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    1. #21
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      Eve11's Avatar

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      RunningCourage;1402754 wrote:
      ,Still, I do think that at some point i should try a certain period (such as 30 days) modding, to see how i cope with that. The idea being that I can then re-evaluate my relationship with AL after those 30 days ... If i like modding, fine. If it's a re-course back to the ol' ways... then get back on the AF wagon. And, if it is simply too stressful (because i'd prefer to have a bottle rather than just a glass), then there again, perhaps better to be AF.
      Hi RC,

      We're always open to any debate as long as things remain respectful. Everyone has their own viewpoint and the winners are always the ones who agree to disagree.

      You stated you don't classify yourself as an abber or modder and please understand that you don't have to label yourself, especially not here on our site. A lot of people come and read the posts, know they have a problem (from somewhat ranging to severe/chronic) and post when they are ready. Actually RC studies show that people do best when they are given choices rather than when a program like AA is mandated by the court system. Nothing worse than an AA attendee who is only there because the court makes him go and he is not ready to think about really giving drinking up. It's too bad there aren't more programs to allow choices because surpisingly most people do choose abstinence when they are given a choice. I have read other online sites for AL support and have seen the question raised about moderating on those different threads. One alcoholic's answer made a lot of sense to me. He said, "what fun would it be to only have 2 drinks?" He just absolutely doesn't comprehend how that can work for people who moderate or drink normally, so guess what? He will never be able to moderate because he isn't wired that way.

      I started a new monthly AF site - we're on day 2 but you can make it anyday in your recovery that you want. Just apply today's message to your life. Start there with us and the mama nesters looking out for you won't get mad at me...I do mean that with love and respect for the people who work so hard over there really worrying about AF folks because they know some should really remain that way. Go here for the 30 day AF thread: http://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...n-69752.htmlGo

      Regarding your line:What keeps me going AF just now, is less memories of how bad it was
      I have to cut and paste a blog that a fellow named bluesky wrote. I may have to create it as a link for people or the modders are going to get tired of reading it! :H I do think it's such a helpful message for people who think...maybe...can I? etc.

      Bluesky's Story
      I've been trying to moderate my drinking since my teens, and I'm now in my 40s. I finally came to the realization that, for me, abstinence is the only way, but like you, I have harbored reservations and have given it another try. It never works out for me, but still I don't learn. You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.

      So, you will figure out your way RC and if you choose to try to incorporate drinking back in as a moderate lifestyle, we will be here to support you in that attempt. Should you decide to remain abstinent (if you try moderating and it doesn't work), well then, we will support you in that choice too. If you decide to never drink again and just like the support over here...well guess what? You know the answer. We don't judge folks here...we only try to help them find their
      own individual way out!
      :l
      Eve11

    2. #22
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      Hiya LG, Dave, Eve! Hugs backatcha LG?

      I obviously didn't come across very well as Dave PM'd wanting to know where I was coming from. It's simple really... since I joined MWO I've been listening to the Mod -v- Ab thing and it seems unnecessary to me to have that division. It looked like Eve was making it a "them and us" scenario and that doesn't seem productive.

      HOWEVER... after getting a PM from Dave... I see what you are trying to do. And I acknowledge and understand that people who are modding need a space where they can discuss that lifestyle.

      I would like to reiterate though... modders are welcome on pretty much any thread on the boards imho. I specifically checked with One Step at a Time and Newbies Nest and both said "yep". (Actually, the Step thread said... and I quote... "we could give a crap if you are an abber or a modder....all are welcome") :H My home thread, the Army thread, welcomes all in the same vain as the Step thread, and pretty much the same vernacular?

      So... really, it's not so Ab -v- Mod as some people think it is. Obviously one has to be cognizant of the fact that some Abbers cannot EVER drink and it would be rude and selfish to discuss drinking in front of them... and that's where your Mod Forum comes in... right?

    3. #23
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      These threads area bit sensitive. Subs is my home group, but we rarely discuss alcohol. I have chosen AF because AL is dangerous for me. I once ended up with my skirt over my head at a garden club seminar! One of those big ballroom things. Also,my depression when drinking was too dark and DUI.

      People who come here have done awful things while drunk and others are worried about only having a couple. One size doesn't fit all. ANY BEHAVIOUR that affects our life negatively and compromises relationships is worth getting help and support for. That can include domestic violence, bullying, substance abuse, overeating, etc. The list is long.

