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    1. #1
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      Lightbulb Tail between legs

      Hi everyone,

      I had several years sober - no interest in drinking (that I knew of), didn't resent others drinking, didn't drink on feelings, and was happy as pie.

      Then "things" have come up and I have relapsed several times every 3-8 months, for a week or a so each time.

      I call these "things" "blindspots" because I don't know what causes them. I think I worked one out after it happened twice - illness - so I can take extra care to look out for that one again.

      But with the rest: they just seem random, like I'm not happy or sad or uspet, but like I just drink out of nowhere. I know that can't possibly happen because I go and buy the bottle. But I wish I know why I did, and why now.

      I need to work this out, because I will drink a litre of gin/vodka (or more) a day and it's going to kill me, not to mention the horrible guilt of it.

      Please, does anyone experience this and what do they do about it?

      I'm thinking of practising Mindfulness again, so I can catch any feelings or drinking thoughts I'm unaware of.

      Any help gratefully received.

    2. #2
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      Re: Tail between legs

      No need for the tail between the legs Blindspot, we've all had ours there as well. You had a couple of years of sobriety so you know it can be done.

      I think you're on the right track figuring out the "things" that cause you to want to drink, you've figured out one, now it's just a matter of watching out for rest. But figuring out those causes it just the first part, you'll also have to figure out how you're going to handle them the next time they come around without drinking through them, what will you use when alcohol is no longer an option.

      Read around, post, check out the Newbie Nest and all the rest of the threads. I'm sure you'll find lots of support to continue your journey!

      to MWO!
      Quitting and staying quit isnt easy, its learning a whole new way of thinking. Its accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
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    4. #3
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      Re: Tail between legs

      Thank you AB. It all seemed to start with a chronic medical condition - which I still have. I dealt with it cheerily enough sober for a year, then the Dr suggested I try some meds. Every med I tried made me more ill, and/or despressed. One even made me so skinny I was hospitalised with pneumonia. I refuse to touch any meds again after that.

      I think I've lost faith somehow in my ability to stay sober, like it's not real because I relapsed. Saying that, I know that partly to be true cos I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, feeling it to be true.

      But I do think thre are subtler things at play. Alcoholsm is a sneaky thing. And I need ALL bases covered if I never want to drink again (and I really, really don't). I just need to find out what they are. Acceptance is a big thing for me. If I can accept the feeling or the craving, I know it will pass and I won't drink on it.

      Just got to uncover any more hidden triggers.

      Thank you for your help and welcome

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    6. #4
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      Re: Tail between legs

      You've done well. I have said on a couple of occassions not to let a slipup go past 2 days. Recovery is quick as you are healthy and sober for along time. If I slip up and went longer like a week, I would be in relapse. I know the last 3 times I quit and then drank for a week, I couldn't stop easy and it went on for a month.

      Not only did AL take up valuable time, It drained the wallet as being a smoker it adds up. Last time I guesstimate $40AUD/day to maintain my habit beer & smokes. Not to mention I was starting to use valium in between to control the anxiety and thankfully , last stint was just over a month and it wasn't somewhere I wanted to take the valium and create further problems .The first 7-10 days weren't the most fun quitting again either however, am better at keeping sober now as I've had some really good sober runs
      Last edited by Neo; March 8th, 2017 at 09:37 AM.

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    8. #5
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      Re: Tail between legs

      Welcome Blindspot! I'm still early in my quit but I have returned to mindfulness practices and have found meditating twice a day, morning and evening, to be helpful. Of late I've been focusing on Heart Chakra Meditation • Yoga Basics.
      If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. Zen proverb

      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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    10. #6
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      Re: Tail between legs

      Quote Originally Posted by Neo View Post
      You've done well. I have said on a couple of occassions not to let a slipup go past 2 days. Recovery is quick as you are healthy and sober for along time. If I slip up and went longer like a week, I would be in relapse. I know the last 3 times I quit and then drank for a week, I couldn't stop easy and it went on for a month.

