Hit Rock Bottom

[DiscoBunnie]

Hello Everyone,

I have been visiting this site off and on for the last 5 years. Even had a 58 day AF stint a few years back. I have been reading and posting since Saturday morning. I have received an abundance of support and encouragement and for that I wish to thank all of you...

Friday night I hit rock bottom. I didn't even start drinking until 9PM and that was only because I was visiting my sister in Seattle. My three kids were with me. I don't know what happened but I drank so much my mind was truly twisted. We went out to a bar, long story short, some guy came back to my sisters with me, ended up sleeping in the room I was in and my 19 year old son was fully aware.

This is my rock bottom because my son is not talking to me. I tried to apologize to him but all he said is, " I don't want to talk to you". He is so angry and he has every right to be. We flew home Monday and this morning he left to go camping with his friends. I am setting a horrible example for him and his two sisters. I know my son will forgive me in time, but I also know he will remember this to the end of his life.

I've read many, many posts and I know that I cannot go into sobriety and abstinence without being 100% committed and saying this, " I am an alcoholic", I do not simply have a drinking problem, " I am an alcoholic", I am able to go to work and meet my obligations, but "I am an alcoholic", my relationships suffer because, "I am an alcoholic", I justify my stressful life and my losses in life through the twisted thinking that I "deserve" to drink alcohol, my mind plays that game because, " I am an alcoholic". When my mother was alone after my father passed away and she needed me to save her from her lonliness, I told myself I had pain from my father's loss too and I drank, because, " I am a full blooded, 100% alcoholic". There, I said it. And when my son returns and when he is ready to talk to me, I will say these words to him, "I am an alcoholic, and I need help".

Thank you for reading this, I've never really faced those words before, I've known for a long time what I am, its just very enlightening to see those words in print. TODAY is Day 1 for me because I broke last night and drank a lot of beer..... so here I go, Day 1 ~

DB...

[NoraC]

Hit Rock Bottom

DB - Congratulations on saying it. That is huge. Those are not easy words to say. I stutter over those words.
Congratulations on Day 1 and on your future! :l

[mama bear]

Hit Rock Bottom

Damn Girl.....was it a full moon last night?? We were all doing the same thing. You now I am there for you......our kids will forgive us...at least i hope so......let me know how it goes with him when he gets back. Are you on meds? You might want to consider it, if not.

[hillsidetime]

Hit Rock Bottom

DiscoBunnie, I wish I could give you a big hug. I know what it means to be at rock bottom like you. The good news is that you are making the first step to gaining the power back in your life, a ife without alchohol. Remember one day at a time, and the days will add up. Have that talk with your son, he will be so proud of you. Use that motivation of wanting to be a good role model, to help you through these tough weeks ahead. You can do it.
Hill

[Panno]

Hit Rock Bottom

Ditto with Hillside - talking with your son would mean so much to him - I had a chat with my youngest daughter about my drinking cause she was so worried, she embraced the fact that I was treating her like an adult and promised she would be with me all the way

[Doggygirl]

Hit Rock Bottom

DB, this is a very important turning point. I too really struggled with that acceptance for many years while I "functioned." (held a job, paid the bills, etc.) That wasn't really "living" though - not in the later years. I hope this is your new beginning. Knowledge is power and now that you are accepting of the problem, you have a shot at making it better.

People normally don't use their last names in AA. My Step Coach is fond of saying "My name is and I'm an alcoholic. I don't care who knows it as long as I don't forget it." He has been sober for 34 years. Knowledge (and acceptance) is power.

DG