Living Fully

[frances]

Good for you Kensho! I need to get motivated to start doing some workouts. I have had an unhealthy habit of eating sweets in the evenings (just had 3 chocolate chip cookies) and it is starting to catch up with me! I'd love to lose weight, tone up, and just feel better the way I do when I'm exercising.

I know what you mean about not feeling toxic. I frequently think about how good I feel now. It's really a great feeling to know, every single day, that I'm going to wake up feeling fine. The worst I might feel is tired. But that's nothing like a hangover! When I used to work late I would always have wine while I worked and if it was really late that could amount to several glasses. The next day I was a mess (and the only thing that made me feel better was having more wine as soon as possible after work the next day!). Now, when I work late, I know I'll be fine the next day - it is such a nice change and I don't ever want to go back! As for your comment about being away from sobriety making it hard to remember what it feels like to be AF...well, I was never really sober in adulthood - 30+ years of drinking makes remembering what it feels like to be AF pretty much impossible. It is a new world for me and one that I love. No regrets here!

[KENSHO]

Frances, I used to look forward to drinking if I had to work late. It was a reward for having to do something I didn't like to do. Conversely, I would look forward to drinking if I didn't have to work late - woo hoo, I can have a little and "relax"! It always turned into more than 2 drinks and I would feel badly in the morning. Of course, I told myself and others that "I don't have hangovers", which meant I didn't throw up or stay in bed all day, but I never realized how sluggish and yucky I felt until I stopped drinking.

I'm not sure how I overcame the drinking at night when I work - and it does still cross my mind as an old habit - an old reaction to hating that circumstance. But since I had my "revelation" (when I finally understood that my relationship with alcohol had to change), I have not had any to help the "pain" of working late. I just know that this is not a reason to drink, so I don't. In fact, the only reason I might drink would be a special occasion. This gets tricky because there ALWAYS seem to be special occasions, (and back in the day, every day had one), but if it's been a few weeks and something comes up, I only allow it for this. Not for stress, hunger, anger, loneliness. Only if it is a celebration or "special" type thing and not for the purpose of alleviating things I don't want to feel. The irony is that when I do drink, I experience "things I don't want to feel" - i.e. tiredness, sluggishness, etc. My mental state shifted, and alcohol means something different to me now. It's not a crutch.

So glad you are experiencing a "new world" Frances. I love not feeling imprisioned by this substance.

[KENSHO]

We had a good weekend resting up a bit at a friend's newly-purchased home. They are really good friends and it was great to spend some time with them. There was a concert on Saturday that we attended. The group we were with has a few heavy drinkers. They came over and started drinking at 2:00 (concert didn't end until midnight). I ate and talked and avoided drinking. We went to the concert about 6:30, and it was a younger crowd that really cranked up the partying. I watched them all and admired their "freeness" and relaxed behavior. I felt a little tight and tired. By 8:00, my husband brought me a spiked lemonade. I did drink that, though I don't think there was much vodka in it because I didn't feel much from it - and I do feel alcohol much quicker not drinking often. The music we came for started at 8:30 or so, and I finally felt like I relaxed. I really enjoyed the music. At 11:30 we started walking out. A few interesting things:

1. I like sleep more than staying up late (WHY do the main-liners have to start at 10:00pm?)
2. I was a little amazed at how smashed nearly everyone there wanted to be for the music. (Why?!)
3. I slept to 9:30 and woke up feeling fabulous. The others looked rough - I was so, SO thankful that I chose to enjoy this event (and the weekend) without constant drinking (I had one drink the entire weekend).
4. I have learned that I can be around people who are drinking and focus on how great I feel NOT having any - and it becomes fairly easy to just enjoy the other things going on around me.

Another interesting thing... Early in my quit, when I chose to be around these friends, the husband of my good friend was the only one who gave me any flack about not drinking. I have always felt he had a problem. I recognized his schedule to revolve around alcohol - he stays up late every night, and I think it's to drink. His wife seems pretty tolerant, but as a very good friend of mine, I have confided my issues with her. She always asks how it's going, and wants to be supportive in any way she can. I have explained the extent of my problem with her, and why I quit awhile back, and what I'm doing now. She is always very interested.

When printing something out on her computer yesterday morning, I saw many ads on "alcoholism" pop up on her internet browser. I know that when I search for interior design things, I see lamps and side tables pop up for weeks - so it must be something she has searched. I would assume she is researching it pertaining to her husband. I'm glad I have some knowledge and information for her. She does ask me a lot of questions, and I remember Sat. when we were hiking, saying "I used to sometimes stay up late "working" to drink, when my husband went to bed". (her husband's behavior).

