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  1. #1
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    What am I doing?

    Here I am, back again. It's been a long time but I know I'll never truly be in control with alcohol. I did OK for a decent amount of time until this whole coronavirus thing, I can't really remember, I may have been on a downward trend before that, but after coronavirus had us homebound, I'm pretty sure not a single day has gone by without a drink (who am I kidding? Multiple drinks!). I've gained weight too and feeling pretty crappy. So, here I am back again. Day 5 today. Not sure the long term plan but just checking in. Yesterday was definitely hard and I can feel that today will be too. I'm going to try to be strong and keep the water and tea nearby!

    So since this is my personal journal - I'm asking myself - what are you going to do?! I know that I've never ever regretted NOT drinking. Ugh it is hard though.

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  3. #2
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Hi, Frances. It is good to see you again. I envied your ability to moderate back in the day. Now I guess I'm so used to the freedom, I'm not really jealous anymore. I hope you can get back to where you want to be. Anything is better than the self-loathing that comes from not feeling in control!

    Please feel free to hop on into the Newbies Nest or one of the other active threads. Many people don't even see these individual ones anymore.

    Take care and welcome back, NS


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  5. #3
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Hi Frances,

    Nice to see you. Congrat's on 5 days! How are you going?

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

  6. #4
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Thanks for the greetings NS and Gutarista! I'm doing okay but these are difficult times and I've never been so disheartened by so many things at the same time. I'm generally a very optimistic person and it takes a toll. I'm working from home and my two college age kids have been here too, but their schools are giving on campus activities a try (we'll see how long that lasts!), so they're both going back soon. They've been here since March when the schools closed - it will be quiet not having them here.

    One positive thing I can point to is that I've played a leadership role in establishing and running a food pantry at my church and we went from giving out 11 bags of food at the end of February before everything really went downhill, to giving out 185 this week (and growing). We converted from indoor to a parking lot operation in March and have had to coordinate getting donations of food and money, purchasing, arranging volunteers to pack bags, getting produce from a local resource, etc. - it's been a positive experience meeting people and helping the community.

    Drinking has become an issue again for me as I mentioned in my last post. Things weren't perfect before coronavirus, but since we have been home I have been drinking daily and the drinks frequently starting earlier in the day than they should! No major embarrassing moments thankfully, but I know it does absolutely nothing for me, and I just need to stop. I've gained weight and generally don't feel very healthy, so I'm trying to address that too.

    Yesterday was challenging again, but I did it! I even asked my husband at one point if he wanted to go out and get a drink (we can do that at some outdoor restaurants now) and thankfully he said no! I had intended to ask if he wanted to go out to eat but the words out of my mouth were "do you want to go get a drink somewhere?" -- I guess that tells you where my mind is. But today is a new day and I'm hoping I can put day 6 in the books at the end of it!

    Thanks again for the welcome - I'll check in Newbies Nest too NS - I see a lot of familiar folks there! And congrats to both of you for your tremendous success getting alcohol out of your lives!!!

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  8. #5
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Day 6 in the books - yes! Husband brought home a bottle of wine yesterday - I pushed it to the back and out of sight in the refrigerator. I doubt he'll want to open it if I don't want any so it will either sit there, or I will give it away. Will have to see how hard it makes things for me.

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  10. #6
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Congrat's on day 6!

    And congrat's on your important volunteer work. I am quietly thinking that work could be a lifesaver and life changer. I love volunteering as it sure gets me out of my own head and perceived problems. My only problem is my thinking, my perception. Once i straightened that out, life became a lot easier despite difficult events. Keep it rolling mi amiga. I reckon you'll be ok.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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  12. #7
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Thanks G. I really appreciate your "quiet" thoughts. That put a smile on my face. You're right - how we perceive things and how we react to things have everything to do with how we're feeling. The volunteer work really does help me a lot - for many reasons and, selfishly, it's been an excuse to get out and do things and see other people!

    There's something I noticed the other day - your join day is the exact same as mine! What are the odds? I can remember just feeling like AL was controlling everything in my life, and I just had to do something about it. I've come a long way since then, but still have plenty of work to do! And you G-man...you have done amazing! When I logged on the other day, I couldn't believe the numbers of days AF I'm seeing you (and others) report - I was like, "have I been away that long?!"

    Day 7 over for me! It's 1:32 am here early Monday morning - I'm catching up on some work that I really should have done on Friday. But I slacked on Friday so here I am. Getting ready to call it a night I think I've done enough. Hopefully sleep will come easily. Have a good one and stay well!
    Last edited by frances; August 24th, 2020 at 12:37 AM.

  13. #8
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Congrat's on day 7. Legend!

    Thanks. I've come a long way too. I never noticed we joined same day! Wow, fancy that. :-)

    The days add up. Keeping busy with things i love to do help me roll on. I volunteer too, but that's on hold until covid settles. Take it easy.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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  15. #9
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Checking in at day 12. Not easy but could be worse. Trying to remember to take it one minute, hour, day at a time. The thoughts come pretty hard and heavy sometimes.

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  17. #10
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    Re: What am I doing?

    Quote Originally Posted by frances View Post
    The thoughts come pretty hard and heavy sometimes.
    Almost 2 weeks! Way to go!

    The great thing about thoughts, even the hard and heavy ones, is that they aren't real. They aren't commandments or even instructions. The ones that are bugging you are just a few of the 10s of thousands we have each day. And thank goodness we don't act on most of them!! Follow the ones that make you feel good and let the ones that hurt or make you feel uneasy pop right back out of your head. Our mental feelings are much like physical ones. If we touch a hot stove, that painful feeling causes us to draw our hand back and try not to do it again. Feelings of anxiety or guilt are similarly clues we're heading the wrong way. So, we can turn around (it helps in the early days to have a plan for what you turn to - a walk, a bath, anything that is pleasant for you).

    You and Mr G are pretty cute twinks! Have a good weekend


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