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  1. #1
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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Happy Easter everyone!
    Day 45 for me and I'm feeling pretty good.
    My husband who previously drank at about the same levels as me, abstained (without much apparent difficulty it seems) from alcohol over Lent. It has made things much easier for me.

    However now Lent is over he has told me he plans to open a former favourite (of mine)red sparkling wine to drink tonight to celebrate.

    I told him last night I wouldn't be joining him ( it was our 10th wedding anniversary on Frii by the way, and we celebrated with AF drinks). He seemed quite upset, said he would feel silly drinking it on his own. I said "you can have it if you want to it is up to you, but I won't be joining you" I've already worked out that asking him not to have a drink only irritates him and makes him moody for hours.

    He thinks I should moderate ( just doesn't get it that some people can't - and he's a medical doctor!) he thinks I don't have a problem ( or else doesn't want to see it ) yet previously I drank in excess of 35 units a week (daily drinker, every single day, couldn't even do 1 day AF) and my levels were creeping up more and more so clearly I do have a problem. He works away a lot so admittedly didn't always see me drink.

    He hates being the only drinker (I was AF for 8 months previously) and I can't see him ever quitting as he does enjoy his wine and "doesn't see why he should have to give it up" he says food isn't as good without a glass of wine.

    I absolutely don't want to drink tonight but how do you advise me to handle this situation?

    Sausage x
    Day 45

  2. #2
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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    I'm really sorry for saying this but I think your husband is totally selfish... he doesn't want to have the bottle on his own, knowing you have a problem with AL.. ?? knowing you don't want to drink??
    knowing you have fought hard NOT to drink?? 45 days and then suddenly you can drink again with him to celebrate the end of lent? Beggars Belief!!!
    The fact that he is a Medical Doctor is very sad, he clearly has no idea of addiction, co dependancy or a real life emapthy with people... Don't drink just to keep him company.. you are doing so well, don't let an idiot derail that...
    Sorry don't mean to be disparaging about hubs but really... makes my blood boil!!
    Take care
    Patrice

  3. #3
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Well, this bloke has just let the 'cat out of the bag' and shown his true colours. If a long term partner of mine in love and life took that line, it would be the ultimate in disrespect, and i would be out the door.

    Selfish, mindless, and disrespectful.

    Stand up for yourself and just be honest.

  4. #4
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Sausage,
    I'm absolutely flabbergasted.

    I can only liken it to asking a committed vegetarian friend of mine to have a couple of slices of the beautiful roast lamb I'd just cooked or I'd be offended.

    Stick to your guns, love.

  5. #5
    Registered User. anon's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Sausage I think we have the same husband.
    It is so much harder without your partner on board but it really is possible. So stick to your guns.

  6. #6
    Registered User. pingu1997's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    I don't drink any more, and I was a daily drinker too, prob around the same quantities as you and creeping up. I had to give it up on my own. It is possible but it can be hard. If I was put under pressure by him to drink I would ram the fecking bottle up his ar&e. Sorry but it's true. Be true to yourself. And feel good about it
    X

  7. #7
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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    I'm tempted to say it's a very 'Scottish' issue, having been born and brought up there and knowing the 'drinking culture' which exists, particularly in the west of Scotland. But, on reflection, that would be disingenuous....

    From my current (personal crisis) perspective, I'd say it's yer' man that owns the problem, not YOU.

    I'm not familiar with Lent, but is it conceivable that he may have self-medicated with benzos to 'tide him over' the abstinence period? Whichever way you look at it, by 'encouraging' you to partake, he seems not to have your own needs and best interests at the forefront of his mind.

  8. #8
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Sausage
    my hubs longs for the day when I can be a normal drinker. Drinking was a big part of our courtship and weekends during marriage for years. He misses going out to dinner at the beach and having drinks.
    That being said, I have come to the realization that it is my problem and he can do what he wants. I have to do this for me. His support is unconditional, but he still drinks. I love him, he loves me and we will work this out. He has offered to stop if it helps me...but i don;t want to force it on him.....
    btw...he NEVER drinks at home.....he meets his buddies a few nights a week. I have had to work on this not being a trigger for me, as he comes home fine and I am trashed......
    Good Luck and be strong and try to make him understand.......

  9. #9
    Registered User. hidden_gem's Avatar

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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Sausage,

    Can totally relate. My fiance has said he is fine with me not drinking, but after six weeks, has started to say things - after he's had a few - like, "Come on, drink with me". As if I am somehow leaving him on his own and neglecting him if I don't. In his case, I know it's because the longer I go without drinking, and the more he sees me improve without drink, the more obvious his drinking issues will be.

    Your husband is being unfair, that's the truth of it. Have you seen that movie, 'Days of Wine and Roses"? Sad story about a couple who try to give up drinking but keep convincing each other to drink again. Watching that has certainly strengthened my resolve not to give in!

    Even if your husband hasn't got a drinking problem of his own, it sounds like there is a control issue here, even if it is unconscious.

    Couple of things here that reminded me of the Allen Carr book (not sure if you've read that).

    One - your hubby says he would feel silly drinking the wine on his own. Well, why would that be? Would he feel silly drinking a cup of tea on his own? If it's about celebration, then can't you celebrate the end of Lent by drinking sparkling water?

    Two - he says food doesn't taste as good without a glass of wine. Allen Carr points out, how can wine make food taste better? You don't pour the wine on the food. We've been brainwashed to think that we need "the perfect wine" along with a meal. And to pay a fortune for it.

    Anyway - ramble over! - I'm not suggesting that you try and reason with him with the above. That would just put you in a position of trying to make him think the way you now do about alcohol, which is not really what you need. You just need him to back off about YOUR intake.

    Maybe he just needs to understand how important this is to you.

    Good luck & hugs
    Gem

  10. #10
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    Husband wants me to have one drink with him tonight now Lent is over!

    Your husbands a dick head I assume thats what DH stands for I am a husband to a wife if I said that Shite ...she would call me a dick head . Because !she told me I don't drink any more ..that's what lovers do be honest with each other no slinking off
    I'm sorry but do you want to be a dick head the answer is NO ..while becoming sober practice saying no with confidence it will steed you well for the future sober you ...
    Instead ask husband for sober sex you both won't regret that well I don't know ..maybe ..either way worth a try for sure!!
    And FFS........ this thread is for serious help .......shudder to think hubby asking you to give your lent commitment up warrants this post ..
    Sorry to be so harsh

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