The Mod Hatters!

[Alcoholic]

Lg:

DSM IV tr page xxxvii has a cautionary statement: it's offered as "guidelines only" to facilitate "communication" among clinicians and investigators, thus we don't make up our own diagnosis like wine abuse disorder or beer drinker disorder.

I don't recall which earlier DSM actually classified homosexuality as a mental disorder and we used to give shock therapy to homosexuals... That didn't work, apparently...,

[Zenstyle]

LibraryGirl;1402625 wrote: I don't think Eve was trying to start anything Zenstyle. We have been told that moderating talk should be kept to the Mod forums only. Therefore she assumed, as I did, that all threads outside of this area are AF.

LG... I'm not an Abber. I join whatever thread I feel like joining. I really do not accept this diversity that is being promoted... I think it is unproductive in the extreme.

So one can't post on a thread unless they are abstinent? LG.... luvvie... if someone ever tells you that tell 'em to git going!

I would lobby that it is more important to be a good person than it is to be a modder or an abber.

[Eve11]

LibraryGirl;1402625 wrote: I don't think Eve was trying to start anything Zenstyle. We have been told that moderating talk should be kept to the Mod forums only. Therefore she assumed, as I did, that all threads outside of this area are AF.

Zen,
LG hit the nail on the head. We are very cautious where we post as we don't want to jepordize someone's recovery who is struggling very hard to abstain so we have found the threads designed for moderators seem to be the safest place to discuss our lifestyle. People who consider themselves moderators do post wherever they want to... general thread, just starting out, etc. but over time we are learning to be more cautious with not talking about our "mod" lifestyle on threads other than the forum designed for moderators. I am not familiar with the thread you mentioned so enlighten us...sounds encouraging if everyone is posting there without friction. Oh, as an added thought, everyone is welcome to post here no matter what route they've taken as some don't even know what route they are taking!! We are very nonjudgmental here.

:l
Eve11

[Zenstyle]

Eve11;1402632 wrote: Zen,
LG hit the nail on the head. We are very cautious where we post as we don't want to jepordize someone's recovery who is struggling very hard to abstain so we have found the threads designed for moderators seem to be the safest place to discuss our lifestyle. People who consider themselves moderators do post wherever they want to... general thread, just starting out, etc. but over time we are learning to be more cautious with not talking about our "mod" lifestyle on threads other than the forum designed for moderators. I am not familiar with the thread you mentioned so enlighten us...sounds encouraging if everyone is posting there without friction. Oh, as an added thought, everyone is welcome to post here no matter what route they've taken as some don't even know what route they are taking!! We are very nonjudgmental here.

:l
Eve11

Eve... You don't know of the Army thread? In General Discussion? You've been here longer than me...

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is your nationality? Maybe English isn't your first. I know we have a lot of people on here with different first languages.

In any event I dispute the fact that modders are not welcome on the rest of the boards. I'm a modder and I'm allowed to mosey on through... and I reckon that is how it should be. It's about humanity and the person within. That has to come first, right? Or am I being mushy?

[sunshinedaisies]

Zen - I agree that the diversity is not a good idea BUT I stopped posting a long time ago mainstream because I was basically told in a roundabout way that I shouldn't post 'cos I still drank and that was not a good thing for me to post for those who were looking to abstain. In fact I am not sure it is a good idea for me to post even now. I tend to keep out of this stuff. BUT Eve started this thread for modders which is a good idea.

Modders do tend to be shunned in others areas of this whole forum. I think it is a nice idea for them to have somewhere for them to go if they don't have a regular thread that they go to - like you have the army thread.

It isn't meant as a slight to anyone else and anyone else is welcome to post here too..... you are not being mushy and I know anyone can post on the army thread too, and I thank you for that, but this thread is just slightly different.

Hope you can understand that - love and hugs, sun XXX

[Zenstyle]

Hewwo Sunny... :l

We kinda talked about it and I reckon you shouldn't be silenced by anyone... You have good info to impart and you should stand up and be heard hun.

Maybe you are right... maybe modders are not so welcome on some threads. I would be very hurt if I thought I wasn't welcome because of that. I think if modders are respectful of abbers it would be ok... you know? Like being aware that some people are fighting the urge to drink so be subtle about it?

[Eve11]

sunshinedaisies;1402654 wrote:

It isn't meant as a slight to anyone else and anyone else is welcome to post here too..... you are not being mushy and I know anyone can post on the army thread too, and I thank you for that, but this thread is just slightly different.

I needed a little help from my friends. Thanks sunshinedaisies and LG!