      I love the NN because they are serious about AF and help the people needing and wanting AF. I don't read the mods thread much but have a "live and let live" attitude to it, or "each to his own". Most of all I love my friends in subs. RJ wanted to moderate until she found she couldn't and is now AF. The 30 day AF is a good test. I feel the same as RC, I'm afraid to mod because I know it will be disastrous. I also like Recipes, What we're reading, laughing out loud. If I were drinking AT MY OLD LEVEL, I wouldn't enjoy anything.

      There does seem to be folks who are successful at moderating. Abstinence is damn hard but for folks like me, necessary and so worth it. I used to spend a lot of time, planning, thinking and obsessing about alcohol and now I feel grateful and relaxed.

      Good luck everyone!

    4. #24
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      X-posted Zennie. Excellent post.

    5. #25
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      Zenstyle;1402986 wrote:
      Obviously one has to be cognizant of the fact that some Abbers cannot EVER drink and it would be rude and selfish to discuss drinking in front of them... and that's where your Mod Forum comes in... right?
      Zen,

      Thanks for the reply and yes to the above. Please try to read my "Humble Pie" thread if you have time and you'll understand more where I am coming from. With that being said, I will edit the first part of this original Mod Hatter post so I am not confusing people with believing that they cannot post outside of the monthly and long term mod section. I contacted the Newbie's Nest creator and NN was started with that intention of a safe "nest" for everyone. Our common denominiator whether we are abbers, modders, or not committed to either is that we all found this site because of drinking issues in our lives. I for one, am all about working together and not being divided and I am sorry if my wording on this post came across incorrectly to the point that it can be misconstrued. I am going to change it. I will leave the part in about little support in the outside world for modders. That part is so true. There are very few groups out there to help people with drinking issues that are not chronic.

      :l
      Eve11

    6. #26
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      SKendall;1403111 wrote: I have chosen AF because AL is dangerous for me. I once ended up with my skirt over my head at a garden club seminar!
      Skendall,
      Thanks for bringing us a little humor!! :H

      My husband's Aunt still gets teased about "mooning" her grandchildren when she had imbibed a little too much!!

      See you in subs SKendall where talking about our pets and simple pleasures of life is the most drama we see!

      :l
      Eve11

    7. #27
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      Eve... I just read your primary post and that was a good edit! Just facts and no opinions. Two thumbs up from moi... )

      I think it is entirely possible for everyone to get along... So here's to peace on the boards! Abbers, Modders, what the hell? Just be the best you can be... right? xxx

    8. #28
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      Hello there! I just found this thread. Great thread. I'm another one that has been here years and I don't call myself a modder. I don't really moderate well. But, I'm not completely AF either. I got for periods of AF. Then, I go for periods where I do drink. I try to limit the drinking periods and am doing much better at that. My problem is that I don't just have a glass of wine......I still want the bottle. So, it's better for me to just not drink.
      I am at a much better place than I was a couple years ago. I am happier with where I am.
      Thanks for starting this thread Eve.

    9. #29
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      Hi Nora! I have a similar story to you. 18 months ago I was drinking a ridiculous amount of booze. I'm still working at moderating my drinking better and it has been a lot of work, but I'm in a much better place now too than I was and I wouldn't want to go back to that ever. The strange thing is, I think I had to cut down my drinking to even really think about how it might be affecting now, or could in the future affect my health. When I was getting smashed every night I think my brain was so numbed out with drinking and hangovers that it was easy to not even really worry about it (like a lot of other things), I'm much more conscious of things now. I also love that I don't go running for the bottle whenever something upsets me which was a huge hurdle for me and it's become easier to be more normal with it. I've never really made a decision about whether I will mod or ab long term through all of this, I just take things for what they are now and it feels good to have made so much progress. Good luck to us all in finding what works

    10. #30
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      There still is a debate on whether we have a disease. As a hypoglycemic my body craved sugar and my mind craved a buzz. When I think back, I can't believe the person I used to be, it was so foreign.

      However, I am still addicted to sugar and wanted to arm-wrestle Vivian for her loot tonight! But it was a great chance to buy a bunch of candy and have halloween be the cause!!

      I like the fact that we seem to be "coming together".

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