1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

[oceansize]

Hi,

I'm new here and have been snooping about for a few days.

I've been addicted to alcohol and various drugs (weed, narcotics, opiates) on and off for 20 years. Alcohol has always been my go to drug of choice, and I have maintained a high functioning lifestyle that accommodates my hard drinking habit. It is not unusual for me to finish up 3 bottles of wine in a 24 hour period. At my worst, a few years ago when living in a rural area and suffering extreme depression, there could be up to 4 1/2 bottles over a full day. I'm not a large woman, 5'6, so that is a herculean feat to ingest that much booze and remain alive. I don't know how I do it, but I've been putting in a lot of effort over the past 2 years to understand why I do it.

I recently bought some amino acid supps after researching their effect on recovering addicts and the results have been very impressive. Taking L-Glutamine, L-Tyrosine and GABA with Melatonin for sleep has enabled me to cut down considerably on my drinking days. I now drink only twice a week as compared to every day. I still can drink most men under the table (present company excluded :P), but when I do drink I don't get as "messy" and it is more out of habit or boredom than what used to feel like a daily necessity for the past 15 odd years. I really can feel a markable change in my attitude to drinking/drugging that has never been the case before.

I have a long way to go, but I'm hoping to meet others here who are on the same path and might have some helpful advice for someone new to the possibility of living a moderated, or better yet, sober life.

:thanks:

[babysteps]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Hello ocean...
nice picture. Ah, when I'm on a roll I'll open a bottle of wine and continue through another open a third, and it maxes out at a 12 hr. episode. Interestingly I never appear to drink more then one glass an hour, but if starting at 5pm, and going to sleep (ok, passing out) at 5 am, that would be a 2.5 bottle night/morn. Can you imagine me trying to get to work by 9/10, coming up with an excuse! Amazing I have my job still...I'm on board with others to really make this the year. Sounds like you are getting better...

[oceansize]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Hi Babysteps - I certainly can imagine getting up for a 9am start after a night on the tiles. I've done it far too many times myself! I can't count the days I've had off, or gone in late after pitiful excuses and been completely unproductive. Color me surprised for still managing to maintain my position also... it's all about that high-functioning addict mentality. I'm sure there's at least one or two close colleagues that are onto me, but they have their own crosses to bare and are too busy dealing with their own hang-ups to be concerned about mine.

The supplements really do seem to help immensely, and I have some plans for 2011 also.
* I recently deleted my Facebook account as there were a number of people from my past that I no longer need in my life associated with it. It always irked me that I had that tether to my past lurking about and it is a huge relief to let it go and move forward to a better future.
* I have a supplement plan that has been working well for me so far and will become a daily routine.
* I intend to allow myself only one drinking day a week and then move to no drinking days, allowing drinking only on very special occasions (if I even feel the need that is)
* I will exercise and adopt a diet aimed at optimising my mental and physical health
* Visiting the beach and getting into the water as often as possible
*I'm learning to play the guitar, and I want to be able to play at least one song from my Led Zep tab book by mid year :P


Best of luck to you

[KateH1]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Hi Ocean and welcome to mwo! I too chose the supplement route to sobriety and I must say that it worked very well for me! I also incorporated, meditation and exercise and tons of reading. At first my goal was moderation. I did not honestly think that I truly wanted to life life without alcohol. It seemed miserable and perhaps not even possible for me. But I knew that I had to break free from the damage and unhappiness that alcohol was bringing to my life. After 28 days living alcohol free and feeling pretty good, I decided that I was ready to moderate......I was going to have one or two glasses of wine....(like ever before I had actually wanted only one or two glasses of wine!! NOT!) Well that first drink turned into 2 bottles, I felt horrible, the old demons returned....the next day, feeling sick and exhausted I came to the conclusion that moderation was not the way for me and I stopped drinking for good! This journey was not easy, it was a tons of work....but, today after 3 years of living without alcohol, I am extremely grateful and happy that I found my way out! Living without alcohol is so far from miserable, it is liberating! I cannot imagine wanting to live any other way!

Best Wishes to You!
KateH

[brightlite]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Oceansize,

It is great that you have a plan! I recently posted my plan and intend on moving forward with it. Keep coming back to post. Love the avatar!

[paguy]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Hi Ocean and :welcome:

After abusing alcohol for 30+ years and making many attempts to moderate, I have thankfully been AF for 5 1/2 months now. Similar to what Kate expressed, my life has been liberating since I committed to becoming AF. Based on my personal experience, moderation was not for me. It was entirely too much work keeping track of how much I drank and I was always finding excuses to justify why I could have more to drink than I planned.

For me, the key was to make a commitment and stick with it. And, I was doing this for myself - no one else.

Best of luck to you. Stick with your plan and take advantage of this wonderful MWO community.

[Wagoneer]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Oceansize - great post! Looks like you are well on your way. I wish I had had a real plan early on. I would be alot farther along than 2 months sober! I think I may steal a bit from your plan and incorporate it into mine. Although the ocean part will be hard. It's too far away from me And if I swim in the Delaware I may get tetanus...lol

Good luck and Happy New Year!

[mylife]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Welcome Ocean!

