Shame Spiral

[Wintyr]

Been frequenting the shame spiral lately, you know that familiar feeling of waking at 3am ill feeling like utter crap! remembering how much of a nork you where the night before! ashamed and just wishing for one friggen moment you could somehow gain control over this damn thing without medication!
I took baclofen for about a month but was afraid to push past 75mg because of depression and weight gain so at this level I still drank, I gave up baclofen, but once again Im wondering which is worse. My drinking is worse then ever, I can't seem to find any self control. I drink every night now at least a bottle of wine and more, where does it end really.
I have no clue why I'm writing this or what I want from you, its 3 o clock in the damn morning and I need to vent my frustration to people who understand a person who's up at 3 in the morning needing to vent!
I'm thinking of going back to baclofen and hoping beyond hope your words will convince and encourage me its worth pushing through this time.
I feel like I have two crappy options and have to pick the least crap one!

[Guest]

Shame Spiral

Wintr, sorry to hear this. Have you thought about trying Naltrexone at all?It might reduce your nightly drinking.

[Bruunhilde]

Shame Spiral

Hi Win,

We can all relate to your situation. Keep posting and reading. Might be worthwhile to PM some bac experts for your bac questions.

Never give up hope, you can find a way. If not bac, then as UK said, try Nal or something else.

Hang in there.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Shame Spiral

Hiya, Wintyr.
I'm really sorry you are in the midst of that awful place. ugh.

It looks like you had a whole host of unpleasant things going on the last time? Ugh and oy. No wonder you gave it up!

Slow and steady, sister. (Or, as Murphy likes to say, "Softly, softly catchy monkey." whatever the hell that means.) That's the key, I think. Not the monkey part, the dosing and titration schedule.

There's really no reason you can't use it successfully, and as you point out, it sure beats the alternative when the alternative leads to a 3am lashing. Not to mention the 7am hangover.

I think both the depression and the weight gain, if there is any this time, can be managed for sure. Also, there is no real reason to push it, or rush it. You were feeling some benefit last time, right? And simply having a hard time managing the SEs? We can help with that, for sure.

It's up to you, of course, about the bac. It's just been completely illuminated to me (having been a little removed from my own experience) how deadly serious this thing can be though. And on a lighter note, better now than later, you know? Wish I could've done it, oh, ten or twenty years ago...

Hope you're feeling better!
:l
Ne

[SlipperyPete]

Shame Spiral

Sorry to hear about this.

If you decide to go back on baclofen, I'd recommend coupling it with some sort of therapy, counselling, hell even AA meetings, just talk to people who can relate to what it's like getting sober.

Also, supplements for mood are good. Whether it's an AD, vitamins, fish oil, or whatever. And exercise works wonders.

[Wintyr]

Shame Spiral

As always thanks for your kind words, just to have understanding is sometimes what I crave.

[bleep]

Shame Spiral

You might find it a little easier the second time round as well, knowing what to expect. Breaking your dose down a lot through the course of your titration can also help alleviate the SE's.

I was up at 3 this morning, and could have commiserated with you, had my bloody internet connection been working!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Shame Spiral

Wintyr;1161674 wrote: As always thanks for your kind words, just to have understanding is sometimes what I crave.

That's the crux of it in many ways, isn't it. Hang in there. Several ways out from under... :l
Ne

[Wintyr]

Shame Spiral

lol Bleep, thanks again guys. Having my first Friday night AF tonight in a LONG TIME, its actually sad when you can't remember the last time you went a Friday night without a glass of bubbly, I don't even know how to look forward to tonight with my husband and children whom i adore, its like the champagne is the real thing i look forward to spending my night with and my family is the consolation prize! I have to keep reminding myself that NOT having a drink is the normal thing to do not (considering Im not going out or doing anything special) not the other way round. Wish me luck guys and to you all enjoy your Friday night without complication, guilt, making an ass of yourself and feeling like garbage in the morning xx

[bleep]

Shame Spiral

Saturday morning will be your reward Wintyr. That, and knowing you can do it.

Don't think of baclofen as Door # 2, your other shitty option. Try a different titration this time? Get your head in the right place, and the rest will fall into place. Are you going to give it a bash, so you think?

[RudyB]

Shame Spiral

hi wintyr,

sorry to hear that you're in that place that is so familiar to us here. indeed, it is so comforting to have the support and understanding. it is what buoyed me up and allowed me the strength to try this challenging baclofen route. but, even with intense se's at times, for me and for most, bac is so much better than the self-loathing that came with being a drunk. don't worry, whatever course you take to get sober, you'll probably find your family is no longer the consolation prize. you mightn't even notice 3 am anymore (though many of us are up for a spell at that time, in a kind of giftish way from bac, which can do funky things to sleep patterns, you may already know). good luck, love yourself, and keep us posted.

rudy