Zen, I generally don't post in general for the reason I stated earlier. Being I don't post there, I am not familiar with all of the sub threads there just as you may not be familiar with my Humble Pie post here in mods. I encourage you to read this post and your questions will be better answered. http://www.mywayout.org/community/f3...pie-69760.html

Anyway, folks, let's refocus on the task at hand and not get sidestepped as to why this thread was created. We want to welcome newbies, and encourage lurkers (this is not a bad word but just means we know many of you are reading but not posting) to join us in our discussions. We would love to help you on your road to recovery.

:l
Eve11

[RunningCourage]

Zen, Sunshine, Eve, LG... I like this debate. Because it's not a slinging match. And we're all listening while putting our cases and concerns forwards.

For what it's worth, I don't classify myself (yet) as either an abber or a moder, simply because I'm still too new to this whole thing. And when i say 'new' I mean new to both mwo, and also new to trying to do something about my drinking which, has been, i believe for a long time, unhealthy. Not a problem per se, but i used it daily to get a buzz and a bit drunk. And i miss that.

So, I am really appreciative of these threads in order to read and ask about all the various approaches to living with AL. It may be that in time i decide that AF is, simply, more straightforwardly, the best. It may be that i am able to redefine, relearn my drinking ways so as i mod. And i don't yet know whether this is Mr Richard Head speaking to me, luring me back to drinking in his sly and subtle ways, or whether it's just me trying to be be as honest with myself as possible. Like I say, I miss the buzz. I like drinking. Aint gonna lie about that one.

I'm 45 days AF (if i hit the hay tonight AF). What keeps me going AF just now, is less memories of how bad it was (it wasn't bad per se, it was just a little bit more of a struggle feeling groggy and guilty in the mornings), but the fear that if i try to mod, or if i allow myself an evening where i end up having a few that I wouldn't have the strength to return to going days AF. I'm also concerned that the ol' days of drinking a bottle of wine myself late in the evening before beddiebys would return all too quick.

Still, I do think that at some point i should try a certain period (such as 30 days) modding, to see how i cope with that. The idea being that I can then re-evaluate my relationship with AL after those 30 days ... If i like modding, fine. If it's a re-course back to the ol' ways... then get back on the AF wagon. And, if it is simply too stressful (because i'd prefer to have a bottle rather than just a glass), then there again, perhaps better to be AF.

Oh. Didn't mean to write all that. Planned to come on here and post whimiscal stuff as is my norm..

RC

[LibraryGirl]

Zenstyle;1402641 wrote: Eve... You don't know of the Army thread? In General Discussion? You've been here longer than me...

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is your nationality? Maybe English isn't your first. I know we have a lot of people on here with different first languages.

In any event I dispute the fact that modders are not welcome on the rest of the boards. I'm a modder and I'm allowed to mosey on through... and I reckon that is how it should be. It's about humanity and the person within. That has to come first, right? Or am I being mushy?

Hey Zen. I think what we're trying to say is that talking about *drinking* moderately is frowned upon outside of the Mods section. If we want to talk about the weather, our lives, etc. then of course we can talk anywhere, I guess, lol. The purpose of this thread is so that people who want to moderate their drinking and *talk* about it, i.e., what their goals are, etc., they can do it HERE.:l

[DfromCT]

First things first: I sense that there's a need to clarify Hatters vs. Haters! Many of us metaphorically wear a Moderation Hat, thus we're Mod Hatters!

Thanks for starting this thread, Eve. I think the Mod Hatters area can be a safe haven for all--AFers, MODers, and those that are not sure where they fall. As we know from experience, many areas of the MWO forum are dominated by those that are AF, and many of them don't want us to share anything to do with moderation. Respectfully, we don't post about drinking in those areas. I think the discussion above (which, by the way, I admittedly hadn't read through when I PM'd Zenstyle) shows that there's a great misunderstanding about the need to reach out to folks like me.

I came to MWO specifically because I thought if offered an alternative to AA and the "all or nothing" approach to dealing with alcohol. I naturally found my way to the "Just Starting Out" area of the forums, and was posting in the thread that's requested we don't mention. After about 10 days AF, I shared my fears of failing at moderation, specifically about having a long-planned glass of wine with my wife after completing at least 30 days AF. The response to my post was so harsh that I left and almost left MWO entirely.

I've since learned that there are many lurkers (again, not meant to be a negative term, just someone that reads without posting) that leave MWO b/c they, too are seeking an alternative to the all or nothing approach. I love that the Mod Hatters area can be a safe haven for folks that want to discuss their thoughts, fears, drinking, abstinence, whatever. It also is respectful of those that might read such posts and be tempted to fall off the wagon.

So I thank you once again, Eve, for creating such a haven. I'll post a bit more about my Sandy experience a little later.

D