meet a programming deadline. Got the laptop back late last night and it appears to be working ok, but I'm nervous the same thing is going to happen. I just can't afford to go out and buy a new one right now. I am going to bite the bullet and get my taxes done today, then I can see where I stand budget wise.

    Mick...yes, please send some warm weather. We've been hovering around 30F all week with off and on snow flurries. Today it's steady snow but we're not under the snowfall warning like places just south and west of me. At least it's sunny out. Alberta is a hot spot for the new covid variant and our positive cases continue to increase, I'm expecting more restrictions to be put in place. May 2nd (when I get my vaccine shot) can't come soon enough.

    Shout out to the rest of the gang. I will read back and see what's been happening with everyone. Have a great Sunday all....PPQP

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    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    Good evening friends,

    We had a lot of rain overnight but the sun found us this afternoon
    Quiet here, no visitors or monster eaters this weekend, haha. I roasted a turkey breast & lots of veggies so there will be plenty leftover. Nothing else going on really. I have to gather my dog’s medical records to take to the new vet tomorrow afternoon. I actually have it all in a folder & in a file cabinet. I wasn’t that organized when my kids were little, haha!

    Cyn, I saw your post on the other thread, glad things are coming together for you. Can’t believe you will be making that long cross country trek again. I hope your traveling buddy Zander is ready & willing!!! What a great dog he must be!!

    Mick, fire season is always a huge worry. I can’t believe people get a kick out of starting fires.
    The pollen count is tree pollen here as well. I think everything bothers me at this point. I’ll bet your fuschias loved the more humid air by the coast.

    PQ, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that your laptop holds up as long as necessary!
    The only reason I have a new one is because it was a Christmas gift. I wasn’t going to spend a lot of money on a new one myself haha! The old one still worked but had become as slow as a tortoise.
    We are supposedly going to see warmer temps later this week - in the 80’s. I actually like it 60-70 degrees, not a summer kid, haha!
    Hope you are getting some relaxation time today.

    Pauly & Det, hope you are both well.
    Sam, what’s up dude? Pie??

    Guess I’ll get myself outside for a while, too early to be sitting. Have a nice night all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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    Registered User. Determinator's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    Happy Un-hung Monday ABeroooooos!

    oh my, doing a tad better in the mental health department I'm happy to report. Managed to get a few shoots lined up for this week also which is a huge turn-a-round from before. whew! finally
    getting this ball to roll.

    Lav, quite times are just fine... enjoy.

    PPQ, yikes... glad yer back online. I'm so tech-dependent with my work that it troubles me to realize how vulnerable I am to data loss or machine issues.

    Mick, any detecting adventures to be had? no train wrecks at least

    Tree, hope you had a little downtime for the weekend after all you've been dealing with xxx

    Pauly? Vegas still nutjob central?

    we snuck out to a couple farmers markets yesterday which was really nice and even got to play with some baby animals at a place setup as
    a petting farm for kids. it was just too cute.

    fighting off a darned cold and sore throat but hopefully I'm on the downside of it now. Life just keeps throwing crap in my face but I'm really doing
    my part to keep positive thankfully.

    off to call the DMV, pay medical bills, organize shoots and study some new software.... zoomba roo!

    be well loves
    nosce te ipsum
    (Know Thyself)

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    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    Afternoon all how are we today then question mark hope everyone is fine. Today is another extremely hot day but it is supposed to be the last then we have a week of rain coming now to be honest the garden could do with it. I'm on my phone yet again so apologies for any grammatical errors or dodgy words! I played a blinder yesterday I was digging a rose bush and and where I was putting it there was a stone in the ground so instead of trying to take it out I thought I would chop down the side of it with the Spade so I did full Force unfortunately the speed slipped and I caught my left hand on the top of the fence and words like oh my goodness ouch in dear me that was a tad sore where Orchard I thought I'd broken to my fingers but not so badly bruised swollen but that's about all I can move them full stop and obviously I got the sympathy vote from Julie going along the lines of what the f k have you done now. Bought a load of bedding plants this morning 40 bedding plants mixed for just over $6 glad everyone is doing ok no there is no metal detecting on Horizon until probably June. I will fill it in properly later on but I just wanted to get something posted even though it's on my dog and bone
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Re: April 25

    MAE ALL...

    Lav...nice to have a quiet weekend. Good on you having all your documents organized. It seems the more time I have on my hands the less I do. So the kid offered to give me his desk top and I could buy him a new one. That's how I ended up with this laptop in the first place. I think Mommy deserves her own new laptop. Got my taxes done yesterday so there's some room in the budget for me. It's starting to warm up to about 60F here so that'll be nice. Will just have to see what the weekend brings. We're starting a Pop-up Farmer's Market at the community centre in May. That'll be nice to just pop down the street for fresh fruit & veggies.

    Det...glad to hear you're doing better in the mental health department, it's been a stressful time for you. Always nice to have some shoots lined up and hopefully this will be the start to some more steady work. So far so good with the laptop. It was an eye opener though. I need to be ready for when this one stays dead. Nice you were able to get out to a couple of farmer's markets. Hope you're on the mend from your cold and sore throat.

    Mick...I'm not surprised with Julie's sympathy vote. LOL Hope the hand doesn't take to long to heal, geeze, that could have been really bad. Nice score on the bedding out plants! Hopefully it will quit snowing here one of these days. Have you taken the rabbit fence down yet? You are going to be so far ahead of me with the garden.

    Working from home today and have been busy updating websites again. Sent a link to the program coordinator (she took last week off) so she could update her tennis lesson information so I can get it done and the new online programming finished before mid-May. She doesn't realize how long it takes to make all the changes, so hopefully that'll kick start her.

