Hey Everyone,
I'm new here, and haven't posted much. I've been trying to figure out where I might fit in, and I keep coming back to parenting. There was a great thread going when I first joined, called "Why so many moms in this situation?" Clearly there are a lot of us! I'd like to see a thread devoted primarily to that....dealing with being a "stressed mom" without abusing alcohol.
Briefly, here's my story. I'm 44, and the mother of three adorable little boys, ages 5, 6 and 9. I work part time. My husband works long hours. My boys, I am thankful to say, are healthy, smart kids. I adore them! But they also drive me mad sometimes...Fighting, rough-housing, and just needing the way kids do.
I was smitten with the relaxing effects of wine when I was in high school. It gave me the courage for my first kiss. It helped me relax with other teenagers, and lose some of my shyness. I drank through college, though I think not a lot more than most of the other women I knew. I drank into my twenties...Sometimes regretting having had too much, determining to get it under control, and doing so for periods of time.
I was drunk the night I met my now husband of 12 years. Drinking wine together continued to be a pleasure and a vice for me. He's never been apt to drink more than one or two drinks in a day. I found myself tempted by a third, fourth or fifth glass of wine.
When we got married, and I got pregnant, I gave it up, for the pregnancy, and the nursing. I started to drink a little wine again after I gave up nursing, at about 15 months. Then I had a second and a third pregnancy, and didn't drink during those, either. I did allow myself a little wine while nursing the third baby.
Wine has always been my relaxant...and drinking it to excess has always left me feeling guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. I've tried over and over again to limit and control it. Often, I succeeded at that...But then, some craving would kick in and I'd over-do it again. I've never had the really dramatic, outward signs of a problem. No DUIs, no job loss, no arrests, no hospital visits. I've never even vomited from drinking too much. I don't think I ever drank more than one bottle of wine in a night. I always waited until 5:00 to drink.
But the problem has been here for a long time. In the last two or three years, I started thinking more about drinking...anticipating it and feeling relieved when 5:00 hit. Sometimes I'd really get bombed. Once I fell down in front of my then eight year old. Once my then 5 year old asked me, "mommy, what was wrong with you last night? You kept saying the same things over and over." More and more often I could hear my slurred speech when I read to the kids at bedtime. It had to stop.
So I read "My Way Out", and tried the supps and kudzu, and the cds. It seemed to help for a while. But eventually I missed the "buzz" and stopped taking the kudzu. I got tired of the cds...I felt stressed and anxious, and the kids could just drive me crazy sometimes. I'd pour myself wine. Sometimes I'd even tell myself "I should have a glass of wine...I'm a better mother when I'm more relaxed."
In July I joined SMART recovery on line. It's been very helpful. I've learned a lot, and I think I have gotten much better at dealing with stress in new ways. I've had some good AF stretches, the longest being 60 days. I learned to treasure sobriety.
But here I am now, wanting to be able to have a glass or two of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. Wanting to have a drink with my husband once in a while. But also wanting, most of all, to be a good mom. A sober mom. I think I may be ready to do it now...To drink a little, but not when I'm tense or frustrated with my kids. To spend most days alcohol free, and every day hang-over free. I'd like a place to come to with the stress that accumulates through days of caring for kids, and I'd like to hear from other moms who are in the same boat. Any takers?
I'm new here, and haven't posted much. I've been trying to figure out where I might fit in, and I keep coming back to parenting. There was a great thread going when I first joined, called "Why so many moms in this situation?" Clearly there are a lot of us! I'd like to see a thread devoted primarily to that....dealing with being a "stressed mom" without abusing alcohol.
Briefly, here's my story. I'm 44, and the mother of three adorable little boys, ages 5, 6 and 9. I work part time. My husband works long hours. My boys, I am thankful to say, are healthy, smart kids. I adore them! But they also drive me mad sometimes...Fighting, rough-housing, and just needing the way kids do.
I was smitten with the relaxing effects of wine when I was in high school. It gave me the courage for my first kiss. It helped me relax with other teenagers, and lose some of my shyness. I drank through college, though I think not a lot more than most of the other women I knew. I drank into my twenties...Sometimes regretting having had too much, determining to get it under control, and doing so for periods of time.
I was drunk the night I met my now husband of 12 years. Drinking wine together continued to be a pleasure and a vice for me. He's never been apt to drink more than one or two drinks in a day. I found myself tempted by a third, fourth or fifth glass of wine.
When we got married, and I got pregnant, I gave it up, for the pregnancy, and the nursing. I started to drink a little wine again after I gave up nursing, at about 15 months. Then I had a second and a third pregnancy, and didn't drink during those, either. I did allow myself a little wine while nursing the third baby.
Wine has always been my relaxant...and drinking it to excess has always left me feeling guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. I've tried over and over again to limit and control it. Often, I succeeded at that...But then, some craving would kick in and I'd over-do it again. I've never had the really dramatic, outward signs of a problem. No DUIs, no job loss, no arrests, no hospital visits. I've never even vomited from drinking too much. I don't think I ever drank more than one bottle of wine in a night. I always waited until 5:00 to drink.
But the problem has been here for a long time. In the last two or three years, I started thinking more about drinking...anticipating it and feeling relieved when 5:00 hit. Sometimes I'd really get bombed. Once I fell down in front of my then eight year old. Once my then 5 year old asked me, "mommy, what was wrong with you last night? You kept saying the same things over and over." More and more often I could hear my slurred speech when I read to the kids at bedtime. It had to stop.
So I read "My Way Out", and tried the supps and kudzu, and the cds. It seemed to help for a while. But eventually I missed the "buzz" and stopped taking the kudzu. I got tired of the cds...I felt stressed and anxious, and the kids could just drive me crazy sometimes. I'd pour myself wine. Sometimes I'd even tell myself "I should have a glass of wine...I'm a better mother when I'm more relaxed."
In July I joined SMART recovery on line. It's been very helpful. I've learned a lot, and I think I have gotten much better at dealing with stress in new ways. I've had some good AF stretches, the longest being 60 days. I learned to treasure sobriety.
But here I am now, wanting to be able to have a glass or two of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. Wanting to have a drink with my husband once in a while. But also wanting, most of all, to be a good mom. A sober mom. I think I may be ready to do it now...To drink a little, but not when I'm tense or frustrated with my kids. To spend most days alcohol free, and every day hang-over free. I'd like a place to come to with the stress that accumulates through days of caring for kids, and I'd like to hear from other moms who are in the same boat. Any takers?
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