I agree with the others that having a plan is a great way to start. Also, the idea of giving up AL completely is very daunting...so I understand your desire to moderate. I have told myself that I will give up AL completely for 6 months and then "reassess". My hope is that, like Kate, I will realize that my life without AL is more liberating and fun than it was with AL and I won't want to go back. But I'm taking "babysteps" in that direction by giving myself a shorter goal at the beginning.

Good luck to you!

[KateH1]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

MyLife, You have brought up a very interesting point regarding the point that we become "Mentally Liberated from AL".....this does not come overnight, nor is it always a consistant feeling. My six months or so AF....was like a roller coaster! I would go for days feeling absolutely solid and content with my sobriety, then suddenly out of no where, the thoughts and and urges to drink would become very strong....my "addict Mind" would begin to play tricks on me, telling me that I wasn't an alcoholic and that I could have a drink or two......at times this was extremely difficult to overcome. I would come here and go into chat or read posts and talk to others.....finally this would pass!! But it took work and comittment!

So often I see people come to mwo and do very well for 30, 60 or more days and then suddenly post of "Slipping". I think all too often our expectations of being "cured" is not realistic and there for, we are unprepared for the bumpy ride and give in. My advice is to "Be Prepared", stay "On Guard" and KNOW that long term sobriety takes Life Style changes and requires changing our thinking patters, particularly developing new coping skills!

Best Wishes,
Kate

[Lavande]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Welcome Oceansize,

You've made a great decision to improve your life by quitting now! MWO provides great support & encouragement to help you.

I agree 100% with Kate - life style change is a must! Nothing will change if you don't change your thinking. In my case I had gotten into my husband's habit of negative thinking. That led me to a lot of anxiety & depression & made worse by drinking. The road to sobriety is bumpy but you can reach your goal, I did!

Wishing you the very best on your journey
Lav

[oceansize]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Thank you everyone - so many wise words here.

Kate - I'm so happy to hear from you as you seem to have been down a similar path to I with moving toward (and finally) conquering alcohol. So happy for you and I want to do the same. I can see the logic in your reasoning when it comes to putting in such a battle to avoid overdoing it Vs. just saying a straight up NO. So thankful for you sharing your experience. This forum is brilliant.

It's New Year's eve here and I've had a bottle of wine and intend for 12am to be my big cut-off. No massive party. My daughter and I will walk up and watch the fireworks on Sydney Harbour soon.

I hope to be around here a lot in the coming year. Thanks everyone for the welcome and your shared wisdom!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[Chillgirl]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Oceanside - Enjoy the fireworks! You have made me cry with the happy memory I have of spending a New Year right there at Sydney Harbor Bridge, it was wonderful!!! I quit at 11.55pm last New Years Eve and its been the best thing I ever did in my life. Im so glad you found us, this site is a Godsend. I look forward to hearing about your progress.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[oceansize]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Thanks Chillgirl and congrats on a whole year! That's brilliant!

I wish I could say that 11:59 was my last drink but I done screwed up yesterday after a day at the beach. Two glasses of wine out at dinner became buying a bottle on the way home. I wrestled with myself about buying the bottle and the fight was epic. Unfortunately I lost

Don't feel hungover at all, just dissapointed in myself as 1st Jan was brilliantly done with my L-Glutamine and almost no thoughts of booze whatsoever. Could kick myself for ruining things so early on in the year (I had plans for at least going a month AF).

I'm off to see one of my fave bands tomorrow night and that will be another battle not to drink. I'm going on my own as I have no friends in Sydney yet, so I guess the only real pressure to drink will come from me just feeling awkward. Would be so great to just be looking forward to seeing the band and not having to have this struggle with myself over wheather to drink, not to drink, how much if I do allow it, how to avoid going overboard... what a waste of energy it is!

I think I'm starting to 'get' the comments made by those that gave up on trying to moderate their drinking. I can't believe I'm allowing the drink to ruin something I'm looking forward to so much. Feel silly

[choice]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Hi Oceansize :welcome:
I just read through your thread and there is great advice from the others on here. When I started I felt silly too. It's like once I posted I had to change. I felt really awkward but I did change. I feel better and you will too. I think you have a great attitude going forward with this new year and wish you the best of luck. I'd stay close to the boards. This forum is fantastic and has changed my life for the best. There is always someone here who understands. Happy New Year!

[oceansize]

1001 reasons to drink or not to drink

Thanks choice (love your username BTW)

I'm so impatient and just want to be in that out-of-the-woods headspace now. I can see how foolish it is to even be arguing with myself over wheather I should have a drink at the gig tomorrow. I should just go along and enjoy it for what it is, not drive myself mad all evening hovering around the bar with images of beer bottles dancing in my head :P

After the show there'll be 1001 other reasons to drink that I'll need to contend with if I allow myself to continue on with this way of thinking and struggling against alcohol. I think I can see it for what it is, but surrendering to it and just saying "never again" is a very frightening thing. I don't know who I'll be without it as I've drank, drugged most of my life and could come out anyone on the other side!!!

Doing a lot of reading on this forum today. Have had a rather bad morning and need to save the rest of the day from my dark mood! Thanks for your advice and happy new year to you too!