    Shout out to Sam, Pi & Pauly. Have a great day all....PPQP

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    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    Greetings friends,

    Sunny & a tad chilly but I don’t mind We will be having 80 degree weather later this week, too much too soon.
    Got my dog to the new vet today & they figured out why she’s been licking the left paw incessantly. Her-dew claw had grown down into her skin, ouch. It was puffy looking & she wouldn’t let me touch it to inspect. The cut the nail out & put her on an antibiotic for 7 days. She’s happy now

    Det, so happy to hear you are doing well & getting lots of biz!!!!
    Staying focused & determined always works, right? All of your pics on FB have been awesome, good job! Hope you feel better soon!

    Mick, Oh Mick.........
    You really do need to be tied to a chair for your own safety. Sorry to hear about your hand, I hope nothing is broken. If you can get an ace wrap on it & elevate it & ice it then you’re doing all you can without seeing the doc. Sounds a lot like the time my crazy German Shepherd got my left hand caught up in her leash, ouch, thought it was broken too. Take care of yourself & tell Julie I understand her sentiment, Lol

    PQ, that would be cool if you could swing a new Lenovo for yourself
    Enjoy the nice weather while you have it, for sure. Are your farmers growing in greenhouses or hoop houses like they do around here? YB is still driving some of the Amish guys to the auction weekly & they’ve been bringing in loads of lettuce, spinach, etc whatever they can grow in their hoop houses. It really is awesome having local grown produce.

    Hello to Pauly & Cyn, hope you are both well.

    Hello to Sam & Pie.

    Have a nice night all!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

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    Re: April 25

    Mae all - happy first supermoon of 2021... here it is from Istanbul earlier tonight.....
    IMG_0607.JPG

    Mick! You need those hands... take good care of them! Lav's advice sounds good... oh, and it really sounds like you are ready to take some garden time off to let the hand heal... how many plants did you buy? ����

    Lav, glad you are still having a little coolness in the air - 80 is too hot for me too... and we are due for thunderstorms and rain later this week... just when I hope to start my trip... oh well, we'll see. So, a problem with your dog's dew claw? Don't they usually clip those when the puppies are little? Or maybe hers grew again? It sounds painful... glad you could take care of it. Yes, my boy is still hanging on... but more nervous about being a rider... doesn't do so well with the curvy roads around here. So I stopped and got him some vet-formulated fancy CBD capsules... hope they give him some calm relief for driving.

    PPQ, sounds like you might be able to get a new laptop? That would be great - you deserve it. I hope your "jumpstart" for your co-worker does the trick, no fair to make it a tight schedule for you.

    Det, you are so impressive with how you are handling your stress. And it sounds like good things are happening... great job! Enjoy the spring, it is such a short and beautiful season....

    Pauly, I'm with you - until they know more about the variants and how all that works, I don't think we should be "pushing the envelope" too much...

    Hello to Sam and Pie and all else stopping by...

    I did a lot of driving today... went south to a bank (different than the estate bank) thinking I was going to have to go on south to a AAA to get a new interstate ez-pass (for tolls). But while at the bank, I heard from the place that bought my husband's car, and they had the transponder! Bonus - to be safe, I drove north quite a ways to pick it up... that's okay, now I am set in that category. Tired though... just finished probably the last batch of cooked-for-the-dog food. He'll have to eat canned on the way across the states! Trying to get up the energy to box some more things... but... maybe not.
    2nd vaccine tomorrow!!

    Wishing you all sweet dreams fulfilled by the full moon...

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    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    Hello everyone and how are we today then? Hope everyone is well .Well I am just on my way back from the shops after picking up my new glasses they are readers and also distance sunglasses and guess what it is raining! Damage to hand isn't too bad both fingers pretty swollen and definitely bruised so is my inner thigh and calf muscle on the left leg.a huge bruise that just shows you the force I hammered into the ground with the spade

    Teegee hope everything goes all well with your second vaccine today over here next week they're vaccinating all those around the 32 years old mark they really have shifted with this lot .I bought 60 plants yesterday .that cost me 10.80 how did the tablets work for Zander?

    hiya Lav ...hows you then ..?hope all is well with you .We are thinking of getting bikes to put on the back of the van when we go away ..so that should be interesting ...something else for me to fall off ..hope you have a good day .

    hiya ppqp...hows you then? good hopefully ..fence isnt down let the lawn is still being protected to give it a chance...hows your wevver doing?take care


    hiya pauly ..you doing good?Julie was the hairdressers today .....first time in over 12 moon she has been there ..I offered to cut it for a fiver but Im sure the second word is off

    right crazee peeps ,take care n be safe
    Last edited by Mick; April 27th, 2021 at 10:25 AM.
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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    Registered User. porqoui's Avatar

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    Re: April 25

    MAE ALL...

    Lav...so glad you got your dog's problem solved. Ouch, that could have turned really ugly. The early farmer markets have been growing in green houses. We don't see many hoop houses here but there are a few. I'm looking forward to having this farmer's market in my back yard.

    TG...I know you put a lot of miles on but didn't realize you went to Istanbul. LOL I had budgeted for my taxes and got a few breaks with all this covid so there's a little money in the pot for a new laptop. Good news on the ez-pass transponder even if it meant a lot more driving. Man, are you still packing boxes! Hope your 2nd vaccine went well with no side effects.

    Mick...I remember now that you said you were getting prescription sun glasses. Glad your hand isn't too bad but the description of your inner thigh and calf muscle made me cringe! Ouch! We've had a nice day today and the rest of the week is going to be wonderful. Definitely not spending it indoors on my laptop.

    Had a good work day, accomplished what I needed to do. Now the ball is the other court. Cooking up some ribs tonight (I miss our meal planning Pauly) and going to enjoy dinner on the deck with this great weather. Hope you all have a good night....PPQP

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