The story is so long...but it isn't.
It's simple.
I trusted someone with my heart, and it is smashed to bits.:upset:
I discovered that the man I loved, and have been with for 2 years, and who I have lived with for the past 16 months has an active account on the same dating website we met on.
When we decided to be exclusive, a couple years ago, he was the one to suggest we disable our accounts, or put that we were "seeing someone."
I did that. He did that.
I never go on that website anymore, since then...until now. I wanted to check.
And, it says he is "available" and looking for a long term relationship/short term relationship/friends/whatever...it says that he has logged in as recently as the end of June.
He moved out on Friday.
I feel sick. I can't eat.
and, I did drink Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.
I am not drinking tonight.
I cannot let this throw me into a backslide.
I have the power to say no. To care for myself and be healthy.
But, these past few nights, I just wanted to obliterate my mind.
My heart hurts. My trust is gone. I feel so alone. I slept maybe 3 hours last night.
I feel so sick. He treats me like shit. The relationship is emotionally abusive and manipulative...and I felt that he would change...there was something, a glimmer in him, that I saw and had affection for.
Now I just feel sorry for him. That he cannot be a man and show his feelings, that he has to always run, or try to control others. That everything has to be his way, or it is wrong.
But it still hurts like f'ing hell.
I feel so very alone.
I don't know what to do next.
It's simple.
I trusted someone with my heart, and it is smashed to bits.:upset:
I discovered that the man I loved, and have been with for 2 years, and who I have lived with for the past 16 months has an active account on the same dating website we met on.
When we decided to be exclusive, a couple years ago, he was the one to suggest we disable our accounts, or put that we were "seeing someone."
I did that. He did that.
I never go on that website anymore, since then...until now. I wanted to check.
And, it says he is "available" and looking for a long term relationship/short term relationship/friends/whatever...it says that he has logged in as recently as the end of June.
He moved out on Friday.
I feel sick. I can't eat.
and, I did drink Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.
I am not drinking tonight.
I cannot let this throw me into a backslide.
I have the power to say no. To care for myself and be healthy.
But, these past few nights, I just wanted to obliterate my mind.
My heart hurts. My trust is gone. I feel so alone. I slept maybe 3 hours last night.
I feel so sick. He treats me like shit. The relationship is emotionally abusive and manipulative...and I felt that he would change...there was something, a glimmer in him, that I saw and had affection for.
Now I just feel sorry for him. That he cannot be a man and show his feelings, that he has to always run, or try to control others. That everything has to be his way, or it is wrong.
But it still hurts like f'ing hell.
I feel so very alone.
I don't know what to do next.
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