      Not only did AL take up valuable time, It drained the wallet as being a smoker it adds up. Last time I guesstimate $40AUD/day to maintain my habit beer & smokes. Not to mention I was starting to use valium in between to control the anxiety and thankfully , last stint was just over a month and it wasn't somewhere I wanted to take the valium and create further problems .The first 7-10 days weren't the most fun quitting again either however, am better at keeping sober now as I've had some really good sober runs
      Thanks Neo - I agree, as soon as you can get back on the horse, do. I hate it when I read of people being sober for years, then crashing intto a 10-year relapse. That's why I want to adress this now so badly. I've had too many lapses, and I dread that I'll never get my "forever" sober.

      Good luck this time my friend

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      Re: Tail between legs

      Quote Originally Posted by Orimus View Post
      Welcome Blindspot! I'm still early in my quit but I have returned to mindfulness practices and have found meditating twice a day, morning and evening, to be helpful. Of late I've been focusing on Heart Chakra Meditation Yoga Basics.
      Thanks Orimus. How did I get myself so busy that I let meditation and Buddhism go? It was so useful to me too. I know what happened - I told myself I was too ill to do it. No-one who can breathe is too ill to meditate. D'oh. All good wishes to you.

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      Re: Tail between legs

      Blindspot,

      First congratulations on achieving substantial sobriety time. Sorry to hear of chronic health problems. I understand. I too have experienced good periods of sobriety, then binge, then drink daily. My career in drinking has been all over the map for decades. Have drank for no apparent reason. In these times the most helpful thing is to take some sort of action. It appears you accept and are aware of your problem with alcohol. Have you in depth, explored internal and external triggers? Even non alkies, problem drinkers, drink for effect. To change how we feel. This encompasses a broad range of things.

      Mindfulness and breathing is a good idea. What other actions can you take? What are you willing to do?

      Check your HALTS. Hungry, angry, lonely and tired. Have you tried counseling, meetings, joining and participating in on-line groups, journaling, self care, re-hab? In your deepest self have you admitted that you can't drink like normies? I have, but then get to a point of not caring about self. Like what's the point. Then end up sicker then before. It's like being in a hampster wheel.

      Please don't give up!.. That's what your doing now by coming here and reaching out.. Take this one day at a time. That's all any of us has. Hope your tears will stop, that you will smile again soon!.. Really glad you posted.

      Will try & post more, when more comes to mind. This is a good learning topic. The blind spots. Until then here's a post from a senior member with long term sobriety. You may find this post helpful. Taken from Newbies Nest under Starting Out. By: Mario. Also under Monthly Abs, there are pgs of helpful tips- stories. Titled Toolbox.

      Quote Originally Posted by mario View Post
      Good morning nesters. Lovey sunny start to the morning here, I very busy at moment, but all is good in the hood,

      Just a thought,
      nobody entirely escapes temptation, You must expect it & be ready for it when it comes, none of us is entirely safe, You must keep up your defences up 7 do what your doing that is getting you this far, The first step in dealing with temptation is to see it as clearly temptation & not harbour it in your mind, Dissociate yourself from it, put it out of your mind as soon as it appears, work your tools ,Do not think of any excuses or use any problems/excuses to turn to it, This addiction is a cunning one and we all need to be aware of it.

      Have a nice day folks.

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    15. #9
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      Re: Tail between legs

      Thank you Wild.

      You have some really good advice. My laspses seem to happen so fast that I'm almost buying a bottle before I know it - very little apparent thought or feeling involved. I hope by cultivating Mindfulness, I will be able to pause in those moments, ask myself what I am REALLY feeing or reacting to, and learn to accept that feeling or reaction.

      I don't seem to have external triggers any more (like seeing others drinking), but I hope to use some support to gain insight into internal triggers - whether it's a build up of stress I was unaware of or whatever.

      Unfortunately my illness has me feeling tired more often than not - but I could rest, rather than falling down the same rabbit hole.

      Done counselling, rehab, meetings, but due to my mobility issues, I think joining you in on-line groups like this will help.

      I don't know how to self-care really, especially with my illness (My OH has to cook, I can't shower often).

      But YES, I know can't drink like normies and never will. I hear you on thinking what's the point, it's such a battle.

      But we've both had periods of sobriety before - we can do it again.

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    17. #10
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      Re: Tail between legs

      Hi Blindspot, Well done for coming back, You have already been given great advise above, so just go for it & learn from where you slipped up last time, It didn't happen over night, It gradually creeps its way back into your thoughts telling you you are in control & it be different this time, good luck hope to see you around.


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