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  1. #11
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    Your so right about the photo TT they even look really corny! I am still reading along the glomers thread. I'm glad you explained what it meant. Haha.. I was wondering too. I remember you Starty! I was just choice then. I forgot my password and had to start over... But a clean slate is alright considering I'm at the beginning again. You are SO right, thank you for reminding me about the Three's. If I look up my old self I bet I'll see this. I do remember 3 months, 6... Interesting. Mainly because it helps. It's like remembering it's a full moon when everyone is acting strange. I had told hubby I couldn't have ANY alcohol in the house. We discussed it at length. He really thought he was hiding it. Probably because he doesn't look on the crisper. He's home now. And mentioned to me that I found his sneaky beer... And apologized. I just said, you can have beer. I don't think he will do it again... Because I poured it out. Our communication is so crap tonight. I dunno tick tock... I'm missing the second week this is great feeling. And just waiting for it to come back.

  2. #12
    Registered User. starty's Avatar

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    You cannot hide booze from an alkie tell your hubs that

    I am more comfortable with my hubs drinking beer, mainly because it did not "do it' for me.

    Your "this is great" feeling will come back. I promise you. Those downers do not last forever, just acknowledge them and let them pass.

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  4. #13
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    I was hoping to wake up with the mood gone. But it's still lingering. Very grateful I'm not hungover on top of it! It would feel like the end of the world and a marathon to get through the day. It is really nice to wake up in such a clean room haha. I've got the gym today but I think I'll go the hot tub, steam, sauna routine. My back is killing me and I'm still feeling sorry for myself to lift weights. My daughter just switched from daycare to school and has been missing one of her friends terribly. I'd never met the mother, but was able to contact her and arrange a play date for this afternoon with our girls. It will be nice to see them together again. English isn't the mothers first language so I'm excited to meet her and for the experience. I liked being alone the past two days but I'm glad my daughter is home for the next two. She is blowing bubbles at me wanting to watch pippa pig at the moment. Im inspired to get in a better mood. Hope your early days are being kind to you Starty!

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  6. #14
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    3 weeks ago on a Thursday night I scared myself and my family in an alcoholic rage, blacked out and would have have been committed if I'd been in public. It hasn't been an easy cake walk these past weeks sobering up... But it's been really worth it. I'm in a really good place mentally tonight and I feel so grateful I don't feel as uncomfortable as I did a few days ago. A hangover isn't just getting over the immediate physical effects. Especially after drinking heavily the past 6 months... And the build up to my breakdown a year of moderating up to that point. I can only imagine how much better I'm going to feel a week, month year from now. I regret letting alcohol take charge over my life again, but I'm happy I know what to do now. It didn't turn out to be as strait a path as I had thought it was going to be. I truly thought I'd never drink again the first time I quit. Any slip I had as just 'choice' was pretty small and far between. It was nothing like a relapse. When I was moderating I was enjoying myself but I was also lying to myself that I was okay the whole time. I wasn't okay. Not once. I've been scared, alone, and trying to be so strong the whole time. While alcohol was weakening me every sip, glass. Bottle, bottles at a session I drank. Until I became someone who is so far from the person I am, and want to be. For myself, my child, my husband, family, friends... World. I never really thought I could control it.., it's odd I was just waiting this whole time for it to control me again so I could STOP. Alcohol just never stops.. It's never enough.. There is never any rest or satisfaction.

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  8. #15
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    It is such a powerful grip. It's almost like when I did have control I felt tricked. It really is wicked. Haunting. Possessing. Ok.. Now I'm going a bit over the top... But it is.

  9. #16
    Registered User. daisy45's Avatar

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    You are not going over the top......all true!
    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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  11. #17
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    What's so annoying is I can wright a post like that, feel resolved. Go downstairs, make something to eat. And actually think, I've got this figured out. Maybe I should just get drunk one more time to say goodbye.. Then be done forever. It's insane. Truly insane. To even waver with thoughts. It must be because I felt passionate about what I wrote. So the emotion was intense. Argh. I know I'm better then I was a few days ago. I hate those slipping thoughts!

  12. #18
    Registered User. daisy45's Avatar

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    I know exactly what you mean Choices. A drink to commiserate, celebrate, and always just this last time.....the tomorrow we expected to come turns into yesterday again and repeating that cycle.
    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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  14. #19
    Registered User. NoSugar's Avatar

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    Choice, you write so well and are strengthening me in my resolve not to take what I've got now for granted. I think personal stories are some of the most powerful tools we have. Would you consider sharing your story in this thread:
    http://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...etrospect.html?

    Writing the whole thing out could be good for you and others - and something for you to come back and read if you ever start to convince yourself that "this time" you can control what we all know is uncontrollable.

    Anyway, I hope you'll consider it. NS


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  16. #20
    Registered User. Choices's Avatar

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    Exactly Daisy.... Life was getting that way. What a waist. Well, now I swam to have hit an insomnia phase of things. It is nearly 2am here. I am worried about functioning tomorrow. But I am not drinking and so I guess I'll just be ordinary tired. I'm really thinking of going to an AA meeting tomorrow. I feel like I need to see a human. I'm pretty sure it won't hurt. I've never been before. What I really need is my mind to stop thinking about all of this and rest.

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