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  1. #1
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    Cheated while drunk

    Hi, new here and I am hoping for answers/help. While out of town for business blacked out drunk cheated on my wife of 20 years with a total stranger. I have never cheated before and I would never do it sober and I am devastated. We didnít have sex but came very close and the encounter was only maybe 10 minutes but it is tearing me apart and I canít think about anything else and canít sleep. I was so drunk that I almost convinced myself that it didnít really happen and was just a dream but something inside of me knows that it was real. I love my wife more than anything in my life and this would crush her and most likely ruin our marriage. I am definitely going to stop my excessive drinking permanently to guarantee that I never put myself in this situation again but how do I get past these feelings of shame and self hate?

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    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    Re: Cheated while drunk

    Hi Kevin.

    Welcome. According to some, eatin' ain't cheatin'. But your situation isn't uncommon when we're out of our mind. Maybe consider letting time do its work and get yourself your sober first. These kinds of decisions require a clear head. The best gift you can give yourself and a relationship is a sober you.

    Good luck amigo.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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  5. #3
    Forum Subscriber. techie's Avatar

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    Re: Cheated while drunk

    Welcome. I hope you try and stick with us here. We have all (mostly) been through shite we are not proud. There is healing in forgiveness. Self forgiveness. I hope to see you post again.

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  7. #4
    Forum Subscriber. Baclofenman's Avatar

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    Re: Cheated while drunk

    Quote Originally Posted by Kevinisdone View Post
    Hi, new here and I am hoping for answers/help. While out of town for business blacked out drunk cheated on my wife of 20 years with a total stranger. I have never cheated before and I would never do it sober and I am devastated. We didn’t have sex but came very close and the encounter was only maybe 10 minutes but it is tearing me apart and I can’t think about anything else and can’t sleep. I was so drunk that I almost convinced myself that it didn’t really happen and was just a dream but something inside of me knows that it was real. I love my wife more than anything in my life and this would crush her and most likely ruin our marriage. I am definitely going to stop my excessive drinking permanently to guarantee that I never put myself in this situation again but how do I get past these feelings of shame and self hate?
    For fucks sake, get over your guilt. You did not do anything wrong but you need to address your drinking and ability for poor judgement.

    Reflect that although pissed, you did not submit to infidelity and sort yourself out.

    Maybe enrol on the roll call for newbies or get some advice from the Just starting out Forum

    Regards,


    Bacman.
    Last edited by Baclofenman; May 7th, 2021 at 12:53 PM.
    I am not a Doctor - I am an alcoholic.
    Thoughts expressed here are my own, often poorly put together and littered with atrocious grammar and spelling.
    AF since 2nd January 2016.

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  9. #5
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Re: Cheated while drunk

    Hi Kevin & welcome!

    Sorry you are dealing with such a monumental amount of guilt. Unfortunately we can’t undo what’s already done but we can be damn sure we don’t repeat the behavior!
    Stopping excessive drinking is a good start but can you honestly say that you will do that? Moderating our alcohol intake is not an easy task. Most of us on this forum have found it much easier to quit drinking entirely. It’s up to you to decide what you can & will do!!

    Feel free to drop in the Newbies nest thread for extra support. WE all start with Day One & with a good plan you can achieve your goals. I have 12+ Years AF & have never been happier. You can do it too if that’s what you choose. Make a good plan for yourself, look in the Tool box thread for great ideas for your plan.

    Wishing you the best!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  10. #6
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    Re: Cheated while drunk

    Hey Kevin I can totally relate to the out of the mind experience as that was my life on a daily basis for over a decade. Of course you feel guilty of what "almost" happened but I would caution your desire to put it all behind you by never drinking to excess leaves the door wide open to it happening again. I say this because in that "almost" guilt is the knowledge that this "almost" happened because this thought of "something more" than what you marriage is providing already resided in your skull. You guilt is chock full of other reasons for it, the guilt of knowing you drink too much and all these reasons *why* you probably don't even know half of them yet. In order to get and stay sober you must discover and do something about them and remove or make peace with these reasons. I was tremendously frustrated by my marriage and thoughts of what if danced away over the years and I used alcohol to rationalize them and make me feel better about my marriage that was then devolved into simple co-habitation I now know was all because of my drinking. ALL my physical problems, fears, frustrations, anger and stress was all created and compounded by my selfish drinking and today is ALL gone because I eliminated the REAL reason for them and that was to quit alcohol altogether. Best wishes on your journey.
    Is Addiction Really a Disease?
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