Anyhoo, there is my weekend. I feel so much more self-respect than I used to after these events. That 6 hours when those around me had a drink in hand constantly felt a little long at times - mostly because I don't open up or relax as easily without alcohol. But one drink did me fine, and I'm so very glad that was it. It is also very notable that after that one drink, I didn't want any more. I feel happy, and lucky and I'll say that life without hangovers or a "need" for something toxic is wonderful.

Hope everyone has a great day!

[KENSHO]

Worked till 1am, but feelin' groovy. I was very productive yesterday, and that always makes me feel good. Looking SO forward to our 2 week road camping trip starting Saturday, but the week before we leave is always very demanding.

I don't gather that many people are reading here, and that's ok. I do hope everyone remembers how important it is to establish new habits before trying to moderate. At first, all I did was try to return to my past behavior. I had to go without alcohol for a few months to really understand that:
A. I could be without it
B. Life is MUCH better without it, and
C. I learned the tools to avoid it most of the time.

I have a very different mindset about alcohol now. Instead of always wanting it, and planning for it, and longing for it, I live mostly without it. Once in awhile I have a little if the occasion arises and I feel that I have no negative motivation to drink (such as anger, loneliness, stress, hunger, anxiety, etc.). For some reason, this doesn't trigger a desire for 5 more drinks for me. I am usually done after one, maybe two. I know that more will make me feel like poo. I think that once I found some happiness without alcohol, alcohol felt more like a deviation from that - not a cure.

Here's an interesting article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann...b_6506936.html

I know it's a bit of a different take from other avenues of thought here, but it is interesting and I can validate that once I realized that alcohol was NOT making me happy, I was able to start a new life not needing it. Not sure though why some people's brains take them right back to it if they have a little after time.

[Ginger999]

Interesting read, Kensho. Have a great trip!

[frances]

I know that more will make me feel like poo.

Kensho this made me smile and think how happy I am that I haven't felt like poo in nearly a year and a half!! Life without hangovers truly is wonderful - it's one of the best things for me. Feeling sick and tired because of overdrinking was a regular state of mind and body for me, and it feels incredible that I never feel that way now! Mornings are not to be dreaded anymore!

I'm glad you can be a support to your friend. If it's her husband with the problem, unfortunately his changing will have to come from him.

Have a great trip!

[frances]

Doing some traveling with my daughter this weekend - happily not drinking but sitting here in the hotel room thinking about how in the past this would be a time when I would have packed something to be sure I had something to drink while in the hotel room. I was trapped and now I'm free. Loving it

[KENSHO]

Despite a hellacious week of work, including three 3am-ers, I am ready to leave to camp for 12 days with my family. That has stresses of its own, but I will get good sleep, have FAR fewer responsibilities, and get to enjoy one of our extended summer trips without obsessing about alcohol (for the first time ever). We've done 4 of these - 4 summers in a row, and I remember looking SO forward to that evening drink. It can be stressful being in the same small space with two kids, and I think that was yet another reason I decided I "needed" a drink. What I look forward to the most these days is sleep!!

I hope everyone is working hard to focus on how great time is WITHOUT alcohol. That is how the rewiring keeps moving in a positive direction. We don't need alcohol for anything at all!

[frances]

Hope you have a great time Kensho! I will be going on my own family vacation to FL next week - my son will be playing in a baseball tournament, but we decided the family will all go - we are staying at a place on the beach and will be making this as much like a family vacation as we can in between games. Should be fun for my son for sure - his team will be there and they will have a great time! I'm looking forward to relaxing. My 15 year old daughter will be a bit bored but I think she'll enjoy herself anyway - it's becoming so nice to hang out with her these days so I am looking forward to that too! I'm sure she'll enjoy being around the boys too to a certain extent ;-) she's a pretty girl and the boys will probably flirt with her a little. Anyway, I'm sure it will be a nice time and I can't wait to get away from work for awhile!

[guapo]

I hope everyone is working hard to focus on how great time is WITHOUT alcohol. That is how the rewiring keeps moving in a positive direction. We don't need alcohol for anything at all!

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with alcohol, as long as it is not abused or mis-used. I have to wonder if incessantly focusing on and ruminating about alcohol is also an addiction of sorts.