I don't need help but i messed up.

[empyr3al]

My SUD is vodka in large amounts. I stopped taking my meds and since thanksgiving I have indulged heavily to the point I am using valium in semi large amounts 45 at a time at night to as little as 15 as required. I am not suffering extreme detox but I am disappointed in myself. Thats is my honesty for the day as I deal with remorse and the tricks I know to curb things like nightmares and sweats. The headache was bad and I don't suffer headaches. My first times withdrawaling the nightmares were huge. I wept in my sleep. I have since learned through many rehabs how to take care of this and will be on my feet again. Valium and mirtazapine and dimenydrinate so you can eat. I am using a slight taper which some might disagree with. Currently I sleep 8 hours and then I cannot sleep for 12 hours. Thats an indicator of the 48 hours. 72 soon and I need to shower. Surprisingly functional so it wasn't that bad. I can cook, mow the lawn, walk the dog, build a fence and even drive. I think fear of kindling frightened me after a week of AL. I'm completely functional, but i'm irritable. This method is different from cold turkey and learned over many many experiences. I count my blessings for learning this. I do not recommend to anyone to do this alone, I just know how to read how I react and what is happening at any given time.

Confessions, and time to feed myself because if you don't; you're f'd.

I am sorry to all I love on the forum.

[Guitarista]

Hi Empy.

I am hearing you. 45 Valiums in one go combined with alcohol in your system can be a dangerous cocktail. That combination of valium and booze kills people. You know they are both depressants, and could easily shut down your breathing. Just because you might be experienced in taking many different meds, doesn't mean your body won't be forced to shut down, heart stopping because your system/organs cannot process so many chemicals. Be careful my friend. Can you see a doc or hospital to watch over you for now? Take it easy man.

[empyr3al]

They was no alcohol in my system. I'm not stupid. I know what heart failure or congestive failure is. CNS does amazing things when combined. Thanks for your concern. The alcohol is separate to the attempts to replace it with valium temporarily.

[Guitarista]

Ok. Well take care.

[empyr3al]

Not to sound like a broken record but this is likely 10 times and I am watched. I am highly educated in pharma so i knows how these interact. The spacing is methodical between 24 hours of valium and a beer which is childs play by comparison. Thank you for the warning. I know the risks but the alternative is much worse where you are detoxed at a rapid rate under unqualified people here locally. Going from 20-40oz vodka and I'm in relatively good health to a CNS valium and a beer is a joke in comparison to past experiences. I have nearly died and this indicates no issues so far. I have numbers to take care of myself just in case. Its not for everyone and I don't recommend it unless you know your markers for emergencies. Inability to eat, shakes, sweats, unable to drink water of which I have none. So far its fine other than the bowel movements as a direct result to the valium and my choice in diet. I will visit a doctor as you mentioned to figure out gastro intestinal issues as result. I can still smoke which indicates I did not damage my stomach that badly. No regurtigation. Remeber this is after months of sobriety and healthy eating.

I've been so bad in the past I have pancreatic issues and laying in the fetal position with nightmares of dying. So thats why I will continue to warn people just like you have.

Thanks for your concern. I am just voicing an opinion of a method I've learned (depending on severity). People used to do this unassisted which is even crazier. Feeling fine despite hurting myself.

[SKendall]

Please take care Empy.

[empyr3al]

I know what I am doing and dont suggest it to others seeking help in the forum.

Home detox with $4000 in AL free drugs is a different story. Very few have the drugs I have to manage it. There are a couple mentions or forums about how this theory works. I've tested it 3 times so I know what works.

Thanks, and I'm happy and productive after trauma.

One more comment. I have a puppy that needs care so instead of cleaning the local shit detox, I have responsibilities. Ceapy you mind focused is what i have leaned. I could not do that in a shit detox. I would worry all the time which makes it worse.

[mollyka]

Sorry for not replying here earlier empy but I don't understand any of the terminology or pharma nor nothing - so just hope its all working out for you - thinking of you xxx

[empyr3al]

@mollyka, if you haven't been there I understand why you don't know what alcohol withdrawal is like nor the pharma used to prevent seizures and death. Thanks for you thoughts. Almost there and out of pain. Productive and regaining some pride after a bad choice.

[mollyka]

@mollyka, if you haven't been there I understand why you don't know what alcohol withdrawal is like nor the pharma used to prevent seizures and death. Thanks for you thoughts. Almost there and out of pain. Productive and regaining some pride after a bad choice.

We've all made bad choices in regards to alcohol and drugs Empy - and whereas I didn't have major alcohol withdrawal problems as you describe - in no way think that I don't understand the loss of pride and self belief - my alcoholism was as mentally destructive as you describe your physical problems -
Head up our boy - you're going to be back in control now in no time!!! xx